By a Lubavitcher
Much ink has been spilled over the past several years regarding the various issues prevalent in the dating process and how to improve on-or in some cases revamp-the current system. While all this talk is admirable and hopefully productive, I would like to shine a spotlight on an issue that arises at the momentous occasion when the shidduch process is culminated.
As Lubavitcher Chassidim, each step of our life is done in accordance with the Rebbe’s guidance and at every turning point and before every major decision-we turn to the Rebbe for his brachos. Naturally, this is the case with the most consequential decision in life-whom to marry. Before Gimmel Tammuz, the man and woman wishing to get engaged would write in to the Rebbe and receive his brocha, only then “making it official” Thus, in the years following Gimmel Tammuz, it has become customary for the Chosson and Kallah to visit the Ohel and daven, and only then to officially announce their engagement.
While the act of Hishtatchus before sealing the deal is of utmost significance and a spiritual imperative, the dynamics surrounding this practice has spawned a questionable and disturbing series of “minhagim.”
To be more specific: The way in which the family and friends of the Chosson and Kallah descend upon the Beis Hachayim is unbecoming. Firstly, when the chosson and kallah are inside the Ohel, the crowd is standing outside and waiting, strolling in the area around the Rebbe’s Ohel as if it were some popular tourist park. When they finally emerge, all are consumed by the hope of being the first to get a good picture, and to be the bearer of the good news to the world.
They are completely oblivious to the people they’re disturbing and the ruckus they’re creating. Their-understandable-excitement often leads to a lack of decorum appropriate to such a holy place and pivotal moment.
It would be appropriate to grant the Chosson and Kallah the courtesy of a quiet and dignified exit into the tent. Instead, according to the prevailing custom, they are inundated with the shrieks of joy and the paparazzi that taint an otherwise holy and solemn moment and transform it into a photo op and a spectacle. Moreover, the line which separates the bubbling expressions of excitement from tone-deaf to downright inappropriate is thin and is not something I wish to elaborate on. Suffice it to say that it would behoove the family and friends to respect the Rebbe, the Chosson Kallah, and the other mispalelim some modicum of reverence and respect.
I’m not suggesting that people should never come to the Ohel for this occasion. Sometimes it is a necessary way to support the chosson or kallah at this emotional moment. I’m just suggesting that even when necessary, people should be judicious in their behavior and display the requisite hadras kavod for this holy site. In the words of the Targum on the posuk describing Yaakov Avinu’s awe of Har Hamoriah ״לית דין אתר הדיוט “this is not a mundane place.”
So, if you have the joy of having a family member or a friend getting engaged, ask yourself this: Is my presence at the Ohel at the moment of the engagement absolutely necessary? If yes-do I have the capacity to express my joy in a way that respects the holiness of the moment and of the location? If not-please stay home. There’ll be plenty of opportunities to rejoice and celebrate later.
In a shidduch system that prioritizes privacy and respect throughout the entire process, it should follow that in the culmination of that process these values should be applied as well. Please respect the intimacy of the moment. Please respect the Rebbe.
With wishes for continued Simchos and besuros tovos,
Naar Lo Yomish Mitoch HaOhel
Good point.
there is literally a sign that says no phones… is absurd
It’s amazing that people are going to the ohel even if they’re not frum or Chabad
The picture is to prove that they were there
He’s everybody’s Rebbe. He doesn’t differentiate. He wants no division amongst the Yidden.
I’m in shock how many couple get engaged without the Rebbes haskamah through the Igros! They write a pan and do what they want. What’s the point of writing if you any how decided you were going to marry this person with or without the Rebbes blessing?! It’s disbelieving!
(For those who will answer the Rebbe never says no, for those I say the Rebbe doesnt say yes either. Do what you want without writing in, its disgraceful)
somebody had to say the emes. todays young think they could just do whatever u like…without guidance
There is a middle of the road. Whenever anyone gets engaged in my Boruch Hashem large family the parents and siblings come to the Ohel with the potential choson kallah, but we wait for them in the tent/house to enter after having been at the Ohel. This eliminates the entire above mentioned issue.
What’s the point of davening in a special place like the kosel? I don’t knock those that look for answers In igros if they take care to prepare with the proper hachonos. However, to say that “everyone has to write to igros” is wrong. How dare you decide how an answer is suppose to be given over. The rebbe will find a way. On that note, what if you open up igros and don’t see an answer to your request or question? You look for another letter on another page? That’s even worse because then your making up your own… Read more »
For those who are true chassidim (not many today) How the answer is suppose to be given is: you write and get an answer ON THAT PAGE! not a lottery book and not flip pages. If people write and read the answer AND disobey it – because the Rebbe didn’t answer the answer that THEY wanted, THATS the problem! It’s not a disgrace to flip pages, it’s a disgrace to write all together! Go to the ohel, go to the kosel, leave Igros out. The Rebbe doesnt find a way. People want the Rebbe to agree with THEIR WAY!
You think that the Rebbe would ONLY agree with the way you do things. The Rebbe set up many systems before Gimmel Tammuz to help us through this time. Igros is only ONE of those. If your belief in it is causing you to think badly of other Jews I don’t think the Rebbe would agree with that.
Dr feldman a”h was the rebbe’s doctor at one point and a true chasid of the rebbe. Dr feldman told me of a couple who had a sick baby and didnt know what to do. They had never heard of dr feldman and were told to go to the ohel for a bracha. While there they suddenly got in their mind that they must see dr feldman who they didnt know. They couldnt understand how they got this idea but took the baby to dr feldman. Dr feldman cured the baby. Dr feldman told me ” never underestimate the power… Read more »
That people try to get answers from igros instead of talking with their mashpia for spiritual matters, rofeh yedid for medical issues, business experts for business issues as the Rebbe told us to do
Yet the Rebbe never objected when people asked him for his haskama and brocha for their shiduch. To those that feel that a Tzaddik lives on his unverbal brocha still makes the world of a difference.
The rebbe once told me that both of us should meet others.
He also has answered to ask a trusted friend
Wow! Thank you for sharing!!
if you took the time to read the letter in igris, what I can only assume is the actual source for your misguided idea…. the Rebbe writes how you should write your letter. put it in a sefer of the Rebbe (any sefer not specifically igris) and then you should send it to the Rebbe to read at the ohel. the Rebbe also goes on to say how you have to do your part and the Rebbe will find a way to do his part. nowhere in the letter does the Rebbe say that the page you opened to is… Read more »
There is a sicha about using seforim which is partially based on the gemora
I think your comment is fascinating. I have been blessed with opening the Igros to very specific answers to my situation – almost as if the actual letter had been written to me. I have made major life decisions based on the answers I have received. However, there are other times when I get no answer at all, and am left unsure of how to proceed, and end up proceeding with da’as tachton. What do you suggest, in your model, to a young man and woman who have dated and with their minds and hearts feel this is the right… Read more »
I’m a from baal teshuva background and I wrote a detailed letter to the Rebbe about a job that I was so excited to take. The Rebbe didn’t reply. I didnt take the job. I told this to a frum from birth person and they were shocked. You literally dismissed that job?! I said yes. I said: you disobey the Rebbe, and would take it?! No reply. Anyways, later I recieved another job opportunity and baruch hashem I didn’t take the first one. First, how dare people disobey the Rebbe and second the second job was a dream job that… Read more »
By the time the couple goes to the Ohel preceding the Lechaim, they surely have both written in several times to the Rebbe. When I get a shidduch suggestion, I immediately write in to the Rebbe and I continue to do so throughout the process. I think this is the same with most people as we believe what the Rebbe said, “The Rebbe will find a way to get you your answer.” May we all see and hear with crystal clarity and be married to our intended shidduch in Hashem’s perfect time. 🙂
Where does the Rebbe say that he answers through opening Igros?
Gut voch, I certainly agree with every word. I’m so glad someone finally brought this to light. Thank you. Will it change? Certainly hope so.
The rebbe is against engagement pictures that involve posing in front of one another as it’s hapich tznius
I always felt that this seemed inappropriate. I’m happy to hear the Rebbe felt this way too. Could you please post the source?
No he was against couples getting engagement photo shoots-where the photographer may not be Jewish and may not understand the importance of shomer before marriage . Pictures at the ohel is completely different.
If you look where the Rebbe speaks about what should be done by shidduchim and an engagement, the Rebbe says that the couple should not pose for a picture because there should be nothing permanent about them yet. They are not married. And the Rebbe definitely for saw all those engagements that are broken off rl”z and there is a picture of a couple who are not yet married, posing like they are
Respect for any cemetery is of utmost importance. Especially the ohel which must be treated with extra respect
You bring about valid points. May I bring one more Inyan to the table, The chosson Kallah engagement pictures these days have gone out of hand. In our days it was considered highly inappropriate to take a photo shoot together before the Lchaim. How much more so the extra romantic ones and being posted on Instagram. I am not saying to live in the dark ages yet we are chasidim and have Hora’as from our Rebbe on proper conduct for an engaged couple. How have we as Chasidim become so progressive to have these intimate pictures posted all over with… Read more »
The pre-wedding photos and wedding photos of public displays of affection have gotten to be over the top. It’s embarrassing. I learned that we weren’t supposed to even be in a picture alone together before the wedding. It looks like we’re copying the goyim. Thank you for saying something.
The Rebbe said that chosson and kallah taking pictures together is the opposite of tznius. And it should be made known to not take pictures together. How much more so pictures and conduct where they are touching each other or looking like they are?!! We all want our marriages to last. The only way it will is if we do the will of Hashem.
My question is, as Chasidim what are you doing in instagram etc.?
Perhaps a) they’ve heard about it and been shown examples from people around them, b) they used to use Instagram and have since done teshuva, and c) perhaps right now they have a personal struggle with Instagram but are still able to bemoan the state of things (in principle) that happen in the time leading up to the holy occasion of a Jewish wedding.
Is your mind blown
And I thought this is what the write up would be about! Why are people taking pictures together at the ohel?
I am in complete agreement with your article. In addition to the paparazzi of engagements there are plenty of other behaviors at the Ohel which I have never witnessed before gimmel Tammuz.
Let’s talk about the guy who gets into every picture of the couples
Which one?
😂😂😂
This must have been written by a bocher….
On the contrary, we should be happy that we have bochurim with this type of sensitivity towards kedusha.
Not to mention, writing skills and vocabulary this strong!
Well then this is the type of guy I would want to go out with
@top girl and @perturbed seems to be a great shidduch between the two of you
Send shadchanis to $topshadchan
The point is still valid
Written very well
If I can add
As chassidim of the Rebbe and we want to close the shiddich by the Rebbe we should follow the custom which th the Rebbe writes not to take pictures as chosson and kala until after the wedding…
Only simchas
He also said that they should be in different cities until the wedding yet nobody is crying out that an engaged couple are both living in CH don’t pick and choose.
2 wrongs don’t make a right.
Generally, we encourage people to start with easier things to do and build on that.
We don’t say, “well, I can’t keep this, so I won’t keep that either”.
They shouldn’t. Does that mean the article is wrong for pointing out one inyan?
Will you tell someone to not to tell that person to that it’s a mitzva to give Tzedaka
This is an oped about the ohel behavior, please feel free to write one about other ways if proper behavior during engagement as well
So do that also!
The rebbe did not want posed pictures
If someone snaps a picture when the couple is walking out of the ohel it is not considered “posed”
Was permission asked of the chosson and kallah before taking the picture and posting. I know of couples who have had this happen by family and friends against their will.
I know of chasssnim and kallahs who walk out separately for this very reason (they would not want to, but they are forced to as discussed).
So make sure you’re standing in a way that these pictures can’t happen.
It is still wrong to do. Both to take the picture and invade their private moment. Went can’t your wait until after they are in the tent and washed negel vasser? It’s both invasive and disrespectful
Mazel Tov! They are finally engaged…
This may have been a very long road for this young couple and their families…
And you’re getting bent out of shape for people being happy about it?
When it’s you and your kids turn, then do it the way you see fit…
All the author is asking is that there should be proper decorum at the ohel. How is that so terrible. Just as the couple is so happy let me remind you there is also someone pouring their heart out and begging the Rebbe for a miracle or something for whatever immense suffering they are going through. The Ohel is not just for Simchas. Iyh it should be. What is so terrible for asking to be mindful of others?
Nothing of the sort in this article. By all means be happy, but within appropriate guidelines. It’s the difference between simcha (related to tzmicha, growth) and holelus (related to chalal, empty).
Hollines. Being by the Rebbe, getting engaged – its a holy thing.
TORAH – calls the shots
Torah calls the shots
It’s about being respectful and sensitive to others. Of course it’s time to be happy. But the public loudness of it and the whole crowd can be difficult to deal with when people have come to Daven at the Ohel for something other than a Simcha. There is a place for all the excitement of course, and there are even Simcha rooms by the Ohel to use for just that reason. Just some sensitivity to those who may have come to Daven for someone unwell, or a child who is having a hard time in Shidduchim, or someone who has… Read more »
No, there is very much a need for people to be reminded of what is proper behavior at the Ohel. They SHOULDN’T need it, but they do. Already twenty years ago, I remember a writer in the Nshei talking about how Gimmel Tammuz is treated like a picnic holiday, and yes today engagements, that should be the most serious visit to the Ohel and most serious p”n anyone ever writes, is just another thing to check off the list, in between finalizing the food for the l’chaim and getting the makeup artist. Shameful.
You can be as excited as can be, but there is still a place for everything. Demeaning the Ohel is not appropriate for such a special occasion. You can wait for the couple in the adjacent house and express your immense joy as they enter rather than desecrate the Ohel with your loud excitement
One of the many reasons we left was the judgmental attitude of Crown Heighters.
My mil always said “look at yourself “
Don’t like it. Don’t do it.”
I’m so happy to see many young and not so young couples getting engaged and overcome with happiness and joy.
Mazel tov!
Is it being judgmental to want the neighborhood of the Rebbe to have certain standards?
mazal tov to all
let’s be happy, the way we were thought is best to for us.
Hey BH we have a Rebbe and has clear instructions isn’t it why we all go to the Ohel…
There is a place and time for everything
Moshiach now
Why is it
That every time we find more people finding more way to be מקושר to the rebbe
As the sun sets every day there will be someone who has to write an oped against it
Why don’t you just say לחיים once in a while to get an edge off your depression
So sad, you missed the whole point!
That’s the whole point of the article. These people who come there and misbehave like this, the last thing on their mind is the Rebbe.
Thank you for writing such an eloquent and positive article!
The point you express is indeed valid and straightforward.
Maybe the reality some couples are more Chasiddish and some are less…maybe its always been this way and maybe that ok.
May not be the ideal but we are not the Taliban….we love and we accept.
If we can dedicate our entire lives to loving those on the spiritual spectrum why can’t we be accepting of those on the Chasiddish spectrum.
Not sure all the judgment and comments are going to be bring a single couple to become more Chasiddish but will for sure turn some away.
Just sayin!
Just like any wild teenager would expect to be told to behave in the White House if he met the president, he’s fine with it, knowing that they don’t expect him to change who he is, rather, how he acts in a special place…
So too by the Rebbe, especially at this holy time…
When one is in a public place, one should respect the public, no?
(it’s also a holy place that different people come to for different reasons; unfortunately not all of them happy, and sensitivity to that is a major zchus for the young couple embarking on their journey of life).
Lehavdil, anyone whoever had an audience with the queen oElizabeth, whether they were an aristocrat or a hoodlum, they still knew to dress and act with the greatest respect in her presence. The same is true here, it has absolutely nothing to do with what level you’re at! But simple respect and honor for such holiness!
Am I the only one who finds it interesting that the demand for love and acceptance is only for those who are being lenient and there’s no room for love and acceptance for people who want to do things the way they used to be done?
The rebbe writes in a few letters about the maamar chazal “rav bikah matza vegadar ba geder”.
Rav found a place that had low standards, his first step was to “make a fence” – to add in yiras shamayim and torah umitzvos.
Did he turn some people off? Probably…
But what are we trying to be mekarev people to if our standards are falling in a bottomless pit??
Agreed but I think that this is super inappropriate. The rebbe was all about Simcha and ahava yet there is a boundary. The first picture of a chosen and Kallah should be at their wedding as it might make an ayin harah to their engagement. Please reply with any other understandings
Wow all the recent op-eds on Collive have been really entertaining.
Let the comments begin!
Who says the rebbe wanted pictures of choson & kallah to be taken together before the chasuna
As told to leibel groner
Unfortunately, the author doesn’t own the Rebbe’s Ohel. They also have no right to publicly criticize other peoples practices. Are you going to start complaining that people go to the ohel without going to the mikvah first or fasting? Give me a break.
Instead of people worrying about other peoples practices. Worry about themself
100%
So so so sad when a person has no concept of what holiness is, and throws their lack of it on faulting those that do🥲🥲
There is a major difference between personal minhagim and disruptive and publicly inappropriate behavior.
If you are in a plane or bus and someone is making a ruckus, would it be wrong to request that he stop?
But wait, you don’t own the plane! Who are you to criticize other people’s practices?!
Vehanimshal yuvan
Perhaps before finding new problems, solve the old ones first.
This will surely save Lubavitch.
Save what we r not in danger
Yes!! Let’s save lubavitch and bring mashiach
If you have nothing positive to say, say nothing
The Rebbe takes achrayus for Lubavitch till Moshiach comes.
There is a certain level of basic human decency and respect that can – and should – be expected from every person, (and certainly every Lubavitcher), irrespective of their personal level of observance etc. Think about what type of respect was showed to the Rebbe by dollars. Coming from every single individual – frum or not.
Ironically, people who know next to nothing about Judaism have the greatest, utmost respect when the come to the Ohel, and speak in low tones or a whisper when they are near – not even in the ohel
They should appoint a few women to enforce shawl wearing over hair and other sensitive areas… just like the good old days…
(from Eternal Joy, volume 2)
Taking Pictures Together
Rabbi Leibel Groner relates that the Rebbe also asked him to publicize his displeasure with the following:
It recently has become endemic that chassan and kallah come together after their engagement party for pictures. Moreover, they even take photographs together in a photo studio.
The Rebbe once told an individual during a private Yechidus:
In heaven they are ashamed of the fact … that chassan and kallah are photographed together before their wedding.
The notion that there is some type prescribed, correct, absolutely true, unilateral behavior that everyone should adhere to with regards to behavior in relation to getting a “brocha” and “haskomo” for a shidduch from the “rebbe” at the ohel, is, well, mind blowing, for me at least. Yes, no one got “engaged” without bracho from the rebbe, pre-3Tammus. An dthen there was common practice as to how to do what when and where. But how people choose to apply that practice post 3Tammus and at the Ohel, is individual. There is NO precedent, and certainly NO rebbe-ordained practice, as to… Read more »
No specific rules for a chasan kallah. Just the same rules that applies to anyone and everyone that visits the Rebbe at the ohel. That is; exactly as was before gimmel Tammuz. Respect and reverence for whom you are standing in front of.
The word solemn jumped out at me from this article. And while solemn can mean formal, it also means not smiling, and serious. When I enter the tent, the emotions of the place can overwhelm. Hope, desperation, confidence, worry, pain, comfort, sorrow, and joy. I know that the ohel is the place from where all the tefilos of the world ascend (Rebbe sicha). Tefilos aren’t only bakoshos, and bakoshos aren’t all desperate. Hashem listens no matter the tone. Life has many stages. Let’s allow for the ohel to be the complex space of squeals of delight and heart wrenching tears.… Read more »
The squeals (it’s more often shrieking) is obviously wrong and particularly embarrassing and a chilul Lubavitch in front of the many yidden from all walks of life who witness this behavior and have never seen frume people (specifically women who girls) behave this way and in our holiest of places, no less!
When I see that word all I can think of is a certain, not-so-kosher, animal…
Instead of creating issues that never existed before. Learn about this. “V’ahavta L’reyacha Kamocha“
So have some ahavas Yisroel for those who are concerned about the kedusha of the place. Ahavas Yisroel is a two-way street, you know.
I think the last thing the Rebbe wants is for all of us to be fighting about this and throwing out different ideas in His name that u made up
Because you have decided to speak for him? Hashem doesnt agree with wrong, so to say it and stand up for the right things is making it up in his name? Learn from our past. There were great men and women: pinchas, nachshon ben aminadov, yehudis….
dosnt mean you dont point out what is wrong and what it right
!
Thank you for bringing up this sensitive issue. I 100% agree with the author.
I would like to also add: the way Lubavitcher bochurim who go through years of Yeshiva, Semicha, 770, and are considered really, top Chassidishe bochurim are proposing these days, is OUT OF CONTROL!!
Memesh copying the way the goyim do….
Please explain
I have seen too many times where good Chassideshe bochurim are proposing like a goy! Just to name a few things: Proposing at the beach with a big “will you marry me” sign; getting down on one knee with a bouquet of flowers or ring; doing it on a roof top with friends of the Chassan/Kallah videoing (there was a video of this going around recently); opening up Champagne bottles; proposing on a big screen during a sports event; and the list goes on and on. Need I explain more? Back in the day, the code sentences for proposing was,… Read more »
The pictures of chosson and Kalla coming out of the ohel make me cringe. Aside if it’s appropriate to take pictures together or not, let’s say a friend snapped it coming out of the ohel…LAWS OF SHOMER NEGIA APPLY, NO RUBNING SHOULDERS SO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER YOU ARE NOT MARRIED AND ITS HALACHAKLY A REAL ISSUE. Like the rebbe writes
If your close when you are meant to be distant you will be distant when you are meant to be close!
Married couples are also not meant to be touching in pictures… or anywhere public for that matter
There is a difference between giving people space to enjoy their simchah, and allowing shrieking and flash mobs right outside the ohel, before one even reaches the tent. Allow the chosson and kallah to go to the tent, wash their hands and have a drink before wishing them mazal tov. Remember that the ohel is not a fully enclosed space, and people inside are pouring their hearts out to the Rebbe. Have the decency and basic respect to keep your rightful simcha in check for a few extra seconds. Especially that nowadays the engagement is confirmed sometimes weeks before the… Read more »
Well said
Of course the Ohel should also have a proper Mechitza.
sure! it is against the whole idea of the deveining if its in front of woman…
This mussar-dik, negative, critical, self righteous letter – with NO SIGNATURE – is so far from the Chabad approach and the Rebbe’s modeling of how to behave toward each other with ahavas yisroel!! Anyone who “truly” has a concern about it should deal with it privately and discretely with Rabbonim and or with the Ohel itself in a positive, kind way without Machloikes!! It’s a sad day in Chabad for such public conduct!! We have a crisis with Shidduchim and so, B”H, let’s be happy for people rejoicing under these circumstances. If there needs to be an adjustment, then let’s… Read more »
Absolutely. So if there are people considering goyim to be Jewish in eretz yisroel r”l the “chabad approach” is to speak to them privately and not make machloikes. Ahavas yisroel!!!
This is just one example. There are plenty of cases besides this when the rebbe publicly screamed about hanhaga that is against shulchan aruch.
Who decides the chabad approach? You or the rebbe?
Difficult to take back photos after a broken engagement- especially how viral things occur these days.
Less likely to happen after a marriage.
Plain and practical.
Listen to this voice of reason.
I also read this and immediately thought the bigger issue is the blatant disregard towards the Rebbe’s approach to “engagement pictures”. My wife is not Chabad at all and I had to fight very hard to settle on “we will be in 1 picture together, BUT it will not be shared publicly with anyone until after we are married”. To this day she still complains about how far apart we were standing from each other. So to have a whole hulabaloo to do something which is anyway against the Rebbe’s wishes, and while acting in a manner unbecoming in a… Read more »
This article doesn’t make sense and is pure nonsense.
Getting engaged at the Ohel with family and friends disturbs absolutely no one!
It ads color and Simcha at the Ohel. Halavei this should be happening there all day long. I was by the Ohel many times when couples got engaged and it was a Mechaya to see,
The author is not saying there’s any problem with getting engaged at the Ohel; in the contrary. The behavior at the time, of the chosson and kallah and of their families and friends, has to be kept within certain bounds, that’s all.
But people take pictures anyway
So we see that the whole “live and let live” thing goes only one way. Not nice.
Lechaims have also gone out of hand. The Rebbe put a stop to having a big fancy vort, to instead have a simpler lechaim. Instead, nowadays, we make a big fancy vort, with professional make up, updos, rental dresses, fancy food, etc, and call it a lechaim.
The Rebbe made it less pressure to make a fancy vort. if you want to spend a ton of money on something that is not necessary go ahead.
Ironically, today’s lchaims several times what the vorts the Rebbe asked to stop used to cost.
Girls, PLEASE dress tzniusdik when you go to THE REBBE’S OHEL, especially for such a holy time as your engagement!
ik which Morah this is and she always is right so everyone pls listen
Engagements at the ohel bring Simcha and happiness to all and uplift the ohel experience. Be happy. Be happy for each new couple coming together.
Yes. When in accordance with shulchan aruch, appropriate, and respectful.
I believe this all comes down to, “what is a chassid?” This is not as clear as it was before Gimmel Tammuz. Many of the things we do today (almost 30 years later) are things that would not have been accepted when the Rebbe was alive. Of course, there should be respect at a cemetery. But skipping igros, big engagement parties, proposals, photos, etc. are not even a problematic factor for some.
Of course it’s clear to anyone with a set of eyes that there are “different standards”. The problem is when the people who want to be more and more lenient, impose what they want on everyone else.
Concerning the the claim to “live and let live”:
No one is telling anyone what to do at their private engagement party or photo studio.
The writer is talking about revisiting what is and is not acceptable in a holy, communal space that all of the public share and are using collectively, not just the couple getting engaged at the time and their excited family and friends.
I have been at the Ohel too many times for sad occasions. It’s an absolute pleasure to see a Simcha being celebrated.
As long as it’s in accordance with Jewish law.
People getting together to wish Mazel Tov at the Ohel is a good thing.
The Rebbe would give the highest priority to engagements.
Expressions of joy and gathering to wish Mazel Tov is not a contradiction to proper decorum.
The article is not against “expressions of joy”, it is about inappropriate and not tzniusdik behavior. Expressions of joy are OK when respectful and tzniusdik. I don’t believe the author would disagree.
Since when Collive had became an open portal for whatever people thoughts are?
So many articles this days: how shidduchim should be done, how people should do things or stop doing.
I thought this website was about sharing news, no the opinion in each matter of every resident in CH
10 years ago when I got engaged it was unheard of to get a picture together bichlal let alone at the Ohel. We all knew the Rebbe’s horaah not to. In fact at the vort when the photographer unknowningly snapped a photo of us together, we asked immediately that it be deleted.
I am shocked that in recent times it became the norm be”shot nefesh” that a chosson and Kalla have their photo outside the Ohel, which then circulates on all the chats….
I guess I am not the only one who has a really hard time with the chosson and kallah being photographed davka with the background of the holy Ohel becoming the total norm.
I cringe reading this article, these comments, everyone looking to “stand up” for the Rebbe by belittling other people. The Rebbe doesn’t need you to fight his battles. U have no idea what people feel or dont feel at the Ohel. U can’t read their minds, you dont know what theyre thinking about? How dare you presume to know what someone is or isn’t thinking or feeling at the Ohel? Everyone needs to learn more about Ahavas Yisroel, and how that was really the biggest Horaah from the Rebbe – enough with all this, we have to say something when… Read more »
To COL; maybe stop posting these pictures will the trend finally end.
Not to long ago, only choson kalla, and parents only went to the ohel, then they went back to CH or wherever for lechaim.
It was respectful at the ohel, no pictures, no singing or shrieking.
Bring back those times!!
Thanks to the author for bringing this up and thanks to COL for publishing.
A frequent visitor at the ohel.