Caring Ways
What kind of person was Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka Schneerson – Why was it like to be at her home, to have tea with her, and share a glimpse at her very private world? The Avner Institute presents a newly released, firsthand account by Frida Schapiro, daughter of famed author and secretary Nissan Mindel, describing her final visit with the Rebbe’s wife during Tishrei 1987 and her awe in the presence of a regal yet down-to-earth woman whose refinement of bearing left an indelible mark.
“Some Valuable Lessons”
Frida Schapiro relates:
Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka was the daughter and wife of royalty. It was her royal bearing which my daughter and I experienced firsthand on the occasion of our visit with her on Succos of 5748 (1987).
But the personal connection our family enjoyed with the Rebbetzin had started years earlier. The Frierdiker Rebbe had first arrived in America from war torn Europe in 1940, together with his small group of family and Chassidim. My father Rabbi Nissan Mindel was among them.
Although Rabbi Mindel served the Frierdiker Rebbe in official capacity as secretary and author of many works of Chassidus in English, there was also a warm personal connection, as a son to a father. He often related the personal care and concern which the Rebbe showed him, just as a father might.
And when my mother, Mrs. Mindel, arrived in America, it was Rebbetzin Chaya Mushka who extended her welcoming hand to the newcomer. Their cordial friendship lasted over the next many decades with phone calls and occasional visits.
The last visit took place on Succos of 5748, during which my daughter Nechama and I were honored to accompany my mother and from which we learned some valuable lessons.
One Brief Hour
My parents were spending Yom Tov with us in Crown Heights, as they usually did, when the phone rang one day of Chol HaMoed. When one of the children answered the phone and my husband heard her say, “Mrs. Schneerson?”
He promptly took the phone from her and heard the soft spoken voice of the Rebbetzin at the other end asking to speak with Mrs. Mindel.
“But,” she cautioned, “please do not disturb her if she is resting. I will call back.”
My mother had a brief conversation with the Rebbetzin, during which the latter invited her for tea on Shemini Atzeres. And so on that designated day and time, our eldest, Nechama, and I accompanied my mother to the apartment on Eastern Parkway, on the ground floor of the library, adjacent to 770.
That brief hour we spent with the Rebbetzin remains as a guide in our everyday conduct.
We walked up the front steps and barely had time to knock when the door was opened. We saw the Rebbetzin standing there, greeting us with her gracious smile – obviously in eager anticipation of our visit. We were instantly made to feel welcome and at ease. We were home.
The Rebbetzin’s elegant attire, a purple velour suit, added to the festiveness of the day as she ushered us into the sitting room, a small area between the front hall and the dining room. The room had a round table, elegantly lain with fruit, pastries, and china. We were invited to sit and partake of some refreshments.
The Rebbetzin made small talk as introductions were made and we seated ourselves around the table. Tea was served as we continued our conversation.
“How lovely to see so many guests in for Tishrei,” the Rebbetzin remarked. She was also delighted at the large groups of men who were now getting ready for tahalucha, the traditional march past 770 on the way to the various synagogues in other Brooklyn neighborhoods.
She then asked after my mother’s health and about our children and activities. When we mentioned that Nechama was scheduled to leave for the teacher’s seminary in Kfar Chabad right after Yom Tov, the Rebbetzin picked up on this topic with great enthusiasm. She spoke of the great importance of higher education for girls and her pleasure over our girls’ opportunity to attend these institutions of higher learning.
Last Conversation
A few months later, on Yud Shevat – the yahrzeit of the Frierdiker Rebbe — my father had just returned from Russia, where the current Rebbe had sent him in connection with retrieving his predecessor’s seforim. The Rebbetzin, highly interested in the details of my father’s mission, phoned to invite him in order to receive a firsthand report. My father told her he would get back to her as soon as possible and set a date for their meeting.
Alas, this meeting never took place. Less than two weeks later was the fateful day of Chof Bais Shevat, and the dreadful news that a queen was taken from our midst. Little did my father know that this conversation with the Rebbetzin would be their last.
And little did my mother and I know that our visit with the Rebbetzin on Shemini Atzeres would be our last. Nevertheless, the lessons remain with us today. Her refined speech, her gentleness in tending to guests while remaining completely focused on their company – all of us can certainly aim to emulate the Rebbetzin’s fine manners and caring ways.
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