Dear Friend,
I can tell you about the heartache of infertility, about the pain that only intensifies as I watch my friends, younger siblings and then some of my students move on to be young mothers B”H, while I am left behind. Or I can tell you about some of the more interesting Segulos I’ve tried. Esrog Jelly is actually not very tasty. Wearing a ruby. Asking 43 women to bake Challah for me on a Friday. I was Kvatter at enough Brissim, I think I can now upgrade to Mohel. Oh, and a scary smelling potion that a holy lady in Yerushalayim claims will do the trick.
I’d rather talk about some of the upsides of the miserable reality of infertility – of the strength I never knew I had, of the support I found in my husband and family, and most of all the new friends I made through the Crown Heights chapter of A T.I.M.E..
A TIME Crown Heights was founded by a group of women who saw a need for support and general education in the area of infertility in our community. Each month, a group of phenomenal women meet to become more educated, entertained and inspired by speakers and workshops. The Challah Demonstration was really fun with the famous Challah lady Mrs. Devorah Heller. Hearing from respected women in our community who have been through this same challenge really gives me the strength to go on. Yet best of all, we get a few blissful hours knowing that nobody there is wondering if we are expecting yet, or trying to calculate how long we are married, or bring up the topic about the latest and greatest baby products. The warmth and companionship, and yes, the shared pain, make our individual burdens a little easier to shoulder.
The atmosphere alone allows me to let go of the smiling facade I have constructed that will soon return once the two short hours of peace are over. It gives me back the social life that left me for the park with babies in tow. It gives me advice and an understanding shoulder. It gives me a place that I am accepted for who I am and not for the Nebach I might be mistaken for. Yes the pain is still real and sharp and nothing will take it away but it is a comfort to know that I’m not alone.
Yours Truly – Your sister, cousin, neighbor, or your best friend!
P.S. Don’t miss the opportunity!
A T.I.M.E Crown Heights invite all women experiencing infertility to join us for the next event with a Farbrengen / Q&A session with Rabbi Ulman, Shliach in Sydney, Australia. Come have all your questions answered with one of the leading Chabad Rabbonim in the matters of infertility.
This Shabbos afternoon, 23rd Sivan – 5:30pm IY”H
621 Crown Street #A6 (between Albany & Troy)
When mentioning this event to family and friends, please do so with sensitivity.
If you have any questions that you would like Rabbi Ulman to answer (they will be submitted anonymously), please e-mail us at [email protected]
I wish you all the Brochos that your wish be fulfilled. Just to say that in my community of Manchester, a not so young couple just gave birth naturally, to a beautiful baby boy after 27 years of marriage!!! This was their first pregnancy as evidenced by a further celebration of a Pidyon Haben B”H
Hatzlocha Rabah
As someone who went through that infertility stage for 7 years, I just want to give those of you that need it, my heartfelt wishes.
I BH have 4 children after trying everything, including IVF – more than once (in Israel, IVF does not necesitate taking out a second mortgage).
I was fortunate to have found my Shliach of Hashem, who helped it happen. May you all find yours, too.
I think the Rebbe’s recommendation in this area was not
suggested as a Segulah. rather as a Hora’ah, advice.
There is a difference.
Heartfelt Brochos to all who need them – in every area..
I’m also going through infertility, its painful and I started avoiding allot of people because I’m sick of their well meaning suggestions, although its an issue that is open for everyone to see that doesn’t give everyone the permission or chutzpah to give their 2 cents..
great post .
You missed the point of the article. This courageous woman has probably heard of this segulah and many others as she has already pointed out in her article. Enough with the segulas already, they can drive a person crazy!
This is so beautifully written! With tefillos that IYH U and all those yearning for a baby be blessed soon.
Im sorry for being so picky and I dont at all mean to be judgemental. I just think that you should change the title of the article from “My life of infertility” to “My life with infertility”. Infertility does not define your entire life; it is a challenge youre dealing with, one which G-d willing you will very soon overcome with simchos.
That dr told me the same thing. Im pretty sure we went to the same one (based on the info u gave) unfortunately RE is a branch of medicine that is more of a business, and most of these drs wont treat you if youre chances of success are low.
As someone with SIF, I actually once had a doctor tell me, “Sorry, I can’t help you. Just go home and enjoy the child you have.”
I felt like asking him which ones of his own several children he viewed as “optional”.
I sure wish he’d just stopped at “Sorry, I can’t help you.”
B”H It is so good to read such supportive, respectful comments. Thank you from a SIF-er who’s now too old to have any more kids. There are still so many who are misinformed. I lost track of how many people told me to “do what Curtis Sliwa’s sister did” — several years ago, she had twins well into her fifties, with the help of a doctor in NJ. However, what many do not realize when the news tells stories like this, is that some of the medical options are ossur for us in the frum world. For example, above a… Read more »
I don’t live in Crown Heights, and where I live there is no active ATIME. Boruch HaShem, I looked for those who could give me the support that I needed. I found the right Dr. as a shliach, and B”H I am expecting my first after a number of years of trying. Hashem should help every one of us be wonderful mothers with wonderful children.
Same here, so let’s do something about it. Problem is i dont want to expose myself. Do u go on the A Time boards? Maybe give me your screen name I’ll pm you. If u have a better idea let me know
amen!!!
They contributed and transferred the love they would’ve had for their own kinderlach… to the whole world! Everyone became their “children” (their mission) on which to impart chesed and Yiddishkite values to help bring Moshiach (with the help of Hashem, soon). You and your spouse together have much love and talent to provide to many people. While your window of time for fertility is propitious, may you have much hatzlacha in your efforts!
I have found in general very little support for us who are SIFers. Almost as if we should just shut up and be grateful for what we have. That our pain and suffering is not as real or allowed. Its a real shame. B”H we have found a wonderful RE who is supportive and does not discriminate based on how many children you have.
Did u just not read the letter?!
This particular month it is for primary and secondary though at the moment regularly it is geared to primary
This specific event is not for PIF only. In general the monthly events are. Because this is halachic info, it has been opened to all IFers
Amen
Is this Q and A session for PiF only?
They should have meeting for men also!!!
As someone who experienced infertility before they had a T.I.M.E, or binyan olam, all I can tell you is I am so happy that you have the support, advice, and company to help you through this!! This is a very special cause, and it’s importance should not be underestimated. It is very hard for someone who is going through infertility to be in a rum community which of courses about having a family and many simchot. Wishing you all the brochos speedily!!
In some instances the Rebbe recommended reviewing
the laws of Taharat HaMishpacha, even to those who were
already keeping them carefully.
Obviously no words can express how sincerely I hope your situation changes. That said, I applaud you for bringing this to the public eye. As a mother, I sometimes feel that I have ‘no right’ to talk about, or with, my friends who are still waiting for children. But as a friend, I so desperately want to reach out to them and support them in any way I can / they need. I’d love to see groups like this forming websites, etc, so I can post links on FB and help my friends connect to support networks in a non-invasive… Read more »
be’ezras hashem it will be on col in less than a year that u got a baby boy
As a man who has experienced infertility (thank G-d IVF has worked and I am a father) I can say that it infertility touches deep….