Life Coach
A private audience (yechidus) with the Rebbe was more than a periodic consultation. It was the connection of souls, of master and disciple, with far-reaching lessons and encouragement. The Avner Institute presents the recorded events over 60 years ago of a reverential young student who, during his “seven minutes” with the Rebbe, received profound advice in all matters large and small—friends and relatives, choice of schools, dangers of college, and, most importantly, the upcoming Purim holiday, where the unity of all Jews is celebrated.
Dedicated in memory of loving memory of Hadassah Lebovic A”h
Thursday evening, Parshat Pekudei, 3 Adar II 5722 / March 9, 1962.
The notes of this yechidus [private audience] were taken from a letter written to my friend Rabbi Asher Zelingold, a few days after the yechidus took place. Rabbi Zelingold, who today is a shliach [emissary] and Rav in S. Paul, MN, was at that time a student-junior emissary studying in Brunoy, France. I was not present at this yechidus, but when the emininent Chassid Yaakov Hanoka left the Rebbe’s room, I “debriefed” him and transcribed whatever I could glean from him. It has been printed here with Yaakov Hanoka’s permission.
Shabbaton
Yaakov Hanoka had been invited to Penn State University for a Shabbaton with his friends there. Finally, the administration gave him permission to go together with me for Shabbos Pikudei. A week and a half before we were to leave, he wrote in a note to the Rebbe, asking for advice and blessing for the trip. He did not receive any answer.
The evening before we left, Thursday night after Maariv, the Rebbe’s secretary Rabbi Chodakov told him that the Rebbe Shlita would answer Yaakov Hanoka’s note in person and that Rabbi Hanoka should go into yechidus that night. Rabbi Hanoka went into yechidus at 9:00 p.m. and came out sometime after 9:30 p.m.
The Rebbe: Good evening, Mr. “Chanukah.”
The Rebbe asked how he was progressing, if he understood Yiddish, and if he listened to any shiurim [lessons[ in the yeshiva, etc.
The Rebbe: How do you like the yeshiva? You needn’t answer if you don’t want on this.
Yaakov Hanokah: I don’t mind answering, but I don’t want to waste the Rebbe’s time. I am convinced that coming to yeshiva was the right thing, and I have no regrets for the move I made.
The Rebbe: How are you doing financially? You needn’t answer on this either – I don’t believe in asceticism – it’s not Chassidus.
YH: So far I still don’t have some money. I can tutor college boys when I am out of money. I am not worried about money.
The Rebbe: (smiling) You must feel like a pioneer.
YH: I don’t like to be an example. I don’t yet feel fit to represent what they expect of me.
The Rebbe: When you go to Penn State tomorrow for Shabbos, act yourself. This Shabbos you must not act like what’s expected from you for next Sunday. On the other hand, Monday should not be like Sunday, but better. Convey to the students your true feelings, and don’t be afraid that it might be merachek them [chase them away or distance them]. Don’t lead them to believe that you lack anything as a result of coming to yeshiva. And as for being an example, it’s not your choice! Every Jew, by virtue of mattan Torah [giving of the Torah], is automatically – whether frum [devout] or not, whether aware or not – an example to the world. This is one of the reasons for antisemitism. So don’t feel bad about being an example, because you are one whether you like it or not.
Yaakov had been having trouble with his feet. The Rebbe told him: Give tzedakah [charity] before putting on tefillin. (The Rebbe also gave an explanation on the connection of tefillin and the feet, but Yaakov couldn’t remember the details).
Purim Campaign
This was the year when the Rebbe began a massive campaign to encourage people to fulfill two of the Purim mitzvoth: mishloach manos [sending gifts to a friend] and matanos lo’evyonim [giving gifts to poor people].
The Rebbe: When you are at Penn State, you should convey the message of Purim and its two mitzvoth to your friends there. They are easy, and might seem small, but are still important.
To understand this: Moshe Rabeinu was the ultimate in daas [knowledge] and a thirteen-year-old American who knows almost nothing is very low is daas. Yet, they gleichen zich ois [are equals] in two things:
Maasah [action]: both have an equal obligation to wear tefillin, etc.
Emunah [faith]: Moshe Rabeinu needs emunah as much as a kid.
As great a level as one can attain with taam vodaas [knowledge and reason], Hashem is still higher, and you need emunah. Similarly, just like the greatest and lowest must equally be mevatel [submit, abnegate] themselves to Hashem, so too, the biggest and smallest mitzvoth are equally vital in the detail of bitul horotzon [self-abnegation]. The two mitzvoth of Purim, no matter how small they seem, are vital.
Those mitzvoth also have a deep spiritual significance. They represent the unity of all Jews from re’im [friends] – “gifts of food from friend to friend.” Friend represents someone close in spirituality to avion [poor] – “and presents to the poor,” and “poor” represents the strongest nuance to describe a destitute one who lacks everything.
Family Matters
On Thursday night Rabbi Chodakov asked me to tell him over what I heard from Yaakov about his yechidus. When we were already at Penn State, on Friday afternoon, I received a long-distance call from Rabbi Chodakov. He said that he asked the Rebbe Shlita and had confirmed the two points about tzedakah before tefillin (but that the Rebbe did not repeat the connection), and about Moshe Rabeinu and the kid.
The Rebbe asked me about my sister [Mindy Feller, married to Moshe Feller, both of whom had recently moved to Minnesota on shlichus]: What does she write? What mood is she in? How is she adjusting to the first time she’s gone away in this manner?
I had written in my note informing the Rebbe that I’d be in Buffalo this Shabbos, which is my birthday, and of my less than perfect spiritual level. I also wrote a general report on how I had been working on my two younger brothers, that after high school, they should remain in yeshiva all the time, and that my brother-in-law, Rabbi Aharon Zuckerman, suggested to me that my brother Chaim go out of town to learn in a yeshiva.
The Rebbe: Get a second person, your brother-in-law if you want, to speak to your brother about not going to college. If he hears the same nusach [version] from two different people, it would have a better effect because of koach horabim [power of the public]. Try and get both brother into kllal [communal] work—i.e., mesibos Shabbos [Sabbath parties], etc., and bring one of your brothers at a time on your weekend shlichus [mission]. They don’t have to speak there the first time, but when they’ll hear the words inspiring people to Torah and mitzvoth it may have an effect on them too and interest them in spreading Chassidus and Yiddishkeit.
The Rebbe: How old are they?
“Seventeen and eighteen,” I answered.
The Rebbe: That which was suggested before is a good idea.
I asked if they may know that this “idea” originates from the Rebbe.
The Rebbe answered: “Farvos nit? Nor zei darfen nit vissen die kavoneh in dem areintzufiren tifer.” [Why not? But they do not need to know the intention behind it, to draw them further in.”] When they go with you to a pace which could have an adverse effect they don’t have to go, dos heist tzu a college darfen zei zicher nit gein [meaning that to a college campus they definitely shouldn’t go]. But when you go to a city—like when you went to Passaic and Far Rockaway—they can accompany you, and if it’s a city and a college, it depends on the “atmosphere.”
I asked which brother-in-law should talk to them.
The Rebbe said: It could be both, since both would probably speak against going to college. No?
I answered: Probably.
I then asked the Rebbe: What if my brother-in-law talks to them about a non-Chassidishe yeshiva?
The Rebbe answered: The ikar [main point] is they shouldn’t go to college.
The Rebbe went on to talk about my upcoming birthday. “Give tzedakah on Friday [my birthday this year is on Shabbos] before Mincha and have an Aliyah [being called up to the Torah] sometime on Shabbos. And when you speak [at the Shabbaton], you should speak with more energy, as it is your birthday and mazolo gover [your luck is assertive], so the divrei hisorerus [inspiring words] will be received better, you should put yourself into it more on that day, as it can have a better effect.
School Matters
Rabbi Pinye Korf, a”h – a mashpia [mentor] in the Yeshiva in Newark – had offered to be my chavrusa for nigleh [revealed Torah] in the afternoons and sometimes for Chassidus. He suggested I write about that when I go into yechidus.
The Rebbe: You will need to find out more details. The bochurim [students] there are younger and you’d have to find out if there’s a suitable chavrusa [learning partner] there for you, after which, you should ask someone of the hanhola [yeshiva directors] over here what to do.
I asked how much I should be involved in kllal [communal] work, if what I had been doing until now was correct, and should I be doing more or less.
The Rebbe: Since what you’ve been doing until now is with permission of the hanholas hayeshiva [school administration], you should continue the same in the future.
May G-d Almighty grant you a successful year in your Torah study and fulfillment of mitzvoth with true inner energy, and with joy and a good heart. You should have success in working with yourself and working with others and with your davening [prayers].
[I was in yechidus for about seven minutes.]
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