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Monday, 18 Kislev, 5780
  |  December 16, 2019

My Husband Lost His Job – Again

From the COLlive Inbox: My husband is a good man, but he's not able to keep a paying job. So it's pasta for dinner, no snacks, and less fruits and vegetables since they are so expensive. Full Story

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Advice
Guest
Advice

Be very careful to give maaser…even on your husband’s unemployment cheque and on your earnings. Even if you are eating pasta…..give maaser….give tzedakah, more than you can manage….G-d will send His blessings of wealth to you. Don’t despair,,,,it is all a test….and G-d wants to see if you can pass the test. Stay strong!! You will climb out of this.

count ur blessings
Guest
count ur blessings

Dear Lady count ur blessings u have a marriage a good man who cares about u and loves the family who learns davens and at least tries i wish my husband would daven with a minyan learn something be a role model of a chassidishe father spend time with his wife and family yes he makes money but bh it comes and goes i have a special child busy with therepy and worrying …. and whats so bad with getting government help if ur in that bracket what do u think if u don’t take they will save it???? medicaid… Read more »

advise buchrim should learn a trade
Guest
advise buchrim should learn a trade
Cheap dinner
Guest
Cheap dinner

I know this isn’t that helpful – but especially if you buy in bulk – brown rice and beans (lentils, black beans, kidney beans – whatever) can be a cheap, delicious meal. We eat it a lot.

change of place
Guest
change of place

how about moving to a place with a (substantially) lower cost of living? if for nothing else, then at least meshaneh mokoim mesheneh mazal

sol
Guest
sol

Let me start by bentching each and every person with the brocho of masbiah and harchovo bchol hamitzarech. who ever needs should be blessed directly in an open and revealed way with having enough geshem to live however they want to live i read this article with tears …. not tears of pity for the writer…. pity wont help anyone but tears because i have a feeling there are MANY MANY people in the same situation. I myself feel your real pain. My wages before tax are 100k and my wife works and we still don’t have enough to buy… Read more »

Shea Hecht can help!
Guest
Shea Hecht can help!

Shea Hecht is the best councelor/therapist in NYC!
He can help! call the NCFJE office 718 735 0200

Wii your children be better off?
Guest
Wii your children be better off?

What, if any, changes have you made that your children do not end up in the same rut? We keep doing the same thing over and over again, yet expect different results. Will your children have the job skills to earn a decent living? Will they be educated with marketable skills? How about your grandchildren – will they be any better off?? Ya, I know parnassah comes from the aibishter, but we must make a proper hishtadlus! Sorry, but kollel is not a hishtadlus. Neither is waiting for a non-existant shlichus! Bottom line: Education = parnassah with HKB”H’s help. Yes,… Read more »

eitza
Guest
eitza

It’s not only people with no good job training who are looking for work. Even if your husband had a decent job, he may have found himself unemployed. You have to picture in your mind your husband coming home from a good job and picture yourself being happy. Tell yourself that it is only a “test”.Your husband should say “yehei shema rabba” out loud and you both should make sure not to talk during davening and krias haTorah and make sure to listen to chazaras hashatz, making sure not to do anything during chazaras hashatz, even learning Torah or saying… Read more »

A Brocho
Guest
A Brocho

Although every rule has exceptions, please don’t medicate your stress! It is perfectly normal to be stressed under the conditions you’ve described. Drugs just put you in a mental straightjacket.

I don’t have resources to help you nor advice, but I pray that Hashem hears your pain and sends your way more money than you know what to do with.

Thanks
Guest
Thanks

Thank you for this heart-wrenching and oh-so familiar saga. It is amazing how you blame no one–not the system, not your husband, etc. etc. You are an inspiration! Forward thinking and solution oriented!

never to late
Guest
never to late

while your husband is unemployed he should take the opportunity to get an education with the many scholarships available so that t at his next job he can get paid well.

fsd
Guest
fsd

yes, have emunah, i agree, but it’s soo hard, cuz i was in same situation, i know. first, with 7 kids, and only u working you can definitely get food stamps and medicaid…period…get off your high horse, and take it, half of crown heights is on it. waht bothers me more is to see everyone’s kids having more than mine, and they don’t have money, so how are they doing it? seriously! food stamps and medicaid should help. let your husband do some dumb relaxing job off the books so that you can continue to get it, the end. i… Read more »

advice 2
Guest
advice 2

get counseling for couples (take some stress off)
project yes has career counseling (for teens – but you can ask)
make sure to look after yourself at this time i.e. sleep, exercise
(helps ease the stress)
must think positively, if you cant, ask Hashem to help.

a mother
Guest
a mother

that was my life story.
keep going be positive

just wondering....
Guest
just wondering....

was the pasta good (bc u keep mentioning about it)

Work
Guest
Work

Reality is that nowadays there is not a job (with not special skills)that pays well for a large frum family. If a family has 50k ,80k, 120, 150k income ,is not enouhg after taking taxes, tuitions, etc Someone can say, “hey! 150 k is ok! But .It is a circle, if you even make this money you do not have goverment benefits anymore, and you have to pay taxes If you win the megamillion, or if you get an inheritance,is a different thing, but al pi teba, you need to learn some skills or start a business at least there… Read more »

anonymous
Guest
anonymous

what is your husbands area of expertise?

Lesson to kollel ungerleit.
Guest
Lesson to kollel ungerleit.

Think about the future, what we be in 10 years. Dont just take any job that will make ends meet ‘for now’ if it leads no where. Or maybe do that but take courses to enable progression at the same time.
Have a goal and aim for it.

It is very nice expecting to go on shlichus but the shlichus option has dried up. Not many people by nature are entrepreneurs. So if you dont want to teach, you must make a plan.

Cope Institute
Guest
Cope Institute

I would suggest everyone, especially bochurim in 770 after semicha, to learn a skill. Any skill!! There are B”H wonderful, heimeshe programs out there that provide hundreds of yungerleit with marketable skills that translate into a proper parnassa. For example, Cope Accounting in Boro Park offers a short, 3 month course where students learn accounting skills. Many Lubavitchers have already gone there and now are bookkeepers, controllers and even accountants and CPAs. Their number is 718-506-0500. I think there is even a special grant from the UJA to pay for Crown Heights residents. Unfortunately, many bochurim rely on finding a… Read more »

Advice
Guest
Advice

I am in the same situation, I am very desperate. We are barely making ends meet, the only thing that is getting me by is Bitachon, plain and simple.

count ur blessings
Guest
count ur blessings

“The kids are B”H healthy, mostly well-adjusted, doing well in school and socially – and we are very grateful for that.”

money is the most common thing around some have more some have less but everyone has money

love, children, health friendship, are not as common, u sound luckier than most people i know, count ur blessings!

we all should!!

I understand
Guest
I understand

I have to ask: WHY does your husband have difficulty in keeping a job? Is it because his employers have to let him go because they go out of business? Is he incompetent? Doesn’t he produce? I feel for you. My son in law just lost his job because his boss went bust. literally overnight. A job one day…nothing the next. The difference seems to be that “Joe” will do anything…be a shlepper, answer phones, be a shadow for a special needs kid & so forth. He will go to NJ if he has to. He won’t turn anything down.… Read more »

hmmm
Guest
hmmm

It depends on the talent and experience he has…. He should for sure enroll in free courses… i’m actually thinking we need to sponsor free online professional courses..

I am going to email Dov Stein at MJI now.

To # 1
Guest
To # 1

your either a child or a fool, these people need help and Tsedokah for their own kids and your advising them to give away the bread on their table, Tsedokah BEGINS AT HOME.

maaser
Guest
maaser

isnt schar limud for ones children considered masser? ” The kids are older and so their chinuch expenses are larger”.

anonymous
Guest
anonymous

To #25

While charity must begin at home where does it say that tzeddakoh is for the rich (or comfortable)? also there is no need to call names just because someone else does not share your viewpoint.

To # 25
Guest
To # 25

Your missed one option: perhaps s/he is a foolish child?

Long Term Solution To This Problem
Guest
Long Term Solution To This Problem

DO NOT let our daughters marry bochurim who have no work skills.

from a job recruiter....
Guest
from a job recruiter....

As a professional job recruiter I can tell you that it is affecting ALL levels. Not just “dumb” jobs…

Help others and Hashem will pay you back
Guest
Help others and Hashem will pay you back

We have to know that everything comes from Hashem. Sometimes Hashem sends the parnasa through the wife and sometimes from the husband. If we accept that it is the Aibishter that sends us our parnasa we will not be depressed. What we need to do, is to shturim up limalah. If you have no job , look around to do chesed, give some time to visit a sick man or woman in the hospital, help be mashpia a boy who is going through a tough time. When we help others down here the aibershte blight nit a bal chov he… Read more »

Hayom Yom
Guest
Hayom Yom

The Rebbe says in Hayom Yom that no matter how much we work, worry stress out , etc. it is the Aibershter who gives us our parnassah. No matter how long or hard we work we will not make a penny more then is ordained. We have to make the vessel, Hahem does the rest. I had taken courses after marriage & had a good job for many years. Downsizing came along and I along with many professionals with degrees were let go. Took more courses found a job but not the greates pay. We must have bitachom otherwise we… Read more »

(347) 770-JOBS
Guest
(347) 770-JOBS

Please call the number and leave yours or your husband’s name and phone number. No, we’re not making any promises, but after speaking to your husband we can put together a career skills development track and leverage resources and opportunities from our extended network. We cn even teach him networking skills if it makes sense.

to 12 and 25
Guest
to 12 and 25

To 12: They dont have enough money to take off work for that, i think thats the point?
To 25: #1 is right. One is never to poor to give Tzedaka. It does not matter if your rich or a beggar, you must give Tzedaka, so what do you mean by “Tzedaka begins at home”?

to #1
Guest
to #1

its like saying if a begger gets 10 cents he needs to give 1 to thedakah

thank you for your advices,
Guest
thank you for your advices,

i recently lost my job too, and i’m in a similar situation, my question is how am i supposed to cover for expenses during the time i’m learning a new skill? any advice?
thank u for your concern. tizku lemitzvos

some advice
Guest
some advice

Several friends of mine who went through difficult times financially greatly benefited from the food that Spielman on President st distributes for this reason. Many many poeple have taken cans and goods from them and it is not considered undignified particularly as it’s for your family.
Wishing you hatzlacha. Remember to keep on building up your husband instead of criticizing. It sounds like he’s trying and mazel has alot to do with success.

Free employment training
Guest
Free employment training

Workforce 1 offers free classes for people on unemployment at numerous schools and in numerous fields. Wise to take advantage!

post smicha
Guest
post smicha

i have just finished smicha and looking fo a job, i want to get an education but its the “unchassidish” thing to do, and will effect my shidduch, im so lost its all so confusing. do u just get married and then suddenly its ok to go to college?? and once you are married, you have too many expenses to be in school, u have to get a job just to pay the bils.

can someone help me? advice? numbers? ideas?

been there
Guest
been there

Go for the food stamps and medicaid, while at the same time taking courses in whatever field interests you. I believe there are grants available, check with the unemployment office for possible help in this area.

Read beyond the Symptoms
Guest
Read beyond the Symptoms

Go for couple therapy. Find money for it. Normal people and healthy people can keep a job. Find out why the jobs are not being kept. Go to a therapist that has a degree not lifestyle coaching. There is a issue that doesn’t meet the eye. Find out what the issue is that’s the biggest bracha. Don’t deprive your family of basics food, rent, clothes. Money is not the issue. There must be a mental issue behind this. Find out what it is. That will allow you and your husband to heal. If you desire to stop debting then go… Read more »

Advice and Shock
Guest
Advice and Shock

Im amazed at the sheer stupidity of some of the answers, its actually quite shocking…

Where I’m from, we have a frum organization in charge of employment, with everything from training, networking, job finding for the Jewish Community, an organization like this is essential for a big community…

Education always helps too, even a part time course, to get some sort of qualification under your belt…

Health
Guest
Health

Boruch Hashem the family is healthy. So many people would give their wealth to have the normal health that we take so so so much for granted.

Dont exercise before trying exercise!
Guest
Dont exercise before trying exercise!

If you must medicate, then do so. BUT FIRST TRY EXERCISE! Running up and down the stairs, walking briskly down Eastern Parkway, doing jumping jacks, etc. releases chemicals in the brain that help relieve tension and release “feel good” chemicals. It’s a known proven fact. So try exercise first – 20 minutes or more DAILY and see if it helps. At first it may tire you out, but keep it up and see what a tension reliever exercise can be. (Medication may be needed too, but try something natural – medication has side affects.)

Thank you for sharing your story
Guest
Thank you for sharing your story

When the time came to find a Shidduch for our oldest single daughter, she asked us if we were okay with a bocher with a secular education and a solid secular job. She had been working at an out of state Lubavtich cheder, and told us about this bocher who davened at the Shliach’s Shul. I must admit that at first we were very against the idea of a bocher for our daughter who wasn’t a chossid, but in view of situations like this post and based also on our own family’s situation (very similar to this post), we agreed… Read more »

Own Business
Guest
Own Business

Out of respect and empathy with people of difficult financial situations, especially ones which require skills/jobs, I would suggest to start your own business. It doesn’t take much to buy something cheap and small and sell it. It would give a confidence boost that YOU CAN DO IT. MAke sure it is not a gimmick or silly, otherwise just about any schora will do. Many people have started selling on etsy for example and other places by creating their own product. Promote yourself and your product. Dont be shy to market outside of you daled amos. Buy for $1 sell… Read more »

to #25
Guest
to #25

your probably not a child, but a fool nonetheless (and for sure a lubavitcher) i want to preface that i’m in the same situation. the dinim of maaser take into account these situations and a competant rav can help make those decisions. if i remember correctly the Rebbe writes about this as well. sadly, i cannot say that there is much assistance available. as with every other issue that comes up on this site, only lubavitch cant figure out how to help our own. and in dignified ways. and as for children, אשכחיה ר’ יוחנן לינוקא דריש לקיש אמר ליה… Read more »

Community Liaison for NYC Council Member Darlene Mealy, District 41
Guest
Community Liaison for NYC Council Member Darlene Mealy, District 41

On the practical side, there are job fairs out there but in this environment, aside of course from davening, one must prepare to arrive at least an hour early unless you don’t mind if there are 1000 people in front of you.(I recommend keep your comfortable shoes and water in a tote)I believe there is a job fair this week, October 20th or 21st, being sponsored by the NY Post in Manhattan. Get your resume up to par by having someone professional check it and print at least 10. You can even go on line to resume help sites. Meanwhile,… Read more »

counselling
Guest
counselling

Maybe the husband just has not had mazel yet, or maybe he needs some counselling to figure out what went wrong with the previous jobs or what type of job he would enjoy.

The big city costs...
Guest
The big city costs...

Consider moving to any one of many Lubavitch communities that have started popping up – many within driving distance of New York City. The cost of living in these places are a fraction of what your expenses are now. This applies in many areas including Chinuch and are primarily felt in the day to day expenses you incur in life. Housing tends to be close to HALF of what people in Crown Heights are paying. Gas cost less. Electricity, food, and much more… The irony of it is that together with a decrease in your expenses comes an increase in… Read more »

WHY IS AN UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK BETTER THAN FOOD STAMPS/MEDICAID??
Guest
WHY IS AN UNEMPLOYMENT CHECK BETTER THAN FOOD STAMPS/MEDICAID??
you need foodstamps/medicaid...
Guest
you need foodstamps/medicaid...

i cant understand the determination not to use the help that can be there for you- and save yourself a lot of pain and frustration…why is an unemployment check more acceptable to u than medicaid?- do what you need to do to make your life more comf!

feel you
Guest
feel you

it’seasy to say to someone else count your blessings or look at the good.takeh the fact that your your husband is a mentsh and that your children are well bgashmi ubruchni are fantastic BH but still Hashem can give it all. enough nisyoinois already.if we don’t get moshiach soon,i just don’t know.

This can work if you want it to.
Guest
This can work if you want it to.

I can’t put the details down here but feel free to call me at (917) 346-6384.

Hatzlacha RAbba!

The pronouncement touched me
Guest
The pronouncement touched me

For all the problems you mentioned I see that you seem to be a good person and you will find a way to get out the problems.

Dont pay attention for the easy solutions that people advise like do that, give this etc. You need to think seriously the situation, list the people you know that might help finding good job etc. and bederech hateva things will be resolved, Go’d willing.

Attention parents:
Guest
Attention parents:

Please start teaching your children a trade, even if you want them to be on Shlichus or in other holy work.

The Gemoroh in Kidushin 29a says “a father is obligated to teach his son Torah… and a trade”, there is no contradiction, and the Gemoroh continues: “and whoever does not teach his son a trade [its as if] he taught him to be a thief”!

#45
Guest
#45

Sorry but that doesn’t sound like any Chassidishe families idea of a solution to the problem…

Don't be a "Hero", stand up for Yourself
Guest
Don't be a "Hero", stand up for Yourself

i can relate completely – i myself am a husband and father looking for a job. Finances are difficult, but that i don’t believe is the issue. i am taking the steps to get a job, and i trust that hashem will direct me to the appropriate job, which will be best for myself and to support my family. Now a few words for you and your husband – i don’t believe in any way, shape or form you should be justifying your husbands lack of motivation and commitment to any job. My wife would never tolerate that. i have… Read more »

Bring your anxieties to Hashem
Guest
Bring your anxieties to Hashem

When i am anxious about something, I find that it is very helpful during the amidah prayer, to take the opportunity to pour out my heart to Hashem at the two points where there is the place to do so — 1) In the “rifa’einu Hashem” section, pause just before “Ki keil melech” and pour out your heart asking Hashem for healing of all your anxieties, as well as your husband’s, and for healing of anyone else you know of — physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. 2) In the “shma koleinu” section, pause just before “Ki attah shomea” and pour… Read more »

Lets all leave Chabad?
Guest
Lets all leave Chabad?

From most of the comments here (especially number 45) our system doesn’t work, so let’s all leave Chabad. What is a Bochur supposed to think when he reads these comments that people won’t let him go out with their daughters because they followed the system and didn’t drop out and go to college?! How many bochurim look around these days and see that the guys who dropped out, trim their beards (or shave them off), get the best girls from the best families? If all life is about is money, the whole Chabad thing is a waste of time, lets… Read more »

Perhaps a bit obviouus..
Guest
Perhaps a bit obviouus..

Perhaps consider utilizing the time off to take some courses? Consult a career counselor to work out a strategy for short and long term marketability. Examine alternatives for aid from the government. Perhaps have a frank discussion with him about why R”L the jobs keep getting lost. Is it really due to the economy or factors outside his control?

Most important of course is bitachon. Sometimes we make the keli, and sometimes Hashem provides that as well. May you see speedy yeshuos bgashmius ubruchnius, bsoch shaar klal yisroel!

to 39
Guest
to 39

Try do an online course/degree if going to college is unchasiddish. If you have a BA you could master in Business etc. A lot of frum girls would be more happy if you could put food on the table, that is the reality.

lynda.com very low-cost computer training online
Guest
lynda.com very low-cost computer training online

lynda.com is a $25/month online training library that teaches many basic and not-so-basic computer-related skills. You can view some sessions for free and no sign-up, and upgrade when you feel it necessary.

Charaidie equals poverty
Guest
Charaidie equals poverty

Charaidie is Synonymous with poverty. We have a very serious issue!

You can’t have it both ways.
Guest
You can’t have it both ways.

My fellow Lubavirtchers, commentators on this article. You cannot have it both ways, either you want our youth to grow up chassidish, with beards, hat & jacket, Chitas, Rambam, no TV etc… Or you want them to go to college get good degrees and make lots of money, but then you will have to give up on the whole chassidish thing and except a more “young Israel chabad” sort of mish mash. At the moment you are giving the youth mixed messages, you send them as young kids to Oheli Torah, and expect them to morph into college grads, without… Read more »

To #45
Guest
To #45

Your doughter ASKED you if it was ok with YOU that she marries someone who is able to feed her and not live on food stamps like her parents? That sounds ridiculous…

Crown Heights life is too expensive
Guest
Crown Heights life is too expensive

Has anyone ever considered that life here is too expensive? $1,800 per month for a three bedroom apt?! kosher food 20% more expensive on this area then most others? Section 8 going to people who don’t really need it? tuition breaks going to the “connected”?
Perhaps we can learn from our bothers in Williamsburg how to take care of our struggling families with dignity, instead of telling them to frie out and go to college?
How comes other communities can sort themselves out but we can’t?

chas v'sholom
Guest
chas v'sholom

To these who r sayeng dat we shud teach the hailiger kinderlach the tumos of math and anglish (hashem yerachem), I wud advice u find a mashpia tekef umiyad, and may hashem hav mersi on ur sols!!!!

Financial Problems.
Guest
Financial Problems.

Financial problems is one of the biggest culprits in marriage problems.

Yet, I agree with all those who say that you should be grateful for what Hashem has given you.

Please read this article from forbes.com titled “Money Won’t Buy You Happiness”.

http://www.forbes.com/2004/09/21/cx_mh_0921happiness.html

a bit of advice.
Guest
a bit of advice.

When looking for employment try to be proactive and not passive. by this I mean don’t wait until a business is seeking a worker and then reply. this way it will be very hard if not almost impossible to get a job. By being proactive I mean look at companies and businesses and think what you can do for them and then offer them your services. this way you will have a much better chance of getting employment. statiscally speaking, when responding to an advertisement your chances of getting the job is about 4%. but when being proactive your chances… Read more »

learn !!!!
Guest
learn !!!!

Learn Sha’ar Habitachon from the Chovos Halevovos it wont help with the bills but i promise you it will help with stress

maybe...
Guest
maybe...

the problem here is the cost of frum living? Tuition? High prices in CH stores…

Bandaids and solutions
Guest
Bandaids and solutions

Unfortunately, your dillema is all too familiar and far too many families find themselves in similar situations. At least you had the courage to write about it. You sound like a very devoted and supportive wife with lots of respect for your husband, yet, thereappears to be an obvious communication gap as you have been silent all these years, accepting yet at the same time, resenting, your husband taking “all these stupid jobs”. Were they “smart” and acceptable as long as they “paid the bills” and only became “stupid” now that you are struggling? Did you and your husband ever… Read more »

so touched
Guest
so touched

I have nothing by admiration for the way this lady expresses herself, with no trace of anger at the system or at her husband, and while I can see the love in this family which is all the more inspiring, this article and certain of the comments should be plastered on the walls of every moisad’s staff room in every city. I’m going to tell you a true story that is at a tangent to this article, but perhaps therein lies the root of our collective problem and please forgive me for not being as magnaminous. There are headmasters and… Read more »

Offer Job
Guest
Offer Job

From over 60 posts and many readers, I’m shocked that no one had one job to offer. You should learn from outside communities what community means. Offering someone a job is the highest form of Tzedaka. In the meantime please forward some kind of contact, so that a grocery store in town will have snacks waiting for you to pick up. The best therapy is for you to understand that it’s ok for you to accept help from others when you need it and be there for others when they do. May this challenging situation be short lived and may… Read more »

To #39
Guest
To #39

Make a list of pros and cons of working towards a parnossa. MAKE SURE to have a mashpia that you can discuss your options with. If he has concerns for your ruchnius, see if you can present a plan that will make him comfortable, such as having many shiurim etc. Don’t focus on college. It actually does more harm than good in most instances because you start thinking that the BA will help and all it does is make you less open minded and more square. If you want to get educated go to a trade school to learn a… Read more »

Aliya
Guest
Aliya

First, my heart goes out to you and your family. This is a situation we can all imagine being in and could happen to any of us. I admire your strength. I’m surprised no one has mentioned making Aliya. While life in EY can have its trials, not having to worry about tuition and medical care is a big plus. Till then, has your husband considered using his time off between jobs to get trained in a new field. There always is a need for plumbers, auto mechanics, and similar skilled vocations. With those skills you can also eventually open… Read more »

me....
Guest
me....

in the first paragraph, the author wrote “He’s a good man, my husband. Good to me, good to the kids, helpful in the community, good to his family and mine, he goes to shiurim, davens with a minyan 3 times a day, learns his Chitas, Rambam, and other things from the Dvar Malchus. He’s a good person. He’s a real mench” just out of curiosity, and yes I hope he is able ti find a job etc etc but how the hell does all that prove that someone is a good person? this really ticks me off. My EX husband… Read more »

moshiach
Guest
moshiach

that america . im sure in canada its better yes americans hate canada but the fact is that canda is doing better finacially than america

crown heigthts
Guest
crown heigthts

Most of the family’s in crown heights is in the same boat not only that in order to make a decent living both parents has to work

Stop paying tuition!
Guest
Stop paying tuition!

If you CAN’T, this should be the first thing to go. If you can, pay as much as possible & pay on time. Tuition today is for the comfortable (not even the rich.) The poor shouldn’t be squeezing every last penny out and then have to worry how to feed these kids who are getting an expensive “education”. Yeah, right! They come out not knowing anything anyway.

Brachos iy'H!
Guest
Brachos iy'H!

You sound like a genuinely good devoted mother and wife! Hashem will iy”H bless you with strength, sholom bayis, parnassa, happiness and nachas with good shidduchim for your children!

the core
Guest
the core

What was the rebbe thinking when he forbade college? not that a college degree guarantees a well paying job..but, there’s more of a chance.

To #78
Guest
To #78

“Good to me, good to the kids, helpful in the community, good to his family and mine”
What about this line didn’t you understand? don’t project your bad experiences on her…

Fegs/parnassah works
Guest
Fegs/parnassah works

One member of our family got a grant for job training from Jewish Federation’s and BH got a job. He isn’t rich but BH at least can handle the basics. Look up their website.
To #74: I believe in homeschooling. Our schools are ruining kids.

have rachmunus..she would for you!
Guest
have rachmunus..she would for you!

#78
Expressing your concerns for yourself is important…thats why you got out of a horrible relationship. but this lady is stating her own opinion of her husband and that is up to her to do. you need to find someone like that who will love and care for you without abusing you. you should be bentched to find a heiligah shiddiuch b’shaah tova!

what's wrong with public assistance?
Guest
what's wrong with public assistance?

“B”H, we were able to keep off of Food Stamps and Medicaid ” Halevay we could receive food stamps, Medicaid, WIC, etc. I assume this is the case with most average-to-lower-than-averagely-incomed families: Most of my husband’s parnosa goes to heath insurance and any time we need to use medical services (for example, to have a baby, which B”H seems to happen rather a lot in our frum circles), we still need to pay thousands in co-pay. Medicaid and any other government assistance programs, are our right as tax payers (or as former tax payers in the case of someone who… Read more »

to 78
Guest
to 78

please do post about your ex
Abuse is big issue today and is ignored in Lubavitch
I have a friend whose husband is verbally abusiv.Everyone thinks that he is just darling.Sad story.All the learning im the world amd davening means nothing if he can be abusive to his wife………..My heart breaks for her but there is not much that I can do for her besides for being supportive…

to 78
Guest
to 78

I’m sorry you were in a bad relationship, but she writes clearly that her husband is good to her and the kids. So just take a chill pill and relax. Just because you had a bad experience, it doesn’t mean all women have your negative experiences.

motivation
Guest
motivation

at least he is willing to work!!!!!!!!I know a lot of people in this community that are unempoyed and their wives work while they do nothing!Shameful and disgraceful……………

to all the commentators...
Guest
to all the commentators...

To all the commentators that told this mother to be thankful for all her good and appreciate the good: First of all she does appreciate it. Secondly she is not complaining over a small nuisance in her life, her issue is very real and tremendous. Parnassah is crucial. It is like telling a parent of a disabled child, don’t complain at least you have 7 healthy children. There are 3 basic foundations that are the core of our existence, parnassah is one of them. So it’s nice to have children and health but does that mean it is enough? Yes… Read more »

just an idea
Guest
just an idea

the schools have milk, bread, and other food that’s being put in the garbage every day i wonder how we can organize to collect it all and have familys take

to number 78
Guest
to number 78

if those things don’t contribute to making a guy a good person…then what exactly does?!?!?!?!

Earning a degree doesn't have to be a stira to Chassidishkeit
Guest
Earning a degree doesn't have to be a stira to Chassidishkeit

Now that you’ve all recovered from reading the subject line, here’s what I have to say: To #39: I am in the same boat as you. I completed basic smicha last year, and have decided to spend a couple years studying to earn a commerce degree. I personally am not business-ly inclined; my strengths lie in other areas such as writing and language, but I felt that practically speaking, business offers more avenues of opportunity as far as Parnossa goes. And in the klei kodesh department, although my year of smicha taught me that I am indeed capable of giving… Read more »

Hope this won't sound trivial, but...
Guest
Hope this won't sound trivial, but...

It is very important to dress for success. Some men & ladies don’t put enough effort into their “packaging”. As we age, it is even more imperative. Our appearance is the first impression we give others. Studies show that attractive people do better. Perhaps a trip to Syms and a new hat would be an investment in a brighter future.

Very Sad
Guest
Very Sad

It is very sad to hear your story. I wish and pray for you. I just recently spoke to a friend of mine who himself is going through a very though time. Unfortunately, I do not have the means and connections to help him. I lost sleep over that. I can’t help but to wonder sometimes about the Rebbe telling us that the more kids the more brocho with parnasa when in reality it appears that many big families are struggeling. I chas vesholom am not questioning the Rebbe but it is hard to watch many many large families with… Read more »

I cried when I read this...
Guest
I cried when I read this...

and I don’t cry often…

A. Shliach

to #78
Guest
to #78

this woman has a right to decide what to her is a good man-
and if you read properly, she began by saying that he is good to her and the kids….

never be ashamed
Guest
never be ashamed

of anything you are doing honestly in order to feed and clothe your family.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH GETTING FOOD STAMPS OR MEDICAID IF YOU NEED TO.

Do NOT be ashamed of it.

TO ALL
Guest
TO ALL

As long that we don’t start teaching our kids some trades, we will be reading more of the same. For some strange reason, we perfer our kids to waste time around(770 etc) than to go learn a trade!
So far it is evident (walk on kingston Ave.), that not learning English and Math dos not guarenties chasidishe guys! However, it dos increases the chances of poverty and reliance on government programs!

good luck
Guest
good luck

call NCFJE it sounds like you and your husband are very down and you don’t want it to affect your children. They could help you in many ways. Speak to Rabbi Shea Hecht 718-735-0200.

Thank you COLlive!
Guest
Thank you COLlive!

First of all for bringing up this issue it is really important and awareness can always help others understand and help is they can.

Perhaps you can be a part of the solution!

I believe that you are the only Chabad website that offers classifieds, perhaps if you actively encourage employers with an article or through some other ways to advertise in your classifieds it may help with a few jobs.
Maybe you can even have a section for courses etc.

To #83
Guest
To #83

How dare you use such despicable words against the Rebbe! The Rebbe’s words are eternally true regardless of your understanding.

TRUTH SAYS:
Guest
TRUTH SAYS:

1)UNEDUCATED PEOPLE TEND TO EARN LESS AND HAVE HARDER TIME WITH PARNASA.
2) LARGE FAMILY GENERALY SPEAKING, TEND TO SUFFER MORE FROM POVERTY.
3)PUSHING PEOPLE TO BE UNEDUCATED AND AT THE SAME TIME HAVE LARGE FAMILY, PUT THEM IN A VERY BAD CONFLICT!!!
FACTS ARE FACTS!!!!!

Lets set up an emplyment seeking network for anash
Guest
Lets set up an emplyment seeking network for anash
Tuition problem for some
Guest
Tuition problem for some

I didn’t get a chance to read all 100 comments, but if no one mentioned it yet, the reason why so many families are suffering is because of the tuition that the schools need. My husband and I both work full time. Up until about 5 years ago we lived ok. ok meaning we had enough to pay our bills and feed and cloth the children B’H. Now all that money that was used for everyday living is used for tuition. We got rid of the cleaning lady, canceled the exterminator the gardener and everything else and the schools want… Read more »

Job
Guest
Job

B&H phot in Manhatten is hiring!
Send a resume via their website.
on the bottom of the first page.
good luck…

Non profit recruiting agency
Guest
Non profit recruiting agency

Feel free to provide me with your and /or your husbands resume. I will try to work with it.
[email protected]
(718) 709 -5310

Shalom DovBer
Guest
Shalom DovBer

If a couple are not going on Shlichus and do not have family who can help financially, there should be no reason a married man cannot earn a degree so he can earn a parnosoh to support his family.
unskilled labor pays very little

Help at the local public library
Guest
Help at the local public library

The public library has much in the way of career counseling and test preparation. Many decent citizens go there to find out about jobs and their necessary skills. The internet also has helpful job sites, e.g. Vault, CareerBuilder, and LinkedIn. Having an electronic profile online may be appropriate for your husband and for others looking for work. IMHO, the web is not that much more dangerous than classified ads in the newspapers. Always check with a reliable source to see if an attractive ad is a scam. I work with college-graduates who find that their work is being outsourced to… Read more »

rent
Guest
rent

maybe i am naive maybe i have no idea about business ,but the rent being charged in ch is brutal. wealthy people who own many buildings charging young couple very high rent plus putting it up every year seems to me a bit heartless.I have a sibling in crown heights in a two bedroom apartment with 3 kids ,has a wealthy landlord that insists on the rent going up everyyear ,how do these couples have a chance,

#78
Guest
#78

Your husband did all that and more? he was good to you and good to your kids? maybe he davened 3 x a day and said chitas, but if he was good to you and more, then whats the problem?When you write to col, will you say how good he was to you and your family?? will you say he was a real mentch just like the authors husband is? I am sorry for what you went through but there is a big difference bet ur ex and this womans husband.

help in the Community council
Guest
help in the Community council

Someone that I know got help writing a resume at the CH Jewish community council. Also, with regard to bochrim in college, a number of rabbonim recently addressed that issue and told bochrim that if they decided to leave yeshiva to learn a trade, they should endeavor to be the best that they could possibly be at that trade. A Jew is put in this world to learn Torah but it is recognized as imperative to learn a trade. Unfortunately, college teaches many ideas not related to parnassah that are anti-Torah. Obviously a frum person must take measures to protect… Read more »

Mendel
Guest
Mendel

like it say in pirkei avos perek 3 mishne 13 “maasros syag losher” and in chumas in sefer bereishis where it talks about maaser it says “aser taser” so rashi asks why does it say 2. so rashi answers that the 2. aser is milashon osher(rich) “aser bishvil shetisasher” give maaser in order to become rich, #2 always remember that there are people who are in a worse case the u, in other words the 3. main things that a person gets from h’ is kids, life and food(in other words money to buy food) be happy you struggling with… Read more »

Listen to #50!
Guest
Listen to #50!

Whoever wrote that has a lot of very good points brought out very, very well.

MY 2 Cents
Guest
MY 2 Cents

It was very painful reading this article. i bless u with wealth and health.

Now to all CH residents the problem in Ch is people try living beyond there finance means ( fancy cars and clothes) and there will be a large bubble to burst when CC debit is Trillion’s. get a trade PHY or CPA and many others.

PS bye some FAZ and short BAC!!!

RENT IN CH IS WAY TOO HIGH-FOR EVERYONE
Guest
RENT IN CH IS WAY TOO HIGH-FOR EVERYONE

We need more reasonable rent, even for people with decent jobs. People from our community with professional jobs cannot keep up with the rent here. What happens next is that only people from outside will be able to rent. And what happens to our community? Think about it.

Chabad College
Guest
Chabad College

Why not open a college in Crown Heights for frum people to teach computer programing, accounting, etc? One for men and one for women? Get people ready to make a professional life if they don’t want to go into business or shlichus, etc. So much of our money goes outside Crown Heights and the community suffers financially. We need to fund tuition through donors and get the gov’t to contribute to the schools if we can. Many people do not want to be frum or strugle with it because they feel that they cannot make a good living being frum… Read more »

to 16
Guest
to 16

lol

call Zaki
Guest
call Zaki

or fishul

to #83
Guest
to #83

you have chutzpa for your language in how you question one much greater than you that can see way further than yourself- and you do so with foolish arrogance like a child who thinks he knows better. the bottom line is its quite obvious that those who go to college become much weaker in their spiriyuality- thus hurting themselves for life- their entire set of priorities get completely twisted and messed up- gashmiyus become their priority and down the line many wound up spending their life pursuing nothingness and a false sense of happiness.

life
Guest
life

It’s good that you have hope. I find it important to accept life on life’s terms. See a therapist

Partial solution
Guest
Partial solution

Vote for The Rent Is Too Da– High Party!

unfortunately?
Guest
unfortunately?

“Unfortunately, many bochurim rely on finding a shlichus” #20 says. Is that something you can imagine the Rebbe saying?

to #45
Guest
to #45

What is your point? That Lubavitchers should marry non-Lubavitchers if they make lots of money?

no shame?
Guest
no shame?

#73 writes, “There should be no shame in applying for food stamps, medicaid, rent subsidy, and any of the other benefits out there for those who truly need it.” Do you say the same for receiving Tomchei Shabbos packages?
We ask Hashem in bentching: please don’t let us need gifts of man nor their loans, just Your full, open, holy and broad hand, so that we will not be EMBARRASSED nor SHAMED forever.” So although people may be forced to take hand-outs, it is considered, by our Sages, as a shameful thing.

re aliya
Guest
re aliya

to #77 Perhaps the reason nobody mentioned it is that aliya is strongly not recommended for families with children over 8 years of age and this family has children of shidduchim age on down! Children 8 and under stand a good chance of acclimating to a different culture, language and mentality. It is a very risky chinuch move for older children.

shlichus
Guest
shlichus

If someone does not have special skills, just go shlichus
if you do not make money anyways, better to do something that makes a difference in the world.Moshiach now!

Community Council!
Guest
Community Council!

Are you listening?

Chutzpa #41
Guest
Chutzpa #41

You are better off looking in the mirror than judging others.
Obviously you need to be in their place to be able to understand them. You must have easy money which affects your judgement of upstanding fine people who need Sayato Dishmayo like all of us. May Hashem give them parnoso beharchovo!

to #69
Guest
to #69

Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

If being rich makes people sad, and being poor also makes you sad, I’d rather live sad with money then without.

Stress is caused by 3 things: Money. Family. And FAMILY WITH NO MONEY.

A recession is when you your neighbor loses his job. A depression is when you lose your job. A recovery is when Nancy Pelosi loses her job

בשעה שאמר הקב”ה לי הכסף ולי הזהב באו ישראל ואמרו אני לדודי ודודי לי

to #94
Guest
to #94

Are you still single?! How old are you?! I know about a million girls that are looking for your type with your balance. I know a great girl – seriously…

Therapist and Debtors Annonymous
Guest
Therapist and Debtors Annonymous

try a therapist to understand what is causing this all within you and within yor husband. I have been usng Debtors Annonymous and I am seeing some nice results.

Peru Urevu
Guest
Peru Urevu

In reply to at least one comment. Having a large family has nothing to do with how much money you have. Yes, Hashem does send parnassa for each child that is born. There are very small families that struggle terribly and some large families that are doing o.k.. It is not the child that makes one rich or poor. It’s many other facters. As a father of a large family said ” ! was just as poor with one, as I am with nine.” .There maybe other things in the community, that need to be fixed like tuition, rent etc.… Read more »

to # 129
Guest
to # 129

No, they’re not. They’re too busy fighting & worrying how to pay Rabbi Braun $150,000.

“Joe” my son in law could do the job for half the salary, no house, & no relocation expenses.

Someone PLEASE HELP MY SON IN LAW!

Which School?
Guest
Which School?

To #74
That’s outrageous and so upsetting! Which school/ teacher was this? People need to know.

response to #127 from #77
Guest
response to #127 from #77

Yes, there should be no shame accepting from Tzedokah if one is truly needy and is not here to abuse the system. Yiden have always been there for each other throughuot all the generations, Areivim zeh lazeh. The problem we see in charity, is that unfortunately, for the most part, families who raise children benefitting from Tomchei Shabbos, CSSY, CCJC, etc, usually ingrain this type of mindset and behavior into their children and so it continues from generation to generation, without ever ending the cycle. But if one lost his job, has a family illness, and simply can’t make it… Read more »

hmmmm
Guest
hmmmm

I have to disagree with many.. paranasah comes from hashem, my father has a graduates degree and does not enjoy it so he works elsewhere making more on a profession requiring 0 degree. I did not attend secular high school and bh building up a large business. So what is the key ? First you need a basic knowledge of finances. Build up your credit when young and dont spend what you dont have.. start saving at age 12!! When asked what he thought was the most amazing thing in the universe, albert einstein replied “compound interest” My mother nagged… Read more »

hmmmm
Guest
hmmmm

oops my comment posted early..its my belief that internet based jobs are the way to go.

SEO (search engine optimization) is very in demand. Internet marketting is booming like nuts…

Sell stuff on ebay.. it can be tuned into a family business and is very simple..

First start selling anything of value around the house you dont need, once you get an idea of selling you will get ideas.

Consider learning spanish or chinese, global trade is booming, exports to latin america are flowing.. same goes for china mnfctr’ng…

Inspiration on this matter
Guest
Inspiration on this matter

See igros kodesh volume 21 pages 256-257

Narrow-Mindedness
Guest
Narrow-Mindedness

To #121

This is #94. Please read my previous post. I am a firm believer that earning a university degree for the purpose of parnossa and living a spiritual life dedicated to Torah and Mitzvos- with the priority being the latter- are not mutually exclusive.

Read the post and you’ll see that it can be done.

you could make a business out of teaching people
Guest
you could make a business out of teaching people

to 138 and 139, your advice is the best so far and it is a shame that it had to be last (but now it won’t be last). You could charge money to give classes on how to get search engine jobs or sell things on ebay. Organized women hired themselves out as organizers and now it has become a profession and men do it too. Learning a new language instead of sitting around doing nothing is a great idea but it would be a way to earn parnassah to teach Chinese to the Jews. Teaching people not to spend… Read more »

off the fence
Guest
off the fence

its very easy to judge when one has never been in that situation.Be positive to people in need and sympathetic.Criticising and and taking the “holier than thou”attitude does nothing constructive.Wishing them hatzlacha in this very testing time.

to #141
Guest
to #141

They may not be mutually exclusive but Lubavitcher Chassidim have a Rebbe and this Rebbe spoke vehemently and publicly against college. Are you saying 1) Lubavitch no longer has a Rebbe so we can do as we please? 2) that the Rebbe changed his mind and told you so? How about 1992 when people also needed jobs to pay the rent and tuition. Did the Rebbe publicly say that his previous sichos against college and his call for chinuch al taharas ha’kodesh, i.e. no secular studies no longer applied? Or did the Rebbe make it quite clear that bachurim belong… Read more »

re tzedaka and employment
Guest
re tzedaka and employment

to #137 Receiving tzedaka is inherenty shameful, as we say in bentching. Of course, tzedaka should be given in a way that preserves the dignity of the recipients but let’s not say black is white. As for those who asked what the difference there is in receiving unemployment benefits and receiving food stamps and Medicaid, the answer is: 1) unemployment benefits are not for the poor and food stamps, WIC and Medicaid are! 2) unemployment benefits were taxes paid by the employer which essentially means that the employee paid for them. When the employer decided on a salary he took… Read more »

a FREE five day teleseminar event
Guest
a FREE five day teleseminar event

October 25-29th – What are the secrets to creating successful businesses that marry passion and profits?

Whether you’re an aspiring entrepreneur, a long-time small business owner, a leader in a large company, or just someone interested in learning more about the cutting edge of business thinking in 2010:

http://enlightenedbusinesssummit.com/feature/invitation

GED class in C.H. - free and succesful
Guest
GED class in C.H. - free and succesful

I’ve been teaching a GED (high school diploma equivalent) class in the community for about 4 years now which has helped a number of men and women get their high school diplomas. This opens up many other opportunities and possibilities.
The class is free. The group is usually small enough to focus on every individual’s needs, but most people need to work mainly on math.
There are separate classes for men and women. Call me at 347-857- 8746, or email [email protected].

Hatzlacha rabbah!

Zvi Lipchik

This Is Very Nice
Guest
This Is Very Nice

Thank you to everybody who sent links and numbers to their services, even thought I didn’t write the article I’m sure myself as well as many other will benefit from some of these numbers and links, Thank you to everybody for all you practical help!
Keep it coming!
And of course, Thank you Col!
P.S. Perhaps you can put all these links and numbers to courses and classes in an organized fashion so that they will be easily accessed in the future as well.

#94 is 100% right!!!
Guest
#94 is 100% right!!!

If someone needs to make a living ,they are obligated by the Torah(and if they are married -by the Kesuvah) to do so .This means one needs to do everything necessary -start a business, get a job and go to college ,university,technical training etc.Most bochurim or married men that pusue a higher education are not doing it ton join a fraternity and party .They are going to learn skills so that they can earn a respectable living.People need to do things that they enjoy and can succeed at.Not everyone wants to be a shliach or a teacher.Nor can everyone be… Read more »

odd advice
Guest
odd advice

The Rebbe said no college and the Rebbe said asei lecha rav and yet, #149 advises us to ignore the Rebbe and our mashpia. Are there non-Lubavitchers posting here?

I found this article very useful i hope it will be the same by you
Guest
I found this article very useful i hope it will be the same by you

The 14 Ways to Look for a Job By Richard Bolles Not many people realize it, but the job-hunt is one of the most studied phenomena of our time. It is amazing what we know about it. Acquainting yourself with this research can pay rich dividends to any job-hunter, and especially if your job-hunt is running into trouble. Let me illustrate what I mean. Most job-hunters think there are basically only three ways to go about their job-hunt: resumes, ads, and agencies. Actually, there are fourteen: 1. Using the Internet to look for job-postings or to post one’s own resume.… Read more »

Database Programming
Guest
Database Programming

whoever is interested in getting into Database Programming can give me a call at 212-817-4230.

I have many years exp. and am willing to guide others into the field.

Yisroel Lazerson

#142 i'm 138 and 139
Guest
#142 i'm 138 and 139

And 152’s friend for 20 years 😉

i’m bh happy with what I do, I wouldent want to charge money but i’d be more than glad to help for free if anyone needs help or advice selling on ebay or opening a webstore..

Email [email protected]

go to school with a goal
Guest
go to school with a goal

Take a loan and go to school!!!! There are great loan offers out there for older people. court reporting pays well and school is not long

To #150
Guest
To #150

This #149 here.Yes I am a lubavitcher .I have been in a similar situation I took teaching position one year after I was married .Four years (and 3 kids later) I was told this position is not for you(I was fired) .I had taken the job thinking that i would grow to enjoy teaching. But that is besides the point of the whole discussion here. In the column the woman is describing her unfortunate situation.I agree that “going to college ” (living on campus and spending most of ones day there) is certainly less than ideal and not what the… Read more »

Great site!
Guest
Great site!

Here is a site where you can receive online degrees and watch video courses from leading universities.

http://academicearth.org/

to #155
Guest
to #155

You make a lot of sense. It’s just not in line with anything I’ve read from the Rebbe on the subject. What happened in, let’s say 1992, when a bachur did not want to go teach or on shlichus. How many bachurim at that time went to law school, medical school or business school (going to college first, of course)? How many bachurim who grew up in Lubavitch who asked the Rebbe about going to college, got the Rebbe’s haskama and bracha? And I’ll repeat “who grew up in Lubavitch.” I’m not talking about those who came to Lubavitch at… Read more »

To 157
Guest
To 157

155 here. I dont know how many .You are right secular education is a b’dieved.I know the Rebbe was against secular education .(Yet from 1940 Lubavitch Yeshiva always had it.)But for someone who is obligated by the Torah (and his Kesuvah) to earn a living in many instances secular education becomes a l’chatchila.The Rebbe’s teachings are obviously the ideal .But in many instances people will have to make comprises.Not because they want to be modern ,but because they are realistic about their finances.In most cases people are not going to be spending most of there day on a college campus.They… Read more »

MaidofCH
Guest
MaidofCH

The above article is confusing, since it seems to be dealing with 2 issues: 1) The husband’s inability to find a decent job. 2) The husband’s inability to hold a job, period. As for #1, I cannot add anything new to the discussion. There are, B”H, training programs & other resources tailored for the frum job seeker. While college is certainly a spiritual risk, the decision to attend would depend largely on the individual. #2 is more problematic, because I kept wondering: why can’t this guy hold down a job? Even a “dumb” one? It’s seems that some people can… Read more »

Symptons point to an underlying issue, not necessarily related to lack of skills
Guest
Symptons point to an underlying issue, not necessarily related to lack of skills

Please pardon me, a non-Lubavitcher from commenting. But I hope to add perspective. This is a very sad story, and one I’ve seen played out numerous times. I would warn that education and developing marketable skills, while important, won’t solve the underlying issue which appears to be an inability to adapt to the workplace, manifested by a history of quitting one job after another. I think that is the primary issue that needs to be dealt with, before dealing with the lack of education or lack of marketable skills. Employers do not “give” jobs to people, they “invest” in employees.… Read more »

my comment hold
Guest
my comment hold

My comment #160 holds even where the current job loss was caused by lay offs. Commentor #159 and I must have cross-posted and clearly we are on the same page. What is the real issue? I’m not quite sure it is lack of education, although that perpetuates the issue.

to 155/158
Guest
to 155/158

If I didn’t know better I would think you were saying that the Rebbe was unrealistic and did not about a man’s kesuba obligations … So the Rebbe was an idealist but we need to be realists. Hmmmm …. I can see numerous areas where that approach can be adopted. Hey, Lubavitchers ARE adopting it! Yup, times have changed and Modern Ortho Lubavitch is the way to go! They’ve got the money and all the fun … Being Chassidish and actually listening to all those hora’os is a drag. I’m not being sarcastic (well, maybe just a little). I truly… Read more »

To # 132
Guest
To # 132

Maybe if people would change their attitudes and have some common sense, there would be considerably less than a million girls looking for balanced bochurim…..

to #113
Guest
to #113

“with regard to bochrim in college, a number of rabbonim recently addressed that issue” – which rabbonim?

They said they should be the best at their trade? That was the emphasis? Not, that they should be as devoted to the Rebbe’s hora’os even as they pursue a trade?

To 162
Guest
To 162

Yes the Rebbe was an idealist and we should strive to fulfill all his instructions.But in the area of parnossa we need to be realistic . No where did I say to become modern orthodox or to comprise on ones standards of chassidishkeit(I hate that word-but I digress).You seem to be saying that either you become a shliach,go into chinuch,or just become MO.I am saying one needs to do what ever he can to provide for his wife and children(as long as it is legal and not against halacha).Just wondering -are you married and how many children do you support?

Clarification
Guest
Clarification

This is #163 again

Just in case there’s a misunderstanding in my post, what I meant to say is that if people would have more common sense, there would be more balanced bochurim to meet the demand of girls who seek them. (In a good way)

To #144/150/157, and #149/155/158
Guest
To #144/150/157, and #149/155/158

This is #94/141 I think we are confusing a few terms here, namely, “earning a degree”, “secular education”, and “going to college”. I would like to explain the three terms as follows: “Earning a degree” is the pursuit of an academic transcript of any form of qualification, for a career or trade, from a university or elsewhere, regardless of the method used to obtain it. The intention of the one earning the degree is presumably to secure a career path or profession (not merely “a job”) for the purposes of Parnossa- i.e. to support a family. This concept is clearly… Read more »

to #165
Guest
to #165

So I understood you correctly then. You think the Rebbe was unrealistic about parnassa so his instructions are optional. And yet, you want to claim that are you not saying to compromise. I don’t follow that line of reasoning. I like the honest approach. Say: we need to compromise our standards of chassidishkeit, i.e. what the Rebbeim say to do. The Rebbe gave brachos to many people who went into business. They were not shluchim or mechanchim. Nor did they go to college. They were in business. As for your personal questions, they are inappropriate and not relevant to this… Read more »

In Today's Economy, Skills Are The Only Thing That Get's You A Good Job.
Guest
In Today's Economy, Skills Are The Only Thing That Get's You A Good Job.

I am a BT Lubavitcher that came from the College life. Having low self-esteem due to being beaten up by my father as a child, makes it really hard for me to pass interviews, even as a formerly non-frum person. I wish I would have taken the next step, straight from college, by going to law school when I first became frum. Now I have very little marketable skills and have had the same experience, going from job to job. Currently, I am doing my best to consider all options and still struggling with low self-esteem. I guess I need… Read more »

To #81
Guest
To #81

You say: “Stop paying tuition! If you CAN’T, this should be the first thing to go.” What a chutzpah! How are the schools supposed to pay thier teachers? Or are the teachers supposed to be laid off and then also be unemployed. This is not a solution. You get a service (whether you like the education or not. You can send them to a “better” school if the local ones don’t cut the mustard) and you have to pay for it. Try RAMAZ in Manhattan. They charge – no exageration – $27,000 per year in tuition. Yeah, it’s a “good”… Read more »

To #134
Guest
To #134

“Having a large family has nothing to do with how much money you have”
Halevay! Naive and plain silly to imply as much. If you have the same job for 30 yrs. but keep on having children during that time…with each child you are adding annual tuition, clothing, summer camp costs in addn. the the small expenses that add up…like eye glasses, furniture and more.

Okay Bottom Line
Guest
Okay Bottom Line

After all these comments and all this discussion, lots of it very insightful, what will be DONE.
If anybody has any ideas what should we do as a community to address this problem in a practical way, please post.

someone help me!
Guest
someone help me!

i’m confusedddddddd!!!
college/no college. can influence you/wont change you, realistic/idealistic. chabad/friends of chabad. chassidish=poor, college = rich, bad education system, lets all leave chabad……
i just dont get it all!!! everyone says something else, and is FORSURE right, and i’m just so confused. the young ppl (i spk for myself) dont no what the heck theyre doing or where theyre going, whats right, whats wrong, what the Rebbe wanted or what he didnt.
we need the Rebbe back!!!!

reply to 171
Guest
reply to 171

If you look at things with the goyishe and secular influences then you’re right. It is natural to think that more children will cost more. But if you have emunah, and realize that Hashem does send the parnassa for each child, which could be in hidden ways. For example, finding something you need badly on sale. Not waking up with a toothache, (which you were supposed to get) which would have cost tons for a root canal. Sometimes Hashem is the only one who sees how the extra child was provided for. Emunah and talking with a qualified chassidish mentor… Read more »

don't make fun/ rebbe's idea from his holy letters
Guest
don't make fun/ rebbe's idea from his holy letters

הצעה לדוחק הפרנסה
ובנוגע לענין דוחק הפרנסה, ידועה העצה היעוצה מחז”ל, להרבות בצדקה ולחלקה לפעמים רבות,ומהזמנים המסוגלים לזה הוא בכל יום חול קודם תפלת הבוקר להפריש פרוטות אחדות לצדקה.
(אגרות קודש כב,סד)
אודות הפרשת מעשר לצדקה כשמצב הפרנסה דחוק, הנה ינהג שהחצי מו הנ”ל יתן בפועל, והחצי יזקוף לקופת הצדקה, ולכשירחיב יסלקו.
(יז.רסב)

To #164 from #113
Guest
To #164 from #113

Rabbi Paltiel addressed an audience of bochrim about entering college and stated that if they entered a profession then they should endeavor to win a Nobel prize and be the best that they could be at that profession. I hope that I am not taking anything out of context because entering a profession was not the preferred path.

teaching
Guest
teaching

I am a mother of children and work as a science/math teacher in a High school. I got a degree in University while I was married,so I am able to get a very good salary because of my education. I cover all the expenses that my husband can’t as a rabbi. It’s important that one spouse has a degree to fall back on…

to 169
Guest
to 169

I hope you get married soon!

jobs
Guest
jobs

go check the collive classifieds you might find a job there
https://collive.com//newcf/index_cat.rtx?cat=6

Off the books?
Guest
Off the books?

To #13

You say “let your husband do some dumb relaxing job off the books so that you can continue to get it, the end”. So, your solution is to advocate stealing, an issar doraissa?!?!?

Young Men
Guest
Young Men

This advice may not be helpful to your situation but it will be to those who want to avoid it.. Bochurim!! Go to school!! Get a profession!! Secure your future now when you have the time…. start thinking realistically.

To #169
Guest
To #169

You seem like a very capable and intelligent man who has alot to offer. You could have a lot going for you if you would just get that self-esteem up and gain confidence. I strongly recommend you to read this book: Ten Steps To Being Your Best Self by Rabbi Abraham Twerski, M.D. Its an amazing book… best of luck to you.

If you have a good credit score...
Guest
If you have a good credit score...

Then use it! Open Chase bank account for $250 (you and your husband, personal and business) = $1000. Every year. Open credit cards – and don’t use them except for the minimum purchase which you pay off straight away (using the money from the chase account…) and receive high signup bonuses. The better bonuses consist of air miles, which you can either use when you need to fly, or sell them for cash. Basically, you can make money out of nothing but good credit and being organized enough to close your credit cards regularly, and obviously, the self control not… Read more »

Oh vey!
Guest
Oh vey!

Remember the story of the guy stuck on a rooftop during a flood, turning away help because Hashem would help him, not realizing that those offers of help WERE Hashem helping? This is the same guys. Sure, there are people who have gotten ahead and even done well financially without education and training, but those are the exception, not the rule! The fact is that look at job losses over the past few years and they have been PRIMARILY jobs that do not require college degrees, far fewer educated employees have lost their jobs. So, crazy idea, but you know… Read more »

Handouts
Guest
Handouts

Are you kidding? Medicaid and food stamps and other help are important for people who need them, but they are nothing to be proud of, and they are NOT an ideal. In bentching you ask for being able to live without matnas bossur v’dom. It’s good that social programs are there to assist people when they need it, but when that is Plan A, that’s sad and wrong and not anything to be proud of.

mendy
Guest
mendy

thank g-d 4 my peackell , b,h, gefen ,,,,and i wish u all a lot of gefen,,,,moshiac now

Attn Zaki Tamir:
Guest
Attn Zaki Tamir:

What do you have to say to all of this?
I’m sure many people would love to hear from you what is your take on this, and if you have any plans to address these pressing issues.
Thank you.

Israel
Guest
Israel

One thing the community can do to bring in at least $10 million into the Crown Heights community is passage of school choice legislation (vouchers). Is there anyone in Crown Heights with the time and energy to lead this effort. If so, please contact [email protected].

To 188 on School Vochurs
Guest
To 188 on School Vochurs

I am do this full time if necessary. I already sent an email to the above mentioned email. I can write letters (very well), do research on this issue, speak to any NY Assembly or Senate members who may listen, as well as US Congress and Senate members. I can drive to D.C. if need be to talk any US Govt official, as well as lobbyists (as much as I am morally against them, in this case, this is a crucial and moral issue), etc. Hopefully the above mentioned contact who owns that email has all the information I need.… Read more »

School vouchers, be careful
Guest
School vouchers, be careful

I understand the appeal of school vouchers, there’s a lot of potential money at stake, money that the schools could really use.

But, just keep in mind that (if it were to happen) once you agree to state funding then you won’t be able to complain when the state issues rules about everything from hours spent on limudei chol, to who gets accepted, to requiring certified teachers, to school days per year, and more.

I am not suggesting that school vouchers are a bad idea. But it is important to look at the entire picture, not just the potential windfall.

education ain't necessarily the answer.
Guest
education ain't necessarily the answer.

If you don’t have mazal, no matter how many degrees you have, your prospects are limited. We’ve been up and down economically with a husband who’s a highly trained and acclaimed specialist. He’s had great jobs and shvach jobs and sometimes, no jobs. The economy is making people jump through hoops. Today, the medical field is ripe; yesterday, it was engineering. Even now, lawyers are a dime a dozen and to be successful, one has to specialize. Will your kids find jobs after getting a BA? Maybe. After getting a Masters? Maybe. A PhD? Maybe. Better that they become construction… Read more »

Vouchers--Will Chabad Schools Accept Gov't Standards?
Guest
Vouchers--Will Chabad Schools Accept Gov't Standards?

I realize everyone sees vouchers as the financial savior of the Orthodox community. But, let’s not kid ourselves. Government money comes with government tape and standards that will be dictated from the outside. If a miracle were to happen, are you prepared to accept those limitations? Personally, while I do have some ideological support for vouchers, I don’t think they would be the savior we all want to believe it is.

After all is said and done
Guest
After all is said and done

The Posuk says “Yivorechco Hashem.. Bechol Asher Taaseh”
Hashem will bless you in all that you DO, you must make an effort yourself and Hashem will help you, in order to receive blessings you have to make a Kli – a vessel, and I find that in order to make a proper vessel you must work very hard, and an education definitely helps.

To 174 and all who say another child is "priceless"
Guest
To 174 and all who say another child is "priceless"

“The bracha of an additional child is priceless”
Um, maybe the BRACHA is priceless, but the cost of raising a child materially is high. And not paying tuition is NOT an option.

to #190
Guest
to #190

you say “to requiring certified teachers”

that would be the biggest brocha! maybe some kids will at least come out with a decent education and be able to speak at least one language correctly.

Elchonon
Guest
Elchonon

to #192
This isnt the case if the voucher system is universal

WORK!!
Guest
WORK!!

I am a bochur who will soon start working for a living, while I spent my entire life in yeshivah I look to my father who like me never spent a day in collage, he is B”H well off, in fact he employs people that DID go to collage but decided to work for him because they make more money this way.
Bottom line is G-D decides what your going to make, that’s not an excuse to be lazy but not getting a degree does not equal a lifetime of unemployment (and voting Democrat)

to #195
Guest
to #195

The Rebbe asked for chinuch al taharas ha’kodesh to the age of 9, 12 and beyond. They need to know two languages well: Yiddish and Lashon Ha’Kodesh.

to #94 Earning a degree doesn't have to be a stira to Chassidishkeit
Guest
to #94 Earning a degree doesn't have to be a stira to Chassidishkeit

Do you think the Rebbe approves of your choice to attend university? Would you submit your question to the Rebbe if you were able to? You say, “I do not believe that studying for a degree or pursuing parnossa in any other way is a stira to Chassidishkeit”. From numerous things the Rebbe said it sounds like he wants bachurim like you to strive for shlichus. So I don’t understand your reasoning or are you saying that if you wear a hat and jacket, daven and say Chitas that shlichus and working are the same and you are just as… Read more »

Suggestion
Guest
Suggestion

Come to Israel and live a normal life. Everytime i visit CH i keep hearing people complaining about tuition and medical expenses and all the stuff they need to pay for to run a normal life for their family. Maybe it’s time for you US folks to send some Schnorers back to Israel to raise some money. But seriously, life in the states seems more and more difficult with every post i read on this website, maybe some people can’t adjust theirselves to a rought capitalist country like the US and should try their luck in a more “socialist” place… Read more »

to 39
Guest
to 39

Start the trend of taking education courses, without being known as fried out!

to #199--Good for you that you were able to get Shlichus
Guest
to #199--Good for you that you were able to get Shlichus

What can I say? You lucked out. Now what do you say to the hundreds of young couples who were nurtured on the dream of Shlichus who CAN’T FIND SHLICHUS JOBS? Their hiskashrus with the Rebbe is compromised because they need to work for a living instead of doing shlichus? And since they have to work, they have no choice but to work in the most menial jobs because ANY type of education or job training is assur? BTW Shluchim live in much nicer homes than average people in CH do.

to #199,what?
Guest
to #199,what?

please don’t be so elitists.some of the most chasidishe people i know here in LA sell insurance or teach in a hebrew day school.that IS their shlichus.there is a lot of inbetween when it comes to going out formally on shlichus or going to colledge.btw,as far as i know,there is a difference between a single or a married going to colledge.

to 198
Guest
to 198

and how many of the kids coming out of CH schools know both very well. I.e. grammar and all.

To #35
Guest
To #35

Funny thing… when a beggar gets ten cents he actually does have to give one tzekada… 😛

It is pushat EMUNAH
Guest
It is pushat EMUNAH

What we have lacking here in this community is EMUNAH in Hashem. If you really trusted Hashem, in every aspect of your life Hashem comes to meet you. and provides it. I’ve seen it over and over again. Trust in Hashem completly and he will come to your aid.
Speaking from experience, seeing it happen over and over again.
Thank you hashem for taking such good care of my family!

To #199
Guest
To #199

This is #94. I believe I am able to submit my question to the Rebbe, and did, through Igros Kodesh and my mashpia. (I followed the Rebbe’s hora’ah of Asei L’cha Rav). And yes, based on that, I think that the Rebbe does approve of my decision (for me personally). The direction that my life has taken has proven to be successful, and “rounds all the bases” both materially and spiritually. Also, who said I am not on Shlichus? I wrote in post #94 that I am involved in the Chinuch of children and adults. How is that not shlichus??… Read more »

Frum
Guest
Frum

Obviously the shiurim, along with the minyan three times per day, isn’t enough. More shiurim and learning is the answer. If the learning was at least ten hours a day, his chance of holding on to a decent job would be enhanced. Also, the first poster’s demand that maaser still be given isn’t enough. No doubt giving twenty percent would be better. And above all, DO NOT allow him or the children to learn the secular skills that some misguidedly believe leads to material success. It’s all in the hands of the Abishter – a person may put down two… Read more »

from another blog
Guest
from another blog

someone posted this op-ed on another blog (which I will not advertise since many of the people who comment on it are anti-Torah, anti-bitachon, anti-Jews who are more seriously committed to Yiddishkeit than them) I think this response makes lots of sense: While many of the commentators mention the need for education and marketable skills (two important components of developing a career), I don’t believe that the main issue for those who suffer from perpetual unemployment (mostly caused by QUITTING one job after another, no matter how “dumb” the job is) lies in the lack of education, networking, or marketable… Read more »

to #207
Guest
to #207

If it was 5751 would you call the Rebbe’s office or mail a letter to the Rebbe asking whether you can or should go to university? Would you ask on line for dollars? Maybe you, would. I don’t know. I just know that there are things that people do today, even in consultation with their mashpia, that they would never have the nerve to propose to the Rebbe directly. They would either never consider it or would be mortified to ask. Who said you are not on shlichus, you ask. Do you think working men should be registering for the… Read more »

To #210.
Guest
To #210.

This is #207 It’s a bit difficult to imagine myself as a young man way back in 5751, but I think based on my current state of mind, I would certainly consult the Rebbe in the methods available then about university, just as I have in the methods available now. (And let me remind you that I do not actually “go” to university; see post # 167.) People approached the Rebbe about every issue under the sun, in many cases much graver issues than pursuing parnossa. I am not defining shlichus in terms of eligibility for attending the Kinnus Hashluchim.… Read more »

Kinus
Guest
Kinus

You say, “I’m sure they would commend the person’s efforts, but they need to be sensible in planning for numbers, catering, costs, etc.” as though practical considerations are the reason! Please! The reason that people who have not chosen to make shlichus their life’s work do not even apply to attend the Kinus is because it is understood by all that the Kinus is not for them! Even as we are all enjoined to do the work of shluchim which at this point, the Rebbe said in 5752, is to prepare ourselves and the world to greet Moshiach.

Depression is a real thing!
Guest
Depression is a real thing!

Sounds to me like your husband may be suffering from depression. From personal experience, I can assure you that if he is depressed, it will effect every area of life and much of his energy will be exhausted dealing with the simple tasks of life, and he will be very much focused on his own emotional struggles and weakness. The family will suffer. SSRI’s, or other medications could be an absolute life saver when prescribed by a competent Dr. Best if therapy is also pursued. There are many tools out there. Non should be relied on completely, but in cases… Read more »

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