New Year, Still in Prison

ROSH HASHONO AYIN BAYS

Teire Kinderlach Sheyichyu,

Yesterday was a fast day and it took a little to get my thoughts together, to be able to share with you about how Rosh Hashana was here in captivity.

Every day here has its extreme difficulties to live through. All of this gets magnified when it comes to Shabbos and Yom Tov. We take for granted the ability to go to shul, to daven and learn and then have time with the family by the table and with the chaveirim by the Kiddush that brings out the life and the spirit of the Yom Tov. It is the same for the seriousness of Rosh Hashana or for the simcha of Sukkos and Simchas Torah. There is the warmth and life that is felt and the Lichtikeit of Kedusha that you could feel in the air.

It is very different here, with the lifeless, frigid, cold and ugly darkness that surrounds you all the time.

Prison is a place that man makes in order to destroy the very makeup of the human mind, the heart and his soul. The time that people are here, causes changes that are really devastating and with total irreversable damage done to them.

It was the last day of the last year and Erev Rosh Hashana of the next year. I fervently davened to HASHEM to make it the day that I would be freed. I got up very early for Selichois that was said early in the morning alone, and without a Minyan and without another Yid to share the excitement of the Great and Holy Day that was coming. Then Shacharis, and some learning untill it was after lunch and suddenly there was a loud anouncement that there was a “Lock In” and everybody needed to go into their cells.

It was only a few hours before Rosh Hashano, and this was a surprise that I never thought of. Also, we were in the dark about how long this lock in would take, and there was no knowing of how long we would be locked into our cells. There is never any information given of why we were being locked in, and for how long we will locked in. I remebered the time the Bris of my ainikel Shimon Eliyahu Sheyichye and we were in our cells from friday till monday. It could also be possible that it would just last a few hours . I put my Bitachoin in HASHEM and started to say Tehilim, asking HASHEM to open the doors quickly so that we will have a Yom Tov. Baruch Hashem, a few hours later, and about 1 hour before Yom Tov began, the doors opened but only to the common area . A Minyan had been scheduled in the Chapel but I still needed permission to get from the common area to the chapel. I explained that its already about 6 o’clock, the time the Jewish New Year Services were scheduled to start, but the orders were that “they” would call me and I needed to wait untill they will call me to go.

I really wanted very much to light the Yom Tov Licht before Shkia, and also I needed to say HATORAS NEDORIM, with the Vollunteers that came for Yom Tov. Every minute of waiting felt like it was really dragging and finally about 6.30pm I was given permission to go to the chapel. It was already after Licht Tzinden time and ten minutes to Shkia, which gave me just enough time to say HATORAS NEDORIM, and BARCUH HASHEM that was done.

We had the great ZECHUS that “Aleph ” arranged that the Prison allow volunteers to came & make Yom Tov for us. We were able to have a Minyan for EVERY TEFILLA starting Maariv on Rosh Hashono till Maariv on Motzay Shabbos. It was like oxygen and life for those 3 days to Neshomos that were starved for so long without KEDUSHA .

I have learned over the years the inyan that says in the Gemara, that on Rosh Hashana HASHEM says “IMRY LEFONAI MALCHIYOIS” so that we are Mamlich HASHEM as King, and that is done thru the Shofar, which renews anew the TAANUG and the ROTZON of HASHEM LEMLUCHO. This is the inner Penimius Life of all Creation which gives existance for all energy to be.

On Rosh Hashana the Life that was given during the last year leaves and goes back into its source, which leaves the world in a state of like a fainted person with only the external existance being maintained, much like when a person does work when he is tired and has no real desire to do it.
when we make HASHEM our King the world is given a new life that has the TAANUG and ROTZOIN HASHEM in his creation.

Before we blow the Shofar, all of the Life on all levels of MAASEH DIBUR AND MACHSHOVO MIDDOIS AND SECHEL have left and returned to its source, thru the Shofar we bring down a fresh new life to give us a Good and Healthy Year in all things that we need.

This year in captivity I found another moshol that really can be felt and seen, if at least by me, and let me share it with you.

The whole captive experience, whether by design, or just the nature of it, is very similar to the Siluk and the leaving of the persons life in all levels. His MACHSHOVO DIBBUR AND MAASEH, is sapped of their TAANUG and ROTZOIN and become “Fartumelt”. HIS SECHEL AND MIDDOIS are changed daily by the constant attack on all the good that he has learnt to know and feel . The outer shell of the sechel and Middois, are there if only in a mechanical way, without the Penimius and inner feeling of life. The confining of a person and seperating him from his family and freinds and community, causes that his Penimius Hachayus is Nistalek and goes back into his Etzem Haneshama.

When a child is born, his Neshama enters his body and he has all the Koichois in a potential state. He has his mind with his sechel. He has his heart with his Middois or feelings, and he has the ability to “THINK TALK AND ACT” in a capacity of the Sechel and Middois that HASHEM has given him. There is a great effort expended from the parents and from the community to develop and BRING OUT his Neshama and reveal the qualities that he is endowed with. After many years, when he reaches manhood he will have matured at least to be able to deal with his life and fullfill his Avoidah in this world. This is a long and hard earned education of character building that has been built for the person over the years.

Yet this very life building that was so labouriously built, is systematically taken apart and dismanteled when the person is in captivity. All the TAANUG AND ROTZON for real life that he has been able to bring out from his Neshama, is attacked and his ability to THINK ,TALK ,DO ,FEEL ,UNDERSTAND are extinguished with the passing of time in confinement and separation.

There is no shouting of pain as the fire of life goes out drop by drop. Over the years in captivity all the Penimius of the persons life that has been revealed from his youth, leaves and returnes back into his soul. the person is changed forever. This could be compared to the extinuishing of life in a physical way or a debilitating disease that attacks the body and slowly eats away at the person with the end result of lifelessness
.
This is how I felt like on the night of Rosh Hashana, the life that has left us and our feeling faint with the loss of our penimiyus of life.

Then as we gathered as a Minyan, withTen Yidden, with their freindly and warm smile and words, we felt how the life was coming back into our Neshanmos. It was just as we have learned, that HASHEM renews his desire to give his Life to the world that he created on Rosh Hashnana. The Neshamos of the Yidden that are in captiivty all felt, the Life that HASHEM was injecting back into our sechel and middois and Machshovo Dibbur and Maaseh with the wonderful, dedicated volunteers who were Moser Nefesh to be with us and allow us to daven like yidden. During the Blowing of the Shofar when we said YIVCHAR LONU we felt refreshed with the new life that HASHEM is choosing us to be his Avodim and allow us to crown HASHEM as Our King.

During the davenning it was announced by the prison that they needed to count everybody who was in the chapel. The inmates were told to all line up and tell the officer their number as he checked off his list. Yes he was counting each one as they passed him by, but he had no concern for them as people just as a number.

How different is it when we say “KEVAKORAS ROIEH EDROIS MAAVIR TZOINOI TACHAS SHIVTOI KAYN TAAVIR VESISPOIR VESIMNOH” HASHEM WHO IS OUR SHEPPERD OUR ROIEH HAS RACHMONUS ON HIS YIDDEN ,ON HIS SHAYFELACH ,AND COUNTS THEM WITH LOVE AND BRINGS RACHMONUS INTO THE MISHPAT AND SEES WHAT HIS SHEEP NEED FOR THE NEW YEAR AND GIVES IT TO THEM SO THAT IT WILL CHANGE THEIR WAYS AND THEY WILL BECOME BETTER”.

As I was davening Mussof and said Unesane Tokef the words of VESIFTACH ES SEFER HAZICHROINOIS ,that the book is opened for all to see and read. How diffrent is it to be standing in front of Real Tedek Umishapat of HAKODOSIH BARUCH HU in contrast to all that closed book stuff where no one knows and no one can see what is happening even when its during a court case .It so different. Its as far as east is from west and even farther.

We Baruch Hashem were able to make Kiddush Together and wish each other a Leshono Tovo, with the firm Bitachon that we are Zoche Bedin in the KESIVA and with the GMAR CHASEEMA TOVO that we will all receive for a GOOD YEAR IN FREEDOM AND TOGETHER AND WE WILL BE ZOCHE TO THE GEULAH WITH MOSHIACH TZIDKAYNU BIMHAYRO BEYOMAYNU.

BESUROIS TOIVOIS
Sholom Mordechai halevi ben Rivka sheyichye

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