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Tuesday, 16 Shevat, 5786
  |  February 3, 2026

Stop Complimenting Your Children

Florida family therapist Chaim Itche Drizin claims that most of the compliments we give our children are counterproductive. Video

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seriosly
April 10, 2011 7:09 pm

they dont care if u have email or not i just made up a random email

sighning in to the video!
April 10, 2011 3:10 pm

its so silly why do you have to sighn in?
its so silly i dont have email my school doesn’t allow it so i cant watch the video!

question
April 10, 2011 12:50 am

you said that you shouldnt say great job or excellent. but whats the problem with saying that if it comes with an introduction of what he did and it truly was a great job and the child knows it? i wont say hes a tzaddik or a malach when hes not. but that specific action was a great job for him licheura

SHKOYACH!
April 10, 2011 12:27 am

shkoyach rabbi drizin

To #6
April 9, 2011 9:55 pm

Did you watch the video? Did you hear Rabbi Drizins words? You should. The title was just provacative; its really about HoW the parent compliments. Not if they should. we all agree the parents need to.

Responding To Children
April 8, 2011 3:52 pm

Firstly, the video was excellent! It should be shown to newly -weds, that parents can raise kids correctly right from the start. That said, parenting is the hardest job in the world. If parenting can be done correctly, from the get go, it can be the most rewarding job. I know it can seem dorky to say: If we only could look at children, with the feeling that Hashem loaned us these precious neshamas for hopefully forever, and now it is our job to love and nurture them Selflessly, what a wonderful world this would be. If you want to… Read more »

re #8
April 8, 2011 2:39 pm

I think the title is just to catch your attention. If you listen to the presentation you will have a better understanding as to when compliments work and when they don’t. Gratutious compliments do not enhance self esteem.

extreme
April 8, 2011 2:03 pm

This is a very dangerous title to make- especially as there are so many children who suffer from low self esteem

question
April 8, 2011 12:06 pm

how about calling a child generally, not at any specific time or because of a specific action, “a tzaddik,” a “malach,” a “sweety,” is that also not effective? is it not good? please give me your input.
i watched also #3 and #4 classes by Drizin, i liked them. thanks.

the "Rebbe's view
April 8, 2011 10:41 am

The Rebbe made it clear in a sicha on Parshas
Emor, the great importance of stressing the maalos of a fellow yid bi deboor. Complimenting actually elevates their potential, according to the Rebbe. If the compliments are shallow, or have a hidden agenda, that is another story. A child’s self-esteem comes from a parent continually seeing a child’s potential, and stressing it at the appropriate times.

to #2
April 8, 2011 8:13 am

This is nurtured heart approach, He just brings it in a more Torah perspective.

He was my teacher,
April 8, 2011 2:39 am

and now he still is.
Thank you!

thats so true
April 7, 2011 11:28 pm

make sence

is this from a book?
April 7, 2011 10:01 pm

sounds exactly like the nurtured heart approach

interested parent
April 7, 2011 9:26 pm

a lot to think about

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