My Tishrei With Bipolar Disorder

By a chossid

I woke up the morning after Yom Kippur feeling a bit off kilt. As the day went on, it became more and more challenging to focus and be productive.

You see, I live with a condition called Bipolar I. According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, it is a chronic, treatable mood disorder with a relapsing and remitting course marked by manic episodes, with most patients also experiencing major depressive episodes.

It’s been years since my last manic episode, yet I am still vigilant every day to stay healthy and well and be there for my wife and children.

In order to stay in a good mental state, I need to be consistent about eating three times a day, going to sleep at a normal hour, and exercising daily.

Wondering why I felt off-kilt after Yom Kippur, I realized, “Oh ye, it’s Tishrei…” It’s been a bit of an intense couple of weeks. Rosh Hashana prep, long davening, late meals, (for Kapparos, my Mashpia instructed me not to do it late at night), Erev Yom Kippur meals, Mikva three times, helping at home and trying to keep focus on the upcoming holy day.

Over time, I came to appreciate the intensity of the past few weeks. I remind myself that although my condition plays a big role in my day-to-day, I cannot be hard on myself when trying my best to do everything I need to do during this marathon month of Yomim Tovim.

But then it dawned on me that we were only at the midpoint in the holy month of Tishrei!

Next up; the amazing energy of Sukkos, many l’chaims, late night farbrengens, Simchas Beis Hashoeva dancing until the early hours of the morning, Shmini Atzeres and Simchas Torah.

Just thinking about it makes me wonder how I will survive. I know it might be rough, but I find comfort in knowing what’s ahead of me, and having accepted my limitations, I am able to set boundaries of what I can and can’t do to keep myself in a healthy mental state.

I have come to the full understanding that taking part in the month of Tishrei is such a special, meaningful and fun experience. However, Hashem, in all His wisdom, created me in the way I am.

I am grateful for all the advances in medicine that allow me to show up to so many parts of Tishrei and to be able to celebrate with my loving wife and children. Thank you, Hashem!

So if you notice someone leaving early or not attending at all, please show a little sensitivity before rebuking them for abandoning a farbrengen and the like.

I am also sharing this in a public forum like COLlive in hopes that other community members suffering from mental and emotional illnesses will read this.

I hope that this little write-up can give us the strength to soak in the energy of the rest of the month and pray for us all to be fully present for all the incredible brochos that this awesome month provides.

May it propel us to have an amazing year filled with health, happiness, nachas and hatzlacha in everything we set ourselves to.

If you want to reach out, vent or whatever, feel free to reach me at [email protected]