By Toby Lieder, Shadchan Coach
I have recently returned from Crown Heights where I interviewed over 50 young single women and discovered a broad range of fascinating facts about the Chabad shidduch scene today.
Through our discussions, I observed that almost every single person –from the very chassidish to very modern– is pretty much the same thing.
The first common requirement they had:
1. Kindness; generous, thinks about the other, warm, sincere, open home, honest, authentic, loyal, good listener/communicator.
The next “major” common requirement:
2. Stability; Emotional, physical, spiritual, financially.
The next most important thing that all girls wanted (including the girls that call themselves “very modern”):
3. Yiras Shomayim; Majority of the girls said their requirement was the boy “must” daven 3 times a day and it would mean a lot if it was in a minyan.
The last point caught me by a beautiful surprise because it showed that deep inside every girl is a beautiful neshama that knows what it really needs.
Each girl, no matter what ‘label’ they considered themselves or (label) wanted for a partner, is really looking for a disciplined, authentic frum boy with good values.
The next most popular requirement that most singles (of both genders) were looking for:
4. Driven; motivated, disciplined, responsible, dependable, reliable. In short, not lazy, will be able to take charge, make things happen.
The next most popular thing that is most important for most singles:
5. Family oriented; balance between family and work, be home and involved with their family, not married to their job, family is number one.
I tell the singles, if he/she has these above 5 qualities they are a possible candidate to be beautiful to you. I didn’t hear anything about looks or body size requirements.
These aren’t out of the ordinary expectations, right? They are actually all asking for decent authentic requirements for a happy marriage and life.
So why are shidduchim so difficult?
Mrs. Toby Lieder; Shadchan Coach, is available for “Skype” interviews which you can book for appointment by request:
Check out Toby’s blog: Momof14.blogspot.com