If Your Child Isn’t Happy at School…

By Danit Schusterman

I have been involved in education for over 20 years. When I became an Educational Life Coach and started helping parents navigate the education system when their child was struggling in school, one of the most common phrases I heard from so many people was, ‘Where were you 5 years ago? 10 years ago? 2 years ago? when my child was struggling at school and I had no idea what to do?’

Every child is so different and has a different learning style. What is good for one child may be very difficult for another. Some kids thrive in a big school with lots of stimulation and love being challenged academically. Some kids need a smaller school, with less stress and less academic pressure. Some kids may even need a break from the school system altogether and need to be homeschooled for a few months.

No, I’m not talking about that Zoom school that we all experienced during the lockdown. I’m talking about engaging lessons, with in person tutors, real school work that sparks the child’s creativity and just gives you and them a chance to breathe until you figure out what to do next.

As parents, we are very quick to blame the schools or the teacher when our child is not doing well. It is very important to understand that as Rabbi Shais Taub passionately puts: “Schools are basically one-size-fits-all. ‘This is what we offer, this is what we do. If it works for you, great. If it doesn’t work for you, I’m sorry, we can’t change it’.” These schools are catering to hundreds of students. It is almost impossible for a school to meet the needs of every single child. And that is the reality. The schools can try to help when your child is struggling, but to put this entire responsibility on the school is wrong. It won’t work.

If your child is not happy at school, there are always options. Once you get to the bottom of why they are struggling, my job as an Educational Life Coach is to help you explore the different options of how to move forward. You are never stuck. And neither is your child.

My goal as an Educational Life Coach is to help you find the best way to educate your child as well as to advocate for them. Be it helping them thrive in their current school by communicating with the teachers or therapists and coming up with ideas to help your child succeed in the classroom or finding them a different school to fit their needs. If the best option for your child at this specific juncture is to homeschool them, my job is to help you find the best homeschooling method that suits your child as well as works for your family dynamic.

The Rebbe so beautifully said, “As has often been emphasized, the education of young children is very much like the cultivation of a tender seedling, where even a slight change at an early stage can have a decisive effect when the seedling matures into a fruit-bearing tree. How much more so when the change is a basic one and a durable one. In the case of young children, the prosperous care, or lack of it, especially in the present day and age, is, of course, of vital consequence which cannot be overemphasized.”

Change is scary. But change is good. We often keep our children in a situation where they are struggling because either we think we have no other options or because we want to stick with social norms. We’re afraid of what people in our community or in our families may say. Parents are stuck on ‘the right hashkafa’ for their child. But if your child is drowning at school, be it emotionally, academically and whatnot, we are way past the issue of hashkafa.

This is your child. This is not the time to be worrying about what others think or say. If your child is struggling, the earlier it is dealt with, the better it will be for you and your child. Be the change your child needs you to be. No one will ever advocate for your child as well as you can. You know your child. There are never guarantees in how any of our lives turn out, but we have to do our part. We have to know that we have done everything we can to help our kids. The rest is up to Hashem.

To contact Danit Schusterman visit her website www.educationallifecoach.com or [email protected] and you can follow her @educationallifecoach