by Misaskim
The call came while Simcha was driving his friend Moshe and his wife to a wedding. An unfamiliar number flashed on his screen. It was the chevra kaddisha.
“Are you on speaker?” the man on the other end asked quietly.
“No, I’m not.”
“Tragically, Moshe’s 10-year-old son was killed in an accident. The news is already spreading. Every WhatsApp group has posted it. You have a few seconds to tell the parents before they find out themselves.”
There in the car, Simcha had no choice but to break the devastating news to the parents.
“I already knew,” Moshe said. “Someone posted it on a WhatsApp group I’m in. I just… couldn’t say anything.”
“I also knew,” his wife whispered. “I just got it on my women’s group.”
These parents learned of their son’s death through local WhatsApp groups. Three months have passed, and Moshe still cannot look the group admin in the eye. That admin remains unaware that he was the one who delivered news of a child’s death to his parents in the most inhumane way possible.
In the crucial time between the death and the family’s notification, social media had already stripped them of their right to receive life-altering news with dignity and support.
This isn’t an isolated incident. All too frequently, families learn of their loved ones’ tragedies through WhatsApp messages, news alerts, and social media posts – before any official notification can reach them. A father discovers his son’s passing through a community chat group. A mother learns of her child’s accident from a viral video. These aren’t hypothetical scenarios – they’re the painful reality in a world where the urgency to share has overtaken our sense of compassion.
We’ve become a society of town criers, each armed with a global megaphone. But in our race to be first – to break that news, to post that update, to forward that message – we’ve forgotten something fundamental: behind every “breaking news” alert lies a breaking heart. Behind every viral tragedy stands a family whose world is shattering in real-time.
The solution isn’t complex, but it demands something increasingly rare in our instant-gratification world: restraint. Don’t press “share” on that accident scene. Don’t forward that crisis update. Instead, ask yourself: Have the people who most deserve to know this news been informed? Would you want to learn of a tragedy involving your mother, your child, your spouse through a social media alert?
To minimize trauma, devastating news needs to be delivered to a family by a trained professional in a gentle, compassionate way. Those first few hours after a tragedy are crucial in determining how the news is received and processed. It’s not the layman’s place to make such notifications.
For large families, or those with members living overseas, it can take several hours before every parent, sibling, grandparent, in-law, and family member is properly informed. Your restraint could mean the difference between a family receiving devastating news with proper support versus learning about it while scrolling through their phone at the grocery store. No amount of likes, shares, or viral momentum can justify robbing people of their right to process tragedy with dignity.
In a world obsessed with being first, let’s dare to be something better: human.
Because here’s the truth we must face: When we rush to share tragedy, we aren’t delivering news – we’re delivering trauma. And no viral moment is worth that cost.
on a side note, it also really bothers me when people take photos videos of me especially without asking, even at events.. and especially when they post online or on social media.
What is wrong with people?
The telegram comes to the Russian army division. “Private’s Ivanov father just died. Please, apply sensitivity when telling him the news”
The Commander of the division is breaking his head, how to tell in the most sensitive way. Then suddenly he gets and idea.
In the daily lineup he tells everyone: “Everyone who is not an orphan, two steps forward” Ivanov steps forward among others. Commander screams at him: “Ivanov, where are you going?”
The moral of this story. There is no sensitive way,
There isn’t a sensitive way to tell you so let me inform you that you have bad morals.
Very funny, but not when it’s real. i was at the scene of an accident in in the summer of 2015, while we were still processing the scene (My boss worked for CSE so we were there) someone from the “news” called his son in Israel for a comment. It was how he learned about his fathers passing.
This should be common sense. Responding BDE on a group chat is also insensative.
If you can’t get to a shivah home, contact family member through written correspondence or depending on circumstances use your judgement and call.
I agree. Same goes for posting mazal tov on the chat. Seems so not personal!
A virtual mazal tov and conversely a BDE.
It’s like a virtual hug, and virtual tears….
Please don’t be the one to spread bad news. This scenario happens too often. Family members need to be notified the right way to mitigate the trauma and pain. Please think about the loved ones of the deceased and understand that news can spread fast. People have loved ones that need to be reached in Yeshiva, out-of-the country, etc.
Some people are so excited to share bad news……
I found out through a WhatsApp messages that my brother passed away.
It was moitse shabbes, he was in Europe…so by the time shabbes was finished….and I turned on my phone.
I saw allot of messages with bde so sorry etc.
And I was confused what happened.
Yes, of course, be sensitive about bad news. And don’t rush to be the first to spread or tell it, but instant worldwide telecommunication about everything, is here, so it’s more about general sensitivity, not whatsapp.
Revealed Simchos by all Yidden
dont encourage others to use whatsapp
dont put your whatsapp on advertisements as the only way fo rpeople to contact you! we do not have whatsapp! we will not be able to contact you about your event!
dont force jews to get whatsapp just to be part of a community
This article brings to mind a story told to me personally by a Hadar HaTorah bocher who went into his first Yechidus in 1975. . He wrote, in his letter, all of his family member’s names for a brocha. The Rebbe read aloud all of the names with the exception of his father. He pointed this out to the Rebbe and the Rebbe repeated all of the names again with the exception of his father. When Yechidus was over he went back to Yeshiva. The Yeshiva had a pay phone on the premises. Soon after he came back it started… Read more »