By Danit Schusterman for COLlive Magazine
We have all just experienced a collective world trauma. With Rosh Hashana coming up, I have spoken with three very wise women who all offer their sage advice in turning what could be a very stressful, exhausting and overwhelming experience for many of us into a peaceful, stress-free and beautiful Rosh Hashana (and any Yomtov) meals.
Rivky Levy, a certified life coach in Crown Heights, Hindy Cohen, a certified parenting coach and Shlucha, Sara Hecht, color analyst and personal shopper from Crown Heights, all discuss how we can change the way we approach the High Holidays, on a physical, emotional and spiritual level.
Proper planning:
Hindy: I like to sit down and plan my menu a few weeks in advance. If you have a large freezer, there are so many dishes you can make in advance and freeze. Examples are roasts, challah and certain kugels – they freeze beautifully. You can also prepare schnitzel and knishes and freeze them raw, thaw it and fry/bake it the day of Yomtov. It saves so much time and clean up and you are still serving fresh delicious food. The more you can plan and make in advance, the more time and stress you will save yourself closer to Yomtov. There are also many dips you can prepare up to a week in advance. All you will need to focus on the day of Yomtov will be the fresh salads.
Rivky: If you enjoy being fancy in the kitchen, by all means, enjoy it! But there is no rule that says every dish you make for Rosh Hashana needs to be extravagant and time-consuming. You do not need 5 different side dishes and 8 different salads. Keep it simple and use your time wisely.
Delegate & Empower the kids:
Rivky: This is a great opportunity to bond with our children. If they want to, let them into the kitchen and bake, or cook a delicacy of their choice. Don’t let the focus of what a mess they will make ruin the opportunity for them to shine. When your child brings their dish to the table, they will beam with pride.
Hindy: If you are able to, get as much cleaning help as you can. Delegate age-appropriate jobs to the kids. They are more capable than we think. It’s also important to empower our children going into Rosh Hashana. Talk to them about what they would like to do to make Rosh Hashana special in the home, what personal touch would they like to add.
Spruce-up the table:
Sara: If there is one dish that is your specialty, make that the focus of the meal. Everything else can be simple. It is also nice to buy a beautiful new serving dish to beautify the table. You can serve a simple dish on a gorgeous plate and it will look beautiful. You can use beautiful disposable tablecloths, plates and cutlery and still have a gorgeous table. The texture and material of your tablecloth can also make all the difference in the presentation of your table.
Sara: Beautifying your Yomtov table can get overwhelming and stressful with the endless options and colors. A good way to simplify this would be to create a color palette for the table. Choosing 4 colors one of which will be (gold or silver which is for cutlery) will give your table a sophisticated look and leave you your sanity and satisfaction that your table looks beautiful. An example would be gold, cream, blush, and beige. Pay attention to detail: add splashes of color with colored glasses or perhaps a colored napkin. Let the florals do the work. Flowers make spaces come alive through the colors they exude and the shapes they create.
Making it work with guests:
Hindy: Know yourself and your family. If having guests for the evening meals is too overwhelming, with overtired kids, then do not do it. Invite all your guests for the day meals.
Rivky: Don’t be shy about asking your guests to bring something. If you don’t enjoy making desserts, ask them to bring a dessert. If you don’t like making kugels, ask them to bring a kugel. Make it work for you. Guests are only too happy to be helpful. A friend of mine asks me to bring her cut and washed lettuce whenever she invites us for a meal. This helps her tremendously and it’s really no problem on my end. The important thing is to know what you want and need and to ask for it.
Our self-care:
Rivky: Make time for yourself over Yomtov. If taking a walk or a nap will recharge you, take the time to do it. Plan it in advance, have some of your older kids watch the younger ones.
Sara: Reward yourself with something small. Purchase a new lipstick, make a scheduled appointment for a mani-pedi (so that it’s not something left for last-minute), or buy yourself that pair of earrings you’ve been eying for a while. It’s the small things that leave us feeling good and energized to go into Yomtov mode. Nothing is more important than a woman feeling beautiful and let’s be honest, we’re all in better moods when we like how we look.
Our spiritual self-care:
Hindy: I enjoy listening to shiurim on the weekly parsha or upcoming Yomtov while I cook. It enriches me to learn some deep insights. I will also print out a few interesting articles to read over Yomtov which help me feel present and in the moment.
Rivky: I try my best to make time to daven. It makes me feel good and it’s very beautiful for our children to see us, their mothers, connecting to Hashem.
Hindy: I like preparing everything in the morning before I go to shul, so when we all get home, the table is set, the salads are ready, the food is hot and we are ready for kiddish. This is also helpful as I am able to focus on my davening and not worry about what needs to be done when I get home.
‘Just go with it’:
Rivky: The house will never be perfectly clean. If you are calm and happy, the kids will remember a calm and happy mother and a calm and happy Rosh Hashana. If you are stressed out and exhausted with a spotless house and fancy foods, your kids will remember the stressed-out mother, not the spotless house and fancy food. So begin the year with a smile.
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This article was first published in the COLlive Magazine – Tishrei Magazine for 5781, distributed this week directly to homes in Crown Heights and available in grocery stores and online.
