By a girl who wants to make a change
As a girl who will soon be finishing my years of school in wonderful Lubavitch moisdos, I have been gifted with an incredible and wholesome chinuch. There is one piece of the puzzle that is missing from the picture of my education.
My friends and I heard from our teachers and parents that keeping the access on our devices filtered is both safe and important – a point that we have definitely come to agree with. But each time we are told to put down our phones, to limit our screen time, to stop being so “addicted,” we would wonder to ourselves: Are our parents and mechanchos any less addicted than we are? Do they spend any less time on their devices than we do? Do they have any more self-control to hold themselves back from checking their WhatsApp, Facebook, or news notifications throughout the day than we do?
These days, you can’t blame a five year old for wanting a phone being that their parents, grandparents, teachers, aunts, and uncles all spend so much time with and give such importance to it. If they all have one, the child thinks, why can’t I? While it’s easy to dismiss a child’s precocious request for a smartphone, what about a sixth grader, an eighth-grader, or a tenth grader?
Yes, it would be great for all of us to get rid of our smartphones but we know that, unfortunately, that might be unrealistic. But please, don’t go on your phone next to your children. There is no need to be signed up to all the statuses and group chats that have content that you don’t want your children to see and only cause you to waste time. Children look up to the adults around them. Although a young child might understand that phones are not yet for them now, are you inadvertently teaching them that when they do get old enough for a phone, they have permission to be addicted? Your chinuch will be much more effective if you practice what you preach and put proper restrictions on your own phone.
Another inconsistency that exists between what we are told to do and what we see the adult around us doing is in regard to filters. It’s no secret that with a smartphone, a child can access all sorts of content. Content that you clearly don’t want them to see. But how can you say no to them having a phone if at the same time they know that you have an unfiltered phone- with all the same things that you are trying to prevent them from accessing, open and available!
If they all have it, why can’t I?
Why must I have a filter if so many of the mechanchos who are telling me that it is so important, do not have one themselves? True, adults are more mature, have more life experience, and have a more developed and solidified sense of what to look at and what not to (we hope) but an adult with an unrestricted phone is not living up to the standard that they expect from us. Does the need for a filter and self-control go away when you become an adult? I am totally on the same page with the standards that are set in regards to filters on students’ phones. Yet I wonder when they tell us to get a filter, spend less time on our phones, and stop looking at this or that, why does the same thing not apply to them?
What will convince me and my friends to maintain a standard that the generation above us clearly does not? They tell us all day that we need filters, yet they don’t have them. Is that not counterproductive?
I would like to add that there are a few people out there who understand how damaging a smartphone is and choose not to own one. These people clearly care enough about the kedusha of their homes and the chinuch of their children to slightly inconvenience their lives to send us an important message. They realize that the best way to be mechanech the next generation is to be a dugma chaya of the values that they are trying to pass onto us. Trust me, the people of my generation notice and appreciate your choice, and really look up to you for it.
The next time you are watching something on your phone, think: Is this something I don’t mind my child seeing as well? Consider what you are teaching your children when they observe their parents with a compulsive urge to check the news and respond to all of the notifications as they come in.
If you want to tell me to put a filter on my phone (not just while my school requires it, but also after I leave school when the choice is entirely mine), maybe check that your phone is of the standard that you expect of me. Because the only way to ensure that your children will keep to the principles that you know to be important and true, is by being a living example.
May we merit to maintain homes of purity and holiness and raise generations of chassidishe children as our Rebbe envisioned..
Thank you for bringing up this important point! I am definitely at fault and I do think about it sometimes. It’s nice to get a reminder and I’ll definitely try to be better about going on my phone too often.
at every family gathering and simcha there are ppl on their phones
the adults are more addicted than the kids
This should definitely be addressed!!!
That’s why you gave to listen to rabbi Sternberg’s speech!!!
Saved my life
I’m now married and never would have been so happy I’m happier than my friends who had and have phones and are on it more than they sleep
Nearly half of Americans consider themselves addicted to cell phones. 43% say that their phone is their most valuable possession. 83% of Americans feel uneasy leaving their phone at home. 54% of people say they panic when their cell phone battery goes below 20%.
Rabbi mintzberg does similar speeches truly life changing. A turning point in my life
אל תאמין בעצמך עד יום מותך
No matter what the age there will always be challenges
Bchlal why do we have phones?
Where do you come from, nevel?
Remember it’s not an excuse to have an unfiltered phone because your mechanchim also do. Yetser hara right there
You have the power to make ur own choices as well
Totally not that point. What you say is true, but not her point.
She is saying people have to practice what they preach in order to make a difference.
That’s not the point. It’s hard to leave aside your phone when your parents who want you to are sitting glazy eyed at their phones on the couch and you can’t.
Not such a mind blowing concept that adults can have access to things that are restricted to children.
And yes, we know the dangers because many of us have fallen prey to them so we are trying to protect you
And kids don’t. Hence their need for filters
With all due respect do you??
I don’t know what happened to today’s generations kids. Where are their derech eretz to their parents standards and decisions. Children should not interfere in their parents technology use, it’s none of their business. Know your place and child and keep to it. When is it normal for children to stand up to their parents in this manner. Yeridos hadoros is a real thing I am sad to realize
But the amount of use of technology, especially in kids faces, is infuriatingly hypocritical
This is different. It’s like saying I watch movies all day, wear what I want, have no filter on my phone and can see the most repulsive things on my phone if I want but you children have to be different. We teach by example. We cannot show our children double standards.
Respect is something earned, not imposed. When children see their parents on their phones all day why should they respect them? Instead of doing something meaningful like learning or working, they’re entertaining themselves. Maybe in earlier Generations Children looked up to their parents as role models, Maybe the yeridas hadoros didn’t start from the kids.
You can instruct a child to ACT respectfully, but you cannot instruct him to respect.
You are a childs parent (unfortunately)- a shliach from Hashem to guide HIS CHILD! NOT YOUR CHILD’S BOSS! Children have the same boss as you: which is Hashem himself! Where do parents have the chutzpah to go against Hashem and impose on their kids that “I’m your G-d “?! Hashem says if your parents ask you to Mechalel shabbos, you have to DISOBEY THEM and keep shabbos. Same goes for any other mitzvah. So get to know your own G-d before to be your “child’s G-d”!
You sound like you have well adjusted children.
Just want to point out that this comment was written at 2:20 am
It’s all because of the twisted system we’re in
My 15 year old wants to know “if my parents can drive a car, why can’t I?”
Well if the answer is that the danger diminishes as you get older then same goes for unfiltered phone although I agree that it should be filtered.
Your 15-year-old can’t get a driver’s license. Cellphones aren’t regulated like that (perhaps they should be!)
^^
While it’s true the challenge is EVEN stronger at the age of raging hormones (pre-teens and teens), but the challenge is just as strong for full grown adults, and it should be, it’s a healthy sign that their biology is working correctly. Just because the challenge is even stronger for a teen, than doesn’t mean that the adult can sit back and pretend the challenge isn’t real to us adults.
If you realize they are mistakes then you can be smart and not make the same mistakes so at least you will have a better life. Remember the only person you can control is yourself
Thank you for sharing
And I’m a mother who DOES have a filter on my phone. I wouldn’t feel right to tell my kids they could only have a device with a filter if my devices didn’t have one. I don’t see how that lesson could be transmitted. Children learn from what we do, more than they learn from what we say. The best way to teach the younger generation healthy phone use is to practice it ourselves. And as the author pointed out its more than just having a filter.
My daughter came home one day and said that her teacher was in the class and said something like stupid ——, and she said but when I say that word my principal yells at me , how is that normal
Is that teachers can talk how they want
Let’s go back to the flip phones or blackberry
It sabes so much time and it keeps you conected to youre buddies much more
After I went through three flip phones in one year and then got a blackberry which went great and now which isn’t used anymore because if the 3t or 4t whatever. Point is the flip phones are practically disposable and so poorly made and are $200 too. Oh there’s a $75 one that the alarm doesn’t work….. I wish they were slightly better quality that they will be able to call and text and have be slightly functional and useable as smart phones are not the best for me and for most of us.
well it looks like you got too used to the smart phone.
because i have a flip phone that works perfectly for all the things you described, and there are even with 4g, and i know as well many of my brothers adn friends who have flip phones and they work for them perfectly and theyre happy. and also you can find good flip phones for 50-100 dollars.
Please enlighten us with which model you own so we can get it. Finding a proper working flip phone is actually not simple. I’ve been kicked off of every simple whole I had by the service providers “Sorry, we are dropping 2G” “Sorry we are dropping 3G” “Sorry your phone won’t work with our service, you need a smartphone”
1 option : etalk verizon 4g lte phone
2 option: alcatel 4g new phone
In our home, we all have strong filters on our phones. This included parents and children who are now all out of school. I believe that making sure we, as parents, had good filters, helped them with their decision. They know, that since they are adults, anytime they want a site or time frame opened (temporarily or permanently), we will open it for them. We respect their decisions. Additionally, all computers and laptops have the same filtering system. The same categories and sites are open or blocked equally for all of us. We need to realize, that in today’s world,… Read more »
This is absolutely true! Parents need to wake up to the biggest challenge of today’s generation! Be a good example for your children!
Do they still come to jcm once a week?
This article is 💯 true
I am grateful for a phone that allows me to do my job as an RN to monitor my patient in real time. But when I come, it goes on the kitchen counter while I play with my little one. I specifically didn’t take a job that had a heavy “on-call” commitment because I want to be able to put my phone down. I don’t want my child to feel that the phone has my attention and I am also kinda-sorta-listening-to-her. I know that ditching smart phones isn’t feasible (for me it’s not) for many people. But filters and time… Read more »
As both parents and educators, we need to address our own “smart” phone addictions before we can even begin to expect a child or teenager not to use. Make the switch to talk/text today and use the internet on a computer. You will immediately feel so much healthier, and set a good example for the next generation of K’lal Yisrael.
Love this article. Adults need to hear more from teens, how many lives they are “really” having a impact on aka destroying! I was taught from first grade: practice what we tell you to do, not because we do it ourselves. As a bas yisrael from one to another, I can only encourage: YOU have to be your own judge. Ask yourself before you see anything on your phone or do anything your parents tell you to do, as you go throughout life in general: would Hashem be happy? Would I make the Rebbe proud? That will be your guide… Read more »
The bottom line, I would add, is what I tell my children and students: Use your phone—don’t let it use you!
There are many companies that make phone boxes. You walk into the house, take off your shoes and put your phone away. Use a regular alarm clock
as a teenage girl i agree so muuchhhh. everyone says that our generation is so low bla bla bla how we are always on phone and dont have self controll. well maybe when u were kids u didnt have phones bc u lived in the 1900s but now that u have phones u r allowedd to be on it all you want. you didnt grow up with a phone and its challenges, and the solution IS NOT to get rid of them ,its to work with them and help us and not ignore the fact that we have phones. i… Read more »
It’s sad how kids these days think 1990’s were a hundred years ago
I agree. ’bout time these teachers notice that to get the message across, you have to do the message too.
THE TITLE SAYS IT ALL.
MIC DROP