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Saturday, 20 Iyyar, 5779
  |  May 25, 2019

    Who are we Really Afraid of?

    Anonymous OP-ED: I once called a school and was asked to wait, but was not put on hold and I heard all the office gossip. When I suggested that the hold button be fixed in order to preserve confidentiality, I was told: "It's okay, it's only you." Full Story

    A Campus Shabbos Table

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    teenager
    Guest
    teenager

    personally as a teen its easier for me to listen to people when they rebuke me if they are youngish dressed nicely and on my level but sometimes it also works if the person is older too as long as they don’t scream at you and say it caringly

    i couldnt agree more!
    Guest
    i couldnt agree more!

    you hit the nail on the head!!! lol

    parent
    Guest
    parent

    Its the schools no one seems to care they have to all make meetings Rebbes, Pricipals and DOOO SOMETHINGGGGGG

    What are others learning from you?
    Guest
    What are others learning from you?

    You bring so many examples of an underlying issue. That is: Do we really see the Torah as a guide to living/ to the way we should be all the time? Every morning in Birchat HaShachar, we say Yehi Ratzon … Shetargileinu B’Sorasecha – we ask for Hashem’s help that we should exercise the Torah. When we really think about these words, we are asking for help so that we guide all our actions by Torah. If indeed we lived our lives according to Torah standards … we would not drop garbage on the floor – because Torah states that… Read more »

    To number 4
    Guest
    To number 4

    To ” Parent”?
    Are you totally giving it over to the school to teach your children? So many things are supposed also come from the home, starting from when the children are young!! I’m not sure I understand what you were trying to say… ?!

    stop blaming
    Guest
    stop blaming

    it’s easy to blame teachers and principals.
    STOP!
    you have no idea how difficult things are, especially in today’s generation. It is so UNFAIR to blame schools!

    out-of-towner
    Guest
    out-of-towner

    Could it be that the schools are over-crowded and rather than take a personal approach with each student and his or her family, they deal with matters impersonally due to the stress of taking care of so many students? Kids get lost in the crowd and if they come from large families may not get what they need at home either. We expect more of parents today than in earlier generations. For some, the answer may be smaller schools and parents letting go of outside pressures.

    its the parents responsibility
    Guest
    its the parents responsibility

    As a fellow parent, I believe parents should be taking responsibility for things like mentchlechkeit. Who teaches a child that it is okay to throw wrappers on the floor? Not the Rebbis. It is the parent that either does it him/herself or the parent that does not ensure that when their child drops garbage, they make him pick it up. Its nice to blame the schools for everything and take no responsibility- but chinuch, middos, kindness- these things come primarily from the home.
    #4 You are right .

    confused but point taken
    Guest
    confused but point taken

    great article 100% just wondering however, what does the article got to do with the header?

    Please avoid generalizations
    Guest
    Please avoid generalizations

    Yes, parent,s adults, teachers, relatives and possible “role models”, are in part responsible for shaping our children’s future… However please keep the following in perspective. This forum is most likely read by more students than adults, Please refrain from ever degrading mechanchos in any public forum especially for issues such as these. There are some simple generalizations here which lead to untruths, which become widely believed myths. “Teachers, Rebbis, Mechanchos: with all of the k”inuses that you are holding, don’t you get the message? This finger pointing accusatory question is unfair and misleading and will likely take you further from… Read more »

    too true
    Guest
    too true

    so true! as a recent graduate form high school i can say that schhol use to much yira and not enough ahavah.

    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!u did it!!!
    Guest
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!u did it!!!

    right all the way always wanted to say it ddnt kno how!
    im a teeenager not so rebellious jst a lil:) bt this is how i feeel and why i do the things i do!!!!
    thnk u!!!

    Re:derech eretz
    Guest
    Re:derech eretz

    It comes from both the home and from school,as a parent of a child about to go to school (she is 3)I have to take serious consideration where she will be best “educated” and that includes ,derech aretz and manners. Unfortunately chabad schools seem to have a problem giving that over in the right way.Perhaps because these basics seem to have fallen on the wayside…

    Parent
    Guest
    Parent

    To out of towner, the previous generations families were not smaller they were larger and the parents took more time to be involved in their children’s lives. Mothers made their children a priority. They didn’t have so many other distractions and outside pressures. I am a child of that generation and a parent in this one. I may not have as much time or patience with my children as my parents did, however metchlechkeit and having a general awareness of your surroundings can only be taught by the parent. Along with teaching small children to say Modeh Ani, its important… Read more »

    Musar DOES work!
    Guest
    Musar DOES work!

    I came from an ubringing that was of the mussar mode and indeed the troubles of that cmmunity by far pales compared to the issues I see hear since I joined this one. chassidus is no doubt the best way for a Yid to live the most meaningful life, however the benefit of mussar certainly can help many of the terrible situations that I wittness here. Don’t ostracize that which you haveb’t tried. I’m sure that many other similar newcomer chabadskes in town share the same sentiment that we completely changed our lifestyles for chabad chassidus and yet we see… Read more »

    Parent (again)
    Guest
    Parent (again)

    I forgot to mention, I am not judging anyone just stating my view and I hope it is not offensive to anyone. I have been a stay home mother but have more been a full time working mother (currently of 5 children). It is very difficult to be everything to your family (spouse, parent, and in some cases the provider) and there are times I berate myself for not being a better parent to my children but I know that my children are an extension of myself and my husband. I cannot blame anyone else if my children make poor… Read more »

    To #9:
    Guest
    To #9:

    First of all, I agree with you 100%, and, this is my view to the second part of your statement: As I understand, the key question is “Are you afraid of anything/ anybody at all?” Or, more precisely, do you obey the one you are afraid of, or the one that you respect, and why? Is the fear, the respect or the own estimation (and what is its origin) that forces one to act one way or another in various circumstances? Do we have fear of our own behavior and awareness for the consequences from it? Who is supposed to… Read more »

    To #3-4
    Guest
    To #3-4

    Everything come from the home nothing come from school

    what?
    Guest
    what?

    how can you generalize like that and call us teenagers ‘going off the derech’ because a kid threw something on the floor
    thats not right!!!!

    To:  Teenager (1 above).
    Guest
    To: Teenager (1 above).

    “Nicely dressed and on my level”. What a statement! How superficial you are. What happens if a not so well dressed person rebukes you, but is a really erlich and a fine, caring person?? And from an older person – you can take the rebuke? If he’s caring! I think the point of “caring” is the main point. – As it says in HaYom Yom – don’t rebuke, i.e. cut someone else’s nails until you cut your own. Meaning don’t criticize someone else until you shape up your own kavanna. Take your own agenda out of your criticism or just… Read more »

    bocher
    Guest
    bocher

    whats with the critizium we are kids dont know every halach so for that u call us off the derech

    Back to the old "Parents or Teachers" debate...
    Guest
    Back to the old "Parents or Teachers" debate...

    In addition to what was posted above by many; one more question: Assuming there were NO schools, would more kids be off the derech or less? People are quick to say that the approach of the schools, teachers, and principals is turning kids off the derech. I propose that the schools are actually SAVING hundreds of kids from going off the derech due to the lack of child-rearing ability of their parents. Unfortunately, they are not successful at saving EVERY kid in the schools! O.K. I’ll concede that there are some bad-apple mechanchim/os out there that have turned kids off.… Read more »

    nudnik
    Guest
    nudnik

    lets take the berdivitcher approach
    how nice is it to see that a young child would apologise to you
    after he did wrong
    your reacttion is taht of a nudnik
    find childreen with real issues and try to help them

    To #20
    Guest
    To #20

    When he says, ”dresses well and on hes level” it goes a long way, its not just how he dresses (not agreeing with him, but can relate) – have a healthy and speedy recovery.

    to 16
    Guest
    to 16

    I’m a full time working mother, and my husband works full time as well. I’m forever cursing myself out that I don’t give enough time to my kids, it is hard, I agree, I recently went to a shiur, where I learned that we feel that something is hard, we need to ask Hashem, please help me (i know, this is old, but new to me) so now, I just pray and hope that Hashem helps me.
    Hatzlacha to us all, it’s not an easy job.

    to no 7
    Guest
    to no 7

    chedar ohur menchem is the place

    you do what you need to do
    Guest
    you do what you need to do

    mind your own business. take care of your kids and thats that. if someone needed your advice they’d come to you.

    start by...
    Guest
    start by...

    throwing your TV out of the house

    Jerusalem
    Guest
    Jerusalem

    WHH The issue you keyed into is obvious, however, the process of extrapolation is flawed. Why is it necessary to blame either the schools, poor parental guidance, or a degeneration of moral values as the cause of so many children going off? Are we not created with Bechirah, or have we been so totally programed to accept ourselves as utterly perfect that there is no need to exercise our own free will in order to find Emes? Yes, youth is reactionary, and will test all the limits of the confines of whatever society they belong to, must you feign shock… Read more »

    28 is right!
    Guest
    28 is right!
    OP-Ed Writer Responds to writer #10
    Guest
    OP-Ed Writer Responds to writer #10

    Thank you for your very perceptive comments. I HAVE subbed and taught within the system, so I comment not only as a parent and grandparent of those educated within the system;I have experienced the system from both sides. My comments were not meant to demean the hard-working teachers and mechanchos who diligently work hard teaching and molding our precious children. We all know who these outstanding individuals are and may Hashem continue to give them the kochos to continue their holy work. We are living in the last days of the Golus when the children will lead us to the… Read more »

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