He Never Gave Up On His Dream To Be a Father

Avrumi Lunger grew up with a dream: he wanted to be a Shabbos Totty. Not a little-boy Totty who wore a fuzzy toy shtreimel and cut a fake challah with a plastic knife. No, he wanted to be a real Totty with a real Shabbos table, surrounded by a real wife and family.

His dream came true.

This paraplegic hero and his wife Chanie (nee) Chein just celebrated their son’s pidyon haben. This is their story.

Everyone was there, and everyone was crying. You could have washed the floor with tears! But they were tears of joy. For this was the ultimate triumph — to be there and watch Avrumi carry his beautiful baby, bedecked in gold and diamonds, on a shiny silver tray…

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No one ever cut Avrumi Lunger any slack. They never told him, “you don’t have to clear the table,” or “you don’t need to wash the dishes.” They didn’t even help him get dressed. Oh, they could have let him get away with it. They could have treated him with kid gloves and waited on him hand and foot, like a prince who can’t do a thing for himself. It would certainly have been easier, at least some of the time. But that would have been crippling.

As it is, this personable yungerman is paralyzed and wheelchair bound. But he has a can-do attitude that compensates in large part for his disabilities. He was brought up with this mindset; a stance that served him well ever since a childhood bout with meningitis and a poorly-inserted spinal tap left him unable to move from the waist down.

It wasn’t easy to grow up disabled – to be the kid who couldn’t go up the stairs, couldn’t run around at recess time, couldn’t dance at weddings. He always felt different. But though he’s stuck in a wheelchair, Avrumi refuses to go through life as a spectator. He’s always in the center of the action, surrounded by loving friends and family.

“He never let his disability stop him,” his family members recall. They reminisce about little Avrumi coasting around the house on a skateboard-like contraption. “He was such fun. He pushed himself with his arms, and got into everything. He was just like all of us. We ran, he rode.” It was the same in yeshiva.

“We told the rebbe, ‘Avrumi is no different than anyone else in the class. He has to be on time and do his homework.’” It wasn’t easy to administer this tough-love style of parenting. But it was farsighted. His father recalls – “I would tell him to take out the garbage, and then I’d watch him maneuver his wheelchair, schlep the bag out of the can, and carry it out to the street. It would have been easier for me to just do it myself, but then he wouldn’t have learned anything.” He pauses. “When he wasn’t looking, I’d cry for him. I had real rachmanus, not false pity.”

And so, Avrumi learned that he is only as disabled as he allows himself to be. To this day, his friends love him for it. He is never the nebach, never the odd one out. Instead, with his outgoing, cheerful personality, he’s the life of the chevrah. Using his upper body to compensate for his legs, he’s become a pro at many things. He works as a bookkeeper, volunteers for chesed organizations, and maintains a rigorous schedule.

It was this can-do attitude that led him to reach out to Rabbi Shlomo Bochner when he had a question about genetics. Like many others who call Bonei Olam before going into a shidduch, he wanted to know the implications of marrying someone with a certain condition. As things turned out, that shidduch never got past the asking stage. But some time later, Avrumi got engaged.

His wife Chanie has her own set of challenges. Born in Argentina with a spinal condition, she gets around on crutches. Her parents are Chabad shluchim. Like Avrumi, she is always positive – and was brought up knowing that she couldn’t use her disability as an excuse or a reason to feel sorry for herself. One incident stands out in her mind.

“When I was in sixth grade, I needed to have both of my legs casted,” she says. “I came back to school in a wheelchair – without my Chumash homework. When my teacher asked for it, I pointed to my legs, as if that explained it. But my teacher made me bring it in the next day.” The lesson she learned that day went way beyond the pesukim on her homework sheet.

Avrumi’s and Chanie’s shidduch was orchestrated with the help of Rabbi Bochner, who remained closely involved with the couple. At their tnoyim, he gave the beaming chosson his personal cell phone number, as well as permission to call at any time, day or night. Avrumi considers that his best wedding gift. Rabbi Bochner assisted the couple in many ways, and provided guidance that made it easier for them to establish their home despite their disabilities. Sometime after their marriage, Avrumi and his wife began to feel different again. They wanted nothing more than to have children.

“Wherever we go, we’re different – me with my wheelchair, she with her crutches,” he says. “There are so many things we can’t do. But to wait for a child? That was too hard to deal with.” Avrumi stresses that although he was impatient, he never lost hope.

“I know Rabbi Bochner. I knew he would help. I felt assured that we were in the best of hands.” Rabbi Bochner connected the couple with Mr. Fuchs, one of Bonei Olam’s top counselors, who gave the case his all – as he does for all the couples under his care. Avrumi is effusive in his praise for the counselor.

“Mr. Fuchs was determined to help us, no matter what it would take,” he says. “He got us into the best doctors, and assured us that Bonei Olam would fund our treatment. It was amazing – the way he took the time to answer every question, and consulted with rabbonim and doctors for us.”

The couple was blessed with exceptional siyata dishmaya. In a short while, they were on their way to parenthood – and although it was 5 AM when their baby made his grand entrance, Rabbi Bochner was one of the first people Avrumi called to share the news.

“You’re mishpacha, you’re family,” he said through his tears. “That’s why I’m calling you now. You helped make this possible.” And he laughed and cried and thanked Rabbi Bochner again and again and again. Just before Chanukah, the couple celebrated a monumental simcha: their son’s pidyon haben. One person at the simcha described the scene.

“You could have washed the floor with tears. Everyone was crying. It was so emotional!” But they were tears of joy. For this was the ultimate triumph – to be there and watch Avrumi carry his beautiful baby, bedecked in gold and diamonds, on a shiny silver tray, and with tears rolling down his cheeks, approach the Kohen and cry out – ”Baruch atta Hashem… Shehecheyanu v’kiyemanu v’higianu lazman hazeh.”

Thank you, Hashem. Thank you, Bonei Olam.

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