By B.
Rejection was and will always remain an unavoidable practice in shidduchim. Rightful or not, there’s more at stake than two singles trying to figure out if they fit and like each other with the goal of getting married and building a Jewish home.
You have the parents on both sides, their extended family, friends and members of their social circles – each projecting their upbringing, understanding, experiences, dreams, failed dreams, theories, and wishes for the prospective chosson and kallah.
Oh, and then there’s geography.
I understand that there’s a preference for a boy and a girl to be the most compatible possible, to share a similar background and language, so they can focus on bridging other differences and ensure a successful marriage and a happy life (if it’s even possible to “ensure”).
But why are so many American bochurim/parents rejecting girls from Australia? Why the immediate reply of “we don’t want an Australian girl,” even without hearing details of the offer or making basic inquiries? Do we have a disease that warrants an instant dismissal?
The Chabad community (“Anash”) in Melbourne is raising very fine girls who are open-minded, tzniusdik yet well-dressed, talented and of all kinds of temperament, from gregarious to more reserved.
Since High School is relatively small, everyone is friendly with each other with no cliques, helping the girls to grow up to be accepting of all types and friendships often crossing the grade boundaries. Graduates of the High School have been accepted into the best seminaries around the world.
The community itself is very warm and hospitable. Whenever there is a simcha in town people open their homes to help accommodate the out-of-towners. Everyone makes Sheva Brochos for each other. There are a variety of halls and caterers offering a range of options (low-cost or all-inclusive package to more elegant events).
And let’s not forget the amazing range of sightseeing and tourist attractions (Great Ocean Road! Melbourne Cricket Ground! Royal Botanic Gardens!) to keep visitors entertained and amassing memories and souvenirs while they are in town.
So why are there at least 50 unmarried single girls from the Chabad community in Melbourne looking for shidduchim and constantly getting turned down simply because they are Australian?
As a general rule, Australian girls are ready to move anywhere around the world and indeed many of them are filling Shlichus positions around the world.
If you tell me that traveling to Australia to date is a hassle, I can give you examples of girls whose parents sent them to New York but that rarely made a difference. Families even stated that they are ready to hold the wedding in New York if needed, but the response that is invariably heard is “No Australian, no European, no overseas.”
So why is this happening? There’s nothing wrong with Australian girls. The next time a shadchan suggests a girl from Australia, look into it. You and your son might be pleasantly surprised.
Because it costs a lot of money to marry one its a additional half a million 500,000 dollarsfor a lifetime
How can you price a potential happy couple and marriage?! Many good things in life come with a hefty price tag 🙂
more likely to be happy
First of all I’m not saying that it’s right! Listen: Nothing to do… It’s a lot of money to lay out $$900$ to visit someone who you don’t know yet!!
Having a child married is priceless – how many families would pay any money to see their child married.
Happiness is also priceless.
If you mean flights, many understand that it’s expensive and don’t visit home often.
If you mean citizenship, many anash Australian are already dual citizens.
Stop making excuses for ruining shidduchim.
Australian girls tend to want to live in Australia. Most guys and their parents do not want that.
As an Australian girl, start making it clear that you are genuinely willing to relocate and the offers will start pouring in.
Good luck!
I couldn’t agree more. Let’s start be honest.
Well said and politely put!
Meh. The cost of an additional $500k over a 70-year span (the average lifespan remaining for someone who gets married at 20) is approximately $25.50 a month (assuming the contributions are invested in a vehicle that increases by 7% annually). That’s definitely a price I’m happy to pay for a successful marriage. And it’s definitely cheaper than professional counseling for a bad marriage.
😂😂😂😂😂 100%
only marry american females
Please explain
I can’t say regarding ALL of Australian girls, but a huge percentage lack in tznius. A boy might not mind, but his extended family would mind.
What an outrageous generalization; on what do you base your assertion.
The comment, ” but a huge percentage lack tznius” is a gross exaggeration.
The anonymous commenter should not only retract but needs to do teshuvah for casting negative aspersions on Bnos Chabad in Melbourne.
Some of the finest shluchos around the world are from Australian Chabad homes The Rebbe sent 5 families from finest chabad mishpachas to set up the community and we can all learn from their tznius, hospitality , chassidish values and ahavas Yisroel in their daughters. Halevai around the world you could see and visit for yourself the establishment of Chabad mosdos and more. There are fine tznius , aidel girls like in all Chabad communities. There are some who may struggle just like in other communities Around the world … kshot atzmecha! I wish that girls in all communities had… Read more »
No price is too expensive for a שידוך
Please Justify the outlandish notion that it would cost that amount. And, how did you arrive at that figure?
Why are there 10K unmarried boys and girls in the US (between California, Florida,CH, and Shluchim kids)
There are loads of singles from every region
Is there really??
foreigner from a different country
Well, there would be only 4,950 unmarried boys if they were open to marrying Australians (assuming there’s a 50/50 split in your phrase of “10K unmarried boys and girls”)
marry the older single women first!
don’t date younger girls until all the older singles have been married off
Because the In Law relationship is tough to navigate as is. Throw in the jet lag and it could be a recipe for disaster. Also the kids are barely going to see one set of grandparents because the travel with large families are extremely hard and expensive.
Now a days there’s zoom True It’s not the same as in person. But we live in E.Y. and have kids in US, we’re on whattsup a lot. As a matter of fact, I talk and see my kids a d grandchildren in Lakewood and Passaic more than my kids in E.Y. We don’t live nearby. I have such tremendous connections with my grandchildren abroad because of this. Don’t make up problems. Think good, and it will be good . Stop worshipping your brains. If you want it to work, it will. It all depends on your desire and efforts… Read more »
zoom is not a real interaction! it is no replacement at all. American men, don’t marry australians
and learn some people skills to have a good relationship with your in laws, whoever and wherever they are!
family is one of the most important things
Oy oy oy
Australian girl isn’t the issue; they are using that excuse as a nice way to decline the offer.
What about the roughly 1200 girls on ChabadMatch (Australian girls included)?
Each person is right to have their preferences (even those Australian girls, did the shadchan ask them about the list of boys they rejected 🙃).
If those Chassidishe girls are willing to look into bochurim in Chinuch, I am sure you can find at least 50 available.
I have had more than a few responses that go along the lines of “literally everything lined up, but they just can’t have an Australian, it’s too complicated.”
If everything lines up, what’s complicated?
and more
That’s it
Is saying “it’s not shayach”.
I know a lot of American boys that married Australian girls b”h
Besides the 100s of families in Australia that have 1 or even in some cases 2 spouses from America, just in the last year over 15 families got married/engaged between Australians and Americans.
that doesn’t speak to the true experience than many Australian boys and girls are having right now that the article is addressing
and meet the local men
I spoke to a 22 year old young woman FROM AUSSIE and she clearly said she or her friends will not be going on shlichus or dating in U.S. so not sure where your info is coming from but perhaps it should be stated clearly on their resumes that they are fully “willing to relocate”. Then people would be more open. Nothing is wrong with aussie, what’s wrong is be clear. I recently spoke to a father who is from London. He specifically wants an American girl/boys for his children. he was VERY clear that his children are willing to… Read more »
Then is she dating in CH?
If not, this has nothing to do with the article.
Maybe the father from London should let his adult children make their own decisions.
I’m myself from overseas married an American and the same is another two of my siblings, yes, I agree that being open and clear about willing to relocate and establish in the US is very helpful because at the end of the day: spoiled Americans are afraid of leaving the US;)
I’m wondering if there is a PERSONALITY factor as well with Aussies. Nothing against but as in every country: natives have different tendencies, perhaps some character features in Aussies turn off Americans?
As an australian girl this oped is a life saver! Enough harasement of aussies! we wont stand for it!! Am yisroel chai!!
We can’t hear you from all the way in the down under
From the context of this comment it would seem am yisroel = aussies
Are you ready with a full heart not to move back to Australia?
on collive
As an australian boy these comments are all completely true and i agree with every single one of them. The girls are all too closed minded thats why all the guys run to the states and don’t come back.
Marry a fellow Australian….
You said it yourself. Just girls.. and you know why, Australians, SA, Floridians, Californians, all LOVE their place and want to get married and live there, if not shlichus then only where I grew up..yes great girl however there are in the US and wouldn’t mind staying here..got to weigh the options, as they would what’s priority..for them it’s their hometown and undestanbly so..
culture, especially Chabad culture, just forces the guys to be moser nefesh to live away from their home….
Generally guys are expected to do whatever is necessary to make the girls happy, even if their parnassah is in America
why are you insisting on americans? south africa is closer and they have buchrim too
and what about europe?
Europe is no closer to Australia than America, and South Africa’s Chabad community is a fraction of the size of Australia’s. They have a single Chabad school with 10–15 students per grade, whereas Australia has nearly 100 students in each grade across multiple schools and cities.
Despite the fact that we have a small community our school bh is growing and we have 3 chabad yeshiva and a post seminary program in Cape Town. Before you judge South Africa come and see for yourself. Our community is warm and caring and upholds the Rebbes standards and was one of the only countries to be blessed by the Rebbe until Moshiach comes.
Why so defensive, nobody is judging South Africa’s community or standards.
The flight from Melbourne to Johannesburg is LONGER than the flight from Melbourne to LA!
Also, SA doesn’t have many options…
So why limit the dating pool to only Aus and SA?
What did we do to get relegated?
and they said they only accept australians
Some of your comments are narrow minded and without basis. Come here first and see the community before judging.
leave the americans for other americans
I get that this is an issue but this is lowkey not relevant to a lot of people. Really only relevant to people in shidduchim currently or a shadchan or a parent of a child in shidduchim
Australia is a pretty garbage country
It was England’s prison
Why would I want to marry a girl from there
I’m trying to have a good life bezh
Please explain
Well spoken! Thank you for being brave enough to say what we all think out loud!
Do you live on the corner of Carrol and Utica ?
Australians are the one type of people that are worse than Canadians
I know of many top FFB single AMERICAN girls — 100% frum and Chasidish — who are also being turned down by American bochurim. The excuse? These girls’ parents are BTs. Interestingly, it doesn’t work the other way: the FFB girls’ families are happy to marry off their daughters to top boys from BT parents. So the top sons of BT parents are marrying FFB girls. And the FFB parents are not interestjng in even top girls whose parents are BTs. SO tell me: WHO are these excellent American Chassidishe girls (whose parents happen to be BTs) supposed to marry,… Read more »
everything changes as soon as the parents have $$. Look at ffb families who marry BT. The BT families have $$ and suddenly they’re ghezh
ever
To work the other way.. girls with BT parents will not consider BT guys which also doesnt make any sense.
What exactly is a “TOP” girl or boy? Could you please define? This mindset is part of the problem.
Born and raised in Australia and I’ve never read something farther from the truth! If anything I have too many guys to choose from! Besides the constant flow of suitors coming in for shlichus, the YG buchurim make sure to always keep us occupied. If you’re gonna make things up at least make it make sense
I’m scared my Australian wife will force me to wear a mask and get vaccinated, no thank you!
Because it’s not unusual that a girl, after having kids, wants to go home to her mother and family!!!
Australia may be beautiful, but if the guy is the breadwinner, he wants to be in a place where he feels comfortable that he can thrive and support the family. The guy fells that its chancy.
Even if the girl never wants to live in Australia, Australia is very far and travel to visit is very expensive. Unless the girl’s family is very wealthy and promises to pay for all travel expenses in the future.
Coming from someone whose children have never met their grandparents, aunts/uncles and cousins in Australia
I was recently going out with an australian girl and this really gave me a lot of encouragement in spite all the baseless hate against aussies
A lot of Australian girls do not have proper Hashkafos They lack yiras shamayim. that’s why I do not want to marry them. I want to have a chasidishe home.
are so amazing in comparison, right? (sarcasm intended)
CH has the most quality boys and girls in the world.
Thats a generalization. Its not 1 size fits all. You cant say all American girls have chassidishe hashkafois either If you research the individual and date them you can clarify.
There are lots of singles in the U.S.
if you’re getting no’s and the reason is because the other party doesn’t want Australians just know that’s from Hashem and it’s not the right one. Shidduchim is tough out there but just know Hashem runs the world and Hashem placed you and your family in Australia. Hashem knows the bigger picture. Unfortunately there are many singles in the US that need shidduchim. May Hashem send everyone their right Bashert quickly and easily!
Was going out with american boy recently and i cant thank the author enough for this
Great ocean road is very far from Melbourne, it’s very misleading to include this.
The offical start of the Great Ocean Road is 103km from Melbourne CBD (~60 miles away). That’s around an hour to hour and a half.
As someone originally from Melbourne, it feels almost the same as driving up the PCH from LA..
Maybe Australians are just on a different wavelength than Americans.
I say Americans should marry Americans and Australians should marry Australians. Let’s not normalize intermarriage.
Why aren’t the Australian tzadkim marring them ???? Why should anash be responsible for that. Seems very odd! Australian guys don’t want them either ???
To the writer. May Hashem bless with good Shidduchim for your daughter/s. And I mean that with a full heart. I am sure she /they are wonderful and incredible. BUT. Don’t blame this on external illogical factors. Shidduchim is hard for everyone regardless of IQ, family or region. Once a girl turns 26, she finds herself in a much harder predicament no matter where she is from. There are hundreds of singles from every region. There are hundreds of ‘no’s for every reason! Not pretty enough, father not respected enough, not earning enough, not skinny enough, not popular enough, not… Read more »
There are singles everywhere getting nos for all different “reasons”.
Australians get told no because they are Australian. If they weren’t Australian it would just be another reason….
You forgot to mention the best attraction which is absolutely incredible-Luna Park
We finally got over camp
Because the Australian girls are simply not interested in relocating, there too close to there parents.
1000 percent! nailed it!
Why are there single French boys and girls? Why are there single Israeli boys and girls? Most of my single friends are American, and I’m sitting in Australia right now!
There have been several instances where Australian girls swear to their chossanim that they are 100% fine living in the US. Six months into the marriage they are making their husband crazy they want to move back home. Unfortunately, unfortunately, some of these marriages ended in divorce.
I am 100% not saying that this is the rule. But unfortunately it’s not uncommon.
The first thing you will hear from every Australian’s mouth is how much better Australia is than the US.
Please do us a favor and stay there and marry your own.
Leave our NY boys alone.
Thank you!
-Every non-Australian
Very rude
I’m not even Australian but that’s ridiculous.
Your argument is “some Australians prefer the country they grew to know and love to where I live therefore their kids should never be able to marry ours”
Even if they’re genuinely willing to compromise and live in NY? Does it damage your fragile ego to much?
Spoken like a true NYer i.e speaking on behalf of every American.
Spoken like a true New Yorker, and we are proud of him for that.
There’s a lot more about a place then it’s location on a map. It’s the school system, chassidishkeit, etc or perhaps their sons have no interest in going there and always having to go there. I personally know many Australians living in us and even shlichus and even crown heights and honesty they’re miserable. Maybe the Australian girls should not be their own worst enemies and stop pining and whining. It’s only natural to wanna live near your parents and in your homeland so please don’t suddenly claim you have no ties to your mother land. Also 50?! I’m in… Read more »
Is their an effort being made to match Australians with each other?
This is a general crisis,
A boy can take a girl 2,3,4,5,6,7 years younger than him, however chas vesholom the other way around…..
We are really hurting our girls. This has to change!!
boys, marry older girls
From an older single here – the guy is 40 and he writes on his resume he wants a 18 year old. Personally I dont even want him at all! Hes got a lot of growing up to do which has nothing what to do with marriage. Now you tell a bochur that their is this young woman and his sister knows her and he likes her based on first impression AND she is 3 years older then him, how DARE the girl say no! Good grief! Bochurim – get to KNOW the young woman! Why when you do, then… Read more »
Oh a lot would change for the girls if they would open their minds to short guys.
I’m single and I’m completely open to short guys. Height does not mean anything at all
I don’t mind Australian as long as she willing to live in crown heights middle class or section 8 is fine
“what’s the problem with Australians ” There aren’t any problems. They are incredible people, with many Australian girls marrying very fine Crown Heights/american families, and vise versa !! To the writer of this op-ed. If you see an issue, you’ve just discovered something you can help with !!! How about this, gather a team of 5-7 local shadchanim, gather a list of aussie singles, And start making phone calls asap !!! All this kvetching gets these amazing bochrim and girls nowhere. Time for some serious action — And to end off, Australians aren’t the only ones; locals reject locals, too.… Read more »
Everyone in the 2 australian communities knows everyone else. They could make shidduchim easily as they already know each other. NO idea why they aren’t maryring each other.
You state in the article that “as a general rule Australian girls will move to anywhere around the world.” That is incorrect. They may end up moving somewhere, but only with much hardship. As a rule, they are very homesick and very often they convince their husbands to move back to Australia, even if they don’t have work prospects.
Is it considered normal for an American family to say they are not looking in to isrealis? Same is about Australians you might also speak English but the culture difference is the same gap to an American just like an Israeli
Do Aussie boys face the same challenges? If no, the problem isn’t likely to be due to their nationality (cost and distance would apply to boys, too). If yes, and there is a proportionate number of single Aussie bochurim, well then the solution is obvious innit
Not only do we have the same issues, boys are also expected to “run after” the girl in shidduchim, so it’s a double problem for us.
To the writer. You’ve now uncovered an area which you can help with !!
Let 10 Australian-based shadchanim make a list of all local singles, and start making phone calls.
Also look into local options, you’d be surprised !
I have had a few Australians come up for me in the past, and one of the reasons why I said no is because I can’t afford the $2000 airfare. Another reason is that most people (including yours truly) can’t take off randomly, at minimum, ten days from work.
I have always been told that “there are plenty of fish in the sea,” I just didn’t expect to cross multiple seas and oceans and pass the international date line.
The issue is not only about geography. People get turned down for the most stupid things. Such as how tall the person is. How the parents look. How often he wastes 400 bucks for a new hat, and many other things which won’t matter three years and 2 children down the line.
The focus should be on: can I work with the future spouse on a daily basis in a peaceful manner.
new hats, or how tall someone is
Instead of height, parents look, 400 for a new hat… The real problem is: Why dont bochurim be in charge of their shidduch/profile? If your grown up to get married, be in charge! Then these nonsense “excuses” would fade because we are dealing with a MAN! In addition: why do men have their own stupidity?! You give him a good girl – shes too good. You give him a not nice girl/down to earth – shes a witch. Make up your mind! You cant have both! Either be on the positive side or negative. A pig will NEVER be kosher.… Read more »
Adding positivity to your life will help you tremendously
Things have changed in Crown Heights – people don’t have their children living nearby as it was in the past. It’s too expensive and the next generation is being forced to move away to Miami – Pennsylvania, Texas and other States/Cities.
For those that have their children on Shlichus – which today is 1000s of families they also aren’t living with their parents and in so many cases 90% plus they aren’t living close to either of their parents.
Not true not expensive
You can move to East Flatbush or Remson village the next generation of crown heights families give me a break no reason to run to Florida where you pay high water insurance
Please
hey everyone should move to fl
This week Gem video the Rebbe gave Brocha to stay in Crown Heights and expand the community build it and grow it because the Rebbe Raayatz lived in Kahn Trivandrum Hashem EsHbrocha
It is Kan Tzivah Hashem Es Habrocha.
May Hashem grant you an abundance of
Brochos Amen!
Individuals don’t run the world – The Abishter is in charge. And sadly so many people are growing old not getting married as they were fixated on certain criteria to go out and then hopefully get married. Maybe as the Melbourne community is reaching out, but this is for so many cities around the world – it may be time to look out outside of the current criteria as your Bashert is waiting for you in South Africa, Australia, Israel etc. Is it worth while being single all your life as your Bashert ticks all the boxes except where they… Read more »
The shidduch crisis has a million diff layers and it’s across the board .
How about we stop saying no and be more open minded and let hashem do the rest !
I’m a bochur who went to Yeshivah College in Melbourne Australia. Most of my friends go to OT for third year zal and then after shlichus stay in America for dating. This creates a shortage of Australian bochurim for Aussie girls.
I truly empathize for our aussie girls. May Hashem help.
Crown Heights used to be a place to raise a family. Today it is a place for single boys and girls to be seen in the shidduch world.
Australian girls need to move to Crown Heights for a year or two before complaining. They’ll be much more in the parsha here and when they tell their basherts they are (not) ready to live in the USA it will be truthful and said with a little bit of experience.
Unfortunately, out of sight, out of mind. Move to Crown Heights and see the Rebbe’s brochos reveal themselves for you.
Really, so all those singles who have relocated for 5+ years, how do you addres your root cause of the problem?
Who knew that the aibishter can only make Chabad shidduchim from CH!
Switch “Australia” with London and the same applies!
There are certain stereotypes with people from their respective countries and everyone seems to get tarred with the same brush. It’s small minded but human nature!
There are thousands of singles and somehow you decided its only Australians?
As the saying goes “don’t believe an Australian girl who claims that she’s ok with not living in Australia”
Yes there are exceptions however in the majority of cases even when the girl before she gets married” says” that she’s Ok with living outside Australia, deep down their heart will always want to move back
What on earth are you saying??!!
I got married and moved to CH and so did 6 of my other siblings. I have dozens of Aussie friends that moved here too!
Yes obviously we want to move back, but doesn’t mean we will. Australia is a beautiful place with amazing, calm and respectful people, which unfortunately we don’t see too much of here…
I got turned down by a ton of those Australian girls
its all about the $$
probably because some american boys marry girls from other countries when they shouldn’t
no one under the age of 29 can even complain about being single when there are singles much older than you. All older singles should be married off first before younger girls even get dates
That’s one way to make the shidduch crisis last forever. Let the 23 year old guys go out with the 21 year old girls so they don’t end up hitting 30 still single. I can understand if you’d say that older guys should try to only go out with older girls. Even so, we need to remember that Hashem runs the world. At the end of the day every person will end up marrying who they are meant to marry when they are meant to get married. To say not to date someone younger than you or not to date… Read more »
The Baal Shem Tov said that when the heavenly announcement is made, “The daughter of so and so, to so and so…” (forty days before conception, this announcement in heaven is made…) then many false matches try to take its place – which it’s not so easy to rid oneself… – therefore sometimes they get spoken about, other times even engagements come – which need to be broken etc.”
“tzniusdik yet well-dressed,” This is an oxymoron! Well-dressed is a goyishe value!
“all kinds of temperament, from gregarious” gregarious is not a good thing nor a jewish value!
A daughter of the king is never not well-dressed.
find and australian and stop complaining
mainly because they are not being educated
whats the goal of marriage, and what you suppose to accomplish through marriage, once you have that clear it just happens
I’m not sure where you’re getting your facts from, but all most of them want to live in Australia and that’s not something that Americans parents are interested in going into initially. You could ask them if you take 100 Australian girls, you could be sure 85 will say if they want to live in Australia
I moved to Crown Heights for shidduchim. Without revealing my identity, I’m from a “good, gezhe” family, “good” background and life experiences, did the “system”, etc. After many, many months, I have barely gotten any “shayach” suggestions at all. We (Australians and others from “Chutz l’Crown Heights) are ready to be moser nefesh for our future other half, but the “dating pool” tend to be very short sighted and frankly selfish, expecting their future match (whether a boy or a girl, from overseas) to give up their entire life for them, while they are simply good enough by just existing.… Read more »
Don’t besmirch the Rebbe and his Shchuna.
Looking closely at this comment alone and it makes sense why American’s don’t want to marry Australians. I hope the OP reads your comment and sees the truth in the matter for themselves.
Australians are great ! I love so many -and I live in the usa so that is incorrect! There are many shadchanim working hard -myself included just to help others -there is a lack at times of hakoras hatov! Being nice is so easy now a days -send a small amazing gift card /for someone who tried and tries again for you . An old fashioned thank you card works too! when u get engaged let those who helped know even if they didn’t make your shidduch send the emoji of your Lchaim (in our days you had to have… Read more »
Shidduchim crisis is internationnal , tons of single americans girls are still single too..
Not enough boys, and boys pick and choose…
boys need to marry older girls
Not any more than girls. Girls of today want tall. Not enough tall guys, sorry. Then they want to complain when they are unmarried at 26, 27. Wonder if they then look back and think a bout the amazing short boys they rejected.
American boys are spoiled
I’m not sure if it has to do with Australia’s prisoner past or if they’re teaching something different in the schools there, but Aussie girls are a bit too crazy for us Americans. To be clear, I think the guys are a bit nuts, too, but it’s easier to live with when it’s your buddy and not your potential wife.
And once they do, they will realize that marriage is all about becoming one, and once you are focused on that, everything else becomes distant in terms of importance.
I know many women who got married, moved a half a world away and never looked back. (Save the occasional visit to her childhood country once in 5 years)
Cheers
We have a wonderful Australian dil from a great family. We happened to agree to the wedding in Australia and the entire community made us SOOO welcome. It was one of our nicest weddings.
She is a fabulous wife, mother, dil kah and anyone who is turning down Australia girls for any of the above small minded reasons is short changing their son and needs to rethink
During COVID, some big chachomim decided to write a rediculous article on COL about Australia. Yes there were lockdowns and mandates but they were also in many other countries. The article made a beautiful community seem draconian and backwards. Now that it’s all over and no longer relevant, it seems that some people have a hard time moving on.
Silly self sabotage. Now you can’t marry off your daughters. You should have thought it through.
Kan tziva Hashem es habrocho. There’s something very special about a Bas Chabad born and raised in the Rebbe’s shchuna and learned in the Rebbe’s moised, Beis Rivka!
You’re right there’s something special about them. They think bc they are so special they can be picky and wait for “Mr perfect” when will girls realize no one is perfect.
Is in Melbourne, Australia
Special people have Ahavas Yisroel and see the meilos of all, especially of the Rebbe’s children born in less blessed places as well.
Is that what you say to shluchim too?
My parents were sent by the Rebbe to live in Australia
May there be many engagements and weddings speedily!!
Because who wants their son to move to Australia?
Why do Australian girls want to marry only American boys?
There are also lots of Australian boys who need to get married please explain….
This is a twisted question. They don’t want to marry “only American boys.” Often, American boys are compatible with them because (1) there are tons of American boys, and (2) English is a common language between Americans and Australians. It’s understandably disheartening for the Australians to be rejected _only_ because they’re Australian, even though everything else might seem right.
marry australian men instead
There are many cultural differences between Americans and Australians. Australians are easy going, we are amazing simcha hosts, we are more down to earth, our girls are better homemakers. When making a wedding in Australia you can be sure you will be treated warmly and not ignored at your own child’s wedding. Our weddings are more personal and with the exchange rate they’re also cheaper. We would love to make more local shidduchim but the community isn’t large enough to make that possible. Also our boys are often in US learning while the girls can’t get the same visas. If… Read more »
I am not sure if I agree with the author. I was in the dating seen nearly 10 years ago, and I was a bochur who had no plans going on shlichus so obviously the girls I was dating had a similar vision. Back then we had a klal, Australian and California girls will inevitably drag you back to their home. And the one Australian girl I dated it turned out to be true. We went out on a few dates and things were going well, at one point before the 4th or 5th date I told my mother that… Read more »
with whatsapp, no more ‘long distance’ calls
Given that parents and especially grandparents have whatsapp and internet phones….
I’m an American bochur and happy to date an Australian
Instead date one of the thousands of single american girls ok
Nice Australian girls should marry wonderful Australian boys
Are the Australian girls as Chassidush as the American girls?
As a shadchan and mother living in Australia, the country is not the issue. There is this toxic culture from melbourne girls specifically of having to live at home and bragging about how Australia is the best country. The amount of boys that come up for these girls and say exactly that, which is very fair in my opinion. Its not a coincidence that the shidduch crisis is substantially lower in sydney than it is in melbourne. Its time to switch up how we raise our kids with this toxic australian superiority culture and raise them to be more open… Read more »
Drop the “toxic”. And tone down the superiority. It’s not a bad thing and is constructive to raise someone to think what they are and where they are special with superior aspects. (Jews do it. Lubavitchers do it. Many countries do it). Perhaps include two additional ingredients: 1. Don’t always blow that in other people’s faces. Use it as a self-motivational tool, not a social hammer. 2. Everyone else may justifiably feel the same way. We’re all special. We each probably have something which is superior to others. As everyone else does.
Is this really what the Rebbe would want – to have sent shluchim around the world, yes including Australia – and then have people say no to Australian shidduchim, because it’s too far?? And even if people aren’t sent on shlichus, but live in Australia, by hashgocho protis, the same question applies. Whilst it’s not only Australian girls that are having issues, for me as an Australian, the most difficult thing is that people aren’t even willing to hear anything about the girls as soon as they hear ‘from Australia’, regardless of whether the girls want to live or even… Read more »
Perhaps consider making your points without invoking the Rebbe’s name.
girls from all the other countries excluding Israel and America
why are there so many who did this?
Why not wrote an article about baalei teshuvah and geirim as well
Now imagine a baall Teshuva from Australia or better yet, Canada….
Ma hakesher?
Some Aussies are time wasters, from first contact through call(approx 3 weeks in calls) as the girl was temporarily living/ working in NY we agreed to meet in person flights booked etc. Two days before flight the girl calls stating it not going to work. Didn’t even give me chance. Flights cancelled lost a lot of money. BTW the girl was from Melbourne .
I live in the states and have become americanized and seen the light and dont want my kids marrying an Australian either I think it’s pretty self understood
This article was a waste of cyberspace
People say they want to live in USA and then they get married and make crazy to move back to Australia and unfortunately this sometimes leads to divorce.
Maybe the author is deflecting the real reason and they just have a bad rep elsewhere. This isn’t something that needs to be publicly disclosed to the whole Lubavitch. Pick up a phone and talk to the right people will get you way further.
i havent been to home to australia in like 16yrs since i got married i wetn once if i want to take me and faimly now just around over $6000 just n tickets then you need spending $ and $ for passports i think i need close to 10g to go
Nothing against the girls, but they all wanna live back with their parents. Hard to tear a proud American patriot and send them to the outback.
It’s not just Australian girls it’s South African girls and boys as well. The difference is that making a wedding in South Africa costs half of an American wedding and both the girls and boys are happy to move if need be. Parents and kids need to stop being so picky about where the girl or boy comes from if they have the same ideals and want the same thing from their marriage.
If an Australian girl will be totally honest about living in america, I think more boys would be willing to go out with them. They always promise and then let the boy down. I understand that the girls have a deep connection with their country and their parents but they cannot tell stories. I’ve also heard from many matchmakers that they find the boys to be rude and stuck up. Many matchmakers have told me this and some of them refuse to work with Australians. They have to learn to have a little bit more humility. I personally dealt with… Read more »
Dude, what about the Sefardim? They are also left out of the mix for some reason. I have a friend and he tells me it’s like a racial profiling. Live your life as you please and make any choice you’d like. But the Rebbe was pro the mix…..
They are definitely more outgoing and have an easier personality to get along with. The guy I was with is hilarious. No joke, their humor is unparalleled in the Ashki world.
I have seen this weird “profiling” that the younger crowd is showing. It’s almost always something the parent wants more than the bochur/girl. The parents always mention cultural differences as an excuse, one which the Rebbe was very much against. Most singles that have been implanted with this mindset never even tasted the other side. There was a girl with the same attitude not too long ago that didn’t want to date this Lubavitcher with a Sefardic background. She did. She said it was a 9 out of 10.
People aren’t the same but they harmonize with eachother.
I personally put you as my top choice. Don’t ever settle for someone who thinks that they are just settling for a sefardic jew, or someone who thinks that sefardic jews are inferior to other types of jews. Anyone who thinks that sefardim are inferior is objectively wrong.
Waiting to find their soul mate. No matter where they are. The system is broken. I know boys and girls all over desperately waiting on their shadchan to find their match. It must be over whelming for shadchanim. We need more parent, teacher, family, friend, chabad houses involvment especially as kids get a bit older.
It really did not make much of a difference where she was from. I have been turned down for lots of different reasons. I was too tall, or not tall enough, I was too fat or not fat enough, I was a nice guy or too nice, {a push over} and so on and on. I was on that web site Chabad match and saw you at Seini along with a few others. the girls are way too picky, most didn’t like the fact that I worked for a living and didn’t sit in Kohle all day learning. I never… Read more »
Reading so many uninformed, bigoted and simplistic comments is sad and maddening. The generalisations are breathtaking for their ignorance and superficiality. I’m not a Lubavitcher and have no axe to grind. One thing that does come to mind is that the Lubavitcher Rebbe would have been horrified by the level of demeaning and contra-chassidic discourse. He, of course, gave brochos for many hundreds of such successful Shidduchim, and Australia was a personal project of his father in law. Hang your heads in shame. The comments do not honour the legacy of the Rebbe and are an embarrassment. There are wonderful… Read more »
All you people who think that you can solve the shidduch crisis. There is no shidduch crisis. If someone is not married right now it’s because Hashem decided that it’s not the time yet. Everyone has the right time to get married decided by the one above. When the right suggestion comes up, they will get married. Have some trust in Hashem. Stop trying to run the world for Him. If people say no to Australians then say ok and move on. It just makes your life easier, you’ll have less suggestions to sift through! And by convincing someone who… Read more »
It’s hard to. NY is the headquarters of chabad. By extension America has the broadest chabad population. Unfortunately being sent on Shlichus to Australia, or simply growing up in Australia has several disadvantages. One of them is when your kids will be ready for marriage they likely will have to fly to America in hopes to broaden their chance of meeting someone. (If only there was enough of a market in Australia – that’s just not the case) Now Australian kids are on foreign soil, and they must conform to the desire and preference of the American boy or his… Read more »
Why would the parents be doing “Organizing visas if they don’t have dual citizenship. Ensuring they get set up with a job. Helping them formulate a community that can make them feel comfortable, organizing Shabbos meals etc…” for their 20 year old independent child? I know plenty of girls and boys at age 18, 19,20, that did all this with no help from their parents.
Perhaps this coddling is the issue. The people I know that did this on their own, didn’t need to run back to Mommy and Tatti once they were married.
Wow, Lubavitch seems to be solving their problems.
You guys basically think that CH is the only place with a full fledged lubavitch community!!! What about Florida, California, or even out of USA like Israel, Australia, Canada, England, France. I can think of many places with a full fledged Lubavitch community other than CH.
I’m an American girl married to an Australian boy. My in-laws are wonderful, Chassidishe, loving people, and they do help us out with tickets when we go to visit them. I’m glad I didn’t write off the shidduch just because he’s from Australia. The trip there and back are really hard, but you get through it. At the same time, I don’t think I’d be able to live there. It’s really really far. But some of the nicest people are from there.
I am an Australian, married an American. I was a single and I am a Shadchan as well. I do not have the patience to read so many weird comments here. It is not the distance that should be described as a stopping factor to get married. Many of us came here to date, even though it was usually unclear how I can leave Australia I never declined Shidduch proposals anywhere. BH I was here when I met my husband, maybe before when I am was dating I was not sure if I want to move, but when I met… Read more »
In Hashem we trust it’s all from Hashem when and where to marry and who to marry there is no shiduch crisis it’s all in the attitude of our heads
To anyone looking for a partner in life, flexibility is key. If you hear them say “as long as I get to stay in my hometown” that is a massive red flag. That person needs more time to grow up and evidently was mistakenly rushed into the shiduch market.
Also random note: I feel like these comments are filled with boys pretending to be girls and vice versa
I have to say, as an American girl married to an Aussie guy, that it is not without its challenges to be in an international marriage.
As many commenters have mentioned, our children don’t get to spend a lot of time with their grandparents and cousins in Australia.
This is heart wrenching for us, my in-laws, my kids and their cousins.
I would think long and hard before getting involved with an Australian.
They are wonderful people, this does not negate that.
and israel?
I’m shocked to read many of these comments on a frum website. Torah and Chassidus tell us that we have a soulmate. A Bashert is not always in your geographic area. In fact one of the 3 reasons why a person is allowed to leave Eretz Yisroel is to find a shidduch.
Sounds like there is a major need for more Emunah! Stop trying to fit Hashem’s plan into your plans.
This is coming from a person who grew up in America and is happily married in Australia for over 15 years.