The Secret to Reb Moishe’s Success

By Rabbi Mendel Itzinger

Books, nay shelves, can be written, they likely will, of the accomplishments, actions, and works of R’ Moshe Yehuda Ben R Yosef Zvi Kotlarsky ז”ל.

But that wouldn’t do justice to his underlying greatness – the cause of his success.

I was once walking R’ Moishe down Kingston Avenue, and a woman stopped him: “Rabbi Kotlarsky, thank you so much for _____”

He was gracious and charming as always… But when he finished, and she was out of earshot he told me “I have no idea who that is.”

That was the only time I ever witnessed someone he didn’t know.

***

It’s one thing to be a visionary. It’s another to be a visionary with leadership qualities.

But to know the names and keep abreast of the personal lives of thousands of people, isn’t leadership or vision…

It is a deep, real, intrinsic care for a fellow Jew.

As a Bochur I knew of Rabbi Kotlarsky from Merkos. After my Chassuna I got to know Rabbi Kotlarsky the man.

When I was living in Crown Heights soon after my Chassuna, he inquired as to my plans for the Seudos on Rosh Hashana. I told him my plan for the first day, second night, and second day.

“And what about the first night?

“It’s the first night Rosh Hashana… I am not planning to “Eat out”…”

Erev Rosh Hashana night, my phone rings:

“Mendy. Can you do me a favour?

“For years the Schmerling’s have been eating by us on the first night Rosh Hashana. I know you don’t want to “eat out” tomorrow night. But this year you are the only Schmerling in town, and I really don’t want to break the Kevius. Could you do me a favour and come? I promise you the atmosphere is very ‘Tzugepast’…”

I couldn’t really say no… so we went…

It took me a while to realise, that in his פקחות he recognised that a young couple needs a סעודה…

True, my new wife was more than happy to have a סעודה at home, where her ‘just out of Yeshiva’ husband has his face in a Tehillim the whole time… but more than happy, even proud, doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t have a Seuda…

It wasn’t until I started writing this that I suddenly realized: What ‘Kevius’?! My Shver and family didn’t come to NY for Rosh Hashana!… (The children [Bochurim/girls] who were in NY would come… that was the Kevius…)

He invented a reason why I would be doing him a favour to come… only because he didn’t want us to eat alone…

I began writing this story thinking it would be something short… as an initial illustration of his care… prior to sharing some of the ‘larger’ examples…

But this is already paragraphs long… and were I to continue this would end up pages upon pages…

The crazy thing is that almost anyone who interacted with R’ Moishe could write a book…

I was being Menachem him when he was sitting Shiva for his father. I sat there, a Kolel Yungerman, surrounded as always in the Kotlarsky house, by a wide swath of people… from Rabbonim to Baalei Batim, to locals and guests from abroad…

He was sitting and talking to a Yid, very focused on this one individual. From the looks of it, he seemed like one of the people on whom R’ Moishe leaned to help Shluchim worldwide.

The house was full, but for a good few minutes, R Moishe was focused only on this man, talking in hushed tones, as if discussing the issues of the world.

Understandable, I thought. This man likely invests in tens of Shluchim. R Moishe is giving him the undivided attention he deserves.

It wasn’t until I inquired of one of his children days later… that I found out this man wasn’t a donor… that was far beyond his capabilities… He was a Yid amongst hundreds who R Moishe was Mekarev. The suit he was wearing may have been his only one…

The dignitaries would get his undivided attention, but only after this dignitary, a descendant of אברהם יצחק and יעקב would get his.

***

I once dared use the word אויפטאן [achieve] when talking to him. He told me off: Achievement is not a Chassidishe concept. It is not the way we measure our work.

Work is the way we measure our work.

Ask yourself at the end of each day: Did I use my full potential today to do what I need to do in my Shlichus?

Or in the way he put it: “Mendy, make sure you work in a way that you will be comfortable when you report to the Rebbe הנני בזה לבשר טוב, that you put your all into your day-to-day עבודה”.

The Rabbi Kotlarky I knew ran a hugely successful office, but he couldn’t write a book on management.

His output was like no other, but he couldn’t write a book on developing ten-year plans.

He raised millions of dollars a year, but he couldn’t write a guidebook on how to raise funds.

Because his success wasn’t his management skills (though he had those in abundance). His success wasn’t his five-step plan to bring in partners (I doubt he had that).

His success was the love care and sense of responsibility for every Yid!

That love shone through, inspired, uplifted, and changed the world.

Lay leaders felt it, and they entrusted him to be their Shliach and take good care of their investment.

Yungerlait felt it and were inspired to take the leap into small towns and third-world countries.

Boys new to Lubavitch felt it, and it gave them the courage to leave the life they knew, and come to a new community and lifestyle – because there, on Crown Street they would have a taste of home.

(Talking about the house on Crown Street… it wasn’t a miracle that the culture evolved to match the style a guest was accustomed to…

Well… Perhaps it was a miracle… a miraculous individual… a man who cared so for others, that his curiosity and sense of responsibility about all walks of Yiddishkeit gave him an encyclopedic knowledge of what will make each Yid comfortable).

I dare you to find me the person who asked R Moishe if he could meet with him and was told “Sorry I’m busy”.

Even when he knew that he likely would not be able to oblige their request… Yet, a Yid wants to sit down with you – you say yes!

I cannot be the only one who whilst in NY on a short trip once decided not to go into the office so as not to waste his time, only to be asked later: “Why didn’t you come in”?

Did I mention it was TWO WEEKS later… in a different country… and he only knew I had been in NY because he saw me from the window of his car…

I’m sorry, call it skill, but you are fooling yourself. No one has a memory like that… Even with half as much on their head…

He noticed and remembered because he cared and loved!

He wasn’t being nice when he inquired about you – he desperately wanted to know! Because he cared and loved.

It was this care and love that brought him to the opening of a new Chabad house, or dinner, or Kinnusim. That very same love brought him to Chassunas and Bar Mitzvos, even Brissen.

He lived on an airplane because he understood that his presence made another’s event important. And if it was important to another – it mattered to him.

Ach. He’d probably be upset that I am using the term ‘the other’. No, no. He came to what was important to you – because it was important to him!

Your Simcha was his Simcha.

Living life through the eyes of the other – that is love and care.

The more I write, the more it hits me: Am I not describing the epitome of what Chassidus demands of a Yid?

Am I not describing an example of אהבת ישראל as demanded by Chassidus? Am I not simply describing a Perek in Tanya?

Did I merit to know a Chossid?

Is it possible that the secret to R Moishes’ success [Sorry I used that word], is that he internalized that key אהבה in Chassidus?

Of course, it wasn’t all him. He had massive כוחות from the משלח… he would make sure you know that!

But שלא בפניו we know the משלח chose him for a reason!

When the Rebbe wanted to know why Merkos didn’t know about the single Neshoma living in Cochabamba, the call was to R Moishe. Because he had the כלים the כוחות and חושים to be given that Koach.

I once heard from one of the מגידי אמת who R Moishe would often quote; the Ramik: He asked why we don’t follow the ברייתא which tells us אין עושין נפשות לצדיקים דבריהם הם זכרונם – We don’t make a מצבה nor Ohel for a Tzadik, because their Torah is the best way to remember them.

If so, he asked, why do we make מצבות and אוהלים?

The reason, he explained, is because we, those who remain in this dark world, need something physical to connect to.

True, their real memory is by learning their Torah and following in their ways. But having that physical place makes it that much easier to do so.

Much ink will yet be spilled on this giant of a man. But with all that will be written, nothing will do justice.

Yet, we write.

We write, so that we have something to hold on to as we strive to emulate his ways.

I hope he doesn’t read this because he would have stopped me in the second paragraph already…

But even if he were to read this, I would beg his indulgence as I strive to put to paper a note of his love and care for the individual – so that I have this physical collection of words to look back to as I continue to learn from him.

I am still numb from the pain, and there is a long road ahead as we deal with the grief… but I hope this paper written at the start of the שלשה לבכי will serve as a reminder to myself, to remember the יחיד, love him and his נשמה, and remember that a large gathering is merely a collective of יחידים and nothing is more important than one Yid.

I will forever mourn this warm Chossid. I will forever mourn this incredible Shliach. I will forever mourn this מקושר בלב ונפש

But above all, I mourn this גאון in אהבת ישראל.

ויבכו בני ישראל את משה… חבל על דאבדין, ולא משתכחין!