By Rochi Schtroks
In response to the op-ed “Beyond the Options of Tough Love or Gentle Parenting”
There is a sentiment today, that today’s youth need Hasbora, that they need to understand that the “old Kabolas Ol way” doesn’t work anymore.
While we definitely need to welcome questions and give explanations, the concept needs some clarification.
When the Yidden received the Torah we said Naase V’nishma – First we will do and then we will understand. Yiddishkeit is G-dly and G-d is infinite while our human brains are finite, so there will always be something that a person doesn’t understand; Kabolas Ol is the basis of Yiddishkeit.
So, how do we deal with the fact that the word Kabolas Ol seems to have a negative connotation with some of today’s youth?
The Kabolas Ol that today’s youth don’t like is the one of “Do it because I said” and “Accept it because your parents/teacher said.” That could have a boring, patronizing feeling for them. Obviously, there is room for that, especially when a child is still young, but as a child grows, especially in their teenage years, it is important to develop in them true Kabolas Ol.
True Kabolas Ol means that they are Mekabel the Ol – they take upon themselves that they want to do what the Torah says, what Hashem says. This is empowering. They own their own Yiddishkeit.
In a letter regarding Chinuch, the Rebbe writes, “We need to instill in children a Cheishek – a desire – for Kabolas Ol.” We need to instill in our students and children an enthusiasm that they should feel that they want to have Kabolas Ol, to do what Hashem says, whether they understand it or not.
This is done by teaching Torah and Chassidus in a very real way, by making it personal for them, by talking about and connecting them to Hashem and to the Rebbe in a very tangible way, by teaching Torah in a way of Toras Chaim, in an animated, applicable way, that they live it and breathe it, relate to it and want to be a part of it. Obviously, in the way of Chanoch lnar Al pi darko, in the way that works for each particular child and student.
There may be things they could understand today, things they may understand only as they grow in age and wisdom, and things they will only understand when Moshiach comes. But as the Rebbe explains, just as when it comes to physical survival, a baby eats and does not wait until he is older and wiser and understands exactly how food is digested to eat, and just as we follow a doctor’s medical instructions even if we may not understand the whole science of it, so too when it comes to our spiritual survival we don’t wait until we fully understand in order to do.
Of course, we also do ‘Nishma’ – understanding. We welcome questions, and we give beautiful explanations. Still, at the core, we need to instill in them a beautiful ‘Naase,’ a Naase of even if I don’t understand, I am still happy to do it, because the ways of the Aibishter and the Torah are the way my soul needs to live.
Today’s youth are actually very intuned to Emes. They are looking for Pnimius, for internal. It is up to us to help them develop an internal Kabolas Ol and a personal connection to Hashem and the Torah.
May the quest for truth in our precious youth bring out deeper levels of spirituality in us, as we usher in the time of Vheshiv lev avos al bonim, with the coming of Moshiach. May it be now!
– Rochi Schtroks is an educator, writer, and lecturer with many years of experience in Chinuch, both as a teacher and principal. She can be reached at [email protected].
Guide a child according to HIS way so when hes old he wont depart from it…. unfortunately parents guide a child according to the parents way and bring a negative kibud av vam dictating vibe which forces certain children to leave because we are here to serve Hashem not parents! Parents are emissaries of G-d but NOT G-D HIMSELF! Same applies with kabalos old. I believe this generation needs to be retaught how chassidus was meant to be and not how it has become aka using chassidic terms with wrong intentions and definitions according to human man made mentality.
Intuned is not a word. Part of the gap is that educators refuse to learn about the new world that their charges live in. We say America is no different, but the times are very different, and the more time passes, the more understandable it is to feel like educators who have not learned about the new world’s challenges are giving excuses instead of explanations, and that demanding acceptance is just what happens when the educator runs out of excuses. I’m sure that’s not actually true for any educator, but the sentiment that being very unaware of what is happening… Read more »
Your clarity in expressing yourself leaves room for improvement. I could not understand you.
And well written.
one leads to the other. which is first? you care about a child and its development, but seek to develop it into subjugating itself (kabalos ol) to der aibershter. so which is it that you seek to develop – the child or der aibersher? in a conversation about kabalos ol and children and education, might be worthwhile to do honest inventory as to really what your objective is and whose interest you most care about. that will guide you to know how and what you do and make a cleaner easier conversation. hiding oneself from the truth or your truth… Read more »
I really enjoyed the article and you clarified everything in a way that gives us strength as chassidim to have true kabalos ol.
I feel that most people who are against the inyen of kabbalos ol are traumatized by their upbringing were people abused the term.
Growing up my parents would lovingly tell us this is our way, you are making Hashem so happy ect.
Rochi you are %100 right!