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  |  August 15, 2020

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10 Tips For Newly Engaged Couples

Tu B'Av: Rabbi Yisroel Bernath, founder of JMatchmaking International, has 10 tips for newly engaged couples. Full Story

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Best 18 months ever!
August 10, 2017 4:16 am

Without exaggeration, the first 18 months was the most happiest amazing & loving time not only in our relationship but in my whole life!!!! BH (please stop feeding thoughts into people heads “the 1st years I’d the hardest” it’s simply not ture for everyone.

Wisdom...
August 9, 2017 11:50 pm

This is all good advice and well worded. Marriage is a sacred space, and to protect it, I think keeping it between close family at first is a nice idea. Too often the nay-sayers who are jealous or vindictive try to interfere in some way. Not always, but as a baal techuvah, I’ve seen some people feel like we are not worthy to be happy. This is why so many came here long ago and are still single. A person has to be strong and brave to merit happiness. Not just in Chabad, but in the world generally. I hope… Read more »

Respectfully disagree
August 9, 2017 11:22 am

Don’t tell everyone right away. After dating for a period of time (and sometimes it could be a couple of months) part of the excitement is to share with family and friends and virtually it is impossible to keep a secret. The week leading up to proposing is when the connection is cemented and throughout the entire dating period. It’s the two of you against the world. WHY??? Why assume everyone is looking to hurt you or deride the shidduch. Maybe there is a red flag that was unkown previously and NEEDS to be brought to their attention. Don’t get… Read more »

To #3
August 8, 2017 12:33 pm

I think R’ Bernath’s piece was originally written for a wider audience which includes secular Jews. His article has to balance his prospective readers. As a general guideline, his advice is good. You want to blame someone for his lack of rabbinic approbation then blame Collive for publishing the article without a “note to the reader” about the context in which R’ Bernath is writing his article. This article does far more good than not.

"Be open and honest"
August 8, 2017 9:14 am

Agree, one needs to be open and honest, however, it should be noted that being overly open and honest can lead to unhealthy enmeshment. Honesty has its place, however, people are individuals as well. Being too honest and blunt, does have the power to hurt as well. Sometimes, for the sake of peace, and for the sake of a relationship, it is better to withhold certain information to our husbands or wives, especially if unimportant in the grand scheme. All in context.

Thank you for sharing this.
August 8, 2017 12:28 am

I agree with each of these 10 tips. Everyone looking to get married should read this article. These tips are so important.

Good advice
August 7, 2017 10:57 pm

Thanks

Shocked
August 7, 2017 9:13 pm

Firstly, I love you Yisroel and I highly admire you and your work. Though I could not help but notice – not a single mention of tzniyus?! Even if this was written with secular people in mind, yiras shomayim is still the very foundation that marriage is build on (that bayis ne’eman we often speak of) and that building begins the moment we first meet another. The rules or suggestions are wonderful. We just need to shout from the rooftops that newly engaged couples know what and how to truly build a proper Bayis Ne’eman. A highly recommended read for… Read more »

This is not right.
August 7, 2017 8:39 pm

Something is wrong here. Since the good Rabbi is making statements, and is not a Rov, it is very important that he actually provide sane proof for his statements. 1. Why in the world should the prospective couple keep it secret for a day? and what exactly is so special about holding it together for a day? on the contrary, they are not supposed to have this deep connection till they are married as it is says in Shulchan Aruch, and as our Rebbe taught us. In addition there is clear directives from the rebbe, NOT to delay such things.… Read more »

Clear and to the point
August 7, 2017 6:32 pm

Very nice

Solid advice
August 7, 2017 2:23 pm

Very great advice Rabbi Bernath! I especially appreciate your stance about seeing a premarital therapist. I think there is an unfortunate stigma about counseling as it is seen as there is something “wrong”, whereas it should really be seen as doing something “right”.

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