Mrs. Sarah Dukes, wife of Rabbi Yudi Dukes OBM, shared the following on social media:
I never considered myself a writer. I always had a hard time expressing myself through words. It never came easy to me. But, for these past 10 months, G-d has chosen me to be a channel for His messages, teachings, and valuable life lessons.
But now, I have no more words. I feel silenced. Or maybe I just silenced myself. And that’s ok. I have been through and seen an unbelievable amount of trauma, and I need to process. I need to grieve. I need to mourn. I need to give whatever emotional energy I have to each one of our children. And I need time to rebuild myself so I can rebuild my family after being shattered into a million pieces.
I may not be writing now, but I am still feeling. And I will continue sharing those feelings- maybe not through words per se, but through sound. Through music. Through the only way I know I can: Through tapping into the core of my essence and allowing every nuanced emotion to be released through the piano notes as well as the spaces in between.
So here it is. The piece I started composing a couple of weeks ago when I posted about my first time alone with a piano since this journey started. The piece I played for Yudi on that beautiful Wednesday morning while the sun was still shining and Yudi was alive, happy, grateful. The piece I recorded that same Wednesday afternoon right before going to the Ohel, and seeing a magnificent sunset.
The beautiful day quickly turned into one of the darkest nights, as I got that call from the doctor which would forever change our lives.
This is the last piece Yudi will have heard me play while in this physical world.
It’s emotional for me to watch this video. I reflect back and remember how I was feeling in the moment, and how I was completely unaware of what was about to happen next.
I did not have a chance to finish this piece yet, but wanted to share anyway because of its significance.
A few weeks ago, when I initially started this composition, I titled it, “Sunny Days”. This was the title that just came to me while writing it. I didn’t think too much about it, but after that Wednesday night and Thursday, I so badly want to retitle it. But I won’t. A lot of intense and heavy emotions were released into this composition. They definitely weren’t “sunny”, but for some reason, I still chose that title, and I will respect that decision, knowing and believing this title depicts everything the piece represents.
We may have some very dark and dreary and rainy and freezing days, but they don’t take away anything from the sunny ones. I am determined to continue seeing the rays and light and sunshine that continue shining through in midst of the darkness. May we have only sunny days ahead!
Thank you for all you are doing in the merit of Chaim Schneur Zalman Yehuda ben Aaron Leib and for continuing to bring more light into the world!
VIDEO:
This beautiful music comes straight from your heart! Please please keep playing & writing! Yudi is surely watching & listening from on high!
Thank you for sharing this with us and keeping “in touch” with us. You bought tears to my eyes….Please share more…. I’m so happy that you are becoming more at peace with yourself. May Hashem and the Rebbe give you even more strength to go from strength to strength!
Dear Sarah
What a beautiful piece.
Wishing you lots of strength!
Beautiful just like you. Hashem should give you much strength and console you.
Keep strong! The title “sunny days” will shine again for you! ..because אור חדש על ציון תאיר for you and for כלל ישראל!
I’m crying with you…
May Hashem give you and your kids the strength and very soon we will be united with Yudi and all the love ones, with the coming of Moshiach NOW!
May H”B take this SPECIAL song/light and shine bright on your family journey of life.
Hatzlacha Raba
We are all doing whatever we can to bring Moshiach now
Your music touches the soul. Thank you
Nice beautiful Talent I love music myself
As a mother who lost a son, there will be glorious days of Sun ahead and Yudi will be there with you to enjoy them.
thank you for sharing this. I too recently lost my husband of 45 years shabbos Yud Shevat. the only way I know how to deal with the raw pain, is to create. I will publish his poems ( never fully realized how beautiful he wrote; now they need to be shared); I will do colorful mosaics, and maybe even take up my flute again after so many years. Sara, thank you, you inspire me. May we go from strength to strength ! Chana
Put on tic-tock or YouTube, make it viral … this piece is so beautiful
You are so strong!! You inspire us all!!! May Hashem continue to give you and your precious children strength and courage. You’re unbelievable.
Dear Sarah,
Not only do you write beautifully, but you compose and play music amazingly well. Thanks for the inspiration. May Hashem continue to give you strength to get through this beyond difficult time.
An Admirer from Israel
How beautiful, dear Sara ,this is to hear your words this time . Thank you for this amazing music. P
My daughter of 5 years old is next to me right now and is asking me to tell you how beautiful the music is and to say to you” kol akavod “:)
We will Wait for the sunny days with you!!!
Pls Hashem send us Moshiach now!
So moving.surrounding you with love and warmth.
Thank you Sara for sharing this most beautiful composition. Behind the darkest storms and clouds the sun is still shining. Your “Sunny Days” is a constant reminder. May Hashem bless you and your family with nechama, strength and happiness.
Beautiful piece from a beautiful person. May Hashem continue to give you strength and sunny days
Thanks for playing what my heart wants to express..
What a touching composition. I see the emotion being expressed as you play. It touched my heart. My thoughts are with you.
It is beautiful. So sorry to hear about Yudi alav hashalom. He was better than this world and served Hashem with his all. Yehi zichro baruch.