12 Years in the Making: About My Sister’s Shidduch

By the brother

How do I start? How does one summarize 12 years of effort and struggle in a short and concise way? Well, let me give it a shot.

My sister came to New York with the intention of finding her bashert back in 2013. After leaving the U.S and returning to NY in 2014, she was questioned at the border about whether she had ever undertaken any work. She told the immigration officer that she did some occasional babysitting, which led to her being denied entry in a very painful episode. She was also banned from entering the USA for a minimum of five years. She was 22 years old when this happened, obviously a devastating blow when trying to find a bashert.

She ended up moving to Israel and settling there. While trying over the years to find her bashert in Israel, it didn’t work out. Once the five-year ban ended, she was still unable to obtain a visa. She was most recently denied a visa in 2023, when she was 32 years old.

At this point, where does one turn? When will she find her bashert? How much longer will she have to wait? How many more dates won’t work out? It’s been over 10 years since she was banned, and we were struggling to see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Daven? We do that for her every day! Tehillim? We do that for her every day! We constantly ask the Rebbe for Brochos to help her find her shidduch! How long? Ad Mosai? Will this ever happen? Will she ever find her bashert? We have done everything within our power; what’s left?

Al pi derech hateva (naturally), there are many more suitable frum Chabad singles in the USA, so her chances are significantly increased there, but it’s been over 10 years without any way to get her back in legally.

Then our youngest brother got engaged, as well as our niece, so I took this opportunity to help her apply again. With her living in Israel, there were many significant challenges. Her passport was about to expire, and not being a citizen of Israel, she had to fly home to renew it. I booked her a ticket back home and said that even if there was a 0.000001% chance of getting approval for a visa to get her into the USA for the weddings, we would still give 100% effort and trust that the rest was up to Hashem.

Last time she applied for a visa, we had to wait nearly a year for an appointment at the US embassy, only for her to be declined. This time, miraculously, there was an available appointment at the Tel Aviv embassy within six weeks, just two weeks before our niece’s and youngest brother’s weddings, which were a few days apart. So we submitted the visa application and booked that consular appointment.

We then had the task of trying to get her passport renewed, which can also take months, but after flying back home, she was able to get it days before the embassy appointment. At the same time, she needed to renew her residency in Israel, which was also incredibly issued a day before the US visa appointment, which was critical.

To be honest, the odds looked very bleak for her to have any chance of getting approval, considering her previous ban, her visa denial just the year before, and her overall general circumstances. After spending weeks both day and night with little sleep helping her for this interview by planning, preparing, and doing everything possible to give her the best chance of success, miraculously, she was granted a ten-year US visa.

Then came the wait for it to be issued after the approval. That took another few weeks, and the night before the first wedding, I was up in the middle of the night and messaged my sister with another plan, saying maybe to send another email and try to escalate again. This prompted her to check the portal one last time at around 2pm Israel time. The approval had finally been updated to issued. I told her she must leave work and run to the embassy in Tel Aviv, which she did. On the way, it had been updated one final time to printed and ready for pickup. She arrived at the embassy just minutes before it closed and picked up her passport.

She then went home, and I booked her a flight leaving Israel a few hours later, and she arrived in NY a few hours before the wedding. Had I not woken up in the middle of the night at that specific moment, she would have missed the cutoff to pick up that day and missed the wedding. In addition, just days before the approval, we changed the delivery of her passport from her residence in Israel to be available for pickup at the embassy. Had we not made that change, it would have taken a few more days via mail, and she would have missed the weddings. It was so special to have every sibling at the wedding, and it would have been very painful if she hadn’t been able to attend. Series one of the miracles was complete.

Now we needed to find my sister her bashert! She was only here for a few weeks, so how were we going to do this?! From when she was approved, I started contacting multiple shadchanim as well as many friends to see what suggestions they had, explaining the situation and seeing what was possible. The night after the wedding, she went out, and it didn’t work out.

After both weddings and trying to set her up, it seemed like that door was closing again. She had a flight to go home to Israel in a few days, and my flight was later that day. After going out for breakfast, I decided on my way back to take her to the Shidduch House in Crown Heights.

To say that she didn’t want to go would be a major understatement. After all, how could I blame her! After so many years, so many shadchanim, and sadly no success, she felt, why again? How would this be different? I said to her that even if there is a 0.0000001% chance of this working out, we must give it 100%! You are here now; it’s a miracle, so we have to go and just try.

We got to the Shidduch House and happened to meet four shadchanim together, who were all so welcoming and understanding of her situation. As we left, they gave us tzedakah to put in the charity box as we were leaving and say a prayer that it should work out, which we both did.

As I was in the airport waiting for my flight, my sister had already received an offer for a date. We obviously had to extend her ticket from going back to Israel so she could see how the date went. The shadchanim were so nice and set her up with a few different guys, which didn’t work out. That was it; she was drained after dating again, and it was time to go back to Israel and take a breather from it all.

Her flight was booked for Sunday, and on Friday, she decided to go to the Ohel one last time. On the way to the Ohel, she missed the first bus as it didn’t stop in its normal spot, and she then was able to only catch the 2pm bus. After spending time at the Ohel writing to the Rebbe and pouring her heart out, she missed the last bus back which was meant to depart at 4pm but at 3:45pm as she went outside she saw it pulling off into the distance.

She contacted my brother to look at getting her an Uber, but because it was quite pricey, she thought she would see if anyone was heading back to Crown Heights. She asked someone sitting outside, “Hey, would you know anyone that is heading back to Crown Heights?” to which he responded, if you hang around you should be able to find someone.

My sister then went inside to see if she could find anyone else and an Israeli woman came over to her asking if she knew anyone else going back to Crown Heights? My sister said she too was looking for a lift, so they both went outside to see if they could find anyone together.

After 10 minutes passed, the Bochur noticed that my sister and this woman were still waiting for a lift and told them that he planned to go to Crown Heights later and offered both of them a lift if they were happy to wait, to which they graciously accepted. My sister and the Bochur got talking in the car on the way back, and as there was major traffic, they got to speak for a while. My sister also connected with the other woman who joined the ride, who happened to be a Shlucha in Israel who offered to have her over for a Shabbos meal when she’s back so they exchanged contact details.

After Shabbos, the Bochur thought it was a good idea to go on a date, and although they hadn’t exchanged numbers, he managed to get in touch with the Shlucha that was in the car with them, and she put them in touch. My sister extended her ticket again, and I am beyond elated to share that they got engaged on her 33rd birthday. Who was the shadchan? The Rebbe! How? Literally miracles after miracles after miracles. In a period of just three months, from things looking bleak to impossible for her to find her bashert, now she b”h found him and b”h they have built a beautiful home together and welcomed a beautiful child into this world recently Ka”h.

What’s the point in sharing this miraculous story?

1. To thank Hashem and the Rebbe for such revealed miracles after so many years of challenges, which ultimately now has led to the biggest blessings.

2. While ideally it’s always best getting married young, if for one of many reasons it just doesn’t work out, I would like to give hope to singles that no matter how long and many years it takes, and no matter how hard or how many dates one goes on, you must never give up hope because ultimately Hashem and the Rebbe can pull through for you when you are least expecting it.

3. All the big and little things matter, even when your hope seems bleak. Had my sister not done any of the things leading up to the miracle at the Ohel, then she wouldn’t have had the opportunity to meet him and ultimately get married.

I pray that all of you should not have to wait any longer to find your bashert and that it should happen easily and speedily.