“Rebbe, I want to marry a non-Jew, but my family is asking her to convert. Why is the process so difficult?” The Avner Institute presents an extraordinary encounter, recorded firsthand by Rabbi Alexander Benhiyoun, of Ra’anana, Israel — who as a student lived in the same town as the Rebbe’s father and shared a relationship with him and Rebbetzin Chana — where the Rebbe’s advice to a gentile woman stresses not only the legal importance of immersion in a mikvah, the final step in a conversion, but its aim: a reemergence, like a baby being born, and transformation complete with Jewish soul and new cultural, religious, and spiritual beginnings.
In loving memory of Hadassah Lebovic A”h
“Sun and Humanity of Judaism”
Why must a convert immerse in a mikvah?
A story heard from a one of the department principals at Yeshiva of Flatbush (in Brooklyn) went as follows:
One day, while going about his usual work, the principal was approached one day by a frantic acquaintance.
“My nephew is about to marry a gentile woman,” the acquaintance explained. Apparently the shiksa was accomplished, with two college degrees and distinguished pedigree in her circles. The acquaintance’s family begged her to convert, in order to appease the nephew’s grandmother. Although not Torah observant, they drew the line at intermarriage.
The argument continued until the woman finally agreed – but only under one condition: the act of immersion be explained to her. If it did not make sense, she would refuse to convert and instead have the wedding in a civil court.
Question & Answer
She was ushered to rabbis, scholars, and even Chassidic Rebbes, who they hoped would explain to her the ritual laws. But nothing seemed logical – not mysticism, not hygiene, not tradition. She insisted that she still did not understand the whole thing. The family members were beside themselves.
The principal listened, then hesitantly advised the acquaintance to take her to the Lubavitcher Rebbe. “Maybe he could say something satisfying.”
In despair, the family accepted his advice.
At first she was reluctant. “Another rabbi, another Rebbe. I’m sick of these visits,” she snapped, unaccustomed as she was to religious environments.
The family promised that this would be the last time they would make any suggestion. “Talk to him,” they wheedled. “His is a holy man, truly extraordinary.”
Sighing, she agreed, and after much effort was made with the secretariat, she secured an appointment with the Rebbe.
She arrived bitter and haughty into the Rebbe’s office. Shortly later, she emerged, looking like another woman. Her face glowed with happiness, and she greeted the family, who was waiting outside.
“Here in this small room,” she whispered, “shines the sun of humanity and Judaism.”
Rebirth
When she returned home, she approached her fiancé with the surprising words: “The Rebbe not only convinced me to convert with immersion, but far more than that. I am postponing the wedding because I want to be a kosher Jew. I will convert properly. You too, my future husband – don’t be a non-observant Jew without Torah and mitzvoth. Become a ba’al teshuva!”
Of course the family was stunned. “How did the Rebbe change your mind?” they asked.
This is what she said:
“The Rebbe told me that as a learned person, surely I know that a conversion is a rebirth. Conversion is not merely knowledge of Judaism and performance of mitzvoth, but first and foremost an act of birth – meaning, just as a baby disconnects from its mother’s womb, so too the convert disconnects from his spiritual, cultural, and biological past.
“Since the conversion process is like a birth, just as with a birth, it is natural for blood and fluids to appear when the amniotic fluid the baby had been in pours out; this is how birth occurs. So too, when a person converts, he needs to shed the blood of circumcision and immerse. When a woman converts, she must enter the water as a gentile and immerse, and then emerge from the mikvah as a baby who is born. Just as without water a birth cannot occur; so too, a conversion cannot happen without immersion.
“The Rebbe concluded: ‘Go and immerse, because only through immersion will you enter the gateway of Judaism.”
So convinced was she of the Rebbe’s words, that she performed a genuine conversion. Till today, their home is kosher and they are connected to Chabad.
The principal concluded the story with his own words: “The Rebbe to me is like the sun which illuminates reality. He is an illuminating light, a golden menorah, with his teachings, his wisdom, and his holiness. He is a ‘man of G-d.’”
To receive to your inbox email: [email protected]
