Award to Inspire Movement for Kindness, Honoring the Life of Yocheved Gourarie

By: Ariella Shapiro 

“Our years in school are some of our most formative. Beyond what we learn, it is the people and moments that matter most―when we are seen and accepted for who we are.” 

–The Kindness Award 

Today, she would have been 25. 

I didn’t know Yocheved. I hadn’t heard her name or entered her story. Like millions in Brooklyn, we could have stood back-to-back on the corner of Kingston and Eastern Parkway, but like you, I will never know. 

We were―are―strangers. No longer separated by corners, but by life. 

Which makes writing such an intimate piece to capture her heart, spirit, voice, and the depth of what she meant to others, all the more daunting. 

And so, I’ve decided to let her tell you. In her own words―and of those who knew her best. 

“I often forget this, but we are social creatures leaning on each other to survive and, more importantly, thrive. We need community, we need support, we need love and compassion and acceptance.” 

-Yocheved Gourarie 

The Kindness Award came to life just weeks after Yocheved had already departed from hers. Made possible by the generosity of Joe and Ruth Weingarten and Eli and Fraida Nash, the award

celebrates the acts of kindness―specifically of teachers, friends and classmates―that create a culture of empathy and support within the Crown Heights community. 

“We see too often that what is most basic and important in the education and nurturance of our children loses its priority,” Avremi Gourarie, father, points out. “Children respond to kindness and love. This should be on the forefront of every educator and parents’ mind. Which is why this Kindness Award is so urgent and meaningful for us.” 

Yocheved Sidof, co-producer of the Kindness Award, elaborates on the reasons why this initiative resonates so deeply. “In learning about Yocheved and her unconditional, loving nature, I was struck by the little things her childhood friends recounted—Yocheved tutoring her for a test, sitting next to her during lunch—that they still remember now, years later. Our childhood years shape us. Everyone—a teacher, a classmate, a friend—can be someone’s hero.” 

COLlive.com is proud to partner with the Kindness Award as a media sponsor.

Award recipients will be chosen from nominations made at kindnessaward.com. Nominations should be thoughtful, focusing on the people who made themselves present in the moments of silence, pain, transition and growth. Friends and educators who saw you for, well, you. Winners will be chosen across three categories, thanks to the funding of its generous sponsors. First prize will award a Morah and a Rebbi with a prize amount of $15,000 each. In the second category, a childhood friend will be awarded $5,000, of which half will be given to one of three charities selected by the Gourarie family. Third prize―to award a classmate―is still to be determined. 

“I am deeply grateful and excited to be involved in a cause to channel painful experiences into a source of positivity.” Eli Nash also expressed his desire to empower a communal responsibility toward kindness, especially in the education of youth―who have yet to develop the personal agency to express when they need support. 

In remembering Yocheved, one thread is common. Her uncommon compassion.

Yocheved Gourarie radiated kindness with her entire being. Even though she personally bore immense emotional pain, her battle with mental illness never prevented her from uplifting others with empathy and authenticity. 

“Yocheved was an extremely kind, caring and sensitive person. When she was very little, that was one of the first things we saw in her,” shares Dini Gourarie, Yocheved’s mother. 

“I think this is one of the reasons that this (award) speaks to us and honors her. This is something that would have meant something to her. If she saw this, she would have said, ‘Yes! This is what we need to do in our schools. This is what we need to do with our friends!’ Just be kind to one another. Let’s not be judgmental to one another. Everybody needs love and everyone can use a smile. Yocheved lived that.” 

“She had this light inside of her,” shares Jennifer Morey, high school teacher. “She’d ask students, who didn’t have someone to sit with, to sit with her. She’d offer to tutor other kids, who were struggling, on her own time. You don’t often see that in high school. To take their own time to help someone else―that’s really special. That’s someone who’s really special.” 

“What is kindness?” asks Adina Nenner, high school friend. “It’s looking at the person and seeing what they really need. There were times that I needed a gift, and she surprised me with the perfect one. There were times I needed to laugh and she’d send me 300 memes. Yocheved just knew what people needed most at that moment, and was able to be there for them, no questions asked.”

“Our catchphrase became, what do you need from me right now? Do you need solutions? A hug? Sometimes the answer is that there is no answer, and she was OK with that too,” remembers Francesca Montalti, friend and college classmate. 

One moment stands out. 

Francesca, who was also struggling with mental health issues unknown to most of her family and friends, was urged by Yocheved to find professional support. “She went with me to my first counseling appointment at Brooklyn College. Mental health is stigmatized, and up until that moment, no one else recognized that I was struggling. It was huge.” 

What she didn’t know at the time is that by going, she was helping Yocheved, too. “I just found out that it was her first independent trip to counseling as well in a long time. I didn’t know I did that for her. She was doing that for me, but apparently I was doing that for her, too.” 

“Yocheved was the kindest, bravest and purest soul.” 

In recalling Yocheved with her family, her aunt, Sarale Langsam, describes her unique ability to be completely present with others, especially her nieces and nephews. “She made all my kids feel important. She’d laugh at their silly jokes, play games they enjoyed, if it

meant Candy Land, Legos, or staring contests. She gave them each the time of day. And made them feel they were the most important thing, and that she was having so much fun.” 

Yocheved’s kindness did not only lie in the exterior actions of generosity or sharing so often attributed to the word. Her kindness ran deeper. It was her rare ability to see into the other person―beyond the walls. The immeasurable sensibility of “knowing” she created. She took the time to stop, pay attention, and was attuned with the other and their needs. 

Nothing was too scary or ugly. No one was invisible. 

She completely accepted the other person for who they were at that moment. 

“After her passing, one of her friends reached out to us and shared that Yocheved was the first one who really saw her,” her mother adds. “Yocheved was one of the people who made her feel she had a friend in school.” 

This is a gift we can all learn to give. “The greatest way to eternally honor a soul that personified kindness is by perpetuating and celebrating acts of kindness―especially of those that have, and continue to have an everlasting impact on us,” explains Rabbi Simon Jacobson, founder of The Meaningful Life Center and cousin to Yocheved. 

Whether we are a teacher, a classmate, a friend, a coworker, or family member. We can all make a concerted effort to look at the people around us and make them feel seen. 

If you know a friend or a teacher within the Crown Heights community, who has made a lasting impact in your life, please cast your nomination for the Kindness Award here.

If we could give Yocheved a gift for her 25th birthday, this would be it. 

Her brothers, Levi and Yehudah, both expressed their desire to share her legacy with others. “This is a really fitting way to honor Yocheved,” said Levi. “She stood for kindness. She would have loved this idea.” 

By participating in the award, we plant the seeds for a tangible movement toward kindness in our homes and classrooms. We create visibility for the ones who are already doing it and inspire others with their example. In highlighting the moment-makers of our own school years, we will empower our youth, our melamdim and mechanchos to demonstrate kindness and commitment in exemplary ways. 

Our hope is that the kindness we create in this world will bring you―Yocheved―joy in the next. That somewhere you are singing, sparkling and seen, with every person we uplift. 

This is your story. There are no more words left for me to say, and so I leave them for you.

Join a live Virtual event today, Sunday, May 23 at 8:00 PM ET to launch the Kindness Award:
Click here to register to join on ZOOM