By Rabbi Menachem Said
Esti went shopping for clothes for her little ones, Shimi and Mushky. The kids were quite restless, but after a long search, Esti found matching outfits for them. She breathed a sigh of relief, but the kids’ behavior frustrated her. They arrived home.
“Okay, kids, put on your new clothes. I want to see how it looks,” Esti instructed.
“But Mom, we’re tired,” they replied.
“No such thing! Put them on now, understood? Quickly! Why are you delaying, Shimi?”
“Shimi and Mushky, stand here now! Smile at me—perfect…” the mother said, but then said: “Wait, it’s not good. Please smile normally.” Esti took another picture. “Great, it’s perfect!”
“Can I see how the picture came out?” asked Mushky.
“Not now, Mushky, one second. I have something important to do,” the mother said while typing. She soon posted the photo on her status with the line: “After an amazing shopping day, here’s the result.”
“Are you done, Mom?” asked Mushky. “Can I see the picture? Mom!!”
“Stop, be patient. Maybe later. Can’t you see I’m busy?!” Esti replied.
Esti’s face was glued to her screen, smiling from ear to ear as she reviewed the glowing comments about her being a dedicated parent and stylish mom.
“Esti, what an amazing mom you are,” “Wow, your kids are adorable,” “The colors—wow… incredible!” And of course, Esti had to respond here and now…
“Wait, why hasn’t Dini responded? I see she viewed my status…”
•
This is just one of many examples of media consumption, especially social networks. Whether we like it or not, most of us, on some level, are affected by this. There’s much to be said on this topic, but space is limited, so I’ll briefly touch on a few key aspects:
1. Emotional independence. Instead of Esti’s happiness coming from within, she seeks external validation, which grants her happiness. Over time, this may worsen, causing a person to develop a dependency on external feedback and be unable to nourish themselves from within. Consequently, screen time increases.
2. Impact on children. Every parent wants to provide the best for their kids. Screen time provides momentary, artificial excitement, which detracts from what truly matters to us—our children and other social circles.
3. Obsession with appearances. As Jews, especially as Chassidim, we strive for a life of genuine inner meaning. Excessive focus on appearances sanctifies the external and turns it into an end goal.
4. Modesty. Modesty, in its broader sense, means focusing on what we need to do, not on promotion, publicity, and standing out. Sharing personal life can, to some extent, compromise the trait of modesty.
5. Envy and competition. Sharing successes can provoke feelings of envy in viewers and create competition. Add to this the fact that many of these posts are ‘false displays’ and not as ‘rosy’ as they appear…
These points are just the tip of the iceberg, and there is much more to explore on this topic, ‘Give to a wise person, and they will grow wiser.’
–Rabbi Menachem Said is a marriage and family counselor and relationship advisor based in Kiryat Malachi, Israel. He can be reached at [email protected]
So well said! Been much happier since I gave up my what’s app (BH have no other social media) more time for me, for contemplating and for inner happiness. My kids are thrilled since as well…they say they got mommy back .. amazing points. Not judging ppl with social media but I do hope people contemplate these points at least.
so well said!!
I feel so bad for the kids growing up in this new generation with parents glued on their phone and addicted to the screen.
Their offsprings will emulate them as they grow and repeat the bad cycle over and over.
It will just get worse and worse.
So true, thank you for writing about this.
…100%!!!!
Our children are growing up with every one of their adults glued to devices. Mommy at the busstop , bus monitor and driver on the bus and Morah , principal and therapist at school. Can someone please explain why teachers are holding or wearing their phones while with our children. What benefit does it have to our children. Why is the phone always there like something else is more important than them.
We’re NOT. They sat with you , talking to you, holding you -while you were sick or sad. Now they are distracted and will likely hand you screen too so they don’t have to deal with you.
We’re NOT. They sat with you , talking to you, holding you -while you were sick or sad. Now they are distracted and will likely hand you screen too so they don’t have to deal with you.
Why are parents paying for their children to waste their life away? For them to do things and learn things they shouldn’t ? Why are high school girls clutching their phones a minute after school when they are with their friends. ? Whose call could they possibly have missed or be expecting ?!? Our selfie , post everything on social media status is starting way too young.
Who come home and look at their phone instead of their wife.
Also just part of the world now
But, al derech the Rebbe’s general approach, it would be better to give examples for both spouses, instead of just focusing on the mother. This is the first of these articles I’ve noticed from this author.
…To put this article on Social media site !
Everything can be used for the good or the opposite.
Sometimes we have to do things that are against in order to make a point
A SOCIAL media site. More media. Except the comments maybe
Es la’asos… heifeiru torasecha
Guys, ur all late. Walking up now when you’re all hopelessly addicted…what a shame. Shloime sternberg has been very adamant on this issue for literally years! He should’ve been taken more seriously. Nunu.
i successfully quit social media years ago and never went back.
What about the kids?
The girls and boys hiding the Devices!!!
Being a yente on Col and being on ur phone right now is ironic. For all those saying go off the phone YOURE ON IT RIGHT NOW! Practice what you preach your children are only copying you. Don’t sit on news websites and say that isn’t social media it’s the same time spent on the phone.
Practice what you preach! Your children are only copying what they see. And also to mention news websites can be as addicting as social media