By Rabbi Shmuel Druin, LCSW
Dating and engagement are by far one of the most important milestones in a young person’s life. The consequences of the decisions made during this time period will last a lifetime.
To get to the point; There are lots of challenges and questions that arise during this chapter. Some like to complain and point fingers at systems and individuals while others seek solutions. I prefer the latter. One of the biggest challenges of dating is clarity. How does one attain this clarity? Some people can discuss questions or reservations with family, mashpia, shadchan, and friends. However, for many, these supports are not available. Shadchanim can be biased and non-confidential. Not everyone has a healthy open relationship with their family, and even then, may not feel comfortable sharing. Friends can be biased and don’t always have good advice. Sadly, many people don’t have a mashpia. So what do those without a good support system do?
If you have read this far then you might be interested in what I have to say.. I offer a unique solution to this part of the challenge. It is a 30 minute free, confidential, and unbiased phone consultation. I am someone who is not involved in any aspect of the individuals’ lives and can possibly see things that they and others might be missing. I specialize in quick accurate assessments. My goal is to help the person who calls me gain some clarity into their situation. There can be a variety of factors that can hold a person back from a successful match and I try to help clarify what they might be and help find solutions. I am not offering therapy or any halachic advice.
I have been doing this successfully for many years. In the past, this service was only offered to shadchanim who would send people my way. It has been a great success and I now want to offer it to the public.
Who this is for:
Anyone thinking about dating. It is healthy to start dating with clarity; self-confidence, and knowing your dating goals.
Anyone who has hit a wall in their dating. You want to move forward but are stuck.
Anyone confused and looking for clarity and unsure. Not sure where the dates are heading.
This is not for parents.
Who am I to be offering such a service (what are my credentials). I am a Florida licensed clinical social worker with 18 years of practice (#SW8369). I have a specialty in grief and trauma counseling. I worked for the Red Cross as a chaplain and therapist for the victims of 9/11. I received the Chaplain of the Year Award in 2002 from the New York Board of Rabbis for my work with the Jewish and general communities in response to the terrorist attack of 9/11. I also have my masters in education leadership.
I can be reached at 305-741-5270
if you didn’t go into this for the money, how come most Shadchins won’t even to talk to you unless you pay them something up front. nice article. Thank you Rabbi Druin
I think your comment explains too clearly why people prefer to speak to a professional and licensed therapist then a shadchan. Thank you for highlighting his point so eloquently. Thank you Shmuel Druin for offering this tremendous support, much hatzlacha!
Shadchanim are not being subject to animosity ch’v, and for sure not from this article. The fact is that it’s difficult to be frank and share one’s doubts and insecurities with a shadchan because the shadchan also represents the other side and and revealing one self too much may hurt one’s chances, etc, unnecessarily. That’s what was meant in the article.
Kol hakavod rabbi Druin for so generously offering your time and expertise
Yes it should be implemented. Without a question. Anyone giving chosson / kallah classes should really take this on board
We are shadchanim. We are the most maligned group in lubavit ch. Have you ever considered that we were people too. All Shadchanim that I know are doing lekadesh Shem shamayim. I didn’t go into this business for the money, a laughable concept. I do not deserve this constant animosity from so called “therapists”. May we merit the coming of the geulah haamitis vehashleima bekorav veyameinu amen!
This is one of the most amazing, proactive ideas to help shidduchim that I’ve ever seen. You have an incredible zchus. If even one person is helped through this, it will be to your eternal credit that they were able to establish a binyan adei ad. Thank you!
It would be greatly beneficial if part of chosson/kallah classes comes a package of 3-4 sessions with a marriage therapist. 2 session before wedding And 2 spread out after wedding.
I think this can help avoid many aggravations later on in life…
kol hakavod yasher koach
very necessary
hatzlocha