Dear Community,
I’m writing as a private playgroup director/teacher to bring to light something that has become increasingly more common than it has been in the past.
Before I delve into that, I’d like to make you aware of some important things.
First and foremost: I am 100% aware that parnassah is from Hashem and I will come home with the exact amount that I am supposed to. I still want to share this with you to bring awareness so that you aren’t the cause of the loss of parnassah.
The price for local Crown Heights playgroups is high. It is definitely a significant expense, one that we are very upfront about before you sign your child up. While many may think we are “rolling in dough,” like with every other business you are certainly not taking into account all of our expenses.
Local private playgroups cost an absolute fortune to run. Rent prices are sky high, teachers and assistants need to be paid (and truly deserve to be paid a lot more then what we can even afford.) Basic supplies such as tissues, paper towels, disinfectant wipes,purell (the list goes on and on), snacks, lunches, projects and activities, paint, glue etc. add up to hundreds of dollars monthly.
On top of that, many programs include specials that come in to further enhance and make it fun and exciting for the children adding to the overall cost to run.
As their teachers, we are in charge of both their mental and physical well-being at all times of our long day. We care for them, we teach them, we discipline them and we love them as our own for the hours they are with us. And when they go home, our work just begins: we have preparations for the following day, we have follow-up meetings amongst ourselves to discuss and better the program constantly, we worry about the details and how so and so didn’t eat/drink/nap as usual and the other one is having a tough time adjusting to not being an only child anymore. We have phone conversations that sometimes last hours to put plans into place. In short, we are invested 100% – as we should be. For most of us, this isn’t just a job it is a calling.
Many of us put hours into meeting parents and their children before the school year begins to see if it will work out. We do tours and have children sit in to see if it’s a good fit. We invest in making sure it can work.
Unfortunately, the past few years I have found that parents have become very lax about their commitment to keeping their child in a program. I’ve had children not show up one day and as I always do I sent the parent a message mid-day with a “hope your child is feeling good. She is missed” only to receive a message in reply. ” We won’t be coming anymore”.
Or this message on an Erev Shabbos, “So sorry, found something closer to my house so my child won’t be back on Monday.” And then we are left with an empty spot to fill mid-year and the odds of doing so are extremely low. We are also left with a sense of loss that this child’s absence brings. Seeing and being part of your child’s life on a daily basis is a privilege and one that I don’t take for granted. Not being given the opportunity to say goodbye is honestly heart-breaking and leaves us with a strong sense of loss.
Sadly, due to this trend, many of us have been forced to take a months deposit which is non-refundable to help defray the costs of an empty spot. Many times the spot is free for far, far longer than just one month. Our expenses haven’t changed significantly because we are down one child, yet our income has. For many of us, this difference is a big chunk of the small margin we work on for our take-home pay post our expenses on day to day running!
Every parent is entitled to change their mind. We don’t always know what the back story is so we try to be ‘dan lekaf zchus’ but one thing is for certain, there is a strong, strong lack of mentshlichkeit going on with how this is occurring. A basic courtesy call, a 2 weeks heads up, a chance to say goodbye are all some ideas of how to go about this if you absolutely must. Please remember that many times we have turned away other parents because we are full and now we are left with nothing.
I’d like to point out another side as well.
When a child comes to playgroup we are making a ‘shidduch’ between teacher/program/child. We are aware that many things need to click for it to be a good fit. When a child is not a proper fit for the program we do not ever text a parent “Today is your child’s last day. He won’t be coming back tomorrow as it isn’t a good fit.” It is never done on our end.
Instead, we work with the child (many times even to the exhaustion and detriment of the rest of the children and our program), we meet and talk to the parents, we get extra help on board. We get the child extra help and evaluated to bring our their best. We talk to Mashpiim and Rabbonim and make sure we are within our halachic bounds to do so. And only then when every other option has been exhausted do we make the break if it is needed.
Another side point I’d like to mention is basic hakaras hatov (appreciation). We certainly don’t “need” the danish/chocolate or note, but hearing and having the parents appreciate what we do and cultivating that feeling of gratitude for what we put in makes us feel appreciated and loved in our position as “interim parents” to your dear child.
I am writing this so parents can be more aware. I write this so you know why we ask for a deposit (we have all been burned), I write this so that when you sign your child up for camp and you take the spot you don’t pull out last minute “because we went to the country and stayed for 4 extra days so we won’t pay”. I write this so you think 4 times before you take a spot up that can go to another child who will be there the entire year. I write this so you take your commitment as seriously as we do.
Oh, and when you see us with your child in the street a mere few months after they have been in our program a warm “hello” would be greatly appreciated! It shows us that we meant something in your child’s life and have left a lasting impression, just as they have left their mark on our hearts.
With deep appreciation for choosing our us as your child’s guiding light for a school year.
Sincerely,
Crown Heights Playgroup Morahs
I once contacted a playgroup for my son and the owner sent me a pdf file that layed out her terms and conditions. She left no stone unturned . Every possible situation was written out . For example if you picked up more than 10 minutes late you were charged for a half hour. What if she provided diapers or if your child wasn’t there the entire week etc. This way her boundaries were set and there weren’t any surprises. I think it was an excellent idea.
I would prefer a legal and insured school than someones basement or living room. If you want to take a legal child care deduction only a licensed school will.work. Most but not all of these playgroups are illegal. Chas v Shalom if a child gets hurt and they are not cheap
Are you suggesting that perhaps maybe people should report and maaser on another Jew ? Do you know there is no place in Olam Haba for people who’do those vile acts to cause pain to another Jew. Thank you to the amazing playgroups who give incredible options for our children . And for those who want warm and a loving place . Seeing my child happy to go to school daily is a blessing . And cleaning help should be treated. With the respect as you respect others .
100% Except for the last line. The comment is written with respect. She appreciates the teachers and work they do. HOWEVER, she’d like to be able to legitimately deduct the child care expense. It is a huge expense and parents should be able to report child care on their tax returns. If these Morahs truly feel that mentchlichkeit is going down, I’d be less concerned with the 4 days off than the fact that some upset parent could one day report your loving and excellent (honestly!) but at the same time illegal playgroup. My children are grown and BH had… Read more »
It’s not about the taxes, most of the play groups are not legally qualified to take care of your child. When they make the effort to go legal, the cost is crazy that few parents are willing to go there further raising the cost on those that would like a legal playgroup. Bottom line, you can talk a nice game and it is true that people have to be mentchlich but if you’re not going about your own business on the up and up, then people look at you the same way as the cleaning lady, etc. The playgroup that… Read more »
if you wanto be treated legitimate then you need to be a legitmate buisness . How do you treat your cleaning help . How you treat others is a reflection of you . Your children will watch you . And copy you . That comment was. So wrong on so many levels . Thank you to morahs . And to local preschools who bring so much love . So much learning and so much fun to our children . This article was written for people like you who needs to hear this. I hope local preschool work together to stop… Read more »
number 13..thats a disgusting comment to say.playgroup teachers work tirelessly and love your kids and yes you can respect them nicely!!my tuition and Camps have gone up like crazy and morahs just go up with the flow.nobody is sucking your money!!!
Respecting the people who watch, nurture, and care for our children is VITAL. There is though a BIG issue that’s being swept under the rug- its a business that pays absolutely NO TAXES. I send to a loving, amaZing playgroup where I have so much respect and hakaras hatov to the Morah’s, but I do have resentment that my gross vs net income is a 30% Dip, while I can “only” pay the Morah in cash (not even cash app). . If you want to be treated legitimately, then you need to be a legitimate business.
You obviously haven’t had a child in playgroup in a very long time. Or if you have then you sent to a very old school style. Young parents with children nowadays expect and want a lot more then just a dingy babysitting group that colors on a paper.
Many Playgroups are very very far from babysitting
. They cultivate and nurture and teach children through play
The year of growth is absolutely tremendous
Couldn’t have expressed it better . I’ve seen a huge decline is basic mentshlichkeit as well. It’s sad when a parent drops off and doesnt even bother to say good morning or thank you etc etc. “Here” as they plop their kid on you. Everyone is busy but saying Hi takes a half a second
All these issues could be solved if you provide parents with a contract with the rules you expect them to follow… what you expect from families when they want to switch, taking days off etc. How long in advance they need to let you know, how much they need to pay if they leave before that day…All of it! Have it in writing and parents sign it before bringing the first day of school. 🙂 That’s how it works in other preschools. Good luck!
Let`s call it what it is.
I can not agree more with the author and comments from teachers who knows what it’s like to be in this work force. Bh I am happy and love my job as a teacher. I have to say however how much this position is undermined and looked passed. Your child spends most his day with us, 8:30 to 3, and teachers aren’t appreciated. I understand mothers are busy, but a thank you card or text here and there would be so nice. Not even asking for money
Teachers are the least appreciated in the world . Let’s change that as a community . Make sure to do something special for your child teacher. Everyone had the ability to give. Make your child teacher feel their hard work is appreciated . Chanukah and end of the year appreciation. Teachers work so hard. In school and out to make your child days as good as they can be .
For the most part, this article is well written. There is one area which I will discuss that each playgroup can work together with. Many of us have had children leave without notice. As a fellow teacher I never accepted a child coming from another playgroup without discussing it with the playgroup the child was coming from. I never got any calls from other teachers and children were accepted just because other teachers wanted to fill spots. So it’s not only parents, but fellow teachers have to be considerate also. Sometimes it’s not a good shidduch between a parent and… Read more »
It goes both ways. If prices increase every year, then more and more parents will think twice for every extra week they pay for. With tuition at about 165 per week now (6500+ for ten months) with no tuition breaks, you can better believe that I will not want to pay those last 4 days. Parents are also not rolling the dough. Bring tuition down to 125, dont make such fancy arts and crafts that get thrown out anyways and the kids will be more than happy to go the park instead of watching a clown show. And make a… Read more »
So so true! Every word of it! I hope people read this and take it to heart! The playgroup Morah’s really are a fill in “mother” for the child! Let’s have some more mentshlechkeit!
Very well written. Much of this can work for preschools as well.
Reading this letter makes me realize how fortunate CH families are to have even one Jewish option of daycare for their children. Living out of town has its perks, thank Gd, but we have no Jewish playgroup or daycare and this becomes a huge strain on parents who either work or simply need a break. Hope this sheds light on how fortunate you are in this area BH
Pay taxes