ב"ה
Wednesday, 6 Sivan, 5784
  |  June 12, 2024

Your Girls Are Impacting My Girls, And That’s A Problem

A parent writes: "I am a parent of 2 girls...Don't think this only affects your daughters; it affects all their classmates as well." Full Story

Today’s Shiur in Maseches Sota Daf 20

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Group Photo: Western Region Kinus Hashluchim

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A Shlucha
May 12, 2024 9:02 pm

I hear your pain. Let’s brainstorm.

We are privileged to be the Rebbes Chassidim, royalty has standards written so nicely for us in Halacha.
Let’s keep our standards high!

I was in crown heights today and left feeling heart broken how many girls and women are wearing legging with no socks and skirts mid thigh… how can we help get the Rebbes Chassidim get back on track and be proud to be Tzniusdik and proud to be part of the Rebbes royalty?!

why don't you say Hashem's, instead of the Rebbes
Reply to  A Shlucha
May 12, 2024 9:11 pm

every time where you said Rebbes I think you should say Hashem instead

Rebbe!

The rebbe is very close to us. Do you want to give your father nachas or happy. Maybe just say hashem not your father.
In halacha it says fear your teacher like you fear g-d. The rebbe connects us with hashem.

Gen Z
Reply to  Rebbe!
May 13, 2024 8:04 am

The youth that you are referring to have never met the Rebbe. You might as well say Soroh imeinu would be so proud, she was the paragon of tznious.

Soon
Reply to  A Shlucha
May 12, 2024 9:33 pm

Wait till it gets warm…

Pain, heart broken
Reply to  A Shlucha
May 13, 2024 11:05 am

Pain and heart broken are really good words to be using here.

We need some really smart and talented women to take this on.

I am often on Kingston early in the morning. Unless I am really close up, I sometimes (too often) can’t really tell between the goyes coming to the houses to clean and our daughters heading to the subway to work.

Why brainstorm?
Reply to  A Shlucha
May 13, 2024 2:28 pm

Let’s do the basic. Dig inside ourselves and become better, and you’ll (by default) be an inspiration to others. And, speak with others about it. Share, listen and farbreng. And speak with the girls that want to talk about it. You don’t have an official mentor label to help others

Answer
May 12, 2024 9:05 pm

I’m not against it or pro
But if it’s a problem for you don’t go up to the bungalow

Or let your kids do it

Or find a different colony that is not like that

But for some parents, it’s not a problem for some girls. It’s not a problem, but you can’t change peoples lifestyle because that specific thing doesn’t work for you.

Reply
Reply to  Answer
May 12, 2024 9:49 pm

It’s not about if it works for her or not,
It’s HALACHA!! It’s the CODE of JEWISH LAW!!
As Lubvitcher Chasidim we have an obligation even to go beyond the letter of the law!!

THANK YOU
Reply to  Reply
May 13, 2024 7:03 pm

My Hashem when will someone just stand up and say that if you want to be here PLEASE DRESS PROPERLY and if you feel like you are struggling and not on that madreiga THEN FIGURE SOMETHING ELSE OUT OF HERE AND COME FOR INSPIRATION! DON’T JUST TAKE OVER!

what??
Reply to  Answer
May 12, 2024 10:16 pm

k like think logically. ur not gonna go the country cuz of some girls who are acting disgusting and want to be untzinuus????? it says clearly in halacha that you have to be tznuis!!! what is this??? this is not opinions but rather facts. and yes we have to be mechanech other ppl to help them change for the better. these girls couldn’t care less if they were tights or leggings, short sleeve or long sleeve. its the parents who should feel ashamed of themselves for teaching their kids like this. they bring the kid up in a way that… Read more »

@what???
Reply to  what??
May 12, 2024 10:21 pm

You clearly are not a parent nor education.

This is a community
Reply to  Answer
May 12, 2024 10:24 pm

We don’t live in a vacuum. When you live in a community you need to realize that what you do individually has an affect on the broader community. If you don’t like a certain community find another place to live, don’t disrespect and disregard the community’s standards.

We live in a community and we're not homogeneous
Reply to  This is a community
May 13, 2024 5:22 am

At this point there are multiple standards in shechuna famili and there have been for at least 15 years. A sizable percentage of families in crown heights are more modern in how they view what is considered tsnius and there are other more subtle variations among families as well. It’s simply reflecting the greater Jewish Orthodox world where there are also varying standards for tsnius. This doesn’t just involve issues of tsnius of course, but for some reason tsnius is the one issue that gets spoken about the most. (I wonder why!) The irony is if you were on shluchis… Read more »

Smartest comment here

Next time you feel this way about a crown heights girls dress ask yourself what you would do to a not frum teenager staying in your house for a cteen trip. Would you yell, or look down upon them, or not let them be friends with your child. Or … We can focus on SHOWING what it means to be tznuis. Not one word has to be said. Not one word. That’s real education. A child can see the bracha it brings, the feeling it gives to the home, the sense of dignity and privacy. There’s no need to talk… Read more »

You are right
Reply to  Smartest comment here
May 13, 2024 12:07 pm

But to point out, the article is how we should behave, not how to treat the girls. We have to have a higher standard, and through education (role model etc) give that over to our children

diaggree
Reply to  Smartest comment here
May 13, 2024 4:32 pm

well guess what?? bh they are frum and are lucky to be the rebbes children! w emust live up to that standeered!

difference
Reply to  Smartest comment here
May 15, 2024 2:56 pm

The difference is that Chabad has certain standards! When we bring cteens to CH and they see girl walking around in short sleeves and leggings, that gives them a tainted view of what chabad is and represents. It’s taking a modern orthodox approach of pick and choose what you want to keep. It’s extremely confusing for children and I hated it as a child. Why have parent standards dropped so much in the past 10-15 years? Why aren’t we expecting our girls to dress tznius starting at age 3? This is not a personal viewpoint, its what the Rebbe was… Read more »

Maybe read your own comment

If you would realise that we have higher standards for our own, maybe your children would still be frum

If you were more frum
Reply to  Maybe read your own comment
May 13, 2024 1:36 pm

If Moshe Rabbeinu had been more frum would his sons had followed in his ways? If Avraham Avinu or Yitzchak Avinu had set a better example would Yishmael and Eisav have been tzaddikim? Maybe if Chizkiyahu HaMelech had had higher standards his sons would have been frum?

Parents have a big influence on their children, but even David HaMelech can have an Avshalom.

yes agree
Reply to  Maybe read your own comment
May 13, 2024 4:33 pm

im not trying to critizze this parent chas veshalm at all! im just gonna say taht the level of standadrs caries in the community which you live in. to say that what works with chabad house ppl and what works for our girls is wrong.

Sinas chinam is not free
Reply to  Maybe read your own comment
May 13, 2024 4:36 pm

Look inside before spewing hate

You missed my point entirely
Reply to  Maybe read your own comment
May 21, 2024 7:57 am

Which is there really is no one standard anymore in Crown Heights. That’s just how it is. Ignoring this will lead to trying to come up with solutions which do not work. This isn’t the ’70s ’80s or even the ’90s when there was way more cohesion in Crown Heights and you could possibly argue about there being one standard here.

But on shlichus we know not to act like them

The problem is that when the same group of people attend our schools, Shuls, and camps and are considered Lubavitch Chabad, our children may wonder why they can’t wear short sleeves like the others. They might think, “We are both Lubavitch, so what is the difference between me and them?” This is unlike situations when you are on shlichus, where it is clear that as Chasidim, we don’t dress the same way as the non-Frum kids in the community.” dress the same way as the non-Frum kids in the community.

impreesed! finnaly one person gets it
Reply to  But on shlichus we know not to act like them
May 13, 2024 4:36 pm

wow wow wow!!! very well said!!! you have a lot to thank your parents for for raising you in such a heallthy home!!! bh!! we are diffrent then chabad house people and if we let their standards become ours then our kids will turn out to be like them racchmana lettzlan

Move on
Reply to  But on shlichus we know not to act like them
May 14, 2024 6:18 am

Grow up and take responsibility for yourself and your reactions. You take care of your family, teach your children. And when it comes to others you can be an example, you can teach in a positive way. What you can’t do is control others, that’s just not how any of this works. If you are on shlichus and don’t know how to view another Jew who isn’t doing what they should, you need to really spend some time contemplating what the Rebbe taught in this regard. There is no us and them and blame and looking down on another Jew.

defensive
Reply to  Move on
May 15, 2024 2:57 pm

I’m sorry but you seem very defensive about this as clearly this is something you struggle with and don’t want anyone to call you out on it.

It is NOT the same thing

Yes, we have to treat everyone with kindness and acceptance, But we don’t have to accept what they do as the correct thing when it is not.

If someone from any background lived in your house for more than a few days, they can be expected to respect the house they’re staying in and keep baisc Tznius.

The Rebbe's view - possibly
Reply to  This is a community
May 13, 2024 9:53 am

The Rebbe sent out shluchim and wasnt afraid that they would be influenced by their surroundings. ANY surroundings…

Maybe the Rebbe expects and encourages the chassidim who presently live in crown heights to be the same; fired up about yiddishkeit and chassidishkeit so that it spills over to the community in a pleasant and organic way… :)!

[Going to the Ohel more often and writing about things like in this article should result in a stronger sense of identity with the neshama, which is the foundation of everything we do. We’ve seen the Rebbe go oh so often]

wwo!
Reply to  This is a community
May 13, 2024 4:30 pm

very well said!! thank you!!

do this
May 12, 2024 9:09 pm

contact the “tzinius” stores and tell them not to sell immodest clothing

Or, maybe hear this
Reply to  do this
May 12, 2024 9:59 pm

Tell them to charge less for nice tznius clothes, or an oped for the community to fundraise a guemach specificly to buy tznius (I’ll will be sorprised/concerned If this doesn’t exist yet)

post links of where people can donate
Reply to  Or, maybe hear this
May 12, 2024 10:35 pm

tzinius clothes to

I was suggesting to make a guemach
Reply to  post links of where people can donate
May 13, 2024 11:10 am

Not that I know of lol
Will be nice that this post will have a real in the world outcome

Tznius
Reply to  do this
May 13, 2024 12:49 am

That is not a solution! They will go shopping elsewear.

it is a STEP to the solution and it WILL help
Reply to  Tznius
May 13, 2024 9:13 am

everyone please email them. Their emails are on their websites.

???
May 12, 2024 9:11 pm

“I am ashamed that it is happening in the Shchuna in Crown Heights and that I have to deal with this.”

Why are you ashamed? And why do you have to deal with this?
Other people’s actions and decisions don’t affect you or your judgment.

cut it out
Reply to  ???
May 12, 2024 10:18 pm

you know very well and clear why we should be ashamed!!! the rebbes kinder walking around like this! untznuis clothing! its embarrasing how we could fall so low! we dont even realize whats wrong! and yes we all have to do what we could to maike this place dira betachtionim. you think that hashem wants to come to a place where girls are clearly going against halacha??? please, im asking you to do some reflecting and realize where your going wrong

@Cut it out
Reply to  cut it out
May 12, 2024 11:20 pm

“Do you think Hashem wants to come to a place where girls clearly go against Halacha???”

Your comment is so demeaning and disrespectful. Instead of being ashamed and embarrassed.. you should focus on yourself and what you can do to bring Hashem into this world.

Even though it could be annoying
Reply to  @Cut it out
May 13, 2024 12:12 pm

At the end of the day, we’re one people with one goal. And it especially shows when you’re in a frum neighborhood. If you can’t handle it right now, maybe step out for a moment to breathe. All the best

The Rebbe's view - possibly
Reply to  cut it out
May 13, 2024 10:00 am

The Rebbe brings this halacha many times: that someone who is mikadesh a woman al mnas that he is a tzadik, the kiddushin works. He is considered a TZADIK! The Rebbe brings once that this is even if he has a stolen item in his pocket! I assume the same would be if he was not dressed tzniusdik as well… Some food for thought. Eat it please, and you’ll grow in thinking things through in the way the Rebbe views it. And go to the Ohel to ask the Rebbe that your view should become his view. Then learn the… Read more »

dear parent I agree with you
May 12, 2024 9:13 pm

but I’ve never heard of bungalow colonies and I don’t know what they are.

Dear jews who are wearing non-tzinius things: don’t wear that. No one wants to see you in it

Thank you!
Reply to  dear parent I agree with you
May 12, 2024 10:20 pm

wow!! im impressed! we have got one person out of everyne that wrote a response that is pro tznuis! its not appropiate to wear these things period

extra reasons to not show skin on vacation
May 12, 2024 9:14 pm
  1. skin cancer and UV rays
  2. bugs and bug bites
  3. skin burns
Why do you go to the country?
May 12, 2024 9:19 pm

Simple solution, stop going to the country. As someone that does not live in NYC I fail to understand the “country culture”. There is no other place on earth where families of children pick themselves up and leave their regular residence for 10 weeks a year. Since when is it ok for a man to spend week after week alone at home? Since when is it ok for kids to spend week after week without their father at home? It’s no secret that the “country culture” is not a chasidishe culture, it’s been like that for years with only a… Read more »

NYCer
Reply to  Why do you go to the country?
May 12, 2024 9:47 pm

You just answered yourself, as one who doesn’t live in NYC you don’t understand how necessary it is to escape the concrete jungle for a few weeks a year to see some greenery and enjoy some fresh air. Living in NYC is lovely and all but it is a densely populated and loud city that understandably people need a break from.

Op of the comment
Reply to  NYCer
May 13, 2024 8:31 am

I live in a major city and like most frum Jews that live in major cities, I don’t own a vacation home. if we go away its for a week or two max, we don’t leave our spouses for the bulk of 10 weeks at a time. Last I checked crown heights has lots of trees on every block and a beautiful botanical garden a bike ride or walk away.

But you don’t live in NYC
Reply to  Why do you go to the country?
May 12, 2024 9:55 pm

Of course you don’t understand because you likely have more than one tree on your street 🙂
It’s healthy to crave nature and although living in Brooklyn has many perks, bh, the downside is that it’s the city. We miss grass and trees and water. Simple

As someone who does live in NYC
Reply to  Why do you go to the country?
May 12, 2024 9:58 pm

The reason you don’t understand it is probably because you don’t live in New York City 😅 the city is a very crowded place with very little greenery and outdoor space for kids which makes it very hard for kids growing up in the city to get the movement and fresh air that they so desperately need. The country is a place where they can get that for a few weeks during the summer months when they won’t miss school etc while they’re away.

y'all city jews should move out of NY
Reply to  As someone who does live in NYC
May 12, 2024 10:33 pm

it’s safer in other states

Nope
Reply to  y'all city jews should move out of NY
May 12, 2024 11:39 pm

You’d like that wouldn’t you? But no cigar.

stoppp
Reply to  Why do you go to the country?
May 12, 2024 10:23 pm

ur really not sounding very smart at all person. and maybe if you did live in nyc in this dusgusting place youde feel the need to go upstate and understand why we want to go. like just cuz you might see not apprpiatly dressed ppl in the grocery store dont go to the store and starve???? like ma kesh. the community has to take a drastic change immeditaly! wre falling to a very low point

That's not the issue
Reply to  Why do you go to the country?
May 12, 2024 10:35 pm

Regardless, the tznius level is not that different in the city, the issue is not just the bungalow colonies, its the attitude

Selfish
Reply to  Why do you go to the country?
May 12, 2024 10:58 pm

Maybe you don’t know of the country culture because you live in a cheap area where u can have a big house and backyard where people who live in crown heights don’t because they can’t afford it

You’re not making sense!
Reply to  Selfish
May 13, 2024 12:34 am

If you live in such an expensive place i.e Crown Heights and can’t afford it, you should probably put aside your annual country spending for a few years and you’d have a down payment for a decent house with a garden somewhere a bit more rural for you and your family to enjoy ALL year round. If it’s ‘your choice’ to live in CH then enjoy it for what it is (don’t complain) otherwise get out of there. Sounds like those who ‘choose’ to live in the Daled Amos of Jerusalem on a shoestring, and complain about how expensive it… Read more »

I can't believe I am reading this
Reply to  You’re not making sense!
May 13, 2024 8:59 am

Many many of us live in NYC because we have to, not because we want to. ( I will leave for others to specify some of the reasons).

If we could be in a more pleasant environment all year round, trust me we would.

Many of us have zero interest) or less) in the country culture, but as has been written, it’s the only way for us and our kids to see grass, trees, fresh air, open space, etc etc

Please don’t preach when you don’t know.

Because you dont live in NYC
Reply to  Why do you go to the country?
May 13, 2024 1:42 pm

If you lived in NYC you would understand the need to leave the city

wrong
Reply to  Why do you go to the country?
May 15, 2024 3:02 pm

This is not a solution. If she doesn’t want to see untznius people, advise her not to go to the beach. Going to a FRUM, LUBAVITCH community (upstate or CH) she shouldn’t have to avoid it- that’s ridiculous!.

So what are you going to tell everyone who doesn’t like it to leave the neighborhood so ya’ll can dress how you want?? That’s twisted.

Let go
May 12, 2024 9:33 pm

If all you do is look at what people put on maybe you need to look in the mirror
Stop judging people for what they do judge your self

C'mon
Reply to  Let go
May 12, 2024 11:20 pm

Her own daughters are asking to go untznius, it hit home already… that’s why it’s bothering her… she’s not judging anyone

Its not just the bungalow colony
May 12, 2024 9:34 pm

Sadly this can be seen in the streets of Crown Heights as well….

And this is why
May 12, 2024 9:37 pm

You will not catch me in any bungalow colonies. My kids’ Chinuch is too important to me. I will not allow my kids to be exposed to that kind of untznius dress day in and day out, all summer long.
No thanks.
the City is great, there are many good day camps.

stoppp
Reply to  And this is why
May 12, 2024 10:25 pm

youll find that in the city also. its not where you go, its who you meet. the country is fine but the chassidishkeit of the ppl is not

Wow. Shocking
Reply to  And this is why
May 12, 2024 10:41 pm

To “this is why”.

Maybe should we lock our kids in a cold-war bomb shelter. Your kids know good and well where their friends go to, and what their friends are doing, and how good a time they are having. This sort of approach can backfire, BIGTIME! And is Counterintuitive.

And besides, we have the same tzinus issues in crown heights as you do in the bungalow, so I ask: what did you gain with all this ????+?

Rebbe
May 12, 2024 9:51 pm

The rebbes army requires us to wear a uniform

Uniform.
Reply to  Rebbe
May 12, 2024 10:42 pm

You mean hashem ! The rebbe serves as a shliach of hashem, to strengthen the word of..,Hashem !

The Rebbe is the general in Hashems Army
Reply to  Rebbe
May 13, 2024 10:18 am

It’s called Tzivos Hashem

The rebbe said something similar
May 12, 2024 9:53 pm

About people using shorts outsides on colonies and call it אחטא ואשוב,
“ואשוב” when I’ll go back to town

Out of topic, but people that can afford trip to bungalows should feel affortunated that they are able to

Solution
May 12, 2024 9:54 pm

As a parent, its your job to educate your child. True, their surroundings creates challenges but its your job as a parent to create the solution. Its your job to figure out what to say to your child when they come home and want to wear what others are wearing. Chinuch is the parents job. Yes, this is a challenge that you wish you didnt have to deal with, but blaming won’t fix it. Your child needs guidance on tznius that only you as their mother can give them. Good luck!

some feedback from an elder ;)
May 12, 2024 10:00 pm

I remember in the 90’s growing up in Crown Heights and going upstate in the summer. Bobby socks were in style, short wide sleeves and later on in the 90’s the shirts that were just a tad too short…but ironically, skirts that were way too long. There were always some who had an easier time being tzniut according to community standards and some who had challenges. The truth is, if we are being honest, the standards of tzniut in our community are much stronger and stricter than it was in the early 90’s! The challenge you face, however, is not… Read more »

So well written
Reply to  some feedback from an elder ;)
May 12, 2024 11:09 pm

What a beautiful response!

Excellent
Reply to  some feedback from an elder ;)
May 13, 2024 5:29 am

You got at a huge issue that the writer only hinted at: why is this writer so scared about how to answer their child? That seems a lot more of an issue for her.

Who said she's scared?
Reply to  Excellent
May 13, 2024 9:05 am

Why do you say she’s scared?

Many of us want strong good role models for our daughters (preferably of varying ages and stages) in addition to what we teach and tell them.

But if all they see around them is actually NOT what we are teaching them and even the opposite, where does that put us (and more importantly them)?

Another side point
Reply to  some feedback from an elder ;)
May 13, 2024 7:02 pm

Not to detract at all from your incredibly insightful comment, but I do want to point one more thing, the social media aspect as well. That our girls don’t only see those around them, but a whole nother world on their phones, that gives them a completely different “user experience” of life. With various types of people they may admire and want to be like, and in general, everything they see, giving them a whole different mindset. Not surprisingly, I don’t think it’s healthy. Instead of experiencing the world and their life and seeing what they really enjoy (an example… Read more »

There will always be people to blame
May 12, 2024 10:05 pm

You can’t blame your chinuch challenges on other people.
You must take a deep look inward and help your child watch you as an example of love that although people have other opinions, you can have your own without loathing or blaming.

I challenge you to reread this calmly and see that it’s true.

Not blaming
Reply to  There will always be people to blame
May 13, 2024 9:06 am

Many of us want strong good role models for our daughters (preferably of varying ages and stages) in addition to what we teach and tell them.

But if all they see around them is actually NOT what we are teaching them and even the opposite, where does that put us (and more importantly them)?

One to talk
Reply to  There will always be people to blame
May 13, 2024 9:33 am

Are you saying that if children go off the derech, the parents are at fault?

I challenge you to not blame parents for the social surroundings that their children grow up in.

I also challenge you to reread this calmly and see that it’s true.

A good starting point
May 12, 2024 10:10 pm

Fortunately or unfortunately we can’t change other people. And so to blame or point at parents why are you allowing certain things for your children , whether it’s right or wrong will get us nowhere. A good place to start is to change ourselves or to work with what we can change or have an impact on, we can strengthen our daughters in doing what’s right no matter what other people do build resilience etc. make ourselves a living example and then our children’s choices come from within and not from what others are doing.

Each To Their Own
May 12, 2024 10:14 pm

Everyone here is on a different level with respect to their Judaism.

Don’t judge, just control what you can, don’t control others.

how about
Reply to  Each To Their Own
May 12, 2024 10:34 pm

all Israel is responsible for each other

not judging
Reply to  Each To Their Own
May 12, 2024 10:42 pm

I did not hear one ounce of judgment in the original article. Not even a drop, and certainly no sense of this shlucha trying to “control” others. It amazes me how many people respond to such a post and say, “who are you to try to tell other Jews what to do?! Mind your own business!”” Is that truly how you think the Rebbe would respond to an honest and humble plea to fellow members of Anash to collectively address an issue so near and dear to the Rebbe’s heart? Also, do you really think you respond is al pi… Read more »

Crown Heightser
May 12, 2024 10:17 pm

Unfortunately, there are challenges in the schools in Crown Heights, too — not at this level, but in other ways. A lot of it stems from mothers whose tznius and eidelkeit are not in accordance with Shulchan Aruch, and the girls are following their mothers and there’s social pressure on the classmates. Like, “Shabbos sneakers” with gold trim, where there’s nothing edel, feminine or Shabbosdig about them… Back in Russia, Bubbies and Zaydes had Mesiras Nefesh for kosher chinuch, for Shabbos and kashrus and Taharas Hamishpacha and so much more. Many of our young people are appropriately awed and inspired… Read more »

This is very inspiring
Reply to  Crown Heightser
May 13, 2024 12:44 am

This is very inspiring

Those girls that are this way
May 12, 2024 10:18 pm

Start producing leaders that follow the conduct

Reality
May 12, 2024 10:24 pm

We all have certain struggles we have to face. Let’s not blame others and let’s take responsibility for ourselves and our children. Kids will be kids and they can be hard sometimes. The author seems to be putting her “kids being regular kids” as a fault of her neighbors in the bungalow letting her kids be regular kids.
Live and let live. Otherwise your kids will most certainly go off the derech as a natural consequence.

Chabad Tznius Line
May 12, 2024 10:25 pm

A Chabad tznius line for women and girls! New stories and tznius inspirations daily!
310-504-8001 LA
718-888-9898 NY
0-765-670-651 EY
There are also Whatsapp groups for those who prefer to read the stories and inspirations.

Another issue
May 12, 2024 10:36 pm

people don’t realize, in this society it’s considered “normal” to wear short sleeves
Or 3/4 sleeves above the elbow. It’s honostly embarrassing that no one chooses to follow the Alter Rebbes Shulchan Auruch. Another note, is that the rebbe spoke very strongly about girls being role models and we can teach our daughters that by telling them how lucky they are to be able to dress tznius when others are not.

Its not there
Reply to  Another issue
May 12, 2024 11:57 pm

It doesn’t discuss in the alter rebbes shulchan aruch the length of sleeves

it even says it in mishnayos
Reply to  Its not there
May 13, 2024 10:55 am

it even says it in mishnayos

Parenting
May 12, 2024 10:36 pm

I think this is just projecting. Look. This isn’t just about tznius. It’s about anything we do in our way of life and customs.

Some people it’s kashrus standards. Others it’s tznius. Some it’s being a mentch. I’ve seen many a family in CH very kosher and very tznius but lack basic midos don’t show kindness to others.

We can’t control others. We can only control ourself and what we do as parents. If your parenting leaves room for your kid to be more affected by outside then the values you are instilling we must look inward. Not blame others.

Everyone j be quiet and mind ur own business
May 12, 2024 10:42 pm

To each their own. They don’t wanna follow halacha that’s btwn them and hashem has nothing to do with you. Raise your kids to be confident in who they are and their beliefs. Why does everyone have to be so nosy in ch everyone knows everyone’s business and everyone knows what’s best for the other person. 🙄 mind your own business.

Absolutely not
Reply to  Everyone j be quiet and mind ur own business
May 13, 2024 8:09 am

That’s precisely the opposite of what the Torah says. You want to proselytize for another religion? Go find another forum.

I don't think
Reply to  Everyone j be quiet and mind ur own business
May 13, 2024 7:11 pm

I don’t think she’s telling everyone to become a tzaddik. I think she’s asking we acknowledge where we live and do our genuine best to live up to it

Great opportunity!
May 12, 2024 10:46 pm

To teach your children the beauty and value of Tznius! The greatest gift we can give to our children is to help them develop their own internal motivation to keep Torah and mitzvos despite what others around them may or may or may not be doing. We need to help them develop their appreciation and love for Hashem, the Torah and all of the mitzvos including Tznius! They should feel like the luckiest people in the world that they get to keep Torah and Mitzvos ( because they really are!!) and they should be taught to have compassion for people… Read more »

Don’t want to point fingers
May 12, 2024 11:00 pm

But many of our own Jewish Chabad clothing brands sell clothing that are not tznius

tell them not to
Reply to  Don’t want to point fingers
May 13, 2024 5:25 pm

seriously

There's a war in Eretz Yosroel
May 12, 2024 11:31 pm

Isn’t dressing tzneeus the least we can do to help protect our brothers and sisters in EY?

Yishuv Haaretz
Reply to  There's a war in Eretz Yosroel
May 13, 2024 8:42 am

You can also encourage your children to have Jewishly rich lives by living in our homeland.

Eretz Yisroel living = Geula Living

rong
Reply to  Yishuv Haaretz
May 13, 2024 10:56 am

living in eretz yisrael is not geula

Yechi Bungalows
Reply to  rong
May 14, 2024 11:00 am

Bungalow living = Geula Living

Ummm
Reply to  Yishuv Haaretz
May 13, 2024 4:49 pm

Mach Dah Eretz Yisroel

Working girl
May 12, 2024 11:44 pm

CH seems empty in the summer compared to rest of the year. I’ve never understood how people in this community can leave for 2 months and afford it. Even in some cases where the father stays home to work (and that is by no means everyone), how can they afford whatever 2nd rent they have to pay during the summer for a whole family? Can someone please share the secret?

Working fellow
Reply to  Working girl
May 13, 2024 5:36 am

My sentiment too. Older single bt, hard working, living in CH almost 20 years now, and don’t understand the summer country thing. I totally understand getting away from NYC, but not in terms of what it means being Chassidic, not a baal taivah, which chassidus rails against

Grandfathered in from 30-50 years ago
Reply to  Working girl
May 13, 2024 9:39 am

Most bungalows are grandfathered in from many years ago when they were dirt cheap and affordable to everyone.

Some people rent, but only for a few weeks out of the summer, which is still cheaper than taking a vacation anywhere else.

How much does it cost 1 month in bungalows?
Reply to  Working girl
May 13, 2024 11:05 am

I want to know
Probably 1/4 than what is cost in the city, some people sublet their places
I really don’t know

Nothing to do
May 13, 2024 12:04 am

Dear, I understand your pain. Maybe teach your kids that every family is different. Every family holds at different standards. Every person works on themselves in an area they see fit. I need to work on tznius and you need to work on judging people favorably. Rebuking others won’t help, bec today it’s tznius and Tom it’s something else. Life won’t always align with what you see fit. You can only do your part for your family. Treat it like shlichus… much luck

Solution: change schools
May 13, 2024 12:10 am

Here is the solution: take your kids out of Crown Heights and put them in Beis Yaakov.

thats bull
Reply to  Solution: change schools
May 13, 2024 10:28 am

Beis Yaakov has the same issues, except they don’t have any Lubavirch varimkait to them.

Moved all children out of chabad moisdos
Reply to  Solution: change schools
May 13, 2024 1:55 pm

Did that bh put my boys in a mixed chassidishe/litvish heimish school and same for girls and bh having so much nachas and see my children growing up amazing

Moved back b"h
Reply to  Moved all children out of chabad moisdos
May 15, 2024 1:08 pm

Was in a town where the school was taken over by non chabad and ruined. Some asked the Reɓbe if even worth keeping the school and continued in school. We were not so mekushor, bh children came back and send their children to chabad and with much hard work were able to improve the school.
What should I say.
All those who stayed gained despite the school being spiritually and physically in the dumps in those years

shame
Reply to  Moved all children out of chabad moisdos
May 15, 2024 3:13 pm

it’s a shame you had to move your kids into a non Chabad school because the chabad school had low standards! But I admire you doing what you need to for your family

I think the question we have to ask ourselves is:
May 13, 2024 12:39 am

Why are my kids self- esteem so fragile that in order to feel “accepted,” they have to follow the Goyishe trend r”l. When I see Tznius children, I usually see a confident mother who doesn’t need to impress anyone by lowering her Tznius standard or being one of the first to follow a new fashion.

The beauty and value of tsnius
May 13, 2024 12:53 am

I hate to break it to all of you but contrary to popular belief the essence of tznius is relayed through a father not a mother. Harassing girls to cover up is not how the message will be received. When a mature and wise father understands that it’s his job to instill confidence and self assurance in his daughters, they will be less keen to seek it from social validation through trends or other people’s opinions. A father should tell his daughter she is beautiful and elegant often and reinforce positive behavior to help direct them in a healthy direction… Read more »

Why father more than a mother?
Reply to  The beauty and value of tsnius
May 13, 2024 11:07 am

It truth what you say, but I dont understand why father more than mother

Very true
Reply to  The beauty and value of tsnius
May 14, 2024 1:32 pm

Girls who receive genuine affection and approval from their fathers grow up with a healthy sense of self, and don’t look for or need false affection and approval from boys. Boruch Hashem I was Zocheh to see this with my own daughters and I give my husband a lot of credit for really being tuned in to them! At one point he even paid one daughter weekly to wear longer skirts. It didn’t take long before she did it in her own, without the incentive. Fathers AND mothers—treat your children as the precious gifts and most worthwhile investments you will… Read more »

Oy Rebbe!
May 13, 2024 1:02 am

Would they wear that to see the Rebbe? No. So it shouldn’t be worn at all. Not in the house or out of of the house.

ב"ה Letter dated 13 Cheshvan, 5732, printed in Lik
Reply to  Oy Rebbe!
May 13, 2024 6:49 am

ב”ה Letter dated 13 Cheshvan, 5732, printed in Likkutei Sichos, vol. 18, p. 447 I would like to begin this letter with a brachah. More particularly—a brachah connected with the recent visit of several students of the Beis Rivkah Seminary in France who came here for Sukkos. Their exemplary conduct gave me much pleasure. May each one of them, among all the students of the seminary and of the entire Beis Rivkah, continuously progress in their learning and good conduct as befitting Jewish girls, each one of whom is referred to as a daughter of Sarah, Rivkah, Rochel, and Leah.… Read more »

Pray
May 13, 2024 1:19 am

Unless you plan on keeping your kids locked inside for the rest of their lives, they are going to see untznius people and people not keeping mitzvos. This post is literally not going to make one person more tznius. Focus on the things you can control, be a good role model for your kids, teach them to care about tznius, and arm them with a love of torah to face the trials of the world, then pray, that’s all you can do.

What could I answer a taxi driver?
May 13, 2024 1:20 am

A taxi driver asked me why in some other religious Brooklyn neighborhoods the girls dress more modestly than those he was driving by in Crown Heights. I didn’t know how to answer him.

No answer
Reply to  What could I answer a taxi driver?
May 13, 2024 9:19 am

Unfortunately, there is no answer

i think the problem is much deeper
May 13, 2024 1:58 am

how come satmar and the other poilisher kreizen dont have this problem?

The grass isn't always greener
Reply to  i think the problem is much deeper
May 13, 2024 9:20 am

When they fray out, they get kicked out of the house, so you don’t see the less frum chassidisher around. In Lubavitch, we generally don’t throw people out, so it’s more shayach to see people who are losing their way still hanging around Crown Heights וכדומה

I commend CH for not doing this
Reply to  The grass isn't always greener
May 13, 2024 2:20 pm

Some of these young adults who are excommunicated are actually “adopted” by lubavitch fams as extended “family.” It’s heartbreaking to see their pain knowing that they can never come home, their family sits shiva for them. Some of them over the years became frum again through chabad. It’s natural to question, rebel or change. You never know what the future lies in store for one neshama. I’ve met countless people who became frum again, but the ones who had the doors closed to their faces forever tend to not. Keep the connection to your kids!

whats better.
Reply to  The grass isn't always greener
May 13, 2024 7:15 pm

first of all, we are not discussing those who fry out. and maybe its better this way, btw. at least in satmar this stuff is out of the question and unacceptable.

its time to change update for Williamsburg Virgina
May 13, 2024 5:27 am

I am serious
we can take lessons from the AMISH people who behave with 100% Tznius at all times
just build a bungalow colony near the Mormons and your children will have NO outside temptations

IT IS PRACTICALLY NOT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CHILD SEE AND NOT DO
STAY AWAY FOR THE MOUNTAINS

are you joking

There are several documentaries documenting the abuse physical, CSA, child brides, and psychological abuse that go on in those communities. As well as the the EX Amish living in the streets once reporting abuse withing the community.

We have the Rebbe as an example. We do not need to look to other cults for inspiration.

Tznius
May 13, 2024 6:56 am

Remember … 1) tznius isn’t only in dress it’s in how we act as well. Teach your children how to act in a Tznius manner as well, let them act with ahavas Yisroel and kindness to their peers. I was very disappointed in how I saw a kid who was the new kid in the class welcomed. In this past weeks parsha we had the mitzvah or ahavas Yisroel and I was in a school where not only was the new kid not welcomed but she was ignored purposely and made fun. I’m not even talking about little kids these… Read more »

For the record
May 13, 2024 7:54 am

There are indeed certain known “Lubavitch” bungalow colonies where Tznius IS indeed compromised – we should thus stay away from there.

However, on the other hand, there are other Lubavitch bungalow colonies that are more Chassidish – and this is were you can go

Missing the point
May 13, 2024 8:31 am

The point of the article isn’t about blame.

It’s about about joint responsibility.

What you do effects other outside your family. Let us all do the right thing and make the Rebbe proud.

Bit confused
May 13, 2024 9:34 am

Why are many people feeling personally attacked? The mother wrote in the most non – judgemental manner about a real problem that we should all be trying to improve in. Think basic Halacha, never mind the extra merit for Israel, the soldiers, world Jewry, Moshiach….. And you can’t even admit there is more you can work on??? Hello???? And no, this doesn’t mean anyone’s a bad mother or lacking parenting skills, for not being able to explain to their children why they have different standards. How to explain properly why kids of Rabbonim and respected figures dress a certain way… Read more »

speaking of merit
Reply to  Bit confused
May 13, 2024 5:10 pm

myrtlerising.weebly.com/blog/a-heart-breaking-afterlife-message-plea-from-naomi-a-young-woman-murdered-during-the-invasion-from-gaza

Chinuch
May 13, 2024 9:55 am

You can’t go around telling other people how to dress. That’s non of our business. Educate your daughters and tell them that this is our family standards and this is how we dress. Explain to them the beauty of tznius. Make them feel proud and own the mitzva.

not productive
May 13, 2024 10:13 am

These types of posts rarely go over well, rather they bring the ugly out in everyone. The Rebbe didn’t mince words when it comes to halacha and his expectations for people, but he also met people where they are at, and he did it all with a heavy dose of compassion. Build bridges, don’t burn them down. Teach your children to understand that everyone has areas that are more of a struggle than others. Your own children also have struggles, but their’s might not be visible for the entire world to see. Its not on their sleeve…so to speak.

Always blame someone else
May 13, 2024 10:22 am

The typical blame on someone else. Maybe teach your children about yiddishkeit

CAN IT BE?
May 13, 2024 11:00 am

Can it be that others might interpret the halachos of tsnius differently than you?
Or maybe they learned the halachos of tsnius differently than you?

Think of It in the same manner as kashrus, just because you don’t eat a certain hechsher or shechita, that does not make the food Treif.
you might not like the sound or look of it, but there are different standards that different people hold by.

“vdai lehovin”

I just can’t sympathize at all.
May 13, 2024 12:00 pm

Sorry to break it to the Jewish moms out there. You don’t control everything, your kid has feelings, they’re not asking to do something harmful (I’m sorry it hurts ur soul, don’t oppress your kids ❤️). Get. Over. It.

Exactly
Reply to  I just can’t sympathize at all.
May 13, 2024 11:07 pm

Precisely the problem. You don’t (or choose not to) see what’s wrong, so there’s no need to try to improve or grow

I hear your pain
Reply to  I just can’t sympathize at all.
May 16, 2024 6:58 am

You sound very upset

Is it the Lubavitcher mothers who need tznius?
May 13, 2024 12:28 pm

Seeing even one hair of a married woman is extremely harmful and damaging. (Me’Am Lo’ez) Women’s shaitloch/tichloch/wraps need to cover all of their hair. Why do women push their tichloch back so that a little of their hair is showing? Because the yetzer hara tells them it’s pretty when, in fact, it’s doing untold harm. Why do girls wear non-tznius clothing? Because the yetzer hara tells them it’s pretty when, in fact, it’s hideous. Whereas tzniusdikke girls are so remarkably beautiful and they shine. When parents increase in observance, Torah, tznius, etc., it elevates their children. When children increase in… Read more »

Not true
Reply to  Is it the Lubavitcher mothers who need tznius?
May 16, 2024 9:01 am

Shulchan Oruch says clearly that if some hairs are showing in the front its ok

The solution is within
May 13, 2024 12:49 pm

Number one part of the reason is all the Machloikes going on in Crown Heights starting from the top.#2 have any of you spoken to your daughter’s teachers? Do you properly teach your daughters about this. Yes it’s important to talk to your daughters teachers about this first and foremost education begins in the home and the education the main Mitzvah is on the women because you are home with your children primarily while the men go out and work and work you must also discuss this with your husband’s to help you reinforce this so stop blaming others when… Read more »

Weirded out
May 13, 2024 12:53 pm

You can not police other people’s way of dress, sorry. Every family will decide the standards they want to follow, and it’s seriously none of your business. It’s hard your daughters are impacted by this, but it’s your job as a parent to set the ground rules for your own family, and yes I am a parent. You can pass judgment all you want on people who don’t adhere to Halacha or Minhag like you, and that’s your right- but everyone makes their own choices.

How things work
Reply to  Weirded out
May 13, 2024 11:13 pm

We tend to view things through a lens based off our life’s experience, so if someone was/is judged for things they do, when someone says something that can be perceived as judgemental, they will assume the person is judging them. It’s a mindset you have to break out of

Seeing not good
May 13, 2024 1:12 pm

Ba’al Shem Tov said: A person who his completely innocent, and has never blemished anything at all, cannot see bad in any human being or hear a report of bad in any human being. This is because God does not arrange for him to see or hear of any badness. And therefore if you perceive that some individual is doing bad, or if you are told of some person doing bad, you need to know clearly that you have in you some speck of that particular badness itself. And even if you are a saint, even so, you have in… Read more »

True words
Reply to  Seeing not good
May 13, 2024 11:14 pm

But irrelevant

Frum Influencers
May 13, 2024 1:18 pm

When the majority of the frum influencers dress not tznius but promote a frum way of life it is definitely confusing. The blurred lines are hard to discern with kids, non jews (I constantly get asked about specific accounts from not Jewish friends/fam) and as well as a BT myself. I dressed more modestly when not religious than most influencers do now. I’m fine with ppl choosing to not be tznius but I expect honesty, own it. I don’t get the kipah shaitles, while wearing pants or skin tight clothes. No matter how much you may try to prevent it,… Read more »

instagram influencers
Reply to  Frum Influencers
May 13, 2024 5:08 pm

instagram is evil
so is facebook
anyone who lets their kids have these is really making the wrong decision

Burner phones
Reply to  instagram influencers
May 14, 2024 12:31 pm

It’s impossible to police every aspect of our kid’s lives, they do spend lots of time away from home, especially the boys. My kids tell me most of their friends have burner phones and secret accounts.

that's horrible
Reply to  Burner phones
May 14, 2024 1:17 pm

what is a burner phone and what is it for

that's horrible
Reply to  Burner phones
May 14, 2024 1:18 pm

what percentage of boys have that?

that's horrible
Reply to  Burner phones
May 14, 2024 1:19 pm

did you tell their parents about the instagram accounts so they can delete them?

Question
Reply to  that's horrible
May 14, 2024 2:57 pm

Because that is going to work? They will just get another burner phone and a new account.

IF YOUR CHILDREN DON'T SHARE YOUR TZNIUT VALUES
May 13, 2024 1:57 pm

The problem is you. You are responsible for your child’s chinuch.

how can anyone control what their kids see when

the parents aren’t around? At school the parents are not there???

This must change!
May 13, 2024 2:09 pm

This struck a chord with me, as I too have grappled with similar challenges in instilling values of tznius and respect in my own kinder. It’s distressing to see societal norms shifting, even within our tightly-knit communities. I want to reassure you that you’re not alone in your concerns. Together, as parents committed to nurturing our kinderlach we can work together to a tznius and heilike world!

A crown heights Bochur
May 13, 2024 2:10 pm

Is this really an issue to be talking about???
What about the Friday beins?
What about the class Minyanim?
The talking outside 770!
Let’s first sort out crown heights and then we can be worrying about the colony’s.
I mean how bad is the lack of tznius already

what is a bein
Reply to  A crown heights Bochur
May 13, 2024 5:06 pm

what is a class minyanim?

Actually tzinius problems is very important to fix

so...
Reply to  A crown heights Bochur
May 13, 2024 5:17 pm

Its bad. Like really bad.

A yeshiva bochur
May 13, 2024 2:56 pm

As a 17 year old bachour I am not always in control where my eyes go, lately times have been very tough to live and walk around the rebbes shchuna, i want to be a chosid with yiras shamayim but the current atmosphere is not letting me, I ask the crown heights community as a whole to find a solution.

guardyoureyes.com/
Reply to  A yeshiva bochur
May 13, 2024 5:04 pm

guardyoureyes.com/

to yeshiva bochur with control problems
Reply to  A yeshiva bochur
May 13, 2024 5:10 pm

The whole chasidus is about moiach shalit al halev! GET YOUR HEAD STRAIGHT AND YOUR EYES WILL BE CONTROLLED! obviously if this is happening to you, you arent pushing hard enough to be a chosid yiras shamayim!

Seriously
Reply to  A yeshiva bochur
May 13, 2024 5:25 pm

I would be more concerned with the yiras shamayim of our community’s future mothers than your problem controlling your eyes.
Seriously get a grip.

Again
May 13, 2024 3:18 pm

We see people get very,very defensive when the topic is tzneeus. Hmm. This is the nisayon of our generation.Kol Yisroel arraivim. zeh lezeh.

guardyoureyes.com/
Reply to  Again
May 13, 2024 5:04 pm

guardyoureyes.com/

Deflecting
May 13, 2024 3:38 pm

You cannot put the responsibility that you have As a parent on to someone else

If you want your kids to be a certain way, you have to raise them that way and not the Deflect the responsibility And try to hold others accountable for areas that you failed in

And then project those issues onto the community around you

And then deny any accountability in that area on your part

This is textbook the deflecting/projecting/denial

Call it what it is.
May 13, 2024 3:57 pm

A huge problem!

Try to inspire!
May 13, 2024 4:14 pm

These comments are so negative and full of rebuke and admonition! If you dont want to turn teenagers away than stop giving speeches and complaining. I also find it interesting that the only concern when it comes to her daughters being influenced is how they dress and not what music and movies they’re talking about. When the focus on tznius and being influenced by others is strictly focused only on how people dress than the message won’t be taken seriously. Most importantly, you can’t control a community like its a dictatorship. We’re all human amd Noone is perfect and we… Read more »

A montrealer
May 13, 2024 7:05 pm

I was in a clothing store when i saw a chabad lady with her girls buying clothes
And I overheard her say “ok so lets just do the Tznius test” and they lifted their arms to make sure the sleeves dont ride up & they sat down to see if the dress covers the knees!
I was verrry impressed!!
AZOI DARF ZEIN!!!
Cuz we are the Rebbes children
THINK ABOUT THAT!!
When Moshiach appears will we be comfortable greeting him??

I SAY SEND TO BAIS YAAKOV!
May 13, 2024 7:08 pm

My girls will get the vermkeit and chinuch of lubavitch chassidus at home and from mishpocho and let them go to the chassedishe schools/Bais Yaakov to develop their character, passions, trends, dress code, and style.

For seminary, i’ll send them to a Lubavitcher shtarke one and sem bais in bais rivkah. Zehu.

No other choice for now.
ich hub nisht kan koiach far ale shtusim! No more. Ad kan.

It’s an impossible war.

Where can we buy tzinius bathing suits?
May 13, 2024 7:23 pm

If in Crown Heights, where are tzinus bathing suits sold? If online only, what do we type in?

Swimsuits
Reply to  Where can we buy tzinius bathing suits?
May 14, 2024 7:11 am

If you are referring to regular swimsuits with a full coverage bottom, you may want to try land’s end or talbots. If you are referring to the bathing suits that cover you like a dress, I have no idea. Maybe someone else reading this does. I hope you find what you need.

Tznius bathing suits
Reply to  Swimsuits
May 16, 2024 7:02 am

Aquamodesta.com

Our institutions need to TAKE A STAND
May 13, 2024 7:26 pm

People can choose to live where ever they want. People can choose to dress however they want. Run their houses how they want.
If the choices that people are making are not in the Lubavich line of values, THEN THEY DONT BELONG IN OUR INSTITUTIONS

And then, they won’t be part of our community, and our children won’t. E friends with their children, and we will end up in different bungalow colonies

Agreed
Reply to  Our institutions need to TAKE A STAND
May 13, 2024 8:54 pm

It shouldn’t be the norm to be not tznuisdig. it should be the exception not the rule. The fact that so many girls are pressured to dress in way not befitting a bas yisroel is very sad. I wish there was more of an atmosphere where tznuis is glorified.

Ahavas yisroel
Reply to  Our institutions need to TAKE A STAND
May 13, 2024 10:48 pm

How can you be so selfish like that! It literly says in the Torah vahavta Leracha kamocha, love your fellow like yourself. Just because someone is struggling in their tzniusness doesn’t automatically make them a bad person. You can for example be struggling in davening or kibud av vaim, and this person would be excelling in those aspects. You can’t base your jusdgement on someone based on how they dress. It’s a very big struggle among us and most people will admit it. But saying u can’t live in crown heights if u don’t fit the standards is the most… Read more »

Food for thought
May 13, 2024 8:59 pm

The question must be asked…why don’t we see this type of dress in Boro Park, Flatbush, Williamsburg or Lakewood?

Idk
Reply to  Food for thought
May 13, 2024 9:42 pm

Because dressing in tznuis way is the social norm in those communities. You would feel weird not too.
In ch no one blinks so people do what they want.
Also in other places your kids won’t have a normal school if you don’t dress up to par

What to reply to a taxi driver?
Reply to  Food for thought
May 15, 2024 9:33 pm

That’s what a taxi driver wanted to know. What can be answered to such questions? How can this be explained in a nice way without talking badly,or blaming anyone? Please, community members, suggest replies..

part of it is...
Reply to  Food for thought
May 17, 2024 4:44 am

part of it is, that those from their communities that dress like that move elsewhere or do it away from the community, like on vacay, which doresn’t make it right, but it’s to answer your question to some degree

Its hard
May 13, 2024 10:06 pm

It definitely is a challenge- but u raise your kids and hope for the best. So they see other kids dressing not to ur standards , so u explain to urs kids that , isnt our standards. U cant control how other ppl dress, in todays generation tznius means something else to everyone! I grew up in a small town, everyone dressed tznius and today I have several sisters who dont… ( and all those sisters are shomer shabbos, keep kosher, talk to their parents) ur kids will eventually each choose their own tznius standards in life. The main point… Read more »

It takes maturity
May 13, 2024 10:26 pm

Girls and women who don’t value tznius, do not realize their self- worth. They are a bas HaMelech and bas Chabad. What a holy privilege. Often, they don’t love themselves, and haven’t internalized their worth. It is such an honor to dress tzniuzdik, but it’s a journey each woman must come to.

This!
Reply to  It takes maturity
May 15, 2024 8:16 am

Well said

Positive advice
May 13, 2024 11:27 pm

If anyone is interested in taking their and their familys tsnius a level higher, a great place to start is this beautiful and highly insightful book

https://www.judaicaplace.com/outside-inside-paperback/9781568713410/
Outside Inside by Gila Manolson
Hope you enjoy as much as I did!

Hayom Yom 5 Iyar
May 14, 2024 12:02 am

“I am writing to all the parents out there who allow their daughters to walk around like this. Don’t think it only affects your daughters; it affects all their classmates as well.”. Do you really think that a parent who doesn’t outwardly care about how her daughter dresses will care about it affecting others ( although inwardly, every woman cares – that inwardness just needs to be awakened)? Maybe the material or spiritual favor the author can do ( the Hayom Yom for the fifth of Iyar) is in the area of tznius, either befriending others and giving tznius clothes… Read more »

Peer Pressure
May 14, 2024 7:58 am

It starts with the moms, with their their long, provocative sheitels, clothing 1/2 size too small, a drop too short…. where do you think these kids get their inspiration from? Add to that the “summer freedom” that gets worse every year and it’s a recipe for disaster. I don’t blame the kids. They have so much peer pressure and girls are mean if you’re the slightest bit more conservative/traditional. 25 years ago my daughter was accused of being “too Chassidish” when I wouldn’t let her go to a sleepover and watch a goyishe movie (parents were away & Bubbie &… Read more »

Not from CH but…
May 15, 2024 8:13 am

Been visiting quite a bit over the past year or so and while I’m not judging I’m just surprised. I feel like I didn’t get the memo that standards or Halacha changed chas v’shalom. It seems like CH has really changed over the years, we need the Rebbe back but until then something’s really got to change. There needs to be balance between love and strictness. I don’t know what that specifically can entail outside of homes and schools but it’s vital for there to be a real change on the streets, in stores, shul, everywhere. Between social media, peer… Read more »

Re: This article
May 15, 2024 10:23 pm

Children don’t actually think things through. They just learn from their parents.
Clearly the parent should work on themselves first and then analyze their children.

Re: This article
Reply to  Re: This article
May 16, 2024 5:32 pm

Exactly!

Where is everyone?!
May 16, 2024 4:40 pm

Why can’t we just all be tzadikim once and for all?!! Then moshiach will finally be able to come!!!

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