Rejection was and will always remain an unavoidable practice in the process of the shidduchim. Rightful or not, there’s more at stake than two singles trying to figure out if they fit and like each other with the goal of getting married and building a Jewish home.
You have the parents on both sides, their extended family, friends and members of their social circles – each projecting their upbringing, understanding, experiences, dreams, failed dreams, theories and wishes for the prospective chosson and kallah.
Oh, and then there’s geography.
I understand that there’s a preference for a boy and a girl to be the most compatible possible, to share a similar background and language, so they can focus on bridging other differences and ensure a successful marriage and a happy life (if it’s even possible to “ensure”).
But why are so many American bochurim/parents rejecting girls from Great Britain? Why the immediate reply of “we don’t want an English girl,” even without hearing details of the offer or making basic inquiries? Do we have some kind of disease that warrants an instant dismissal?
The Chabad community (“Anash”) in London is raising very fine girls who are open-minded, tzniusdik yet well-dressed, talented and of all kinds of temperament, from gregarious to more reserved.
Since High School is relatively small, everyone is friendly with each other with no cliques, helping the girls to grow up to be accepting of all types and friendships often crossing the grade boundaries. Graduates of the High School have been accepted into the best seminaries around the world.
The community itself is very warm and hospitable. Whenever there is a simcha in town people open their homes to help accommodate the out-of-towners. Everyone makes Sheva Brochos for each other. There are a variety of halls and caterers offering a range of options (low-cost or all inclusive package to more elegant events).
And let’s not forget the amazing range of sightseeing and tourist attractions (Changing of the Guard! London Eye! Crown Jewels!) to keep visitors entertained and amassing memories and souvenirs while they are in town.
So why are there at least 50 unmarried single girls from the Chabad community in London looking for shidduchim and constantly getting turned down simply because they are English.
As a general rule, English girls are ready to move anywhere around the world and indeed many of them are filling Shlichus positions around the world.
If you tell me that traveling to England to date is a hassle, I can give you examples of girls whose parents sent them to New York but that rarely made a difference. Families even stated that they are ready to hold the wedding in New York if needed, but the response that is invariably heard is “No English, no European, no overseas.”
So why is this happening? There’s nothing wrong with English girls. The next time a shadchan suggests a girl from England, look into it. You and your son might be pleasantly surprised.