Op-Ed by Rabbi Gershon Avtzon
Cincinnati, Ohio
The summer is nearing an end and another school-year is set to begin. With each new year comes many positive resolutions and optimistic feelings that it is going to be a successful year for each student. To all the dedicated Mechanchim/Mechanchos (and the truth is that every parent is by definition an educator), I would like to share a conversation that I had recently with a fellow educator.
In honor of 11 Nissan this past year, I was invited to Eretz Yisroel to spend Shabbas with 1000 bochurim in a rented college campus. In addition to the students that were there, they were joined by many mechanchim from the various Yeshivos around Eretz Yisroel. After Davening, one of the mechanchim came over to me and asked me the following question: “Why is it that so many of today’s youth are turned off from Yiddishkeit because of something relatively small that a teacher says or does and “we” (people over 40), whose educators were less professional and expressed less love and care, were not?”
As I was reflecting on this question, two scenes came to my mind:
A classmate of mine was literally hanging out the window by his feet from the third floor of United Lubavitcher Yeshiva on Ocean parkway! Our English teacher had lost patience with our class and when this boy opened his mouth without raising his hand (or something else), the teacher literally grabbed him by his feet and hung him out the window and threatened to drop him, or any of us, the next time.
Fast forward to today: That teacher is no longer teaching and B”H the young boy is today a very frum yungerman with a beautiful family.
A “late night” conversation that I had many years ago with a very close Talmid of mine. This boy went through the system but never emotionally connected with what was being taught. He was, and continues to be, a very fine human being and friend. After finishing Mesivta, I invited him to come visit Yeshiva for a few days. One evening, I casually asked him if he could pinpoint what turned his heart off from emotionally connecting to Yiddishkeit. He did not hesitate and told me the following story (with time, I may have mixed up some of the small details):
“I am naturally very creative but not the strongest book learner. I have a brother, which I am very close with, that was a natural learner and always was on the “honor roll”. One semester I decided that I will put all my efforts into getting on the honor roll. I asked the teacher to be placed next to his desk, so that I would be able to focus and not be distracted and invest my heart and soul into the learning. I was successful and for the first time was developing a taste and geshmak in learning.
The day (or so) before the honor roll names were to be submitted to the principal, I came late to class (not intentionally). There was another boy that was already sitting in “my” place. I asked the teacher to move the boy so that I could have my seat but the teacher, being in the middle of a lesson, just motioned to me to sit in another seat. I, who connected the seat to my personal success, made a commotion to get my seat back. The teacher got upset with me and then told me that he had in mind to make me the honor roll but I just lost the privilege. My heart cried and turned off.”
Fast forward to today: The teacher is (probably) still teaching and this boy is – still a very good person and loyal friend, but in terms of lifestyle – not frum.
These two stories seemed to reinforce the question that I was asked, as in terms of “trauma and disillusionment”, the talmid in the first story seemed to have gone through something much worse. And yet, the first talmid decided to push forward and live a frum lifestyle and the second one (whom I am NOT judging and continue to be very close with) did not. What could be the difference?
The following is what I responded to the yungerman in Eretz Yisroel, and would like to share with all of you today. While I am not oblivious to the general “sensitive” feelings that prevail amongst youth across the world these days, my answer was specifically addressing Chabad youth. Feel free to disagree, but I feel deeply that it is true:
When we (those 40 and older) were growing up, we did not subconsciously equate the actions and examples of our teachers and principals with the truth of Torah and Yiddishkeit. We saw the Rebbe (almost) daily, and it was clear that the Rebbe was the nexus of our lives, so that was our example of Torah true Yiddishkeit. What our teachers said or did (as well as our parents), mattered less in the context of our own inner decisions about following the ways of the Torah and Chassidus. I look around at many of my peers who struggled through school and our very proud and successful Shluchim.
In these post Gimmel-Tammuz days, before the Hisgalus of the Rebbe, there has been a paradigm shift: Our Talmidim (and children) look up to us to represent Yiddishkeit. What we say, and how we act and interact, has a tremendous effect on the internal decision that they will be making on their own commitment to a lifestyle of Torah and Chassidus. It is a very sacred shlichus and we must be fully conscious of the zechus and achrayus that we carry.
While it is also obvious that we, educators and parents, are still very “human” – and we will not act as a true Tzaddik can, it is the awareness that matters most. We also must know that – as with a trial and challenge – we were given special Koach to deal with the youth of today. It is a big merit to be an educator and it comes with the greatest responsibility.
To quote a Gemara (Sota 20a): “Rav Yehuda says that Shmuel says in the name of Rabbi Meir: When I came to learn Torah before Rabbi Yishmael, he said to me: My son, what is your vocation? I said to him: I am a scribe [lavlar] who writes Torah scrolls. He said to me: “My son, be careful in your work, as your work is the work of Heaven, lest you omit a single letter from the Torah scroll or add a single letter, and in this you are found to be destroying the entire world”.
If you have comments, questions or ideas, please write in the comment section below or email me directly at [email protected]
Chazal (in Pirkei Avos) had long forewarned: חכמים, הזהרו בדבריכם. A misunderstood edict from teachers (to serve Hashem even without getting reward) led to the founding of Baysusim and Karayim (who rejected the words of the Rabbis based on a misunderstanding that the Rabbis claim there is no reward for serving Hashem). The sages warned us that students are sensitive and can take one word and misapply with huge negative consequences. This is NOT a “new” phenonium as Rabbi Avtzon tries to assert, but it has been happening for all time. At the beginning of time, the nochosh was able… Read more »
“שני תלמידים היו לו לאנטיגנוס איש סוכו ושמם צדוק וביתוס,
ושנה להם: “אל תהיו כעבדים המשמשים את הרב על מנת לקבל פרס”;
כיון ששמעו הדבר הזה, הלכו ושנו הדבר לתלמידיהם ותלמידי תלמידיהם,
ואמרו דבר בשם אומרו.
אמרו: אלו היו יודעים אבותינו שתחיית המתים ומתן שכרם של צדיקים בעולם הבא,
לא היו אומרים כן ושונים כך?!
הלכו ויצאו ופירשו להן, ויצאו מהם שתיים משפחות רעות, צדוקים וביתוסים,
צדוקים על שם צדוק, וביתוסים על שם ביתוס”. (אבות דרבי נתן פ”ה ב’)
everyone do something to rescue all the lost tinok shinoshba jews from public schools now! Save their souls and get them out of there
How does that relate to the situation?
If you think it’s only school and teachers that turn off kids, camp is another issue, it’s not school, yes you need to follow rules etc, but give the kids a breather stop being so hard on them, not all kids are cookie cutters. Not all kids are in that little mood and can’t be molded. Kids should have a love for Yiddishkeit and proud of who they are. Throwing kids out of camp and school you the teachers carry the blood on your hands for breaking the kids and killing their self esteem. When will these teachers learn, it’s… Read more »
Couldn’t agree more…so true I have seen it over and over…
My OTD son was asked what should be done to keep kids on the derech, he said teachers should treat their students the way shluchim treat their mekuravim.
And parents should treat the melamdim like the baalei baatim treat their shluchim (and I’m not even talking about financially).
(And of course, to any and all supportive parents reading this, obviously we don’t mean you. You possibly already see the difference in your kids chinuch that your support makes)
Why are youth turned off today by something small that a teacher does or says? Children are born to look upto adults. When a adult teacher parent family member does something contrary to Torah even small, it has an effect. A lot of adults ( in their 40s) are more and more not practicing what they are preaching (they learnt that from their parents, I understand) and the generations are going lower and lower in spirituality, so of course there are all the reasons to go off their own path to reach back to the truth of Torah what it… Read more »
I agree with much of what Rabbi Avtzon writes in this article. Together with the responsibility that we, educators have today which is a very awesome one, we are also given tremendous Kochos to fulfill our Shlichus. Having said that, we are humans and yes, as Rabbi Avtzon mentions we are not Tzadikim, we do make mistakes. As an educator, one of the most powerful things one can do is to take responsibility for one’s mistakes and yes, apologize to a child/ren we may have accused wrongly, hurt their feelings, raised our voices at them etc. I am an educator… Read more »
Both teachers in your examples were outright wrong with what they said or did. The students took these acts and words differently for many reasons. one student may have been more sensitive than the other one. Perhaps words can hurt more than being physically abusive etc. Your explanation of pre and post Gimmel Tamuz is also to be questioned. A rebbi/teacher always is and needs to be a Dugma Chayah. True Mechanchim connect positively with their Talmidim with an everlasting bond. In the history of Lubavitch The Rebbeim never replaced the influence Mechanchim had on their students. They added and… Read more »
I think you think you may be slightly off the mark in regards to what his point was.
He doesn’t seem to reply that the Rebbeim replaced mechanchim..
First of all, kudos to Rabbi Avtzon for tackling this issue and especially for putting his name to his ideas. I don’t have that kind of bravery and I admire his. I read the article with interest and I especially appreciated the two stories shared. I was surprised, however, to see that such a linear evaluation was made from them. What happened to all of the other boys in the class where someone was hung out the window? How many other people were responsible for making the boy who didn’t make the honor roll feel like he was worth less… Read more »
The definition of frum is super shabbos, kashrus and Taharas hamishpacha. Everything else is also important and required but these are the hallmarks. (Notice, btw, that these are also the three mitzvos that the responsibility of practicing were primarily given to women.)
Students growing up “frum” is one kind of success in chinuch. But not the only kind.
Everyone has a yetzer hora. So a frum person does one kind of aveiros and a not frum person does a different kind.
Maybe the teachers should be the first to stop judging and more students will want to grow up to be like them?
The first is, we cannot take anecdotal evidence and turn it into fact. Mechanchim in particular need to realize that if they’re working with a particular demographic, they’re going to see the issues in that demographic. If you’re a social worker or psychologist working with Lubavitch adults, you’ll see that the over 40s crowd have plenty of people struggling with their yiddishkeit but at that age there is usually a spouse or kids to anchor them. The 2nd point is people have been leaving yiddishkeit since Moshe Rabeinu’s times. Frum is only 10% of American Jews. And if you look… Read more »
Crazy true 100 percent agree you are amazing keep it up changing the world article by article
BIG FAN!!!
Keep up the great work
We need to connect to our youth on an EMOTIONAL level. As Rabbi Shimon Russel says “they won’t remember what was taught, but they’ll remember how you made them FEEL”. If a child feels that you are only there to teach, discipline and mold him, you have zero chance of reaching or impacting him. If the child feels that you love and CARE about them as a person, that’s what keeps them in our “circle”. This goes for parents, teachers, counselors… If they don’t feel that, they’ll turn anywhere that will accept them AS THEY ARE. And the alternatives are… Read more »
“There was another boy that was already sitting in “my” place. I asked the teacher to move the boy so that I could have my seat but the teacher, being in the middle of a lesson, just motioned to me to sit in another seat.” Why does everyone think that the teacher didn’t care about him, or love him?? The teacher was in middle of a lesson so he asked him to sit in another seat temporarily. He was probably going to ask the other boy to move as soon as the lesson was over. Is that unreasonable?? Did he… Read more »
….who, unfortunately, would do well to find a job more suitable to their temperament. Or some need deep training in what qualities and skills are necessary to be a REAL teacher. And some may need therapy to explore their own issues as they relate to their treatment of others. Had that teacher had the presence of mind, he could have said, Ok, so-and-so is here. That’s his daily seat, so let’s get back to that arrangement.” Or he could have talked to the late student outside of the classroom to help him process the situation and come to an agreement… Read more »