From the COLlive Inbox:
Hi, I’m a bochur who has gone on plenty of dates and is still looking for my bashert. I am not from Crown Heights, so many times I find myself having to fly out to meet the girl (as it is the custom that the boy goes to the girl).
To put it bluntly: The whole shidduch thing has burnt a hole in my pocket!
Before you jump to conclusions, let’s put this in perspective:
* Taking off time from work – costs me $.
* Flight ticket (sometimes only 3 days in advance notice) – more $.
* Car rental (and for the guys who don’t drive, taxis) – more $.
* As the “gentleman,” I’m the one who needs to pay for the drinks on the date (and in NY they are far from cost price) – more $.
* Then there is parking (which can get pricy if the date goes long and well). Guess what, more $.
* And if I go out on more than one date (which usually happens for both of us so we give each other another chance), we’re talking about a good $700 out of my wallet to spend on a girl that I might not even marry.
I can understand if you are one of the lucky ones to find your zivug after one or two tries. But unfortunately there are many like me who are still looking for their better half after five or six tries.
So let’s make a deal: If the guy is going to fly from out-of-town to go out with a girl, the cost should be split or shared.
This suggestion is not to exchange receipts or demand a refund if the date does not work out.
But for the most part it takes two to tango and at least the airfare and/or the rental car should be divided.
It’s just fair for the guy not to have to shell out at least $400 from his pocket every time a prospective shidduch comes up.
(I even know of some who won’t fly in unless there are 2 or 3 girls lined up, just in case the first girl doesn’t work out. Just to note: This is a bad idea in my eyes).
So be a mentsch, potential-shver-in-law and gives the bochur a few bucks as participation in our expenses so we don’t spend our entire life’s earnings trying to find a wife.