By: Rabbi Zvi Gluck
Simchas Torah can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people.
For the kids, Simchas Torah is magical, as the shul’s usual solemnity is replaced by heartfelt joy, and they have the opportunity to fill their pockets with more candy than any human being should consume in a single week, let alone in just one day. Simchas Torah is a high energy time for the men and boys who sing and dance for hours until everyone is hoarse and desperately in need of a good, hot shower. Over on the women’s side, I am told that the festive Simchas Torah vibe has everyone enjoying the finale of both the yom tov season and the weekslong cooking marathon that would have any Food Network celebrity chef tasked with the same menu running out of the kitchen in tears and vowing never to return.
But the one thing Simchas Torah should not mean to anyone? An excuse to get drunk.
No, I am not advocating for the world at large to start making Simchas Torah kiddush on grape juice. And no, I am not going to stand on a soapbox and start lecturing everyone that their joy du jour should be coming from a love of Torah and not an affinity for alcohol. But I am going to issue my annual reminder about what it means to drink responsibly, because I have seen way too many times how lives can be destroyed when people throw caution to the wind and do exactly the opposite.
If you are a parent, there are two incredibly important things that you need to be doing on Simchas Torah. The first is to know where your children are at all times, who they are with and what they are doing. Given the more relaxed atmosphere in shul on Simchas Torah, kids get the feeling that the normal rules are suspended for the day, and nothing could be farther than the truth. From unsavory people wandering into your shul looking for innocent victims, people handing out candy laced with dangerous substances, to unsupervised alcohol, the list of potential hazards in what you would think would be the safest place in the world is terrifying.
The second thing you need to know as a parent is that you are a role model to your kids and acting accordingly. If you want to have a l’chaim, go right ahead, but drink in moderation. And by all means, don’t stand around the kiddush table ooohing and ahhhing over a pricey bottle. Your kids are watching you far more often than you might think and when you treat a bottle of bourbon, tequila, or whatever with such reverence, you are teaching them by example that you hold liquor in high esteem. I would also recommend that you speak to your kids before Simchas Torah about drinking, an age-appropriate conversation that you should continue with them throughout the year to prevent them from unwittingly getting involved in what could become a lifelong problem.
And whether you have kids or not, I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to respect other people’s boundaries. If you offer to pour someone a drink and they decline, don’t try to talk them into it with “come on, you’ve gotta taste this one” or “you won’t believe how smooth this goes down” or anything else. Whether you are 15 or 50, peer pressure is real, and you have no idea who is struggling with alcohol addiction and how just one drink can set them back months or even years in the recovery process.
As you prepare for Simchas Torah, whether it is with colorful flags and Torah-shaped candies for the kiddies or picking up cured fish boards or stuffed cabbage for the adults, take a moment to think about what you can do to make sure that alcohol abuse isn’t going to be part of your yom tov. Trust me, it is an investment of a few minutes that can save you years of heartache.
Rabbi Zvi Gluck is the CEO of Amudim, an organization dedicated to helping abuse victims and those suffering with addiction within the Jewish community and has been heavily involved in crisis intervention and management for the past 23 years. Click here to learn more about talking to your kids about addiction or visit us online at www.amudim.org.
The fruits of their labor expressed through their children, is seen in how parents ARE TODAY!
Personally I haven’t seen the real role model in a while.
You can discuss the topic but the reality and wanting to change (what does even change mean today?!) Is a whole lot different. People have to WANT TO!
Does anyone know of a shul that I will feel comfortable in without having to drink mashke?
(I know it is my choice to drink but I have a weakness saying no when asked the same question 5 times with that look “what’s wrong with you that you are not drinking…”)
Maybe Aliyah is more sensitive?
Try the BESHT Shul on Empire
I feel the same way as you, peer pressure to do something when you don’t want to, it’s terrible. There should be more awareness on this topic:
Peer pressure as an adult.
My advice to you: no matter how hard it is to say no, you always can.
Therapy can help you, if you choose to go that route.
You don’t need to give a reason why, but “health reasons” could suffice. If they insist on pushing after that, ask them why they’re so interested in harming your health.
I encourage you to continue saying no and not care about what others think and say, and not allow peer pressure to change your mind. Regardless of where you are.
I encourage everyone who continuously asks that to you to never say that to anyone.
I’ve heard of this shul in crown heights called 770. You can’t miss it. GO TO THE REBBES SHUL THE REBBE PROTECTS!!
If you like vayse better upvote this and if you like gelle better downvote this
You are taking this article as a joke. This is not the case. This is a very serious issue which needs to be resolved. There are many people whose lives are ruined every year from this issue. I would like to thank zvi for bringing up the topic. And have good yom tov.
True message to read and share.
We are raising alcoholics.
drink grape juice instead
Irrespective of any potential association with Ebers Liquor, I would like to emphasize that the practice of sharing a celebratory ‘l’chaim’ with mashka spirits like benediction and Smirnoff, which was also the spirit of choice for the Rebbe of Lubavitch, has deep-rooted Chassidic and, in general, Jewish cultural significance. The concept of peer pressure described in the article seems somewhat removed from my own observations. Is the intended audience of this article individuals grappling with genuine alcohol-related issues, compounded by a struggle to decline social offers?