By Sarah A.
Nechama, like many young teens, wanted a phone. Her parents, like many of their peers, demurred. So Nechama did the only sensible thing she could think of: she polled her friends and reported to her parents that every other girl in her class had a smartphone. Not wanting her to feel left out, they caved.
It’s a year later. Her grades have dropped. Her emotional health has dipped. Her smile has waned.
How do I know? Nechama is my oldest daughter.
It may be too late for Nechama and her ninth-grade class. It shouldn’t be too late for all our children.
Everyone is on a phone these days. Closing our eyes to the phenomenon doesn’t make these gadgets disappear. But what do I say when my son, next in line, asks for a device like his older sister?
Today, more than half of all children 11 and up own a smartphone. That number hits 85 percent once kids turn 13. And though that statistic isn’t entirely accurate for our community, more and more kids in our classrooms and on our blocks are being handed these technological bombs each day.
No one wants their child to be the lone neb standing. Especially when it means exclusion from social gatherings, school announcements, and class jokes. So, we, the parents, crumble. If everyone else is doing it, we reason, it can’t be that bad? Suddenly, peer pressure is making the decision not only for the impressionable teen, but for their parents.
I learned the hard way that this device is not quite so innocent. And, I realized, I am not alone.
“The single most important cause of the uptick in the anxiety epidemic amongst our youth today,” shares Dr. Eli Rosen “is the smartphone. In the past teenagers and especially our youth remained relatively protected from information overload, social pressures and conflicts of ideas. Sadly, this is no longer the case due to smartphones.”
Rosen is one of four featured speakers at the June 1st MUST rollout hosted at the Jewish Children’s Museum. MUST, or Mothers Unite to Stall Technology, is a grassroots effort designed to delay the age at which children own smart devices. Together, with positive peer pressure, we can postpone the danger. The system is simple and 20 local classes have already signed on.
Beginning in elementary school, before technology use has begun, parents sign a pact, agreeing to hold off on introducing devices to the class for that year. Older classes’ agreements would be more specific, such as a class-wide curfew, refraining from specific types of social media, or other measures the parents determine are appropriate.
We know how a small mark or blemish on a seed can affect the entire future of the plant. Every year of development unimpaired by age-inappropriate technology is a tremendous gain in solidifying our children’s emotional, mental and spiritual wellbeing for their entire lives.
Technology has a place. But when it comes to young, sensitive children, there is a need for discretion.
To find out more about this exciting Crown Heights program, please join us on Tuesday, כא סיון- June 1 at 8:15pm at the JCM for an informative event. Opening remarks by Dr. Rosen, Rabbi Lipskier, a participating parent will share his experience, meet the founding MUST mom, Michal Klerer, and hear from some of our ambassadors who have already launched the program successfully in some Crown Heights classes.
COL, please post any Zoom info. TY!
If this will be recorded – and I have no doubt that it will be – please can you let us know when it will be available for us to watch .. in multiple time zones. This is a brilliant initiative and I applaud the organisers and wish this event – and its repercussions which can only be for the good – much hatzlocha both now and in the months and years ahead. Kol hakovod to every participant and everyone involved here.
I applaud this absolutely critical endeavor!
I have heard one disturbing refrain from so many people, that the Rebbe was a protagonist of using technology for Hafatazah. What this argument fails to understand is that the Rebbe pushed us to be PRODUCERS of torah content, but I cannot find anywhere that the Rebbe allowed us to be CONSUMERS of technology.
Keep up the good work!!!
Amazing!!
Will there be a way to take a part in this from afar?
Our community needs this
Please broadcast live! I will not be able to attend but I am a staunch supporter. My oldest son- no one in his class cared for smartphones and there was 0 peer pressure. My next son, his classmates are on their phones at every opportunity. My son feels left out. I was always very strict about no internet but for the sake of being balanced, I allowed him a bit of freedom. Next thing I know he is using it inappropriately. I took it away and said never again. Let us keep our children healthy and pure. They do not… Read more »
One issue (which is partially how I personally managed to convince my parents to let me get a phone, and also part of the reason I wanted one) is that school messages are all sent out on WhatsApp. It’s a given that everyone is part of the grade chat, and anyone who isn’t needs a dedicated friend to pass on every notice. Without my phone, I would not have known about majority of events or programs or literally any information about school. There’s no other way to find out.
In Bais Rivka High School there is a wonderful email system, where every student gets to her personal school email. Also, there are multiple announcements during school and flyers.
I was in high school three years ago, and there was no email system. I have a sister in high school now, and she also only finds out about many programs and even sometimes tests via WhatsApp.
Sounds like a constructive effort. I just wonder about the adult version of this and adult usage. Parents get to control their kids’ ownership and usage of smartphones. Since however smartphone usage is so addictive, who and what and how can help the parents?
Yes!! Finally! Thank you for standing up, and putting all the clear truth out
This is ridiculous , a strong parent should say no wether other kids have it or not, it’s the kids choice to use it for good or bad, and there’s also filters we could put on to make sure everything safe, there’s monitors to watch exactly what they are doing, there is ways around it if you are willing to find a way. A way around it isn’t saying no phones , each parent has their own rules.
You’re missing the point. It’s not about schmutz. It’s about the emotional and mental response to the phone that is causing mental health issues. Depression and anxiety and low self esteem and low social skills. An immature brain is not able to “choose to use it for good or bad” in those departments.
but in case it is, I think it’s extremely narrow to make it solely an issue for each family. Many things should be a community wide thing because 1) we are an insular community and the pressures are intense on children, 2) if their friends have access, they have access, 3) I care about your child’s health as I care about my child’s health. I agree FULLY that each parent has to deal with their child’s anger/frustration/sadness at times when they say no but this issue has gotten way out of control in many communities.
The cure to this
And to those that feel like their missing out on school updates
Schools first of all should not be allowing unfiltered smartphones
And 2nd they should send updates on group me which it allowsthe update to be sent to smart phones and dumbohinew
This sounds great! Much success to all! Here’s a suggestion, in case it could help anyone: When we were kids, we all wanted to taste my father’s coffee — it seemed so cool to drink coffee. He would sometimes give us a taste, mixed with lots of milk and sugar, but that’s all. He explained that coffee stunts kids’ growth and that’s why he wouldn’t give it to us, and that if we wanted to become coffee drinkers, we should wait until we’re fully grown. We protested that he used to drink it as a child in Europe. He explained… Read more »
wish the parents realized how much the kids can do on these smart phones earlier. Beis Rivka shouldn’t be sending out whatasp so girls who dont have it feel left out. Bnos Menachem I have personally heard of many 12 grade filtered phones that the kids know their way around to turn off the filter.
Both schools should only require dumb phone and all the parents should oblidge.
How much it impacts the children when they see their Principal or Teacher walk down the street with a ‘smart’ phone in hand! This works both ways! I have a dumb phone, but the Principal of my daughter’s school has a ‘smart’ phone? Chinuch is a team effort and the parents should not be blamed for this crisis.
If the Rabbanim, and adults in Crown Heights would take a stance against these phones (instead of saying we can use them for good, chas veshalom), this would be the most important step forward for our children!!! Everyone has twitsted and contorted what the Rebbe said about technology to actually justify, actually walking down the streets staring into these abominations!!! Or worse, bringing them into 770!!!! Do you not remember the advice the Rebbe, shlita once gave to someone regarding televisions? He said “it is better not to learn halacha from someone who has a television in their home”!!!!!! How… Read more »
Is it okay if I want to communicate with my child who lives away from home over whatsapp if she has a dumb phone I would not be able to see her…
Children mimic their parents. Not just humans, but even off-spring of animals imitate their parents. It is a natural phenomenon. Parents can never succeed by telling their kids “Do as I say, not what I do”. Try telling your kid to learn Chitas when you don’t – bet the message will fail. Tell your kid to eat healthy foods while you load up on cake and chips – simply won’t work. So why do you think parents who use smartphones and the internet, yet are telling kids to keep off phones and technology, will magically work?! It ain’t gonna happen!… Read more »
I have a dumb phone, but if my child sees even the Rabbanim and Rebbitzins and her principal walking around on the street with the traife ‘smart’ phones, then my hope is lost. As the prophet says, “Woe to those who call evil “good,” and good “evil.” When we started to justify ‘smart’ phones by using them for ‘good’ we immediately failed our children. We all need to do teshuva for this!!!
My daughter lives away from home, I need her to have a smartphone for communication via whatsapp. She has a filter, it is called TAG – she does not have or want internet on her phone, is there still a problem?
Wondering if the maker of this event has children living away from home…
a simple filter works
and is this about internet or smartphones
I agree internet is a problem, but if u have a SECURE filter why can’t they have a smartphone with whatsapp to communicate with family etc…
Children mimicking each other, their parents and role models. It’s gotta stop from the top and then trickle down to the bottom of the totem pole.