By Chana Y.
He strokes his uneven beard. His eyes appear huge from the glasses that magnify his brown eyes. He’s 5’5″. Chassidish and kind.
“I want to get married,” he says.
I believe him. I really do.
“How about her?” I point to a name – as in a person. A person with feelings, and a kind warm heart.
I go on and describe this young woman.
He sounds interested.
He wants a picture.
She doesn’t make the cut.
He walks home alone.
She lives three blocks away.
* * *
She’s on a strict diet.
She’s working hard and says she wants to have a family. I know she does.
She looks at the profile.
He’s too short. His salary is below average.
Her mother agrees.
“He’s kind, patient and family oriented,” the shadchan tries; no one’s home.
And then we say, here’s the clincher: “All I really care about is if he or she is kind and nice to me.”
“… and smart, easy going…”
* * *
So many couples say it took them time to adjust to their spouse’s looks, and only became attracted to one another after a few dates. We hear this time and again, and we believe that love takes time to nurture.
Yet, we all have that name that keeps coming up, and we say no because we can’t picture ourselves married to ‘that’ imperfection.
The Frierdiker Rebbe once asked an older bochur in yechidus why he was not yet married.
The bochur pulled out of his pocket a list of qualifications he was looking for in a wife.
The Frierdiker Rebbe looked at the list and plainly commented, “this list describes someone who is perfect. Being that you are not perfect yourself, you should disregard the list.”
Shortly afterwards the bochur got engaged.