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Monday, 19 Tammuz, 5779
  |  July 22, 2019

    Teen in Need of Role Models

    From the COLlive Inbox: "I am so frustrated that older people than me are supposed to be my role models, but somehow I am only angry and disturbed that they don’t seem to take themselves seriously." Full Story

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    Wow!
    Guest
    Wow!

    i can’t believe your only 16!
    this is so true and it is up to US WOMEN to bring moshiach!

    100%
    Guest
    100%

    I have the exact same issue as you. Thanks for speaking my mind.

    stand true
    Guest
    stand true

    You seem wiser than your biological age….the truth of your words remains truth even if your voice is the minority…keep your perspective! You’re awesome!

    u were raised right
    Guest
    u were raised right

    Sounds to me like its more a case of those “role models” needing this particular teen!!!

    totally agree with you
    Guest
    totally agree with you

    Walking in the streets of ch I sometimes can’t believe my eyes when I see the lack of tznius. Its mind boggling.
    I especially agree with the last part about the husbands. What the heck are you thinking????? When your wife walks around half dressed? Are you proud?

    Well written
    Guest
    Well written

    thanks!

    rising to the challenge
    Guest
    rising to the challenge

    I’ll take you shopping. It IS possible to find the right clothes.

    Passion
    Guest
    Passion

    With the passion you show for tznius, how about designing and manufacturing tznius clothing. I’m not saying you shouls do it now, but you could start sketching and I’m sure your creative friends can help. Make it your project – you can save the tznius situation even if it one girl at a time. Just make sure it is reasonably priced. Hatzlocha!

    AGREE!!
    Guest
    AGREE!!

    NON LUBAVITCHERS THINK THAT THE LUBAVITCH GIRLS ARE NOT TSINIUS!!!

    Yup!
    Guest
    Yup!

    I think Teens should be around teens positively influencing teens.

    Its what I try to do every day

    And I’m one of them 🙂

    I am not so phased
    Guest
    I am not so phased

    Amazing that you have a TRUE connection to Chassideshkeit, but what is so outstanding where Tiferet of Tiferet does well? 🙂

    You are the role model!
    Keep being a good one, and keep up your awesome work.

    only
    Guest
    only

    ur totally right, but thats only CH!

    Live and let live
    Guest
    Live and let live

    No need to focus so much on Tznius. It is not your problem/business with how one lives or doesnt live. At the end of the day it is between them and god,

    agreed
    Guest
    agreed

    so well written, and i agree completely. i am only 13 but in the same situation. i am lucky though to have people in my life that actually are in the middle area, they are tznius but wear jean and colorful clothes.

    Thank you
    Guest
    Thank you

    I feel the same way the teachers and older women in our community are dressing untzniusly but then give us rules in school htat we have to be tznius… practice what u preach. its best to teach by example it they lead a tznius life maybe they will have a good influence on us teens who need them to show us the way, and we will follow in their footsteps…

    WHERE ARE THE RABBANIM?
    Guest
    WHERE ARE THE RABBANIM?

    Rabbanim are in a position to delineate and (try to) enforce halachic regulations which govern a frum community who chose them to fulfill this function. Whatever innate shame which should be sufficient to prod a person in falling in line with halacha in order not to stand out as a sore thumb–sometimes has to be coupled with stern, unified rabbinic stand in terms of identifying the culprits–no matter what their social standing may be within the community–and meting out certain measures of credible consequences (such as a rabbinic weekly list sent through Collive and others, of tznius offenders–determined only by… Read more »

    Be a role model!
    Guest
    Be a role model!

    What’s so terrible about being a part of the group that dresses well, with some personality, and is still tznius.

    true
    Guest
    true

    absolutely true! thank you for writing this article!

    to #13
    Guest
    to #13

    i would imagine that YOU are who this 16 year old is talking about. I feel sorry for you. what goes on in the streets effects all those that are around. how could you be so out of it?

    comment 13, comment on shopping and comment on desgning
    Guest
    comment 13, comment on shopping and comment on desgning

    i like wat u said 😀

    to # 13
    Guest
    to # 13

    oh really so if they dont know so much abt tznius g-d should tell them??????????????

    To # 13
    Guest
    To # 13

    You COMPLETELY missed the point of the article. She is clearly saying how the way people dress DOES affect others- esp those younger who look up to them. And what about the young bochurim walking down the street? Or husbands? Or how could you forget about us being a nation and how the actions of one Jew effects EVERY other Jew- collectively and individually??!!!! It sounds like the yetzher hora is doing a very good job of convincing you that to not care about this topic is actually a good thing…”live and let live?” since when is that a Jewish… Read more »

    wow
    Guest
    wow

    this article needs to go viral and get hundreds of comments so that every single person in this community – community meaning lubavitch, whether you live in crown heights or not – sees it and reads it and takes it to heart.
    i especially love the note at the bottom about comments, so true

    to # 13
    Guest
    to # 13

    your going to get lots of comments….

    To number 12
    Guest
    To number 12

    That is so not true. Where ever you go its like that.

    A bit older than you
    Guest
    A bit older than you

    Whilst i understand your frustration, you need to realize you are only 16. Questions are a good thing but don’t worry about everyone and everything else. Do what is right not because of other people. A person has questions their whole life, yet you are only 16 just relax a little bit.

    to no. 13
    Guest
    to no. 13

    why are you saying that? you know how embarrassed i am when a chassidishe lady(not lubavitch) describes me the shlucha from who knows where? yes shluchos have a bigger respnsibility but any non tzniusdik lubavitch woman embarrasses ALL of lubavitch and the REBBE when they are not tznius. It is a fact,sorry ,we do not live for ourselves. it is ok to admit that that is your struggle as everyone has their struggles. i have my own as well and many of them . and not good ones..

    to #12
    Guest
    to #12

    sadly enough, its everywhere…

    "be the change you want to see"
    Guest
    "be the change you want to see"

    i applaud you for reaching out — remember, be the change you want to see. in other words, all you other teenagers out there, you are the role models for the next generation. keep it up!

    you look through black and white
    Guest
    you look through black and white

    you look through black and white glasses so you see black and white there are many women who dress tznius and in fashion and then just like there are women who dress “not tznius” who wear relaxed clothes (sweat pants, swetshirts, casual t-shirts…) there are women who dress tznius that dress relaxed and might wear very casual clothes on a regualr weekday. Most people who wear black actually don’t do it for tznius reasons, but simply because it’s easy and/or they feel it makes them look slimmer. Not all women want to go according to what’s “in fashion”, tznius or… Read more »

    I agree
    Guest
    I agree

    you are so right! and know…if we only stopped to appreciat the extent of the gift of HaShem giving us a guf we would dress with respect

    the other communities
    Guest
    the other communities

    have also began slacking in their tznius.
    I think its because we are who they look up to. As a community, weve let them down.

    very good
    Guest
    very good

    I only hope people will learn

    More Role Models..
    Guest
    More Role Models..

    how about looking in general. the fights of the who is a Rav in this community and we should grow up respecting??! all i see is a bunch of chassidishe clowns fighting.. why should I want to be like them… I DONT!

    to #13 would u watch s/o become ill and say/do nothing
    Guest
    to #13 would u watch s/o become ill and say/do nothing

    if you read about what our chochomim and the Rebbe say about tznius and the impact and actual effect poor tznius has on all Yidden, not just oneself and their family, you should change your attitude

    Kol Hakavod
    Guest
    Kol Hakavod

    May your parents have tremendous nachas from you (as they obviously already do) in your desire to do right.
    I’m sure there are at least a couple of mishnos in Pirkei Avos that address how special you, with this feeling etc, are!

    I WOULD MARRY YOU
    Guest
    I WOULD MARRY YOU

    BH
    BSD

    Let the Torah and Chassidus you learned continue to be your role model, strengthen yourself…be patient you will be the role model for others..as I am sure you are now…
    you have much greatness ahead of you…focus on the greatness of our people , pray for our weaknesses..
    only the Torah and Chassidus is your true guide with our great Hashem watching you progress to great heights

    chassidishe bochurim with non-tznius wives
    Guest
    chassidishe bochurim with non-tznius wives

    I agree with you
    there are unfortunately many like this
    many chassidishe boys are marrying girls who are considered and may consider themselves very frum and chassidish, and they are in most areas, but their clothes are often very tight, and shirts often just below the knee, so the second they sit down, their skirt DOES NOT cover their knees.
    A skirt/dress needs to cover the knees when one sits and walks too, not only when one is standing.
    I have seen several “chassidishe” women (no pun intended) who when they walk, their skirts do not cover their knees

    amazing.
    Guest
    amazing.

    my thoughts exactly! 🙂

    To # 13
    Guest
    To # 13

    You are WRONG !
    Tznius effects all of us !
    Please respect the Halach at list on the street !

    on the Shlichus scene
    Guest
    on the Shlichus scene

    The writer is on target! I know that in my community, I have made more of an impact on people by how I look than by what I say or teach. If you look beautiful in a tzniusdik way–esp with a beautiful shaitel–then people admire you and want to be like you. I almost dropped the phone in surprise when a young woman from my community called me to ask where to buy the shells to wear under an open top. Another woman asked me for my seamstress’ number so she could have her skirt slits filled in. And people… Read more »

    Laaniyas Dayti
    Guest
    Laaniyas Dayti

    to #13 An extreme extension of your point (but the same logic) would be “If someone comes into your home on Pesach with chametz, and sits down at you table with it, is it just between them and the Creator?” Clothes create a cultural atmosphere. Try walking down Rodeo Drive (shi-shi fancy, in LA) and on Bedford Avenue in Willy. Besides the general atmosphere, there are individuals who are actually careful with what they see and look at (Tanya 41, Kuntress Avodah, in addition to plain Shulchan Aruch). A woman provocatively dressed catches the eye of virtually every adult male,… Read more »

    slits
    Guest
    slits

    There are many women who really try to dress b’tzniut and wear slits I once heard someone say the following and it personally helped me a lot: You have to imagine that the real length of your skirt would be the point of where the top of the slit is. Imagine that you shortened the skirt to where the highest part of the slit is. If doing so would uncover parts of your leg that need to be covered halachically, then the skirt isn’t tznius. Even if most of the skirt is tznius, a slit allows one to see straight… Read more »

    to # 25 and #28
    Guest
    to # 25 and #28

    naaah! not true!! go to brazil and you will see the lubavitch comunitie!!! EVERYONE is tzinius!!! theres no such a thing!!

    tryintobe Chassidish
    Guest
    tryintobe Chassidish

    u have no idea how the outside world looks at you – Jews and Non Jews alike are counting on Chabad to always step up! Please act responsibly 🙂 We love the beard and the simchas hachaim!!! Please keep it up

    Goy's view of "Real" Chasidim
    Guest
    Goy's view of "Real" Chasidim

    In the early 90’s, I used to work for the city. One of the Goyim said to me something like this:”The Jews, like the Chasidishe ladies with their cjhildren walking on Brighton Beach, with nice long dark gowns and head coverings – now, they’re real chasidim! You guys are just wannabe Chasidim.”

    ICH ICH ICH
    Guest
    ICH ICH ICH

    without even reading this, what immediately struck me was the way you preface by saying you know. reminds me of the story of the man who wrote to the Rebbe and when he got it back the Rebbe had circled the first word of each sentance. “I”. I. I.
    You raise a good point but it may help to start with bitul. Maybe that is why it is hard to find role models?
    Sorry about the harshness, but often the younger generation thinks they know better than their very own educators… sometimes they do, but most often they don’t.

    options?
    Guest
    options?

    Talk to the dress shops on Kingston!

    i agree with #48
    Guest
    i agree with #48

    i come from an out of town community and i was so excited to go to CH and finally buy long enough skirts. I walked into a store on Kingston and half the skirts were mini! By making it so accessible, we’re just enabling the problem.

    oh please....
    Guest
    oh please....

    I am a totally fashionably Tznius young mother and sorry but I detect a ‘ holier then thou’ attitude here….. @ 16 please look into perfecting ur own life , live by what u are being tought rather then what u see and let’s concentrate on AHAVAS YISROEL in this community!!

    to #8
    Guest
    to #8

    its my dream to start a modest fashion line!! just dont know where to start!

    can we really fix
    Guest
    can we really fix

    reb nachman of brslov o.b.m. says that the same way one can ruin it is possible for them to fix so what is really ruining something? when we think that we can fix!!! a role model is someone who is not afraid to be themself and stand up for what they beleive. Unfortunately today there are very few cuz we are afraid how the outside wil accept me!! The truth the outside world wouldnt accept me regardless of what i do. the needs of an answer that helps and talks to me must be addressed on an individual basis knowing… Read more »

    Uh...
    Guest
    Uh...

    You’re just not looking in the right places.
    I go to 770 every week and see tons of beautifully dressed, perfectly tznius gorgeous ladies.

    Kuddos for the article!
    Guest
    Kuddos for the article!

    Walking around untzniusly dressed is like screaming TOUCH ME! TOUCH ME ALL YOU WANT! with your eyes…
    so degrading..

    #44
    Guest
    #44

    go brazil!!!!!!

    to author
    Guest
    to author

    You are amazing. Please ignore all the nasty comments to the article. The truth hurts (thats why pple feel the need to defend themseves). Keep up what ur doing!

    Torture of the mind
    Guest
    Torture of the mind

    To expect a man to not be affected by immodesty, come on! Once he gets that first glimpse, an internal struggle.ensues, and he may, CH”V, not win! So, ladies, won’t you please be so kind and dress tzniusdik.
    Stop this cruelty. What are you, a professional sadist or something?

    My father used to measure the length of my skirt with a ruler!!
    Guest
    My father used to measure the length of my skirt with a ruler!!

    Hey, I’m 16 too and you just took the words of my mouth! I want to tell you a story: One day when I was about to leave home, I was wearing a skirt that barely covered my knees. When my father saw that, he went literally crazy!!! But I could not answer, I was not yet mature and I just took the examples that were given to me.. My teachers didn’t wear tznius and many friends of mine did it too. And unfortunately I took up their bad exemples. From there, always when I was about to leave home,… Read more »

    Tznius Inside and Out
    Guest
    Tznius Inside and Out

    The intention is good, but was conveyed in a way that seems to me to be lacking in tznius. Does my 14 year old son (and many other kids around the world) need to read this on COL?

    This is great material for a farbrengan
    Guest
    This is great material for a farbrengan

    People in high school chinuch should print this article for teenaged girls to read and discuss, farbrengan style.

    Not to take a side, but to consider the ideas.

    maybe also for women’s shiurim.

    Great Article!
    Guest
    Great Article!

    Very well written! Thank You!

    another point
    Guest
    another point

    when you read the comments in the recent articles about the muggings in CH u see how most people are blaming the police for not providing enough protection while we do have to do our hishtadlus to protect ourselvs keep in mind tznius brings protection the shechina is literally allergic to an untznius atmo when their is less shechina present their is less protection
    e/o shud take upon themselves even the smallest “step up” in tznius in this way their will be more shechina wich = more protection
    may we meit mashiach now

    2#13 and #47
    Guest
    2#13 and #47

    #13 your half right half wrong as someone who struggles with tznius i know what its like when ppl always interfere and make me uncomfortable but still when ppl talk to me in a nice caring way i listen #47 you are completely completely wrong and should pay more attention to what you say

    to 59
    Guest
    to 59

    sorry to say but if youre concerned about what your son is exposed to then you shouldnt be allowing him to be on the internet at all. there’s lots of stuff far less tznius than this article. this article is the least of your worries. and nothing he wont see on kingston besides

    agree
    Guest
    agree

    thankss

    Maybe Be ur own
    Guest
    Maybe Be ur own

    if u cant find the right role model, be ur own. cr8 an atmosphere iwhere the people around u will become tznius, n spread on n on etc… u cant blame all ur prob. on everyone else

    fathers and husbands
    Guest
    fathers and husbands

    Fathers and husbands have a chiuv al pi halacha to make sure their daughters and wife do not go out or around in a pritzusdike way. isn’t this di’oraysa even???

    I know a husband who says his wife doesn’t listen to him about this. Well this is a HUGE chesron in their marriage!!!

    a) a husband must say something
    b) the wife must know that he is required to say something
    c) she must take his advice, since he is the Rov in their home
    d) she must make sure her daughters also heed their father in this inyon

    hatzlocha and kudos for the article!

    to #50
    Guest
    to #50

    it’s not holier then thou to be hurt at how the lack of tzneeus is effecting us and shaim lubavitch. one can tell herself “it’s no one’s buisness” or”i don’t represent the rebbe” but that’s only lying to one’s self.

    dear author,
    Guest
    dear author,

    i understand u! but u can’t categorize lubavitch as being not ztnius rather focus on the ppl that r being ztnius and they will have a positive influence on those who need it;) it seems like u need a mashpiah!

    to #46
    Guest
    to #46

    ahemmm…
    Long coat ahin, long coat aher, a busy beach is probably not the most tzniusdike place for these women to be on in the first place,

    True True True HOWEVER...
    Guest
    True True True HOWEVER...

    the men and boys also need tznius chats….these new untznius pants…the new trend for lovely young men……We should all try a little more in this challenging area …much hatzlocha and thank you Miss Sweet 16 good article!

    To #30
    Guest
    To #30

    You completely missed the point! If someone is wearing black for fashionable reasons then she is obviously not talking about them! She is talking about the women and girls that wear black turtlenecks, long black skirts, and black tights all year long. She is talking about the women and girls that hide themselves under “garbage bags.” The other type of people she is speaking about are the ones whose shirts are longer than their skirts, the ones who think less is more, and the ones who set a bad influence on their siblings, children, and other admirers. So next time… Read more »

    to 70
    Guest
    to 70

    I don’ t think it’s as bad a problem for a woman as it would be for a man.

    Very well written!!!  I know its hard!!!
    Guest
    Very well written!!! I know its hard!!!

    Agree 100% But I also still don”t have a solution.
    PLEASE Don”t give up, as difficult as it may seem or as difficult as it really is, just please NEVER EVER GIVE UP!!!!!!!
    I and a few others 🙂 are in the same boat and we NEED each other to lean on. So just remember that even if you can’t find many role models YOU WILL BE MY AND SOMEONE ELSE’S ROLE MODEL and that’s really what counts. I know its hard!! I’M IN THE SAME BOAT

    not willing to accept
    Guest
    not willing to accept

    part of chassidus is the inyan of mashpia and mikabel. to say its no one’s business and to live and let live is not the Torah way nor is it the way of chassidus. we have to have ahavas yisroel and yes, in an appropriate way, we have to be mashpia on those who need it. i think this young lady did a gr8 job. its hard to accept criticism, even when couched in such nice terms. i think this young lady took the high road, wrote in a very positive manner and hopefully whoever needs to improve (and all… Read more »

     wow!!
    Guest
    wow!!

    im a girl just a little bit older than you! i cant thank you enough for taking the thoughs out of my head and putting them on paper! this is exactly how i would put it. you are 100% right, but just remember to be strong in what you beleive and do your part, be the ROLE MODEL you want for your friends and peers!
    best of luck!

    May I?
    Guest
    May I?

    suggest that “tznius” is not an adjective…
    all along, you all mean “tsanuah” right?
    May I share that I was a bit uncomfortable reading the next to last paragraph? It just sounded somewhat out of place for you, in this context, to address every married man who reads etc…

    A Lubavitcher seeing it from the outside
    Guest
    A Lubavitcher seeing it from the outside

    I am a Lubavitcher that lives in Brooklyn but but not in Crown Heights. A very close family friend of mine ( not a lubavitcher ) has a sister who is not tzniusdik as she doesn’t cover her hair etc, Her sister always tries to convince her to be a little better but to no avail. Today for the first time this lady went to Crown Heights for her job and this is what her reaction was: A phone call to her sister telling her to stop asking her to be more tznius because if in Crown Heights they can… Read more »

    great article!!!! its nice to see someone take a stand!
    Guest
    great article!!!! its nice to see someone take a stand!

    i think the people who dress untzniously always get so defensive on this topic. they always answer its none of your business, and its between me and g-d blah blah blah (ahem #13), but the truth is, you’re living in a frum lubavitch community. you need to understand that when you walk around immodestly it has a real affect on every person who sees you. thats why its such a big issue. lets compare it to watching tv for example. you can watch tv in the privacy of your own home. people can walk by your house and not see… Read more »

    its sad #13
    Guest
    its sad #13

    you look like a
    unfocus person

    like the dog owner beeing push to every where his dog takes him your yetzer horo

    and with realy need of a terapist and a mashpiah!
    hatzlocho!

    To number 72
    Guest
    To number 72

    You need to rest a bit..I know a woman who wears black turtlenecks and black tights and is the best speaker,teacher,mashpia and mother we have in chabad
    Soo to the author and commentator think before judging.

    כל ישראל ערבים זה לזה
    Guest
    כל ישראל ערבים זה לזה

    כל ישראל ערבים זה לזה
    when a woman comes out as this corresponds to each street representing all keile Chabad and
    is what the Rebbe wants from us!
    Imagine what happens when the opposite happens.

    true true true
    Guest
    true true true

    men these days! Bochurim! half their shirts are unbuttoned and hanging open, pants either super tight and jean or falling off their behinds! flashy accessories too! what is this, an akward fashion show? enough im seeing stars! please write an article for them too young lady- you have a future- awaken the world of lubavitch!

    wearing skirts & covering knees are 2 seprate things!!!
    Guest
    wearing skirts & covering knees are 2 seprate things!!!

    skirts: so that the split between a girls legs shuld NOT be seen!
    covering knees:so that the girls knees shuld NOT be seen!

    “al pi halacha” if the girl is wearing a SHORT skirt but COLORED tights over her knees-it is ABSALUTLY tznius!!!!!!

    To number 13
    Guest
    To number 13

    Would you feel the same if people were breaking Shabbos?

    I love u random girl!
    Guest
    I love u random girl!

    I totally agree nobody is a good model but us girls who WANT to remain tznius

    Way to Go!
    Guest
    Way to Go!

    Now this is what I call “mandatory reading”! There is so much to be gained from this article…whatever stage/age you are – it’s time for more people to take a stand and stay strong. It doesn’t mean to be “close-minded” and naive. It means that you know what is going on and you choose not to dive in or allow yourself to be drafted into the Yetzer Hara’s clutches (the challenges in YIddishkeit we face today comes from the same source as the challenges Yidden have faced throughout history…). Each person has her list of excuses, and indeed, life may… Read more »

    to #72-no one needs your permission
    Guest
    to #72-no one needs your permission

    no one needs your permission or anyone else’s other than the Torah when they choose what to wear. There are all kinds of dressers in our community. You don’t like how some people dress, be it style of clothing or color, then don’t dress like them. They can wear whatever they want if it’s ok according to Hashem/Torah’s halachos. Are you saying that someone needs to dress as so not to irk you????? Stop being “dissapointed with the people around you”. Take care of yourself, and dress tznius and “fashionable” if you so desire. Stop deciding for others what looks… Read more »

    woww
    Guest
    woww

    i had chills while i was reading this!
    author, you sound like an awesome and real person!

    16?
    Guest
    16?

    you’re telling me that this author is just 16? Sorry I don’t go for that. Her language and tone and perspective don’t sound like it! And even if it were a teen speaking, why would you have any idea or business in speaking to the married men about keeping their wives to themselves?! you’re too young to say that! I’m surprised no other comments noticed this- it just sounds better and would be better accepted coming from a young angle. but good point non the less…

    PLZ TO POST--
    Guest
    PLZ TO POST--

    YES IT’S A SCANDALE I LIVE ON KINGSTON AVE. AND CAN TELL YOU HOW MANY MARRIED LIKE SINGLE GIRLS ARE WORKING DOWN THE AVE. LIKE IN A FASHION SHOW FOR GOYIM WITH NO CARE AND RESPECT FOR THEIR FAMILY YICHUS, NEIGHBOORS, FRIENDS AND YOUNGER SIBLINGS, WHAT A SHAME

    in lubavich...
    Guest
    in lubavich...

    if you look at pix from kfar chabad bac in the day the girls are not only not drasst tznis but there is no saparason of boys and girls did not egzist it only a ne consern so i think you should ot werry

    Thanks for expressing the thoughts of many teenagers out there!!
    Guest
    Thanks for expressing the thoughts of many teenagers out there!!

    As a teenager who can relate i must say its very true what the author says. As a teenager no one wants to dress nerdy and feel left out, u want to feel good about how u look… on the other hand the tznius situation is terrible and we dont have many role models who we can look up to and guide us on the right path that can also relate to us (and not just someone still living a shtetl life)!! Sometimes when i look around me in the streets and in school i feel like the middle path… Read more »

    Amazing article
    Guest
    Amazing article

    To the 16 year old that wrote this thank you so much for putting down the thoughts of many teenagers from all over.
    -Please don’t feel offended from the criticizing comments.

    a reason for the black
    Guest
    a reason for the black

    most of my wardrobe is black- I’ll admit it- but there IS a reason! I have a whole pack of kids and they like messy things and they LOOOOOOVE me! If I wear black (which automatically matches with black- then that handprint won’t show but if I wear that cute aqua dress with the matching aqua underskirt and top -it will. When the baby is keeping me up at night and the teen is talking my ear off in the morning and I have to go help my grandma….well you get the pic- the aqua will hang out in the… Read more »

    A fellow Teenager
    Guest
    A fellow Teenager

    I feel exactly the same away!!!!
    We need role models of people who dress tznius and normal. (pple dont only need to be fashionable but at least dressed classy and put together ie… normal and not like the ultra chassidish ladies who wear mid calf black garbage bags).
    The middle path is slowly disapearing and even those people who were once trendy but tznius are going down!!
    B4 u walk out half covered think of everyone else u are affecting and the community u live in that u shld respect!!
    thank you!

    sincerely
    a bothered 16 yr old

    Consider public speaking!
    Guest
    Consider public speaking!

    You are an exceptionally gifted writer. I think your passion on this issue comes through loud and clear. Maybe you should consider public speaking events, and get the debate going! If not, at least keep these articles coming! You took the words right out of my mouth and I am more than twice your age and could not have said it half as well as you!

    to # 47
    Guest
    to # 47

    get a life. this girl wrote a great article

    young newly wed and mid 20s
    Guest
    young newly wed and mid 20s

    As a Teenager it is so disheartning when I see “good girls” that the moment they get married, they start to slip in their tznius, (because you found your shidduch now?) us high school girls look up to you. you are close to our age, trendy…please be senstive when walking down the street and with your husbands knowing that we are looking at you and with thirst hoping to admire you as role models.

    Amazingly Written!!!
    Guest
    Amazingly Written!!!

    The article is really well written and hopefully people will listen. It really bothers me when I fly all the way to New York for the Kinus or anything else and all around me I see some who wear really tight short skirts and shirts that don’t cover their elbows and/ or the neckline is very low. I come and all I see makes me wonder if these people are really Lubavitch. They are supposed to be role models, not the opposite. My daughters go to the kids Kinus and at the end they talk about how inappropriate some of… Read more »

    Well said
    Guest
    Well said

    and unfortunately too true.

    Crown Hts mother

    guys: bochurim, sons, fathers, and husbands
    Guest
    guys: bochurim, sons, fathers, and husbands

    you need to also take care of how YOU dress,
    fitted pants, open shirts, pink shirts, lilac shirts, elf shoes and all…
    and the Chassidishe guys out there, and b”h there are chassidishe, frum bochurim, please don’t send mixed messages and get married to girls who are borderline tznius:
    skirts need to cover knees WHEN WALKING AND SITTING TOO
    so please say something if c”v your wife’s/daughter’s tznius begins to slip -obviously by doing it the right way, very firm yet without bashing
    you guys need to take responsibility too

    PREGNANT WOMEN
    Guest
    PREGNANT WOMEN

    please,
    we do not need to see everything through your extremely tight shirts
    maternity clothes nowadays are often extremely tight, please think and honestly assess how something looks on you before you buy or put something on during this very special and holy time of your life (and of course at all times of your life too)
    This is being written by a women by the way

    skirts
    Guest
    skirts

    when i came into crown heights this year for the kinnus one thing on my shopping list was skirts for my daughters, becouse were i live no store sells tznius skirts. Imagine my dismay when all of the skirts in the store were short!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!when i commented to the store owner my surprise, i was told, thats what the girls want!!!!!!!If thats what they want? let them go search high and low for what they want, but out of crown heights.

    where. are. the role models
    Guest
    where. are. the role models

    Look at the rabbonim_ both rav schwei and rav braun,s familys are very tznuisdik. And dress nicely_ rav schweis daughter was on oprah_ the rabbonim try to talk about tznius but no one listens

    Ggg
    Guest
    Ggg

    That’s why the rebbe said that in this day and age u need to stand up and take a leadership possition, in your life, for yourself andkopefully for the other people around yuo, the only time we had preper leaders was by moshe rabainu, and if u look aroubd the world, you’ll see that people in leadership possitions today do horrible things. Plus I see what ur saying that there are a lot of people who don’t dress tznius in chabad, but we are way better off, I tell u that much, were the only ones who can look at… Read more »

    look what you achieved
    Guest
    look what you achieved

    I read and agreed with your article one hundred per cent. I consider myself one of the ‘tznius yet trendy’ brigade, so this morning when I was rifling through my wardrobe looking for something tho wear, I came across a top that I have been thinking was maybe a little too tight. I promptly removed it and put it in the thrift shop bag….never to be seen again! Thank you sweet sixteen!

    Halocho Disagrees
    Guest
    Halocho Disagrees

    No.84. It is not tzniusdik to wear a short skirt and coloured tights for a woman over the age of 5!!! As for slits: the Rabbonim have paskened that any slit is ossur even on a long skirt. As far as husbands are concerned, from my experience, they WANT their wives to walk around like that. Do the Yeshivas actually teach the bochurim tznius – for themselves and their future wives? From what my sons-in-law say, the answer is no! Young lady, you have written beautifully and to the point. But there are role models around. Go and search, and… Read more »

    Really Proud
    Guest
    Really Proud

    My daughter attends Lubavitch senior school -London, I want to thank the head teachers and all staff for showing our girls to be true tznisdik role models!
    Thank you and Thank you again!

    to 84
    Guest
    to 84

    start learning halacha

    HOLLYWOOD
    Guest
    HOLLYWOOD

    Smart kid. Use your understanding and convert it to productivity, Don’t waste time looking for a role model. BE a role model to those around you. Fashion is fleeting so dont waste too much thought on it, appearance however is a statement on who you are so use it in your benefit. A true yid controls mind over body. Continue to use your head and be a woman worthy of respect.

    Hear hear number 95
    Guest
    Hear hear number 95

    Some of us dont have time for fashion. We are busy caring for others, working, growing spiritually, and being great role models. My teenagers call women my age who spend hours planning wardrobes “try hards”. We look good in black- black works- why do you care? Wouldnt it be the same as a 40 year old non frum person in jeans and a sweater? does she always need to dress up?

    marge
    Guest
    marge

    Take a really good look in a full length mirror,back and front ,before you buy and before you leave your home.Also,remember that how you appear in the house is a great example, for good or otherwise, to family and visitors.

    learn from everyone
    Guest
    learn from everyone

    We should be honest we can learn tznius from other communities which do better not talking more modern but more chasidish. Let’s ask them for ideas. Be open to others.

    Husbands..
    Guest
    Husbands..

    On the other side of the coin.. I know women whose husbands want them to dress provocatively!!! thats a bigger problem!!

    In total agreement
    Guest
    In total agreement

    Its true! Our good chassidishe boys are having to ‘accept’ their wives walking around with slits in their skirts; like they’ll wear long skirts till the floor, and then have a slit going ALL the way up the back of the skirt! the whole leg is revealed as they walk, for all to see! Maroon and red nail varnish has also become the norm in CH; maybe these bochurim should be taught, as part of their chosson classes, the ins and outs of the tznius (or total lack of) of their wives; many of them have no idea; Slits, no… Read more »

    agree with 115
    Guest
    agree with 115

    TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU, WHAT A SHAME??!!! PLEASE SUMMER IS COMING UP, MARRIED AND SINGLES GIRLS/WOMEN PLEASE PLEASE DRESS UP TSINIUSTIK KEEP OUR CHRUNA CLEAN !!!!!

    ''veheshiv lelavot al banim''
    Guest
    ''veheshiv lelavot al banim''

    moshiach is coming!!!

    may more tenagers thinc like you!!

    i'd like to add..
    Guest
    i'd like to add..

    That sometimes we underestimate how our decision to wear a tighter skirt than normal ,or a lower neckline ect…can leave an impression on our friends , neighbors or young girls who you never knew, look up to you..
    Wearing less than your standard, can make them more lenient too.. ( you might be their standard of dressing and you never even knew it…) they might say to themselves” if she, who is always tznius is wearing that… then, its fine for me too wear it too… it might even be subconcious…..but it rings so true..

    p.s
    Guest
    p.s

    I just took off my bright nail polish….
    thank you:)

    Reality
    Guest
    Reality

    If you want to dress tznius you have to follow the funeral style
    Most girls that start looking for the tznius fashion style they end up as the women you see in CH
    Once you call “” funeral style” the chassidishe clothing you just started moving to the wrong direction , ann most probably that when you read this article in 10 years …,

    To all the self-touted fashionistas out there who 'hate' black
    Guest
    To all the self-touted fashionistas out there who 'hate' black

    WHAT IF some lowlife fashion ‘gurus’ in Paris, London, Milan or NY decided that ALL BLACK, IS NOW ‘IN’? Would it all of a sudden been the ‘in’ thing to wear??? There are things that people wear today that they would have never been caught in 10 years ago, because it was strange and maybe even ridiculous looking, but then the fashion world decided this is what you now need to wear if you want to be ‘fashionable’ and you have women all over the world walking around like that. Point is, yeah, it’s great to look nice, but we… Read more »

    to #112
    Guest
    to #112

    You are right that you have the right to wear what you want as long as it is tznius And so do women of your age, or any age, have a right to spend time on their wardrobes if they so desire and as long as it is tznius they arent robbing your bank account to do it and women in Mitzrayim were praised for using their mirrors and taking the time to look nice to keep their husbands attracted to them so that the Yidden would continue to grow…. Extremes of any kind aren’t good. Let it be tznius… Read more »

    I will work to improve my tznius
    Guest
    I will work to improve my tznius

    I hope Hashem will bring bracha to the Yidden and the world because of my effort
    May Moshiach come already
    Please Hashem
    Ad MAtai?

    To 120
    Guest
    To 120

    I just did too! maybe this article isnt such a bad idea?? hopefully others will also follow

    you are not alone
    Guest
    you are not alone

    Hi my dear I did not read the entire article I didn’t have to. I know exactly where you are going. here is my only advice. Stand strong being tznius is the most rewarding mitzvah that we do. and don’t fall for this you either dress like a….or all in black. there are soooo many of us who dress incredibly well and are tznius. I am so impressed with my self when I am dressed up sometimes while looking in the mirror. Tznius is a basis for everthing you will be.

    from young minds and words....
    Guest
    from young minds and words....

    woohoo!!
    so impressive that you have taken the time and made the effort to compose your comments about tznius. There is most definitely a middle road… it is possible to be dressed attractively and with a slight edge and also be completely tznius… no collar bones, no knees, no elbows. As a matter of fact, it’s fun to try to achieve that goal… anyone who puts their Lubavitch mind on that track… “winning” I hear you loud and clear… keep on going… and writing…. let us all know your success…. you got this !

    thanks
    Guest
    thanks

    People also forget trying to be a chasidisher bochur and not look where you not supposed to is so much harder when woman flaunt their bodies so there’s another reason to dress tniusdik

    #44
    Guest
    #44

    YE GO BRAZIL!!!! EVERYONE IS TZINIUS THERE!!!

    great article!
    Guest
    great article!

    but as others wrote…dont waste time looking for a role model…you need to be one yourself- do all that you believe , and that will strengthen you and those around you!

    To #88
    Guest
    To #88

    I think you misunderstood me. I was not saying there was anything wrong with people dressing in black. I was just saying that nowadays we don’t see much of a balance. To us teenagers, there is the people who dress in black and the people whose clothing barely cover them. Im sorry if you misunderstood me and i mean’t no offence

    TO EVERONE
    Guest
    TO EVERONE

    HOW CAN YOU BE YOUR OWN ROLE MODEL TO YOURSELF?????
    she is looking for a DUGMA CHAYA.
    YOU BE A ROLE MODEL

    Great article, but...
    Guest
    Great article, but...

    Girls that are trying to follow a “middle path” should be careful to aim for “tznius and presentable” and not “tznius but attractive”. The word attractive literally means the exact opposite of the word tznius. One must always look presentable, but a good barometer to see if certain clothing are tznius or not, would be to ask yourself if that particular item will cause people’s eyes to linger even for a brief moment. That’s what attractive means – to attract attention.

    to 111
    Guest
    to 111

    usually, to be a role model, it helps to have a role model too!! ditto to 132!

    I am a role model
    Guest
    I am a role model

    Instead of looking around for role models, I decided to be one.

    To 134
    Guest
    To 134

    Granted a role model is a good thing to have, and there are women out there who a girl can try to emulate, but you cant expect everyone around you to be a proper role model in all things. Unfortunately that is not the world we live in today. My point is however that this girl has the maturity and understanding of the importance of tznius, it is now up to her to live up to it herself and perhaps inspire others.

    kudos to 120, 124 and 125!!
    Guest
    kudos to 120, 124 and 125!!

    Look how fast 3 young girls have been moved to take on an improvement on themselves thanks to this piece of writing! Awesome!
    May Hashem bring brochos to them and those of us who are ready to move on and grow and all Klal Yisroel

    old school:  wow 137 and more....
    Guest
    old school: wow 137 and more....

    it looks like there is need for some change…. so who is going to be the first one ot jump in the water. I do not live in CH, I do not send my children there, I do send money there and hope you who live there learn the leasons of truth and bital. we can only change ourselfs and the Boss does the rest. Great things happen with one brave step.

    to #47
    Guest
    to #47

    ich ich ich
    its sounds exactly what you are
    only sme1 like you could have wrote it

    husbands and wives
    Guest
    husbands and wives

    I agree wholeheartedly with this article. One point, however, which perhaps the writer is unaware of as a single girl, is that there are many husbands who want, and beg, their wives to dress tznius, but the wives, for whatever reason, are unwilling to comply. It then becomes a difficult Sholom Bayis situation, in which a husband cannot “force” his wife to do as he wishes. Marriage is not so black and white, and keeping the peace is a delicate matter. You would be surprised how often this is the case when it comes to wives who dress untznius… I… Read more »

    black versus jean
    Guest
    black versus jean

    I luv this artiicle it is amazing and may everyone learn from it….I consider myelf tznius but dress well…yet I find that tznius but fashionable might be leading u to the wrong place…once u have in mind to b fashionable- where are u gona draw the line? fashion is CREATED to be attractive and provocative- and it has that effect even if u do it with a long sleeve shirt under. As well, everyone who is saying “no black, yes jean”- I think that is a bit closedminded…everyone has to make an honest assessment for themselves in these grey areas,… Read more »

    to 102
    Guest
    to 102

    pink shirts are cool! and whats wrong with them, as long as their not too tight!

    pick shirts makes a real man

    to 140
    Guest
    to 140

    being tznius is a blessing for sholom bayis!!

    to 84
    Guest
    to 84

    You’re right about it being 2 separate things, BUT the way I learned it in school, I think the Alter Rebbe is of the opinion that above the knee is called the shoik and even the shape has to be hidden.
    That means just tights are NOT enough. Even tight skirts are an issue, bec they don’t hide the shape.

    excellent article
    Guest
    excellent article

    goood for you!!! this article is excellent! i cant say that i am very innocent in the way i sometimes dress and this definately has made me think! i can say that so many times i have spoken to non lubavitchers and its horrible horrible horrible to hear what they say abut cabad woman and the way we dress. were all responsible for the rebbes reputation!!!

    Thanks
    Guest
    Thanks

    Needed to read that

    two comments
    Guest
    two comments

    For whoever says “live and let live”, the Rebbe was NOT a live and let live person. The Rebbe was repulsed by certain behaviors done in the shechunah and the Rebbe publicly condemned us wherever and whenever necessary. Also, I have a fantasy that one day when Empire Kosher moves someone rich would open a huge store there of just tsnius clothing for woman whose only objective is to break even (if it were a business venture it would fail, but if its a project of a gvir with no motive of making money, and just promote tsnius… it would… Read more »

    Im sickened by the comments often written on op-ed's
    Guest
    Im sickened by the comments often written on op-ed's

    I hate when people respond to author’s writing I would marry you (such as #37). It’s untsnius, bizarre and immature. If you want to flatter an author just write that their op-ed was magnificent…

    confused- shidduchim crisis???
    Guest
    confused- shidduchim crisis???

    if all these chassidishe bochurim are “stuck” with not tznius wives…where does the shidduch crisis of not enough chassidish guys for all the rly chassidish girls come in? I don’t get it…

    Great article!
    Guest
    Great article!

    Keep strong! (At the rate the comments are going, this will likely be one of the most commented this year…maybe then it will get even more notice, like it deserves)

    The Rebbe is so proud of you!
    Guest
    The Rebbe is so proud of you!

    As a shtarke ba’alas tshuva , and a graduate of Fashion Institute of Technology I applaud you! The daily mission of dressing tzniusdik with personality can not be taken lightly-and I’ve been making it a priority for over 30 years. Dear 16 year old, you seem to be wise and sensitive beyond your years–don’t lose your vision. You are giving the Rebbe tremendous nachas. You were very brave to come forward so strongly and clearly (and I particularly applaud the point you made about husbands needing to pay attention to how their wives appear in public). I hope that everyone… Read more »

    No one lives in a Buble
    Guest
    No one lives in a Buble

    Regardles if we intend to or not we AUTOMATICLY make an impact on the people around us. We are Automatic role models to friends, siblings, children. Therefore,no one can say “Live and let Live”, it does not exist.

    Thank!!
    Guest
    Thank!!

    U gave me a lot of coach… to keep climbing…

    To #141
    Guest
    To #141

    You hit the nail on the head. Similar to what I wrote in 133. However, I don’t get what’s wrong with jean as long as it conforms with halacha. I get why it’s not good for guys, but guys have a much stricter dress code to be considered “chassidish”. Pretty much just dark pants and white shirt. But girls don’t seem to have those guidelines as long as everything is tznius.

    #149
    Guest
    #149

    It could be they dress more tsniusdik when they’re going out in order to get a “good shidduch”, but once they get married they can become lax in this area ch’v. It’s also possible (likely?) that’s they really are a relatively small minority, but it’s a big issue because it really stands out.

    to 140
    Guest
    to 140

    What you are saying makes a lot of sense. As a guy who’s on the market, this is something I’m a bit nervous about.

    to 143: That’s 140’s point. If she isn’t tznius it can ch”v lead to the opposite.

    burden
    Guest
    burden

    Very hard to be tznius in todays world.The summers are hot and wearing stockings and or a long skirt is simply unbearable to me. I cannot function when Im dripping sweat, walking outside. I cannot take my kids to the park in the summer in anything but a tichel, its truly a sacrifice to be tznius. I am not prust or trying to attract other men, Im just being honest. It truly is harder for some people than others. I wear shirts to my elbows and skirts to my knees. Why do I haveto feel like a terrible person. I… Read more »

    16 year old
    Guest
    16 year old

    I could not have said this better!!! Thanks so much!!

    number 47
    Guest
    number 47

    I think it might be because she didn’t want to keep saying ”you,you,you”….(It’s a more personal style of writing.)

    comments
    Guest
    comments

    19-and 22- GO FOR IT! YOU BET! Amazing! YOU ARE REAL SHLUCHOSS!! 24- LOL 26-, I wish I had someone in the age of 16 or older to talk to, and I think she COULD and she SHOULD worry about EVERYONE”S probloms, since they are ALL connected to her. I get grossed out when my Lubavitch friends tell me inappropriate things. Tzniuss is also in the way you act and think. WHY SHALL SHE RELAX?? WE NEED TO CHANGE THE WORLD! THATYS WHAT WERE HERE FOR! LUBAVITCH IS TO HELP, AND NOT TO ONLY HEARE ABOUT OTHE RPEOPLES PROBLOMS, BUT… Read more »

    comments and notifictions...
    Guest
    comments and notifictions...

    13- tznius dosn’t say what a woman likes, it says what a woman IS. Theres nothing that says more about a woman then that. Shame on you! YOU are a PITTY. And NOT the people that6 know what they are doing.
    I understand 34…
    12 and 28- WHATS CH??

    red light!
    Guest
    red light!

    Comment 42 mentioned that it catches every adult man’s eye when a woman dresses untzniousouly. I feel like it also catches every teenage male’s eye and heart.
    WARNING!!

    oops...
    Guest
    oops...

    37’s talking about tznius, with an in-appropeat topic!
    That’s how we ALL are…

    47- ?
    Guest
    47- ?

    EXUSE me?

    comments
    Guest
    comments

    to 53- most just do taht on purpose only for 770…
    go, 54!
    i agree with 56. think as if IM the one that said it. if itd be on FB id press “like” 750 times!! 🙂
    nlessed is the father of 58!!
    58- it isnt in the hand of the adults. it is in the hand of you. STRENGTHEN YOURSELF, WORLD! WE have it upto US! WE can make the BIGGEST difference!

    to 59-
    Guest
    to 59-

    he should anywayse not be reading ANYTHING on internet without you reading it first. EVEN ON LUBAVITCH WEBSITES! sometimes criminals put things on someone ELSES web, without there knowledge…

    miss 47, are YOU, a shlucha?
    Guest
    miss 47, are YOU, a shlucha?

    shluchim shall eb humble enough to not be a show off over there shlichuss…

    to the author AND to 69...
    Guest
    to the author AND to 69...

    to 69- SHE NEVER DID! your rude!!! she shall be YOUR mashpiah! shes an amazing girl, i just WISH i could of known her personally!

    author, PLEASE do NOT listen to those NASTY comments.
    YOU ARE THE EBST MASHPIAH SOMEONE CAN HAVE! PUBLICY YOUR NAME!
    your strong, so wheen YOU will be tested, YOU WILL ALWAYE, ALWAYSE FROM NOW ON, win!
    waytago!

    To # 157
    Guest
    To # 157

    whilst what you are saying is true, that tznius absolutely is hard to kepp, Judaism is NOT a checklist. I do…I keep…etc. It’s about a RELATIONSHIP with the Aibeshter. If something is important to your husband, as a good wife you would make sure to do it for him. Tznius-for some reason, is really really important to Hashem. Everytime you put on those stockings, you are literally just doing it because Hashem asked you to. Not because they are cute, comfortable, convinietn-no, JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HASHEM! and you can even say those words aloud when… Read more »

    #157
    Guest
    #157

    i agree with you 100%!

    In teenage eyes.
    Guest
    In teenage eyes.

    I, as a teen, had to look for a mashpiah (or as you call it, a roll model,) for a full year. I had one, then changed. Then went back to my first, and now I am up to another one, SHE is the ONLY roll model in a HUGE “Lubavitch” (HA HA HA HA “EASY” to tell…) community…

    wow
    Guest
    wow

    absolutely right!!!
    i am a teenager and i feel the same way as you!!
    well done this was written amazingly !!!

    example!!!
    Guest
    example!!!

    I am a mother of 3 girls. A few years ago we were in crown heights for a simcha. I gave 2 of my girls some money to go down Kingston and buy some toys etc. One of my girls returned and showed me what she bought. She pulled out a pair of flip flops. I asked her what she was doing with them. She replied “everyone wears them around here”. We know everyone doesn’t, but that was a child’s impression. So you can’t say live and let live, because whatever you do is affecting other people. My girls do… Read more »

    from london
    Guest
    from london

    all you said is true and even in my town we have the same problem.. so ur not alone!

    i dont live in crown heights!
    Guest
    i dont live in crown heights!

    its really sad when you overhear two non frum girls saying about a not so very tznius woman, walking down the street, “she’s definitely chabad” ….sadly…. its worldwide!!

    Black wardrobe
    Guest
    Black wardrobe

    I am one of those ladies that has a wardrobe of black. Sorry if it bothers you, but I don’t have time for excessive shopping and black garments are the most commonly found to be tznius. Business clothes are automatically conservative and boring. Dark , plain colors. Yes, they are tznius, not too exciting, not everyone needs interesting clothes, they just want to be tznius. Sorry for not being more exciting. It’s requires a lot of time and effort to do colors and interesting combinations. There is always room for someone to improve our choices. Glad to see that you… Read more »

    wow!
    Guest
    wow!

    the editors amazing!
    way to go!
    amazing to think I’m just a BIT younget then you.
    I am a teen through all,
    and YOU are the BEST roll model EXISTING in the hole NY!

    Inappropriate
    Guest
    Inappropriate

    I dont know why nobody really pointed this out but how can a 16 year old tell a married man what to do. That is completely inappropriate and disrespectful. You are not married, you dont know what it is like in their situation, so please dont tread in water in which you are not familiar with.

    178 commenter!
    Guest
    178 commenter!

    I think you don’t really know what your saying. A little girl, picking up her head, I will tell my friends to watch themselves and family, thanks to you!

    X