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Thursday, 15 Nisan, 5780
  |  April 9, 2020

A Community Issue We Shouldn’t Ignore

Op-Ed by COLlive publisher Mica Soffer: Although we write and post stories that thousands of people read every day, the op-ed you are now reading is a first for me. Because I am speaking to you now in my own voice, stating my own opinion about something that is troubling me. Full Story

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Be Cautious To Whom You Teach Kabbalah

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Also
Guest
Also

And smile at people on the street, try to be friendly and kind, a small connection can make a big difference. Not only for teens and young people who need help, one never knows how much someone can use a little bit of connection and caring.

So true
Guest
So true

I’ve been that person who really needs it.

Very true
Guest
Very true

Greet everyone with a 😃 people need the human connection even though everyone look a perfect on whatsapp-they need it to be real

peace and love
Guest
peace and love

we just have to realize how much hashem loves us and the everything will be ok. thats spiritual!

how many times have we heard that chabad that its chachmah bina daas: love, peace and understanding.

Chachmah, Bina, Daas?
Guest
Chachmah, Bina, Daas?

Wisdom, Understanding and Knowledge

thank you for writing this!!!
Guest
thank you for writing this!!!

I see the horrible bullying going on, on whatsapp groups and social media – be careful how you speak to others – you have no idea what else people are battling – this may be the last straw!

The last straw?
Guest
The last straw?

So we only start getting concerned when people are dying? Otherwise it’s okay to trample on others?

I’m being facetious, you’re obviously not suggesting it’s fine. My point is that all this talk about suicide awareness is really just the tip of the iceberg about how much room for improvement there is with our interpersonal skills. We need to focus on appreciation others’ and their lives, not just preventing them from dying.

Please can you post live for out of towners??
Guest
Please can you post live for out of towners??

How much more impactful if this can be aired globally thank you for your incredible dedication to our community
A parent

We all need to be educated !!
Guest
We all need to be educated !!

So much needed on this topic all.over . Please post video about this after the event

YASHER KOACH!
Guest
YASHER KOACH!

Thank you for shedding light on this crucial issue!

thank you for speaking up!
Guest
thank you for speaking up!

thank you for caring. may many others follow.

Please talk about child abuse next
Guest
Please talk about child abuse next

Thank you for having the courage to talk about an issue that so many don’t want to talk or read about.

There is another issue which doesn’t get the attention it deserves that is linked with suicide, and that is child abuse.

Agreed...
Guest
Agreed...

And many times the two issues are linked together. V’da”L.

Important
Guest
Important

Most definitely a must article to speak about , especially before it get’s to late chas v’sholom!

KOL HACAVOD
Guest
KOL HACAVOD

Wow – beautiful to see our community opening up to such topics.
Thankyou for writing with a name as it add legitimacy

Yes to that.
Guest
Yes to that.

Thank you for posting with a name.

Addiction
Guest
Addiction

The huge elephant in the room is addiction. Yes addiction. You heard me right. Suicide is but a symptom as the author put so well. Some people are powerless and need to numb their pain with destructive substances or behaviors so they don’t feel their feelings or they seek a spiritual connection or a high so they use their drug of choice which takes them to an alternative reality because their real reality is just too painful to deal with or face up to. The problem is that addiction doesn’t have a cure but people can recover if they really… Read more »

Addiction is a coping mechanism
Guest
Addiction is a coping mechanism

That people turn to as an escape when they can’t cope. So in a sense it’s also symptom of other causes that need to be addressed. Abuse, neglect, bullying, tragedies, traumas, mental-health and other disabilities all foster addictive tendencies.

Wrong
Guest
Wrong

Yes a lot of times it was either abuse or trauma or other mental health issues underlying the addiction but sometimes there’s no rhyme or reason a person is just an addict because they were created that way

eds
Guest
eds

another culprit is eating disorders..which i feel like is spoken about way less than addiction, theres such a bigger community and support network for addiction which is a huge blessing

Be Kind. Use kind words
Guest
Be Kind. Use kind words

I think people may find it endearing or cool to be crude and sarcastic, but I will say that there

What from?
Guest
What from?

Can you give the rest of us insight to what are the most common specific things that you know that pushed people to do it (particularly in our community, not necessarily nation-wide)?

Be creative
Guest
Be creative

Schools should creatively fill the time so teachers can attend. Either dismisss early, have an assembly, joint fun activity, etc. ALTERNATIVELY, bochurim or HS girls can take over a class for 3 hours. Show the teachers and students that this is an important topic. Teachers can make or break a child’s life – in the name of molding them into a chossid. This should be mandatory for educators.

Solve the issue from the root
Guest
Solve the issue from the root

While it’s great that a workshop is happening, how about solving the issue from the root of it? I can say from experience, most high schools and yeshivas don’t approach the topic of suicide because it’s such a “touchy” subject. I personally had friends that contemplated suicide a lot, and I can’t help but wonder how the situation would look like if yeshivas and schools employed social workers. While it’s true that social media can be a side factor, I say from experience that it’s growing up as a free thinker amongst a strictly chabad or frum in general environment.… Read more »

100%
Guest
100%

We should be talking to and having workshops in high schools and providing a safe environment for them to talk about suicidal thoughts such as a hot line they could call anonymously.

Root
Guest
Root

And the root may be, in part at least and for chabad, from a confusing environment – what exactly is lubavitch today? What answers to “meaning”? What exactly does or “should” a person belong? What answers to the desire to belong? What exactly is the community to which one can belong? What answers that desire for belonging? Lubavitch used to be Rebbe, now it’s a work in progress and while in progress can be VERY destabilizing. Schools, homes, governance, rules, truths… they’re all in flux.

What does it take to believe in yourself?
Guest
What does it take to believe in yourself?

It is sad to see how desperate people are and feel that their life has no meaning and this is the only way out.

We can all do something about it. Kiruv and Ahavas Yisroel start at home. Reach out to your neighbors, friends and relatives. A smile or a genuine good word make a difference.

Make sure your children are nice to everyone, especially those that look like they need a boost.

It doesn’t take much to create a culture of care and concern. A smile and a good word go a long way.

The life you save, may be your own

True
Guest
True

As long as one accepts that another person’s self worth doesn’t have to match what you consider worthy, including anything of religious belief. If you make room for another’s truth and value As They Are, they’d feel respected and that they matter.

Quite a few teachers treat their students like gar
Guest
Quite a few teachers treat their students like gar

I have seen this when I was growing up and now I am seeing this as a parent where the principal’s and teacher’s are passive aggressive bullies and have no accountability.
They can scream at a kid, put him down verbally or give him the “disdainful eye glance” etc
A TEACHER CAN HELP BUILD THE CHILD’S FERLINGS OF SELF WORTH!!! AT LEAST DON’T DESTROY IT!!!!!!!!!

Teachers Should Read This
Guest
Teachers Should Read This

They may have the child’s destruction chas vesholom..on their hands…. and will have to give an accounting.

Operation Survival!!!!!
Guest
Operation Survival!!!!!

Operation Survival has all the info you need! They have served our community for many years bring much needed services and awareness!
They can help concerned parents, teachers and friends!!!
Located right in Crown heights! 718 735 0200- do it before it’s too late!

Tell kids you love them and you'll always LISTEN
Guest
Tell kids you love them and you'll always LISTEN

Two long-term critical countermeasures (which go hand-in-hand): 1. Tell your kids, “I love you!” Let them hear it from you all the time. I know it sounds obvious, but a lot of young people grow up truly not feeling that anyone really loves them and that they have no true friends in the world who will be there for them–even to just LISTEN 2. Young people need to know that no matter what they ever do, say or think, there will always be at least one person they can ALWAYS talk to and say ANYTHING, and WITHOUT being judged. At… Read more »

Non Crown Heightser
Guest
Non Crown Heightser

Avi Fishoff and Twisted Parenting.

We often mumble the words of chassidus but if we really internalized them the treatment towards others would change and the suicide rate would drop.

tanya
Guest
tanya

the sad fact is that most of the suicides in the frum community, happened AFTER rehab, therapy, relatives offering to help… unfortunatly the frum suicides fall in to 2 catagories . post drugs…addictions which by the time you are really ready to listen your brains are fried ” hatzad hashove shebohen shedarkan lehazik ushemirasan olechoh. the 2nd catagory are neshamos w serious mental health issues trapped in a human body in a world that doesnt work for them also post therapy meds….the only answer is TANYA

I fall into both categories
Guest
I fall into both categories

How can Tanya help me? I’m stuck between not being able and not willing to apply Tanya methodologies. Tanya’s approach requires devotion and resources, in simply not up for it.

Tanya is the answer
Guest
Tanya is the answer

But only if used as the Alter Rebbe prescribes. In the Hakdomo it says you need the attention of a capable chossid, e.g. therapist/mashpia. Don’t give up on yourself, don’t try to go it alone. Reach out for help to another, qualified, person. You will be surprised how much progress you can make in a relatively short amount of time.

Loving Unconditionally
Guest
Loving Unconditionally

Sorry but really foolish and naive to say the only answer is Tanya. Trust me, I teach Tanya every single day and know the beauty of Tanya. Yet it’s not a self-help book, but a guide to serving Hashem properly, and how to deal with struggles that come up. It is NOT meant to solve people with mental-health issues, whom their Nefesh Habehamis is severely unhealthy. What I would tell you, is that a solution does exist in Tanya and it needs to be practiced by me and you (not by the victim). And that is, what it says in… Read more »

The Frum Stigma
Guest
The Frum Stigma

We are taught that every Neshama is a unique diamond, a gift from Hashem. A diamond requires special care to keep shining bright and alive.

I struggle with suicidal thoughts yet feel the inner shame and conflict of playing G-D.
One can look picture perfect- a mask behind the pain.
Reach out to someone without judgment. It can be your own family member, friend, student.
“A Smile a Day can keep Suicide at Bay”.

Oversimplified Solutions
Guest
Oversimplified Solutions

Can one smile really make all the difference?

No simple solution
Guest
No simple solution

A smile or reaching out can only have a positive effect.
There’s no cure to suicide..
We have to work on awareness, prevention and proper treatment.

aron eichler
Member
aron eichler

One domino. Thats all it takes to make the world of a difference.

Heshy
Guest
Heshy

Yes a smile makes a difference.
I used to have one of my guests with was a bit off. A few years later I saw him crossing as I waited for the light to change driving my car. We made eye contact and gave him a friendly smile. I met again when this fellow and he told me he was contemplating suicide but that smile I gave him changed his mind. I was blown away how powerful a smile can be.

Power of a smile
Guest
Power of a smile

Yes, a smile can make a difference.
I contemplated suicide yet didn’t follow through after engaging in a pleasant conversation with the uber driver, a complete stranger!

Also
Guest
Also

Also when one gets busy helping others it helps them, just as the Rebbe said. They don’t focus on themselves as much, this has helped me many times, extreme cases may need medication and everyone who needs should get therapy obviously, but if people focused on helping others help others that would be a great way to help them cope. Kind of like teaching someone how to fish instead of giving them a handout. Also Miriam Adahan’s books are great.

Another painful topic &it's relevance to this
Guest
Another painful topic &it's relevance to this

I am by nature a fairly positive person b”H. As a young Aguna I spent hours & hours seeking help only to find so, so many rabbanim who either didn’t know how to help or were really cold and couldn’t be bothered. The pain & loneliness was so unbearable that I often had suicidal thoughts…..the only thought that really stopped me was when I imagined how if I would follow through with it Chas vShalom , then the ‘rabbanim’would snidely think ‘see she was rly just crazy …who knows if she was even telling the truth at all”. Yes the… Read more »

Touch and affection
Guest
Touch and affection

When speaking with our ‘disconnected’ teenager, tell them you love them and are here for them; also smile and touch them. It could be a stroke on a cheek, arm or hug frequently. Be yourself, listen, validate. Have family time without cellphone.

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