By Anonymous
What would the Rebbe think of the current shidduch system? My friend and I were discussing this the other day, asking if the Rebbe was physically around, would the system be what it is today? Would he be proud of how it is currently running?
Going through the singles scene as an older single (or a second-time single, as sadly, we see plenty of those) is seriously disheartening and disappointing.
Some Shadchanim and friends can be hurtful, saying you are being too picky etc. or they brush you aside for the younger ones and focus on someone they can make an easy match with.
Now, I’m not saying all shadchanim are that way, but there is a good chunk.
Back in the day, the shadchan would work through the Shidduch with you until you were basically engaged. Nowadays, they just name-drop, possibly make a brief connection, and send you on your merry old way to navigate the Shidduch. They then expect to be paid as if it were a full-time job when all they did was mention a random name.
There are those who don’t follow up timely and communicate poorly but get upset if you do the same. I understand it’s not easy dealing with an older single. Yes, we do get set in our ways, but often, it is due to years of mistreatment by others.
We, too, deserve the same respect and consideration that the younger singles get. We should get more than ‘you are a guy. I have a girl’ and vice versa suggestions. We should be more than the latest sitcom or drama. Since when did a holy mitzvah of making a match, building a Binyan Adei Ad become nothing more than a money-making gig?
A Shadchan should be paid for Shidduchim as they completed a huge mitzvah finding someone their other half. Some put a ton of work into it; compensation should be equal to that, but often, the effort is missing.
Singles will leave messages and send profiles, and there will be no response. I’m asking you, if you are a shadchan, please do the single a favor and respond. Treat them as you would want yourself or your child treated. Do them a courtesy, treat them like a mentch. Call and follow up. Please put some effort into the names you suggest. Work on the suggestions. Maybe even help the singles set realistic expectations of their future spouses. Help them paint a realistic future rather than a pipe dream.
I’m writing this not to bash the system c”v. I just want to emphasize my concerns and encourage improvement. If you are a Shadchan (or know of one) who is truly open to giving assistance to an older single, please post the name in the comments. Many of us can use help.
May we be zoche to many more singles making it to the chuppah and building their Beis b’isroel.
As an older single myself: Why when me trying to help others with a shidduch (my age or young AND they dont know me at all), NOT ONE BOY is responding back?! What manners do these boys have today? Even if the boy is not interested- respond! It’s called decency! Why do I get more responses from young women then boys?! Another point: why are BOYS TODAY so picky?! Height, pretty, outgoing, yiras shamayim, eidel, chassidish?! Why just dont write I’m looking for someone who doesnt exist?! What does Eidel (which no one has today anymore) have to do with… Read more »
where people post their ideas of what all the solutions to the shidduch crisis are
Unfortunately, a lot of singles are looking for a spouse based on what they see in the movies and not what a good Frum person should be looking for. The concept of falling in love with someone prior to being married and living with them is an unrealistic expectation that is based on movies.
Unfortunately, a lot of singles are looking for a spouse based on what they see in the movies and not what a good Frum person should be looking for. The concept of falling in love with someone prior to being married and living with them is an unrealistic expectation that is based on movies.
Why single out boys being picky and wanting contradicting things like eidel and outgoing?
As an older bachur I have seen plenty of girls profiles with that same issue… It seems to be a issue for both. If singles aren’t being clear on the profile it makes it harder for Shadchanim to give a good suggestion.
I lost you. Please clarify your comment and repost
A person gets married hopefully once in their life they have every right to try to seek what they think is good for them. If they are unreasonable then hopefully through trial and error they will change their list of what is important. But to start telling some one you can’t have or etc etc is not fair .
seriously
Let me guess: you are married to a 6 footer, and couldn’t care less.
I got new for you:
Height is a feeling of comfort.
People go out based on hair color, eye color, skininess. THAT’s something to say “speciously” to!
Height is ONE THOUSAND percent a reasonable factor. its how you feel being with that person.
i want to marry someone taller than me
Why do you refer to grown men as boys?
And BIG TIME.
What world do you live in?
Take off your ugly glasses.
please define eidel
I have a 22 year old son. Doesn’t get any easier. If you’re not the perfect guy/girl from perfect family. No one “owes” you anything. It’s work.
except Hashem
Agree! I’m there too.
Thank you for sharing this article! Being in the system, I notice which Shadchans are really helping and doing their part and those that just throw out random names that make literally no sense!
Shadchans, please take the time to look into names that the single is actually asking for and PLEASE FOLLOW UP!!
just because something seems random and “makes no sense” doesn’t mean it’s not necessarily a good shidduch.
This is deep
Example: when I was dating, I had three requirements that I would not budge on (and they had nothing to do with money, looks, or family, but about character and level of yiddishkeit). Often, I’d have Shadchanim offering me people who violated at least two of those, and then scold me for being picky.
Really a chutzpa on their parts!!!!
ive heard that some shadchanim go in alphabetical order
One shadchan sent my son a resume and cc:d it to a dozen other boys. Then when my son asked her a question regarding the girl, she didn’t even respond!
I want to avoid them
It felt more like a fishing expedition than a shidduch suggestion:(
Please stop expecting things from Shadchanim. All the frustration and pain comes from expecting Shadchanim to make a Shidduch. I don’t recall the last time I heard of a Shadchan that made a Shidduch. There’s friends and relatives and even from them you can’t expect anything. That’s life. There’s no other industry where the client is told they are wrong, name called, slandered, told they don’t know what they want. It’s a gaslighting industry where self righteous people convince themselves they are saving the world so they can do and say whatever they want in the name of “Shidduchim” and… Read more »
“I don’t recall the last time I heard of a Shadchan that made a Shidduch.”
what?
Most Shidduchim aren’t the ideas of the Shadchan they’re ideas from family or friends and they go to a Shadchan as the go between.
even use shadchan at all
Read The Rebbe’s Letters, the purpose of a Shadchan is so the parties involved don’t get hurt.
Ironically, many of today’s so-called Shadchanim enable and cause a lot of the pain.
Forwarding messages from either party or not conveying messages thoughtfully is the norm these days.
Comletely false
Go find out, I have asked by lechaims almost every single one was offered by a family member or close friend and then later was worked out by a shadchan
It’s very sad that Shidduchim are so difficult for so many older singles.
But I don’t think putting blame on the people that are trying to help is right.
People have different ways of working and if you don’t appreciate the way a specific shadchan works, move on to another one that works better with you.
As they set out from their place above, each soul is male and female as one. Only as they descend to this world do they part, each to its own side. And then it is the One Above who unites them again. This is His exclusive domain, for He alone knows which soul belongs to which and how they must reunite.
– Zohar (Book I, 85b)
The problem is that the Shadchanim are not trained or taught. From.the way they treat their clients to the way they speak behind their back, don’t respond to their messages.
Unfortunately, this is an unregulated industry which lacks professionalism
This.
Totally agree!!!!
Shame on you to write this…as a Shadchan, I can only say that it’s good you are anonymous because nobody would want to work with you after such an article. Where is your Hakoras Hatov to the Shadchanim who give their heart and soul to our community? To be a Shadchan is not a well paid job. We can work for months and not make a shidduch. The little we make when we do, is still less than minimum wage, if you figure out all the hours we put in. We do this for the mitzvah. We work round the… Read more »
Choose another job then
Choose a (nother) job then
The author said not all shaddchanim are like that, but I see you also didn’t leave your name. Probably because no one would want to use you as one with the attack like that. As an older single myself, I have worked with some excellent shaddchanim but not all are excellent. Many times I have asked to follow up, I would send emails, WhatsApp messages, or calls (whichever is preferred by the shadchan), and very often I don’t receive any response. It happens. I get it people have lives, but every time I sent mine they are too busy to… Read more »
Instead of becoming defensive why don’t you try and do better
maybe share your name as you seem to be a hardworking Shadchan.. most who I’ve dealt with a “younger” single are not as invested and give off an attitude of could not care less. it can put one off shidduchim at a young age and gives you a sour taste to put it bluntly when shadchonim don’t have the basic mentchlichkeit to actually read a resume or find out if a guy or girl is busy before suggesting… to actually ask what are you looking for.. what are your non negotiables before just tossing random names at singles and parents… Read more »
Being defensive only showes that there is a valid issue that needs to be fixed there is no point at pointing fingures at each other when there are serious problems to fix
Please choose another mitzvah to be mkayim… hurting ppl in the name of helping them is a terrible way of doing this “mitzvah” of being a shadchan. If you have good ideas, just pass them over to someone who won’t feel resentful helping others. Additionally, clearly the writer is feeling a lot of hard feelings for the reasons she has stated. While not everyone must agree to every point anyone else makes, and judging favorably would be great, still a little empathy goes a long way. And… you sound like you need a big hug too for all you do.… Read more »
Who would want to work with you after you become so defensive over this. You are not normal and if you complain so much about your job, it is not for you and you should quit please for the sake of us singles.
That’s how you talk to people? You have no rachmanus! Don’t be a shadchan, you sound like you have no compassion in your heart!
My name is Adina Leitner
I live in Crown hts,
I literally cannot believe that a shadchan can be talking to an older single girl in pain – like this! We acknowledge that shadchanim do try, but everyone knows the flack that people get from shadchanim, as well. Please be sensitive when talking to people whom are in pain, you can speak up for the hard work you do, but if your daughter was 30+ and chaloushing minute by minute to get engaged, you wouldn’t want someone saying “shame on you!” You should be the bigger person, sounds like you have a husband and that you forgot what it’s like… Read more »
Such a stereotypical thing to say! Let me tell you something. I know a bochur who spent many hours on shidduch dates via video call with a particular girl because of long distance eventually both decided to meet in person. The bochur booked the flights, three days before the flight the girl messaged to say I didn’t realise you weren’t Chabad enough (even though she stated on resume open minded) . The bochur lost a lot of money and the girl refused to pay the difference because of the cancellation. You tell me who is really messed up?
I spend a few years (will not be writing the number because it will not be believed) waiting for a bochur to grow up, take responsibility and confront his mother – never did, never planned. Was just using me for his fantasy that a girl was interested by him, oh and btw hes a chassidish lubavitcher. Wasting years of MY LIFE FOR A BOYS FANTASY?! And then 24/7 complaining it’s his mother’s fault?! Not his?! Boys have their own style how to express then girls but its there.
It seems to me you want confrontation by making the bochur it’s either me or your mother. Also, it appears you allowed this to drag on. But I do wish you the very best for the future.
I didn’t want confrontation but dont fantasize on my cheshbon. do it on your mothers chesbon and I dont have to be involved in YOUR PROBLEM! The bochur shouldn’t have lied to me making me believe one thing when he had no intention. Its called being deceived from your both statements! Dont lie – it’s not funny and you know it from babyhood!
It very much appears that you didn’t do the “homework” in checking references. You probably took it as face value “ mentchkeit , eidel etc “ .
This is the reason why a high percentage of young Lubavitch couples are divorcing because boys and girls aren’t doing the necessary checks and just leaving up to the parents.
I suppose the only thing they do get right is checking with Dor Yeshorim.
It appears to me that perhaps you aren’t doing enough homework and blaming me for the fact that it went as it went. Thanks for encouraging boys and their mothers to continue doing what they are doing. I guess till you aren’t faced with what I went through because it would “never ” happen to you, you’ll never understand. Perhaps you made sure not to wait for confortations or checked background checks but I dont believe for a minute that life “went your way”.
I suggest you have a good look in the mirror and ask yourself “why am I not married”.
Another practical solution is to seek guidance from a Rov or Mashpia.
Would love to know who to avoid working with 🙂
Shadchan to avoid !
Someone is hurting and has expressed their views. Your inappropriate response demonstrates precisely the point author was making.
Rude!
Insensitive and unkind. Maybe take a step back from shidduchim for awhile
How dare you scold the author of this article which is bringing awareness to how some shadchanim work?!!!! You should embarrassed by your response!
I definitely will not ask you to help me find my bashert!!! Rather someone who is compassionate and caring!
Girls complain guys want “Miss America” and guys complain girls often choose guys who are successful, extroverted, exciting with status etc (most of which is also out of your control). Guys who are nice and a mentch are often overlooked as boring. Have you ever heard of guys penalizing a girl for being nice? If you break it down, it’s not like one is less shallow than the other. It’s called hypergamy. Just the way the world has always worked.
I don’t care at all if someone is extroverted. I prefer introverted. I don’t care about exciting. I don’t care at all about height. Short guys are cute too.
From the way your talking, you just proved the articles point. Uncaring, selfish people who do this just for the money.
In the olden days shadchan I’m did NOT charge $200 for one interview.
Your comment is so toxic . Please find something else to do.
I never thought a matchmaker, or shadchan, would be so disappointing. It’s disheartening how money seems to be their primary concern. If they genuinely cared about their shidduchim and their families, they would prioritize meaningful connections over financial gain. Taking the time to nurture relationships and fulfill the mitzvah should come before turning it into a business.
Sounds like being a shadchan isn’t doing to well on you right now and maybe it’s time to take a break, because I don’t think anyone wants to work with a shadchan with your mindset.. She never said she’s not grateful. All she asked was to be followed up with and treated with respect like a decent human being, and if you have a problem with being told that than maybe you shouldn’t be working with singles that have feelings of a human being.
And about the shadchanim who shame bnos yisrael
Perfectly worded I was waiting for someone to write a article about this
It is so true and it needs to be known and fixed quickly
written by the single men
I get that you’re hurting, but you’re entitled to nothing. Your life, your work. Like any systemized “profession”, the shadchan industry has many who are ho hum, some who are good, and a few exceptional. Has been that way, since day one, too. No news in the industry. Everyone gets to be as selective as they want to be. It’s their life, and their incredibly important decision. What *would* the Rebbe say or do? That question always nauseates me, as if anyone can answer that with authority. I’ll tell you what the Rebbe said 30 years ago about every conceivable… Read more »
As they set out from their place above, each soul is male and female as one. Only as they descend to this world do they part, each to its own side. And then it is the One Above who unites them again. This is His exclusive domain, for He alone knows which soul belongs to which and how they must reunite.
– Zohar (Book I, 85b)
I feel your pain, as I was also an older single (many years ago), met all kinds of shadchanim, and heard a variety of comments… There are many “shidduch influencers” these days who are trying part-time to help the singles they have contact with. I wish for you to connect with more of these people. Yehudis Blooming has a Shidduch Influencers whatsapp group where profiles are posted and over a thousand influencers network. Whatsapp her at 919-357-5904 and ask to post your profile. Also, maybe you could broaden your horizons by checking out the shadchan list on ChabadMatch. Not all… Read more »
You didn’t just state your opinion you actually gave practical suggestions to help people. And you understood everyones point of view. Good for you.
can everyone get off whatsapp and use something that everyone has? Not everyone has whatsapp
“The amount of time, energy, blood, sweat and tears that can go into trying to make a shidduch”…
I think this is a problem. I think matches should be intuitive, which does not require much time, blood, sweat, or any tears. It rather requires the shadchan to have a refined intuition, a holy soul and a pure body.
Is there a list or a few websites besides chabadmatch that you can share for others who need a shidduch and dont have WhatsApp?
Thanks
You don’t need WhatsApp for chabadmatch.
You can also sign up for free on Bashertnow.org — WhatsApp not needed. Follow the prompts to fill out the questionnaire, and upload a photo or two. I receive about 15 profiles per day from them, by email, of a whole variety of mainly Chabad, and some chabad-friendly, singles. [I don’t think singles themselves receive the profiles, but a parent or mentor can.] I have profiles of about 1000 boys and 1000 girls. Many matches have been made B”H because someone saw a BashertNow profile.
How can you be so confident the young man needs therapy?
Why can’t Shadchanim stick to what they are good at, listening, suggesting, and listening some more.
Are you qualified to diagnose someone just because a shidduch you suggested dint work out?
Shadchanim are real good at getting insulted when their ideas don’t fall into place.
The Shadchan said she gave on many hours and didn’t got paid
Let me tell you
My sister started to paid the shadchan a 100$ to one and a100$ to another one even her children didn’t even met the boy or the girl . After she send the money she called one shadchan a few times they didn’t answer and didn’t called her Back. Not by email . I was disappointed!!
You
Shadchanim after you got the money from people at list do some thing or call back by cell or email that is yosher !!!
Hmm, so that would basically make it even harder people with less money to find shidduchim
Please be in touch.
Only good news.
[email protected]
Roshei teivos of SHaDChaN is sheker dibus kesef notal, speaks lies and takes money.
Ki Shibar Dalsos Nechoshes – they sometimes have to break through brass doors to make a shidduch.
Not every single is reasonable, not every shadchon is reasonable. There is a phenomenon called humanity. Some are very decent, some are very flawed. No reason to be angry at “singles” as a word. No reason to be angry at “shadchonim” as a word. Be angry at messed up individuals who richly deserve the anger directed at them. And even people who deserve your anger, for your own sanity being dan lkaf zechus can be at your own detriment if you were hurt, and unready to forgive, for others, better not to judge. We all have our flaws, and some… Read more »
Shame. On. You.
You should be ashamed of yourself. You think shadchanim owe you something? We don’t owe you anything.
And guess what. JUST BECAUSE you send in your profile DOES NOT MEAN there will be guys interested in you. In addition, DOES NOT MEAN the Shaddchanim are forced to send you a suggestion if THEY DONT have one!
This entitlement attitude is horrifying.
Trying to see who people should avoid working with
You feel so entitled to control the narrative, your attitude is really not healthy and you should feel their pain and if you really have nothing to suggest you can say so with a broken heart, but to speak like this is really not professional
I am beyond horrified at some of the comments here from shadchonim. I do shidduchim part time and yes we all have lives etc but common decency should prevail. It is so hard for older singles and kol hakavod to the person writing the article. Kindness, care etc is what it is about and the article is not about entitlement at all but facts. Pg everyone should find their bashert immediately.
finally, a shadchan that writes a comment we want to hear. instead of screaming at young singles and crying that you get no payment, you understand the older singles. Kol hakavod. please write your name so we can know who to hire for the next shidduch.
🙂 you seem nice
First parents of both for raising children that go to expensive winter and summer vacations, so girls look very much into the Bochur abilities to provide them the same lifestyle… Back in the days girls were happy to learn a trade so they can help raise a family, nowadays after they get their diploma which can generate six figure number, they won’t go with a bochur who drives a truck or bus for a living.. too bad either change your view on life of family and kids, or adjust to the fact you’re going to join many lower east side… Read more »
I am somone who does exactly as I wrote. I want to say one thing, and it’s a Fact. There are not that many older bochurim and if we mention those that are, it’s always always a no. Without any legroom or trying to see if it can work out. It’s easier to say no, and watch these precious years slide away, that don’t come back. Maybe Try… Look into.. And yes, I am a shadchan that always calls back. Always. It needs to work both ways. Maybe you know a name and give it to us. Girls need to… Read more »
And when we were 20, we were told there are more girls then boys. Which is an outright lie. So at 20 be happy with what you get and today 30 be happy with what you get. Certain singles dont mind staying single. Why have an extra problem on my hands? And to top it off, shatchanim dont like this attitude from us. Why? The money lost? The guilt? Do something about it and suggest the right boy. Why certain shadchanim will only suggest if you are their type? Remember we are not marrying you or your son. We are… Read more »
There are more women in the world than men…
Shaddchan open my messages and don’t reply feels really degrading. At least write something. Older guys are the biggest big shots, calm your ego’s! And last but not least. STOP telling people not in your shoes to have emunah and bitchon! Besides emunah comes from within, not by being told to do so!
Sounds a bit general calling guys big shots
I have a real paying part time job. And then the rest of my days and nights are filled just working on shidduchim and helping people, often neglecting myself and my family. I do this because I really care and want to help people. It hurts to see so many people suffering. If I stayed at work for one more hour every day, I would make more money every month than from the few small tips I get monthly. And I appreciate them but just trying to explain that nobody does this as a job to make money. There are… Read more »
Just to add, the older bochurim are very choosy, and it’s not fair to blame a Shadchan for that… And a General Note.. Shidduchim are not easy for Anyone. We need to try our best, put our effort into our children and Daven and Hashem Should Bentch everyone with their Zivug
Why can’t there be events/opportunities to allow young men and young women to meet, in a halachically-sanctioned and suitable environment, with the express purpose of shidduchim? Why can’t the shidduch system become more de-mystified to make it more user-friendly? For example, when I was an older single 30+ years ago, I was sometimes invited to an older very-chassidishe couple for a Shabbos seudah, where they had also invited a prospective shidduch match. I was always so grateful that I had this fortune to meet in a relaxed, yet totally tniusdig setting. I have heard that in CH, some older singles… Read more »
a Shadchan in Ch arranged 12 guys and 12 girls to come to a Chabad house not too far from Crown Heights. They set the tables in a way that 12 girls sits on 12 separate tables with empty chair across, and we the Bochurim rotated seats every 10 minutes to another girl, At the end we had to write three names of girls that we would agree to date later, and the girls did the same I think it’s a great idea and it was free of charge for the food etc. I wish someone would do it again.… Read more »
If you get this done pls make it known
This sounds like a solid idea
I was wondering about this
Yes 100% agree, this would help a lot
There should be a way for chosson and kallahs friends by chasunahs to be able to meet if they want to while they wait after the Chupah for the chosson and kallah to come
Not my idea, but I’ve heard someone mention this and thought it would be a great idea
To all the singles looking for their Basheret. I pray that this year will be the year that you are blessed with your rightful half, that it should be beautiful, fruitful, healthy and blessed match. You should build a happy, joyful Jewish home and you should be blessed with many healthy children. Hashem is the best matchmaker, shadchans are the vessel. It will happen at the right time and may it be for you this year. Amen v Amen.
Tammy S❤️
thx
This article resonates with me well as a older single. after reading a lot of the comments, just thought of an idea. Just like there are campaigns to collect money for yeshiva’s, mikvoes, ect…(which obviously it isnt applicable if you are single since we dont have kids in yeshivos and mikvas isn’t needed now) there should be a way for shadchonim to be receive money (even a small amount) for their time and work. Having said that, it would need be shadchanim that care and are doing it Leshaim Shamayim and truly care. It is very painful to see time… Read more »
Shadchanim are righteous. Even if they made one call to suggest an individual to you.
I had a shadchan work with my son for 6 weeks talking daily and it didn’t work out.
She got a nice thank you. That’s all.
I’m an older single as well so I hear you.
Just don’t blame the shadchan.
Have a good talk with the true shadchan Hashem and May Hashem grant you all your wishes.
As a parent of older singles the only thing that keeps us going, is staying focused on the fact that it is all in the hands of Hashem. We do our hishtadlus and Hashem will send the results when the time is right. I’m not saying it’s a pleasant journey. But everyone has their journey/s in life, be it parnasah, children, health etc.. If a shadchan isnt holding your hand during the process, try a dif shadchan, or work with a coach or mashpia. If a shadchan isnt even responding to you, it’s because they have no ideas for you… Read more »
can all matchmakers stop asking girls for photos of themselves. It’s so immodest. A girl should not have to submit a photo. The guy can see what she looks like in person or on a video chat when he meets her. Photos don’t need to be floating around.
i think they should know what they are getting into and not show up not knowing what the other person looks like
I disagree – sometimes you think you don’t like a certain look but then when you see the person you’re totally fine with it. I thought I would not like skinny guys, but then I went on date with one and I was totally fine with it.
Great article and soo true! You can message a Shadchan and they won’t respond. They want you to come to them with a name…..
A name?
Boys are picky because they never had a girlfriend so they are trying to figure out who THEY are themselves and what they even want. They dont spend time having DMC’s , they spend time at farbrangens talking about everything but what girls do at DMC’s. It can sound mean, picky, unrealistic but i think its just that most bochurim and even some girls don’t know what they are looking for, and its not their fault. when you don’t know who you are then you dont know what you are looking for then you put down a list with everything… Read more »
Sadly, 99% of the Shadchonim today our only interested in $$$$$$$ and wanted upfront!!
i tell shaddchanim, that i only get paid at closing, that how it used to be with shaddchanim, now its turned it to a crazy game, with a tremendous lack of passion, back in the day there were no profiles, and rare concept of a older single, now unfortunately one in almost every family has one or more unmarried child.
I’ve heard mashpiim discuss how although the Rebbe was very clear that Yiddish (the language) should be taught and it shouldn’t be a dying language, nishtana itim, and in today’s day and age exclusively yiddish chinuch is less of a priority.
Is the same true for Shadchonim? Maybe that system was good back in the day but we need to move on to something more open and young yet still tziniuos. I feel like the older shadchonim have become bitter and blame everything on the bochurim and girls without recognizing that the 1990’s was 30 years ago.
as a Shadchan-your answer is nasty-you don’t even know this girl and you answer her so personally. A Shadchan does it for the mitzvah not for the money-it is hard work and has to be done with the heart and understanding-which you dont have-please don’t be a Shadchan-you are not qualified-find something else to do-you are messing up people
or no
Maybe the reason the shadchan is ignoring you, is simply because they have dealt with you so many times, (often without reason a cent, of even appreciation for their hard work, and time). So they are simply not interested in dealing with you, nothing personal, think of them, they work very hard, and also need to support a family. And if you actually treated them with respect and dignity they deserved, and they still don’t help you, maybe try some other shadchan. On a different note, it is hard to find someone fitting into your lifestyle and your age, ect….… Read more »
https://www.chabadmatch.com/shadchanlist.php this has list of few shadchan
that deal with older people if you dont like the shuddchans your working with help me when i was looking few yr ago
To all those who are writing to the Bochur “be ashamed of yourself”, trust me he is ashamed of himself – most of the day. Every time he goes to a Simcha and gets the ‘Nebach’ look , every time he goes to a family gathering and receives the “Im yirtze Hashem By Dir”, and even every time he goes to 770 for Mincha and notices his friends coming with the strollers. Not to talk about the Gut Shabbos call to his mother. He goes through enough same. No need for more.
Hes so “ashamed ” of himself that hes willing to do nothing to change his stupidity. It’s like hes saying I’m sorry but not sorry enough… yes you see or hear this and that but you’re staying put?
And then they wonder why are mothers, mothers?!
Why are men,men?
If only mothers weren’t, mothers….
Yes if ONLYYYYY ADAM didn’t listen to chavaaaaaa………
– from an older single
please don’t be ashamed.
Just chiming in – when everything else in being religious became an accepted situation to charge an arm and a leg for everything!! That doesn’t make it ok. When will people say enough is enough?
the only people allowed to reply to this comment poll are single men
what qualities does your ideal girl have? What is your ideal girl?
“Back in the day, the shadchan would work through the Shidduch with you until you were basically engaged.” Is a shadchan someone thats meant to hold your hand, decide whether you go on another date, and communicate between you and your potential husband? Yes. Back in the day this was way more common amongst your typical shadchan. We are coming into a time where people are starting to think for themselves and understand that if you want to get married, you are a mature adult and need to handle your own conversations, your own decisions etc. I’m not against having… Read more »
100%
Iv been in Shidduchim for years, older girls are super picky, it’s a two way street, I’m 31 established home etc… the works, I think the expectation bar is set to high, & that’s why things are hard to happen these days.
If the writer is an older Lubavitcher in Shidduchim im open to seeing her profile, she can e-mail [email protected]
Ps(profile never existed in my parents generation)
and thus know better who we are compatible with
I LOVE the blaming game. It’s so helpful!
As a single bochur, I respectfully disagree with the fact that “bochurim are messed up” 🙂
I’m sure there are plenty of good bochurim, as well as plenty of good girls. Period.
Just because your experience with certain bochurim or girls wasn’t pleasant, doesn’t make everyone bad.
I definitely agree with the fact that there are some “bad” (-attitude) shadchanim. – don’t use them. Move on. There are good ones out there as well.
And it doesn’t cost you anything to thank and appreciate the shadchans work.
Seriously…
As a shadchan, my role is to facilitate matches that have the highest likelihood of success and satisfaction for both parties involved. In this capacity, I’ve made the decision to specialize in working with a specific demographic: girls aged 21 and younger and guys aged 24 and younger, focusing on those who are attractive, gezhe, and financially well-off. It might seem harsh, but the reality of my specialization also hinges on considerations of financial viability and efficiency. This choice is deeply rooted in a pragmatic understanding of the matchmaking market and where my efforts can be most effective. Additionally, it’s… Read more »
immediately. You are damaging the jews.
So basically, if the girl is gezhe and rich, but not great looking, she’s off your list. It’s a shame you didn’t put your name. I’m sure many people would want to know it, so they could avoid you outright. As a mother, I wouldn’t want to work with someone like you. I want my children seen as more than a yichus briv, a bank account, and a headshot. I want them seen as human beings, which seems to be beyond your capability.
completely antithetical to judaism
It really hope you make sure people are aware of this and you are not wasting people’s time contacting you .
Also who are you to judge who is good looking and how rich is rich enough for you .
Be honest , sorry you are not pretty rich or gezhe enough for me
I hope this is a joke
Laced with sarcasm ..must be a satire, although behind every bit of humor there must be some truth!!
Really hope this is satire otherwise hashem help us, we have fallen so low
This must be troll
I’m attractive, gheze and well off.
B”H
Call/ Text/Whatsapp: 718-998-5394
Zalmen
or are you asking them to contact you
As the daughter of a Shadchan I know how hard it is. It’s not as easy as it looks and my mother is constantly trying to help people. It’s very time consuming and not always so simple It’s very disappointing when it does not work, which is more often than not. Please recognize all of the time and effort that goes into making shidduchim.
As an older single in my 30s, I’ve experienced the highs and lows of the system. I know of family and friends who married the first person they went out with, while others (great and amazing people) had to date for years before meeting the right one. Ultimately, the reason why there are older singles is beyond our understanding; only Hashem knows the reason. By trying to make sense of it and find reasons why someone isn’t yet married, we will inevitably come to wrongful conclusions that can be condescending, hurtful, and insensitive to the singles we are trying to… Read more »
Shaddchanim do amazing work and lots of it.
There’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes that you might not know about and let’s not forget, all these Shaddchanim do have A life of their own. Kids to deal with, work, bills to pay, dinner to make, a house to upkeep, and maybe even the shidduchim of they’re own kids. I have a huge amount of respect for all Shaddchanim out there. KUDOS!!!!
Dear Shadchanim and Singles,
Do yourselves a favor and respond yes or no as soon as possible to shidduch requests. It’s a numbers game. The faster you respond the more suggestions will come your way. more people will have had better and quicker communication with you, and you will earn the reputation of being a “Mench”. If you try playing the stuck up game, and playing “Hard to get” you will earn the reputation of “Snob”….
Why would this article be written? Shadchanim try their best. Why is everyone bashing them??
i am 33 years old, and i am looking for a shidduch for myself.