13 Tips For a Beautiful Bar Mitzvah on Zoom (Like Ours)

by Chani Vogel for COLlive.com

About 2 years ago I started hearing conversations about tefillin, and which sofer people were using. This would be the beginning of preparations for my boys’ bar mitzvahs. I was so excited! I was going to make a party that would show everyone how thankful I was for my miracle children, and for the good mazal I finally felt I had attained in my life.

My husband Moshe and I wanted to get the best tefillin possible, as they are a lifelong investment. We did our research, and found a sofer. Being that my two boys were born in such close proximity, we ordered both sets of tefillin at the same time.

My next job was to save the dates on the halls, which I did, 1 and a half years before my big boy, and 2 years before my younger son.

And then we heard whispers from China, there is a crazy disease going on there… I have a friend who is a Chinese giyoress, and I was in touch with her, she was quarantined, and it seemed like this magefa was staying there… Until it didn’t anymore. My kids’ schools were closed and learning became a Zoom thing.

One night I had a discussion with my Chayim. I told him about the realities, and that I was unsure about the big bar mitzvah bash I was planning. His wonderful attitude made me feel really grateful. He was taking this in stride, but he was losing his big party and would not be getting presents! What could I do? All plans were halted, and I was left with a child who was wearing a hat and jacket every day, and a bar mitzvah day that was coming up rather soon, and a party that was not going to be. My parents would not be able to be there, and I was really sad. (I made sure never to show the sadness to him.)

It was the day after Pesach, and Zoom Bar Mitzvos were the rage. I logged on to a few, and called some friends to find out what they were planning.

I went on social media, and asked around. Everyone was saying that they would have a video of friends saying mazal tov to the boy. I liked that idea. Until I saw that some of these videos were way too long, and uber boring! Moshe, my husband and I talked about what could be done.

I had a good friend Mindy Chein help me with decorating the house to feel super festive. This makes the world of a difference. I got flowers on Flatbush Avenue and made flower arrangements to put on the table. I also got cookies from Etel Hurwitz and a gorgeous “C” cake from Laya Biggs. I made a big seudah challah, and then decorated the table so that everyone would be able to feel festive. My friends from my Tanya group ordered a balloon arrangement that we put up, and we got centerpieces from Brocha Friedman. Making the dining room feel so joyous, added to the excitement by all of us.

The first thing we did was make a program. Read the Rebbe‘s letter, say the mamer show the video, have a dvar torah, and make a speech. The videos that I asked for started to trickle in, and before I realized it, we had over 130 videos! We had 70 minutes of video footage, and I thought to myself, I would not be able to sit through all of that, why would I want anyone else to? That is when we made the next part of our program. We would divide the videos into 4 categories.

We realized that it was going to be over 100 people and made the arrangements to have a larger Zoom package. We didn’t want anyone to be left out because of the $70 it costs. The zoom started with all of us saying hi to each other for about 15 minutes. Then we muted the participants, and we closed off the screen sharing. This was done because we saw on other zooms that people were scribbling on the videos when they got bored.

My husband did a two-minute introduction to the bar mitzvah, and then we introduced something novel. My son did a lot of research and created 10 riddles. They were based on Tanach, and they were hard questions (i.e. Who was the oldest lady in the Torah to give birth? People automatically think of Sarah Imeinu, but we know that Yocheved was 130. Naama, Noach’s wife was 570 years old!) We had the riddles written up like a slideshow, and throughout the night to keep the bar mitzvah interactive, we had 2 riddles up at a time. The answers to all ten riddles were given out at the end of the evening.

After the first 2 riddles, we did the Rebbe’s Kapital. It is too long to do on a video, so we did the first 8 pesukim. Then my brother in law read the Rebbe’s letter that my husband got from the Rebbe when he was bar mitzvah all those years ago in England.

Due to the hard time we are living in now, my 6-year-old said Kapital Chof for all those that are in need of a refuah Shleima. This was especially special because the little one is wont to feel left out, and here she became a star. She finished off with a 4 sentence brocha to her brother. After that, we did riddles 3 and 4.

We were finally ready for the Maamer. To my husband and myself, the mechanchim who helped us get to the point of Bar Mitzvah with Chayim needed to be recognized here. Teaching our children hakaras hatov is very important to us. I went to all my sons’ teachers, and menahahlim, starting with Morah Esther Hurwitz, his playgroup Morah. I got everyone to say a few words, including the dean of Oholei Torah, Rabbi Hirschel Lustig. Just the teacher’s video alone was over 13 minutes. I know that their messages are very important to us, and to our family. We cut out the personal messages from the videos, and just left the mazal tov wishes. This took just over 2 and a half minutes. It kept the video relevant and interesting.

We thanked our partners in Chinuch, and showed that video before the Maamer. Then we did the maamer niggun. We inserted a video of the maamer nigun sung at a farbrengen. Right after that, Chayim said the Maamer. As soon as that was over, the men danced for about 3 minutes. Again, watching someone else dance, we felt would become boring. When everyone took their seats we did riddles 5 and 6.

A Bar Mitzvah needs a Dvar Torah, and to include my parents, my father prerecorded a five-minute Dvar Torah, we wanted to keep everyone interested. After the Dvar Torah, we did the family videos. My parents, myself and my husband, our siblings, and their children. The whole video lasted 4 minutes. Then my son Noach got his chance to shine! He told a story and finished it off with a brocha and it lasted 2 minutes. With Noach’s Dvar Torah over, he went back to the riddles and put up Riddles 7 & 8.

Then we showed the cousins video. This took about 8 minutes. After that, Chayim gave a quick Dvar Torah, and thank you speech. When he was done, we posted the final 2 riddles. I was very much on the fence about speaking myself, and did not prepare this right. I should have.. I got up and spoke for two minutes, thanking everyone for coming, and being a part of our simcha.

The highlight of the videos was played at this point. I say highlight, because it was Chayim’s classmates, and then we did something special for him. I got media personalities that Chayim admires to send in videos, and we played those last. This was somewhat of a surprise for Chayim because he did not really know what I was doing behind his back to get the stars I did.

The bar mitzvah was winding down, and my husband gave Chayim a gift. It was especially poignant because my husband figured out that the serial numbers gematriahs were very relevant to Chayim,

After the gift, we posted the answers to the riddles, and then the zoom part was over. My brother in law, (Mendy Allouche, a shliach in France) came up with our slogan, gam ZOOM letova! Thank You Hashem! Total Zoom time was an hour and a half.

Here are tips on how to make your Bar Mitzvah on Zoom and making it exciting:

1. You can give out bar mitzvah packages to friends and family.
2. Some people organize a drive by Bar Mitzvah to wish the boy mazal tov.
3. Some people have media personalities via zoom, or recordings.
4. Make sure when you are doing the zoom that you record your bar mitzvah on the device you are using.
5. Speaking of devices, you need at least two cameras. One will be far back and show the table that you are sitting on, and the other one, will be right in front of the person speaking. Whoever is controlling the computers needs to make sure that the camera that is relevant at the time is the one highlighted on zoom.
6. It is also a good idea to scroll through the zoom pages to see all your guests. That is the only way you will know who is/was on.
7. Make sure to disable screen sharing.
8. Take pictures before and after the program begins. I did not think of it, and got too busy to remember during the bar mitzvah, and I don’t have nice pictures of my table.
9. Make sure that both camera lenses and any other cameras you will use are clean. As you can see the close up camera by me, was not clean, and is not as clear.
10. Mute all participants so that they can not unmute themselves when you need quiet.
11. When you mute all participants, you need to unmute the close up camera, and mute the FAR camera because otherwise there will be feedback. If you are playing any videos from the far camera, then you must remember to unmute them, or no one can hear.
12. VERY IMPORTANT! Clean off your desktop on the computer, so that when you shift to different screens, your private information is not visible to others!
    Adding flowers to the table will make the whole environment festive. Our cookies came from Etel Hurwitz (718) 564-5444
13. Mazal tov on your simcha! I am enclosing Chayim’s Bar mitzvah Video for reference. When it was uploaded, my husband made a timeline so that you can skip around and use the video for your own reference.

VIDEO:

1:52 First 2 Riddles
3:00 Rebbe’s Kapital
4:15 Rebbe’s Letter
6:27 Chava’le Tehillim for the sick and Brocho to Chayim
9:15 3rd & 4th Riddles
9:51 Teachers Video
13:20 Maamar Niggun / Video
15:53 Chayim Saying Maamar
25:00 5th & 6th Riddles
25:44 Dvar Torah from Zaidy
30:52 Family Video #1
41:03 Noach’s Story / Dvar Torah / Brocho
42:04 7th & 8th Riddles
42:44 Family Video #2
50:47 Chayim’s Dvar Torah
53:29 9th & 10th Riddles
53:52 Chani’s Thank You
56:02 Yitzi’s Video
57:00 Friends Video
1:05:31 Rebbe’s Dollar
1:07:28 All the Questions and Answers