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Saturday, 20 Iyyar, 5779
  |  May 25, 2019

    What Are We Thinking?

    From the COLlive inbox: A Lubavitcher from Los Angeles recently attended a wedding and was shocked by what he witnessed. Full Story

    4 Years After the Miracle

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    Whatever
    Guest
    Whatever

    I left Chabad Lubavitch and my family only because there were people constantly telling me what not to do, yet rarely did I ever receive any positive feedback or reinforcement. Let’s be honest, the young people from fringe families cannot get shiduchim if they ever step out of line. One small infraction leads to a dressing down and a bad name, and then no one wants to marry into your family. I wish I could get married to a frum girl, but whatever, I did too many things wrong and even worse, stuck up for myself. What a lucky man… Read more »

    I was at that wedding
    Guest
    I was at that wedding

    Rabbi Shusterman Thx for bringing up so many good points that require change and you brought these up in a way of darkei Noam and darkei Sholom that everyone can relate to I have been to a number of similar weddings, and I think u have to take into account that in some cases the chosson and kallah while both from Lubavitcher homes have now strayed a little from that upbringing and have a similar circle of freinds and other family members who are not connected to these values at all I think that creates a diff atmosphere than your… Read more »

    Very true
    Guest
    Very true

    unfortunately true,
    Thank you for posting such a unique article with a unique lesson!

    Finally!!
    Guest
    Finally!!

    Finally, someone is voicing the heartbreak and pain, that SO many of us are experiencing concerning our so called Lubavitch weddings! When my daughter got married last year, i, as her mother, as well as my husband were helpless in the choice of music that the band were playing! and before anyone starts jumping down our throats, we DID try, more than try, to get the band to sing OUR choice of songs! I actually begged him, together with our machatonim, to lower the tone, to adjust the beat, to play just normal regular beautiful music, not even necessarily only… Read more »

    Thank you
    Guest
    Thank you

    Thank you col for posting this and Thank you Rabbi Shusterman for speaking up! I agree with every word!

    YES
    Guest
    YES

    Thank you. We need reminders and clear guidance.

    DAVID
    Guest
    DAVID

    A GROSHER YASKOACH TO RABBI SCHUSTERMAN.WE NEED ALL OUR RABBANIM TO COME OUT WITH SUCH A LETTER!

    Wow!
    Guest
    Wow!

    Thank you for this well – straight to the point. What is sad is that so many of the comments you will get in return will be of those that disagree and will justify this sort of behaviour. It is like the new “Chabad” with short Kapotas, no hat or beard which says I can do what I like and claim to be Lubavitch – face the facts – it just is not what the Rebbe demands from his chasidim.

    Really
    Guest
    Really

    It’s not anywhere as bad as he writes, and why mix in all the way from the west coast??, as if all is perfect over there

    agree100%
    Guest
    agree100%

    25 years ago we asked only for chassidishe music by our wedding, in the middle I, the kallah, (we were in the old Oholei torah where the men were downstairs women upstairs) had to approach the band because I did not approve of a song they were playing. BH my daughter also asked for only chassidishe nigunim and it was a very freileche and memorable wedding bh.

    wow, wow, wow
    Guest
    wow, wow, wow

    This is a really well written article. Thank you for expressing what so many of us feel every day. The standards of all of us – and sadly I refer to anash and shluchim in a lot of places – have unfortunately become very much lower than even 10 years ago. There are too many instances to enumerate. Lets hope this will get the ball rolling on a new era where we remember who we are and what we stand for.

    WHO CARES???
    Guest
    WHO CARES???

    i am sick and tired of all this constant negative attitude on these jewish websites,
    if you keep on telling people what not to do, you are going to lose us all.
    lets just all keep our mouth shut if its not going to change (whats the point of complaining if nothing comes out)
    if everyone has issues hire or let a new artist play ONLY chassidishe stuff.
    the reason why people ask for the non chassidish music is because it makes people dance more, and thats the whole excitement of new marriage.

    sad to say typical CH guy.

    at last
    Guest
    at last

    what has taken so long for this to be said?

    are you kidding me…
    Guest
    are you kidding me…

    I assure you, Rabbi Schusterman, the music played at frum weddings bears no resemblance to what you seem to think pervades the secular world. The fact that it brings in the world’s “trash” is because it isn’t good music period… not by any standard, frum or otherwise.

    A little “worldliness” might not hurt you so much. You might learn that the secular world isn’t nearly as depraved as you seem to think.

    to #12
    Guest
    to #12

    listen, maybe YOU dont care, but how would you feel if at your wedding the Rebbe would come in to the hall with such music playing on?? wont you feel ashamed??? if you will, then you DO care

    To #1
    Guest
    To #1

    You want to “come back”? You will be welcomed, I’m sure. We are ALL Baalei Teshuva, none of us is perfect. And it’s not true, I personally know guys who went “OTD” who got nice Shidduchim -one is now a Shliach. It’s a shame you weren’t invited to your old friends’ weddings, but when you find your bashert, hopefully they will dance at yours. You know whom to contact & where to go to help you transition back. Wishing you much Hatzlacha.

    To #4
    Guest
    To #4

    I also recently made a wedding and my daughter wanted to choose what songs the band would play and I. Said I am choosing when you made your child’s wedding you will choose and that was it, she had no choice and it was beautiful. Also, thank you rabbi Shusterman for the letter, it’s a huge issue in lubavitch amongst everyone and something needs to change.

    You think weddings are bad???
    Guest
    You think weddings are bad???

    What I have seen this week will make your hair curl. BLATANT mechalel Shabbos on Kingston. Women behaving like street women. Kids up to every kind of behavior. Drunken behavior everywhere. Weddings are the least of our problems!

    To number 12
    Guest
    To number 12

    Actually as a previous writer noted, Rabbi Shusterman wrote this article in a very gentle, but firm voice! at no point was he telling anyone what to do or not to do as such , merely voicing an opinion about an inyan that so many feel strongly about and trying to find a way out before it goes even further than it has already! but then again there always has to be some out there who react negatively to something that is so obviously not the way its meant to be, that its staring us in the face! Thank you… Read more »

    to #9
    Guest
    to #9

    Thanks for not posting your name. Like this you don’t make a fool out of yourself. He never said the west coast is any better, he said he was at a wedding where he saw this. He did not say where this wedding took place – could be NY or West Coast. Do you go to every wedding to say it’s not as bad as a writes?? There is a reason 90% of the comments agree with the author. No hard feelings. A Gutteh Voch.

    Need to be clarified before
    Guest
    Need to be clarified before

    The machatonim and choson and Kallah need to clarify BEFORE what standard music is acceptable at their wedding nor during the wedding it’s too late.
    Suggestion:
    Maybe the mesader kedushin should be more involved in the wedding standards before he accepts to marry them. Some shluchim are careful not to be involved in a simcha that is not kosher etc.

    missing the point...
    Guest
    missing the point...

    All of you who are going on about the music, whether its non chassidish or not, are missing the point. I think there is much more at the root of the problem, its not about actual music being played. Having attended many crown heights weddings, I can honestly say the music being played by our usual musicians is hardly the issue. The tznius of the participants, the atmosphere, ansd other things such as the family dancing together on the women’s side all add up to a less than ideal atmosphere. And the sooner we all admit there’s a problem the… Read more »

    MUSIC
    Guest
    MUSIC

    OK, so when Niggunim were created in Russia, they followed the russian style, and in some cases we even stole their songs, and we danced like them as well, hupp chazak Etc.

    So now shouldn’t be a surprise to you Rabbi, its only normal to enjoy modern style music.

    I do not see this as a Halachik problem.

    Mesader kidushin should demand signature
    Guest
    Mesader kidushin should demand signature

    ALL rabbonim who are mesader kidushin should demand a signature from the mechutan (or mechutanim) who is paying for the band, as well as a signature from the band leader, that only appropriate (should be defined) music and “beat” is played. I was by a chasunah were only Lubavitcher music was played and it was amazingly and unusually lebidik and a “cool” bochur tells me: “wow! I never realized that there were so many freiliche Lubavitch dancing tunes, I’m having a blast”! The entire frum world (litvish and chassidish) are dancing to Lubavitch music, WE should definitely be setting the… Read more »

    LOS ANGELES 770
    Guest
    LOS ANGELES 770

    YES TODAY WEDDINGS ARE WAY TO LIKE DISCO, IT IS SICK VERY VERY WILD AND GOES UNFORTUNATELY ALONG WITH THE TZINIUS OF OUR GIRLS, WHAT TO DO?? TO MANY KIDS THERE FRYYYY OUT MEANING YESHIVA SYSTEM DOESN’T WORK, SO GET OUT OF FOR GHETTO FROM RUSSIA MENTALITY AND UPDATE YOUR YESHIVOS, MASHPIIM, RABBONIM AND RABBIIMS, CHANGE YOUR SYSTEM!

    good point
    Guest
    good point

    I can say I am at many nice frum weddings and the music is pleasant. Yes lubavitch music is nice however there many other chasidush niguning that are aidal and pleasant. Our daughter got married last year it was there choice to have only lubavitch chasidush music. Let me tell you the chasune was REALLY. Lebedic. Everyone including the so called lubavitch light had a wonderful time

    Only niggunim wedding
    Guest
    Only niggunim wedding

    Our last two children had niggunim only weddings.
    They were beautiful, and lebedike and set a tone of kiddushah. Aren’t we celebrating the “kiddushin” after all?

    to #4
    Guest
    to #4

    If you would have told the band
    PLAY MY CHOICE OF MUSIC OR YOU DON’T GET PAID.
    I think it would have happened.
    when we got married we told the band what type music to play and thats what he played PERIOD

    think
    Guest
    think

    The mitzva is to misameach the choson and kallah. Not the rabbi or the parents. This style is what the young people find fun and make them happy. Move on.

    to#18
    Guest
    to#18

    You really are exaggerating what you said.

    To #1
    Guest
    To #1

    As a ffb girl, I have dated a bochur who was otd for a while, and I know more girls who did. It’s never too late, anyway you were always one of us, we are all the Aibishter’s children. About having done things wrong, as you state, you did innocently what seemed for you the best thing to do at that moment, and so did your parents and family. I wish you much luck in making the right decisions. May the Aibishter grant you with much happiness, joy from within and joy because all circumstances in life will always be… Read more »

    Important
    Guest
    Important

    Thanks for having the guts to air an important issue. People might complain, but what our generation is missing is clear, reasonable, guidance that includes the reasoning. Whether they all follow or only some people follow does not change the urgent need for clear, loving, but firm guidance.

    Thanks rabbi Shusterman!
    Guest
    Thanks rabbi Shusterman!

    You really wrote beautifully. I was a Chosson and at my chasuna I stopped getting involved in dancing at a certain point since the songs being played were horrifying. I didn’t want to build the foundation of my life on such simcha chas veshalom.

    chabadnik
    Guest
    chabadnik

    We are witnesseing so many actions which would never have been acceptable in Lubavitch in the Rebbe’s lifetime. Men cutting their beards women showing their hair and legs, men and women socializing etc etc. There is a core of people who are conducting themselves in a Chassidishe manner but it is decreasing. Further, we are gripped by Messianic ideas, which do not appeal to many, 770 is control/influenced by that grouping who believe they are the custodians of Chabad, it has got out of hand. During the summer I was in the country at a Lubavitch colony, men in shorts… Read more »

    I agree!
    Guest
    I agree!

    and I am an unmarried girl of 20

    Are you kidding???
    Guest
    Are you kidding???

    You think the music completely controls the dancing????? I was recently by a wedding – yes, it was in CH – where the band only played Lubavitcher Niggunim, yet some of the dances that I saw were so inappropriate that I left the dance floor.

    why the brides family joins the womens section?
    Guest
    why the brides family joins the womens section?

    it seems to become that the family of the kalla joins the women section to dance with the bride. in my opinion, it takes away from the women dancing, since we stop while the kallahs family dance with her. i understand that its very special, but not proper for everyone to see. what is private is sacred!!

    music
    Guest
    music

    music is too loud.
    I end up leaving the hall and spending time in the area outside away from the loudness

    to 15 from 12
    Guest
    to 15 from 12

    dont mix in a WHAT IFS because its not going to happen. (and the whole world would be LOT different if the rebbi is with us)
    unfortunately everyone is looking to bash everything in chabbad LETS STOP THE FOOLISH BASHING UNLESS THERE WOULD BE A REASONABLE OUTCOME.
    and live a life that would more friendly.

    to #23
    Guest
    to #23

    for your information, only Rebbeim could make from a russian song a niggun, and i’m sure there’s no Rebbe making a niggun of these goyshe songs

    Thank you Rabbi Schusterman
    Guest
    Thank you Rabbi Schusterman

    Dont you all understand that music says what your neshama is?! music is for the soul and if you put goyshe music at your wedding, do u understand what u want for ur life????

    to 25
    Guest
    to 25

    You bring up a good point, that some of the “way things have always been” practices are not helping. The disco dancing is just a tiny symptom. I do feel this article is quite negative and gives no reason for wanting a different type of music and dancing- at least for the people who are getting wild. There is just no reasoning given for calmer music and dancing beyond guilt- which only goes so far until people say “enough! I want to feel free, and like a person, what do I gain from being told off all the time, I’m… Read more »

    Give Me a Break
    Guest
    Give Me a Break

    Okay, maybe girls get excited sometimes. Okay, maybe sometimes we shake our hips (ahhh, no way!) and OKAY, maybe the music is C”V too beat-y. But that’s nothing compared to discos, clubs, etc. How would you even know? Compared to those, Lubavitch weddings are laughable at the modesty we hold. The music is too beat-y?! What does that even mean?! Beat-y. Is that a word? SO WHAT. We want music that makes us dance, not music that makes us move around in a monotonous circle. Gawsh. Flirtatious behaviour between the chosson and kallah? That depends on the wedding and the… Read more »

    Respectfully disagree, we need a wake up call
    Guest
    Respectfully disagree, we need a wake up call

    It’s always important to remember bounderies, but what are the actual bounderies that are important? Does everyone have to daven Tehilas Hashem to be a Lubavitcher? No. Take the shaitel example: Yes, it’s the first choice standard, but if someone is totally Lubavitch, but has a sensitivity, either emotionally, or physically to wearing a shaitel, but still sincerely covers her hair and keeps every other minhag, are we going to throw her out of the “club”? It’s not the time to be excluding everyone who doesn’t quite fit your particular view of who gets to call himself Lubavitch. And by… Read more »

    Mother
    Guest
    Mother

    I told the musician before the wedding what we wanted. It had to be chassidishe music. And did not have to be only Lubavitch. He agreed. At the wedding I hear different music. I went over and said this is not what I want. He said this is what all the young kids want. I said no. He changed the music for about 5 minutes and went back to the music that I did not want. I came over, grabbed someone else as a witness and said, if you don’t play what I want and we originally agreed, I will… Read more »

    it is true unfortunately
    Guest
    it is true unfortunately

    and it happens at weddings where the chosson, kallah and families are officially all frum and chassidish
    it needs to stop
    it could be they don’t even think before they do it
    but it is inappropriate nontheless
    May there be simchos by Yidden

    THanks And Thanks
    Guest
    THanks And Thanks

    Thanks for your courage. Thanks for the time to write it up. And thanks for signing your name. Such creditibility. We need to act on this.

    Larry
    Guest
    Larry

    You’re 100% percent right so what it’s very easy to sit and write letters all people do these days is put out letters criticizing And putting down everything big deal I can write a letter to so what. The system never changed to adapt with the younger generation. In my opinion sad to say I think it’s too late they don’t see it like the older people see it they’re living in a whole different world as an older chsid myself (I hope I can call myself a chasid) I struggle to stay on the right path.and what keeps me… Read more »

    From the young generation
    Guest
    From the young generation

    I also agree and see this more and more that unfortunately I skip many weddings because it’s just not my style…

    True True
    Guest
    True True

    Spreading the word definitely helps, although this isn’t the root of the problem, just a result.

    Disco Ball
    Guest
    Disco Ball

    What do you all think about the colored lights at many weddings?

    Young people
    Guest
    Young people

    Did it occur to any of you that many “Chabad” young people go clubbing and want to recreate that atmosphere at their weddings? I also disagree, but in order to be able to fix, we must first recognize the root of the problem…

    Men videotaping women dancing
    Guest
    Men videotaping women dancing

    Speaking of having a Chassidishe atmosphere at the dancing at weddings, I think it is not proper to have a male photographer videotaping the women dancing. Even if a woman photographer videotapes the dancing, it is quite possible and likely that a man will view the video, so I would strongly discourage any videotaping of the dancing.

    to #44
    Guest
    to #44

    love it!! so brilliantly written and all your comments are so very true!! couldn’t have said it better myself.

    Get a life
    Guest
    Get a life

    To the rabbi that wrote the article.
    You need to stop looking in the wrong places.
    Dancing wild and crazy is not a problem.
    We have much bigger problems. Like
    Teenagers smoking pot girls dressing very not
    Tziniosdik!! Kids not happy with life..
    People suffering from depression. Etc.
    You so narrow minded you really need to get
    A life. Your to self centered. How about those
    Bachurim and girls either not married
    Or marrieyng out of faith be happy your
    Coming to a Jewish wedding. And soon they will
    Iyh have children. We’re not in Russia anymore
    Welcome to the USA!!!

    Rabbi Shusterman-
    Guest
    Rabbi Shusterman-

    I respect you,
    But what is your plan of action? We’re you warm to the choson and kallah behaving in a wild manner?
    I feel like 35-40% of Lubavitch are interested in the ‘old’ standard, and the other 60-65% want to have a good time and not out of rebelliousness just out of peace and happiness.
    We cannot eradicate those 60-65% and we can’t hope that they die down. How do you plan to handle them and their in changing views?

    to #9
    Guest
    to #9

    he never said it does not happen in CA in fact he said it happens everywhere

    To all those saying "It's not so bad"
    Guest
    To all those saying "It's not so bad"

    That is extremely unfortunate. That something so horribly wrong should be called “not so bad” by a Lubavitcher is really embarassing. Are our standards so low that disco dancing, lack of tznius and inapropiate music at weddings are considered okay? To say that by being negative we are pushing the young generation further away – is that what Lubavitch has come to? And by the way I am a girl from “the young generation” and I’m shocked. I am ashamed that fellow Lubavitchers can act and speak that way. If something is done wrong and you are explained why –… Read more »

    great musician
    Guest
    great musician

    yossi cohen one man band plays only chassidishe music at weddings and is amazing.

    put your beliefs where your mouth is
    Guest
    put your beliefs where your mouth is

    I will not say whether i agree or disagree with Rabbi Schusterman ( who i happen to feel is a rational person). But if you stand on the sidelines and just watch and then comment later, than you have done nothing. If you and other Rabbonim make a shturem when these things are happening then maybe you will have some change. I am alittle tired of Community leaders or Rabbonim willing to have their opinion after the fact, Yes you will get laughed at or even some nasty comments back. But if you dont confront the problem at the time… Read more »

    Yossi Cohen
    Guest
    Yossi Cohen

    He did the music for our wedding, entirely chasidishe nigginim, it was beautiful, lebedik and he was fantastic! We got married a bunch of years ago, but I’m sure he’ll still do that.

    it's not the music, it's the people
    Guest
    it's not the music, it's the people

    This may be obvious to many, but some seem to have missed the point, so I will spell it out here.What determines the atmosphere on the wedding dance floor may be partially influenced by the music, but it’s mostly dependent on the type of people who are dancing. Aidel, chassidishe people dominating the dancing = aidel, chassidishe atmosphere. Non-chassidishe and non-aidel people dominating the dancing = non-chassidishe and non-aidel atmosphere. So what it boils down to is who is coming to the wedding, and what kind of atmosphere are they going to bring? I’m going to go a step further… Read more »

    Baalei Tshuva
    Guest
    Baalei Tshuva

    my husband and I are both baalei tshuva and yes, I danced with my family on the womens side and my husbands mother danced with him for a second. To our families it was very important, and to let them have that little bit which would make them happy, whereas otherwise they would have been infuriated and felt completely out of their children’s lives, i wouldn’t have had it any other way.

    to #43
    Guest
    to #43

    Boy are u missing the point! I suggest u read the article over again. U think that if in discos and clubs it is worse, than we are okay?!
    Ur focusing on the word beat-y instead of focusing on the meaning behind it. U know exactly what he means. And non-disco doesn’t mean “music that makes us move around in a monotonous circle” There are plenty of fun lively chassidishe songs and plenty of tzniusdike fun ways to dance. No need for shaking hips to make the kallah happy. Lubavitch, wake up!!

    to 44
    Guest
    to 44

    wasn,t it the rebbe who so strongly spoke about shaitl.
    also the about having chassidishe music at chassuna.

    Don't get it
    Guest
    Don't get it

    This is NOT mixed dancing! Isn’t that the bottom line? Why shouldn’t the girls be able to lose themselves in the dancing! It’s part of the simcha! It radiates joy and brings pleasure to the Kallah to see her friends really letting go and having a great time at her wedding. It is not in front of men. It is separate! Why is the way so many men dance at simchas Beis hashoeva any different? Or the way the men act on Purim any different? Why does this seem to be directed only at the women? Why do women haveo… Read more »

    Let the wedding halls refuse to allow the musicians that don't
    Guest
    Let the wedding halls refuse to allow the musicians that don't

    comply with strict regulations to perform at their venues. This can be included in the contracts. What doesn’t fit for a Yeshiva or girls school should not take place on premises. Prefect and easiest fix

    Dear 44.
    Guest
    Dear 44.

    denial ain’t just a river in Egypt! I’m really tired of people using our focus on penimius to try and claim that tzeeus doesn’t ‘really matter. Even if you foolishly think tats ,listen to what Rabbi Schusterman is saying about how all this prustkait reflects on our Rebbe!!!

    TO #30
    Guest
    TO #30

    Unfortunately #18 is right on target.
    VERY TRUE BUT SAD.

    it's perfectly ok
    Guest
    it's perfectly ok

    In Lubavitch to practice, discuss and teach, Chabad Minhagim anf halacha in general, and in particular. Everyone who is upset about this factor wants us who “practice Lubavitch” to feel guilty about being committed and practicing what we preach. And that’s not ok

    I'm leaving
    Guest
    I'm leaving

    I’m ffb and my husband gezer And we are in middle of plans to move out of crown heights and join a frum community locally. Weve been round the world living in all different lubavitch communities hoping that the level of yiddishkiet in lubavitch was just the problem of that geographical place . My last stop was CH and thinking that this had to be the real deal, shechuna of the rebbe. It was worse then the lot. I’ve lost a kid here to the madness so as much as I love the rebbe and what the old lubavitch stood… Read more »

    to #23
    Guest
    to #23

    The Russian dancing you mention (hop kazak etc) was not lascivious, even the Shpoler Zeide danced in the Russian style, he learned it to free a captive once. The type of dancing Rabbi Schusterman so rightfully criticizes is dancing where the movements are openly immodest, in the secular world it is like a competition to see who can get the most observers. The difference is very easy to see.

    Mom of chatonim
    Guest
    Mom of chatonim

    My mother, my son & I danced together behind a mechitza away from everyone at my sons’ weddings. It made my elderly mother very happy & nobody could see. I don’t see why that can’t happen or what is wrong.

    agree with #34
    Guest
    agree with #34

    I am a BT of 30+ years living out of town and I am horrified at photos I see now of Lubavitch events with women with bare legs, skirts that don’t cover the knees (ten times worse when they sit down, and then they even cross their legs), snoods or tichlach inevitably pushed back so several inches of hair shows, necklines that expose the entire collarbone, bare feet in “look at me” shoes… When I first got involved with Chabad the appearance of the women was one of the points that really made an impression on me, they looked to… Read more »

    #44 SAYS IT RIGHT
    Guest
    #44 SAYS IT RIGHT

    Very well said.

    agree with #53
    Guest
    agree with #53

    100%. I never understood how people could have a perfectly tzniusdik wedding dress, proper mechitzah etc and then have men videotaping the women. Today Baruch Hashem there are female videographers, there should only be females videotaping the women’s side.

    to #55
    Guest
    to #55

    Did you ever hear the famous vort of the Frierdiker Rebbe, “Amerike is nisht anderesh!” (America is not different!)?

    To #44
    Guest
    To #44

    As a BT, male “friend of Chabad” who trims his beard, I’ve also learned from Chabad – and appreciate – about not focusing on the external, like you mention. But – and in support of R Shusterman’s writing and, well, reality – I’ve also learned through Chabad that the external has the POTENTIAL to affect us internally through the senses. So we have a personal responsibility to keep our neshamos “pure” and unblocked from kelipos coming through the senses, which also helps us to be mekabelim Hashem for doing mitzvos and avodah. …Kind of like how an athelete needs to… Read more »

    Reality
    Guest
    Reality

    The Jewish community, since it’s founding, has always evolved, morphed, and stratified over time. Chabad Lubavitch which itself evolved from other forms of Jewish observance, was founded only 239 years ago and bears little resemblance to its original founding. That’s life. The only thing that stays the same is that everything changes. Problem is, there are people who simply can’t accept this reality. They deny all of of documented human history and delude themselves into thinking that THEIR experience will magically be different. That THEIR community and traditions will continue along ad infinitum. But that’s not how it works. So… Read more »

    Haha
    Guest
    Haha

    To #44 Why didn’t you just write a book

    then what?
    Guest
    then what?

    what is the music that she’ll be played by weddings?
    what is good?

    Ch'er
    Guest
    Ch'er

    It’s not mixed dancing at least be happy with that. We don’t have any venue to dance and “let it out”. Do we want the 20 year olds to go to bars in pritzus is that better?.
    So the wedding won’t look so Oldschool Lubavitch. But the Choson and Kallah are more modern and that’s what they want.

    Only Nicho'ach!
    Guest
    Only Nicho'ach!

    And if the mesader kidushin doesn’d enforce this, merkos should make him ois rav! period

    Dovid Altein
    Guest
    Dovid Altein

    Played chabad niggunim only at a few weddings here. It was so nice to hear quality, lebedike music and witness and be part of the refined dancing it led to.
    We were even able to hear ourselves say Mazel Tov to the Kalla and her family.

    to 65 from 44
    Guest
    to 65 from 44

    Yes, the Rebbe did say Shaitel is important, but after that, if a woman really can’t or really doesnt want, we don’t need to measure each person on every single decision that other people do. But what about working on ourselves to not judge others? Why is someone not wearing the shaitel? you’ll never know. It’s not because the Rebbe talked about the importance of Shatels, it didnt give license now to any or all of us to start bashing those who currently can’t or don’t hold to that standard. I said in my comment this is the first choice,… Read more »

    respectfully disagree
    Guest
    respectfully disagree

    Rabbi Schusterman, the musicians play according to the dictates of the one hiring them, THEREFORE, all you needed to succinctly state was that it is necessary to clarify to them PRIOR to the wedding [as opposed to in the middle of the wild dancing] precisely what type of music you expect at your child’s wedding!!!! By both of our children’s weddings there was crystal clear communication to the band before the wedding and by our recent wedding which occurred in Brasil, Moshe Okonuv played STRICTLY chassidish niggunim along with Choni Grunblatt singing, as per the wishes of the chosson and… Read more »

    I'm for Yossi Cohen too
    Guest
    I'm for Yossi Cohen too

    Great chassidishe music!

    To 66
    Guest
    To 66

    Losing yourself is what is the problem. Simcha and fun is good, but a trance is not Jewish. And this applies to both genders, but moving the hips is more vulgar for women, even though its also not tznius for men

    to #68 from #44
    Guest
    to #68 from #44

    Wild music with a mechitza is not the same as mixed dancing, and if pritzus is truly happening, then everyone present is responsible and it must be stopped at the wedding immediately. Rather, it seemed that R’ Shusterman’s article is more emotional, and not fact based, since instead of giving a concrete example, he writes “you know it when you see it”. And for a Lubavitch couple that is actually getting married to each other and lead a Jewish life with a Jewish home, and there’s a bit of different music, then leave. But if there is no mixed dancing,… Read more »

    Yossel
    Guest
    Yossel

    The problem described by Rabbi Shusterman is real, but as pointed out previously, our leaders (Rabbonim) could do much more than just write letters. There is enough respect at least among most Lubavitchers, that we would listen if they would simply ACT instead of WRITE and SPEAK. Rabbonim have the power to limit the volume (it’s earsplitting, and dangerous unless you wear earplugs-amplifiers should be assur!) and type (no more secular rock’n’roll songs) for halls like O.T. and the Razag. If the MUSIC is not loud and Chassishe, you will see the dancing and the behavior change for the better!… Read more »

    I have seen it all...
    Guest
    I have seen it all...

    I am a mashgiach and attend hundreds of weddings a year…I have seen it all my friends, shluchim attending non kosher weddings (yes JUST the food was kosher…) and being at the party from beginning to end…not no mention Chabad shluchim performing a kosher weddings inside a conservative sanctuary…ah, I forgot to mention that on both instances above the chosson family (or kallah family) were loaded with money…nowyou know the rest of the story…

    oholey torah razag etc, put your foot down
    Guest
    oholey torah razag etc, put your foot down

    Make sure that in your. Mosdos by contract only chassidishe music and atmosphere.
    You can do it. Make it very clear to the younger impressionable generation that it’s not ok, and if some people are in transition from being Lubavitch into something else should take the weddings somewhere else if they don’t like it

    to #71
    Guest
    to #71

    hey, don’t let the door hit you when u leave.

    Seriously, that’s nonsense – the grass is NOT greener on the other side.

    You need to discuss this more with some heavy duty mashpiim that understand the issues today.

    To #43
    Guest
    To #43

    High-Five!! 🙂

    Do you need a hug?

    I have to say...and sadly
    Guest
    I have to say...and sadly

    When the well known band at my youngest daughter’s wedding a few years ago started to get more disco-y by the second dance, my Husband went over to the leader and asked him to change the music. When I discussed it with him later he had the chutzpah to tell me that this is what the chosen and kallah had said they wanted and he felt that it was his responsibility to make them happy!! Frankly I think that the musicians have a large part to do with this terrible situation and encourage the dancing and the behavior with the… Read more »

    My observation why it happens
    Guest
    My observation why it happens

    The popular musicians want to stay in the biz so they do what they think will make them popular.
    My friend said, “That’s what my kid wants. It’s his day, I hv to do what he wants”

    Article picture
    Guest
    Article picture

    Who are these bochurim dancing? Where did they buy their red “shlaykis”???

    Live and let live
    Guest
    Live and let live

    If you don’t like the way a wedding is done, make yours differently. Stop trying to live other people’s lives for them in the name of Rebbe. Oh, but then you can’t control everyone? Aw shucks.

    I agree. Its out of hand and a big Busha
    Guest
    I agree. Its out of hand and a big Busha

    We are Chosids not mizrachi. Let’s act accordingly!

    to 39 from 15
    Guest
    to 39 from 15

    Let’s not mix with IFS? Then what if I tell you that the Rebbe IS at every wedding..he’s watching sadly from gan eden how his chassidim are dancing happily at their weddings with goishe music..

    To #83
    Guest
    To #83

    Tottaly agree it should be onli nichoach

    The Rebbe pic
    Guest
    The Rebbe pic

    I was sure s/o would mention: O,T, ballroom has a gorgeous picture of the Rebbe. Surely ppl wd want the rebbe to hv Nachas at their wedding. (Likely the letter from the Rebbe was read under the Chuppa)
    B”H there are thousands who DO enjoy and dance feverenly to Chabad niggunim as I witnessed the daning at Simchas Beis Hashoeva 2-6AM!

    to #93
    Guest
    to #93

    Why do you blame the musician for listening to your daughter, instead of blaming your daughter for ignoring your wishes?

    then STOP attending weddings!!!
    Guest
    then STOP attending weddings!!!

    find something better to do with your time. maybe have a drink and let loose and dance instead of sit on the side judging and making problems.

    to number 92!
    Guest
    to number 92!

    YES!!! i do need a hug 🙂

    to Number 66
    Guest
    to Number 66

    interesting. I am a woman, i read the Article and at no point did i feel Rabbi Shusterman was referring to the women. In fact being he said he was watching the dancing, i naturally assumed that it was the music and the mens dancing that he was referring to. He did mention some family dancing on Kallah side but the inappropriate dancing was not especially referring to us women. Having said that I agree with him totally, that on both sides of the mechitza there could be improvements in dancing. those that are so on the defensive that u… Read more »

    Thank you!
    Guest
    Thank you!

    Thank you Rabbi Schusterman. These topics need to be discussed and ‘farbrenged’ about more frequently across the globe. The future of Lubavitch is quite unsettling…

    Food for thought
    Guest
    Food for thought

    To all of you out there who are trying to belittle and play down the wedding situation, and all it entails,I have this to say; Why is it, that because it could be worse, e.g. the comment that sadly announced that we should be grateful that our children are not marrying goyim c”v,! ! or how much worse the ‘real’ disco music/lights are out there, etc, really have to get their acts together, and rethink their whole attitude! Because it could be worse, we should be ‘grateful’ for the current sad situation that our youngsters are seeking and achieving in… Read more »

    Sigh
    Guest
    Sigh

    It seems by these comments that people just sit and watch others so they can criticize instead of enjoying themselves.

    light a candle-don't curse the darkness
    Guest
    light a candle-don't curse the darkness

    You describe the music and dancing as like a disco. Last night, I saw a video with Rabbi Yitzchok Dovid Grossman, sheyichye, dancing with people at a disco to encourage them to be more religious.Do you know what experiences and influences these people had? Do you know if they learn Torah now? Maybe the next time you or someone sees people who are dancing in a non-chassidishe way, speak to them nicely and ask how they are doing, if they are lerning any Torah now (just because they went ot yeshivas and seminaries does not mean they are still learning),… Read more »

    To
    Guest
    To

    #4: are you my Shviger by any chance? The only thing that tells me you’re not is that u don’t usually post on col
    #33: I relate. I too was very bothered at how the music turned out VERY different than my parents and I had specifically requested. (Except that I stayed on the dance floor just because I rathered not make a fuss)

    what rabbi Shusterman isn't getting
    Guest
    what rabbi Shusterman isn't getting

    Rabbi Shusterman grew up seeing all non Lubavitchers flee ch so he thinks what’s left now is only Lubavitch. There are many small kehilas in crown heights these days that are not Lubavitch. Their shuls may still be davening from a nusach ari siddur and the congregants may have spent their younger years in a Lubavitch educational institute but that’s where it stops. Some have their own rabbis and slowly they are opening their own schools in the community. They have their own standards and as lubavitchers we can’t expect them to be like us just because they rented a… Read more »

    OY OY
    Guest
    OY OY

    BH BSD GALUS IS DARK AND DEEP IN THIS, OUR LAST GALUS.MAY IT END IMMEDIATELY. THE FOCUS TO ACHIEVE THIS FINAL DESTINY IS ARE WE EXAMPLES OF TORAH LAWS NOT RABBINIC LAWS.. WE NEED TO BE DOING WHAT HASHEM WANTS US TO.LETS BE AN EXAMPLE OF TORAH ETHICS AND KINDNESS.ARE WE HONEST IN OUR BUSINESSES…ARE WE THOUGHTFUL AND CARING OF OUR GOYISH NEIGHBORS.WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH THE TIMES AND BE TRUE TO OUR HOLY TORAH..ITS WHAT WE DO AFTER SUCH A SIMCHA THAT MATTERS..NO IDOL WORSHIP…NO NON KOSHER ..WE CAN LET LOOSE AND HAVE FUN IN LIVING WITH THE… Read more »

    #78
    Guest
    #78

    Very long post, but worth a read. Hits the nail on the head!

    only in CH
    Guest
    only in CH

    Just Stop it! Look at any other chabad community and there is much more accepted. CH is full of externalities and fakeness. People need to stop wasting their time thinking about the nitty gritty and seeing at the end of the day people serve Hashem in happiness! This is why CH has such a huge problem with shidduchim and girls getting married! In France being normal people like dancing at this wedding is normal and there are many other stuff that if done in CH your looked at as being totally not chassidish. You need to start practicing what you… Read more »

    wake up call
    Guest
    wake up call

    It’s very simple to call the band and tell the leader with whom you make the contract that if there is a single note played that’s not “jewish” then you consider the contract null and void, and have it in writing, and then you won’t pay a dollar.
    The article is helpful so people can think thoughtfully in advance about what they want and what message is given and not get stuck in the middle with a surprise.
    hatzlocha

    Band Leaders Don't Listen
    Guest
    Band Leaders Don't Listen

    For the record, when I asked a ban leader to lower the music, he responded that his reputation is on the line and therefore, he can’t lower the music. This is the fact. So all those that believe that talking to the band leader will fix anything, you are wrong! This will not fix anything. If you don’t believe me, just try to ask the band leader to lower the music.

    helpful
    Guest
    helpful

    Helpful to think in advance about the keli we are creating with the chasuna for the couple’s marriage which goes way beyond the night of the chasuna IY”H.

    A Musician
    Guest
    A Musician

    As a musician that plays at many weddings, i can say that te weddings that have only lubavich niggunim are the most freilach and fun. Lets not forget that a wedding is a holy celebration, not just the chupa but the dancing as well.

    I have recently played at a wedding out of ch, there was a large non-frum crowd. They enjoyed the lebedikiet and danced till the end!

    We need to remember that ashraini ma tov chellainu! and be be proud of it.

    Simchos
    Guest
    Simchos

    In my opinion we have to start earlier than by weddings. We need to set standard by bar mitzvahs to have chasidishe nigunim and to FORBID any bars. By starting with this we will see changes later. The chasidishe yeshivas of our shchuna have the ability to enforce this and there is no excuse of the Kalah wants it. I was by beautiful weddings and bar mitzvahs where yossi Cohen played only chasidishe nigunim.may we all have chasidishe nachas from our children and grandchildren. This starts with chasidishe nigunim which is the pen of the heart

    Observer
    Guest
    Observer

    There are communities that have higher standards than Chabad. I was at a Bais Medrash (Litvish style, non-Chabad) on Simchas Torah and there was absolutely no alcohol to be found. We danced appropriately, with dignity and we all felt the presence of the Shechina with us. Truly a Kiddush HaShem.

    To 99 From 71
    Guest
    To 99 From 71

    Ur response just proved my point !

    agree with 119!
    Guest
    agree with 119!

    well said!

    Gershon Shusterman for President
    Guest
    Gershon Shusterman for President

    Looking. Forward to more articles. WE NEED YOUR LEADERSHIP NOW.!!!!!!

    to #110
    Guest
    to #110

    Oh for goodness sake! Those Yidden in the disco are Iy’H on there way up. Us dancing at chasanas like that…. So many excuses!

    Not to long ago
    Guest
    Not to long ago

    I was at a wedding here in Los Angelas.Both sets of parents were chsidishe shluchim but the music and dancing were absolutely appalling. When the Lubavitcher singer began chanting “rock your body” I left and I felt sorry for the Baalei Simcha.

    Go  Benshimon
    Guest
    Go Benshimon

    Before our wedding I went to his studio to show him what type of music I want. I was looking for Chabad Niggunim that are lively and elegant. He said that he usually follows the dancers. I explained thatdI’d like him to set the tone with his playing and he did! Our wedding was very lively, and it was also beautiful! For several weeks after, people came over to tell me that the music was so so beautiful. The dancing was graceful asn elegant jewish, lubavitch wedding should be.

    to I'm leaving
    Guest
    to I'm leaving

    I’m in similar situation. My spouse is not there yet but I’ve realized that while I will always remain Lubavitch in thought and practice I want something different for my children. The focus to be an ehrelicheh, shulchan aruch yid, is unfortunately no longer the primary focus. Externalities have seeped in and the drive today is not what I signed up for. Is there a group we can look towards that can help with the transition? I fear that if the transition is not managed well, it will be too much of a shock to my children and may end… Read more »

    Respect for the Rov
    Guest
    Respect for the Rov

    ! Take a step back. Be frum, be lubavitch, be BT, be chilled, call yourself whatever you want, but be respectful! The way people are talking towards the Rov has to change fast!. Please. (Not that it matters toward this discussion or my point here, but Rabbi Shusterman sits and answers shaalos from Lubavitchers in every time zone every single day! Its truly amazing and appreciated. Thank you very much. Tzu lange gezunte yahren!)

    Great Article
    Guest
    Great Article

    As usual, beautifully illustrated, Rabbi Shusterman. Always driving home the point.
    Hope we can all internalize this, as I find it absolutely beautiful to attend weddings that have the whole “chassidishe vibe.”
    If only the Rebbe could personally attend each and every wedding in Lubavitch…

    to #124
    Guest
    to #124

    I SECOND THAT!

    I 2nd Benshimon
    Guest
    I 2nd Benshimon

    He did exactly what we wanted. We chose all nigunim including nigunim that were not necessarily Lubavitch and it was beyond amazing. Not sure why people are blaming the musicians in the comments

    Commen sense is gone!
    Guest
    Commen sense is gone!

    This is unacceptable and by this I mean this article. Just to point out you shared an experience where you were next to a bal teshuva who asked “this is why I became frum?”. I for one am more concerned with commenter #1 who left Chabad and his family because of people like this then I am about this individual who became frum for the wrong reasons.

    I think before writing an article like this, you should consider weather your thoughts are inline with Halacha or rather the way one feels Halacha should be.

    Get a life
    Guest
    Get a life

    All get a life and worry about your self first! Tell others what to do, got us here with all these so called ” problems ”

    niggunim
    Guest
    niggunim

    My daughter got married a year ago not in NY. The niggunim and chassidishe music and singing she had at her wedding was beautiful. I was told by many people that this wedding was one of the most lively weddings they’ve been to. Last week I was in NY For one day. Walking down the street and shopping in a local grocery store I was embarrassed to see almost every single girl and woman not tzniusdik. I would Never move back to crown heights for my children to see the way people dress there. On the other hand when I… Read more »

    Respect for the Rov
    Guest
    Respect for the Rov

    I believe that the Rabbi Shusterman who answers shaalos is not the R’ Gershon Shusterman who wrote this article.

    Thank you Rabbi Shusterman
    Guest
    Thank you Rabbi Shusterman

    For another great article to get many thinking and then doing.

    to #43
    Guest
    to #43

    very true, thank you for writing this. I %100 agree, you summed up just what I was thinking. I cannot understand this entire article…I wish these things were explained more, because I cannot totally understand what he means. Chabad weddings are still very modest.

    We need more of these!
    Guest
    We need more of these!

    Rabbi Shusterman, keep writing!! Hopefully this way we will bring more awareness and bring up our standards. It is obvious from the comments that so many people have noticed this problem and want it to stop.

    to 71
    Guest
    to 71

    I am sorry for your kid – I can relate but 99 has a point – grass is REALLY not greener out of CH. I’m sorry you want to leave – but I can almost guarantee you it will not be better elsewhere. Yes, other hoods have better this and better that – granted – everything has its pros and cons. Yes, CH too! I think you need to really look deep into this before you throw in the towel. I wish you mazel and sorry again for your kid – if It helps, I lost a kid to the… Read more »

    Besides the Point
    Guest
    Besides the Point

    Is the father dancing with the bride really the problem? Or the music? Maybe it is….but in my eyes, it’s a little deeper than that. I’ve been to plenty of non frum weddings where the father dances with his daughter….where the wedding is mixed….where girls are wearing what would be deemed non-tsnius clothing and yet the overall feeling is that of respectable people coming together to celebrate a wedding. I have noticed a trend in chabad lately where girls and boys look desperate and rebellious and what we are focusing on is the length of the skirts, the music they… Read more »

    to #129
    Guest
    to #129

    That’s a different Rabbi Schusterman

    Rabbi Shusterman
    Guest
    Rabbi Shusterman

    A few of my children live in LA, and Rabbi Shusterman is their Rav!
    His answers are clear and concise, he is real, down to earth and understanding of circumstances and any given situations, and paskens with heart and common sense!
    Thank you Rabbi Shusterman, you deserve the utmost and highest respect, as those of us who know you are fully aware of.
    Your article is beautifully written and appreciated by those of us who know in our hearts how right you are, and we are the vast majority!

    #143 to clarify again,
    Guest
    #143 to clarify again,

    Rabbi Gershoan Schusterman who wrote the article and Rabbi Yossi Shusterman,the Rav who paskens shailos (note the different spelling of the last names) both live in LA.

    to #110
    Guest
    to #110

    There is a big difference between disco dancing in a disco vs disco dancing at an event called KIDDUSHIN which should have an atmosphere of holiness. There is a big difference when a tzaddik does something one time for a holy purpose, vs everyday people doing it for their own “entertainment”. Yes, there are stories of chassidic rebbes who made one-time visits to goyishe theaters or card-playing venues, for the sole purpose of pulling holy Jewish neshamos out of the mud. There are NO stories of any chassidic personalities conducting such activities in their own home or shul. The reason… Read more »

    I can say that
    Guest
    I can say that

    I can say that Chony Milecki played appropriately at our son’s wedding, as far as the playlist.
    I find the volume in Crown Heights to be louder than at out of town weddings.
    I also want to point out that I live out of town and when the young single girls come for dancing- even high school age- the dress and dance style leave much to be desired….although perhaps it does delight the kallah???

    Yossi Cohen beyond great
    Guest
    Yossi Cohen beyond great

    We married off BH three children so far
    And we only took the best and got the best !!!
    Thank you yossi Cohen for making our simchas so so special

    its interesting
    Guest
    its interesting

    While the topic of tznius behavior at weddings and in our daily life has been debated back and forth here on the forum ,
    most people are concerned with what the Rebbe would approve of.
    Maybe we need to look further and be concerned more about what the Abishter wants from us first.

    On the right foot!
    Guest
    On the right foot!

    Of course, often-times things have to be taken by the root and the cause evaluated. Rabbonim and Mashpiim/Mashpios need to reflect on how to make a Lubavitcher want to want the right things. Nevertheless this article is very appropriate and will/has already opened up peoples minds. Sometimes dealing with a symptom will also help the cause. B”H, at the recent (within two years) wedding of my son, we used Yossi Cohen, and the music and dancing was extremely Lebedik and fun, it was appropriate and amazing fun. The guests had a blast and do/will remember it for a long time.… Read more »

    a yeshiva bochur
    Guest
    a yeshiva bochur

    How is this article gonna change anything when people don’t care..You may ask why people don’t care? B.c the education system in Chabad is terrible..I recently hung out with a few seminary girls and was shocked to find out how far they are (tznuis is way gone but still the focus lol) I don’t get it most of my friends are not religious but they are not in yeshiva anymore.what’s UP with staying in the system and not being religious..

    On a side note...
    Guest
    On a side note...

    the Rebbe said that if we would only know how close we are to Moshiach, we would be dancing in the streets!! L’chaim to true simcha – the simcha of geula!

    Can anyone explain please
    Guest
    Can anyone explain please

    Why father can’t dance with his daughter on the side
    Or mother and son

    i dont understand..
    Guest
    i dont understand..

    please explain- why are people writing that immodest dress and dancing would PLEASE the kallah? why would such things delight her? can someone perhaps explain? i never heard of such a thing- for the kallah to be tickled pink and happy when her friends shake their hips? what is this? it increases the joy of her wedding day ?

    What?!
    Guest
    What?!

    To the ones who wrote that they’re leaving chabad..I feel like I’m going to cry. I remember when I was a teenager my friends asked my teacher , ” how do we know that our Rebbe is the true Rebbe? Maybe we should be following a different one?”
    Among her reasons was one thing that stood out to me I’m her reply- ” you’ve seen people leave their groups to be chabad, but no one leaves chabad.”
    I can’t believe it has come to this.

    to 148
    Guest
    to 148

    Its one and the same.

    Esther
    Guest
    Esther

    one who learns chasidus knows it’s not a steera-contradiction cvs.

    Thank you!
    Guest
    Thank you!

    Thank you Rabbi Shusterman for speaking up, to be honest I’m so immune to all this that I almost forgot there’s something wrong with it, Ty!

    The source of the issue.
    Guest
    The source of the issue.

    It seems to me that most people missed the main cause of this new phenomenon. Our children do not have the respect for parents as their parents had for theirs. If our parents told us that they want the wedding to be kach vikach we children wouldn’t have the chuzpa to disagree. Today, as so many comments testify the parents are at the mercy of the young couples decision as to how THEY WANT the wedding. the parents are at the mercy of their children becausr THEY ARE ENTITLED. sad but true

    THANK YOU RABBI SHUSTERMAN
    Guest
    THANK YOU RABBI SHUSTERMAN

    ALWAYS NICE TO HEAR SOMETHING FROM SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT GOD ONCE IN A WHILE.
    MORE ARTICLES PLEASE!

    to #135
    Guest
    to #135

    You call a Jew garbage? Every Jew is a precious neshama. Even those who are not yet dressed appropriately. Noach was criticized because he did not daven for the people of his generation to do teshuva. Do you daven for the Yidden you call “garbage”? I do-because some of them are my daughters. Yes, I would like for them to be more tznius and I cry and daven for them to be but we all have our tests. And even though they do not yet dress tznius, I still love them and admire their beautiful neshamas and the mitzvos that… Read more »

    WE NEED MORE LEADERSHIP LIKE RABBI SHUSTERMAN
    Guest
    WE NEED MORE LEADERSHIP LIKE RABBI SHUSTERMAN

    If Lubavitch had more leadership we would be in better shape. Today it is ok to be “lubavitch” but not frum,. Whoever heard of such a thing??? When you tell people off nicely, they say “don’t tell us what to do”. These frayaks are ruining it for us and our children. Its almost become optional to be frum or not frum in Lubavitch. I say like this: You want to go off the derech, you don’t want to keep tzniyus or your beard or halacha the way the Rebbe defined it, then you are not Chabad. Go to young Israel,… Read more »

    to 150
    Guest
    to 150

    hmmm… now i understand why you “hang out with a few seminary girls”…

    to the ones who said they're leaving
    Guest
    to the ones who said they're leaving

    I feel really bad for you. Come back!

    FFB/BT
    Guest
    FFB/BT

    I appreciated everything in your article except for when you mentioned FFB’s and BT’s. There are plenty of FFB’s with a taste of the outside wanting more. They are just as much to blame as the “fringe families” and BT’s who don’t know better or whose families come to simchas and don’t realize how inappropriately they are dressed and acting. This is a huge problem in Lubavitch today. Old Time FFb’s feeling that the new and modern BT’s are taking over and bringing in all the garbage from the outside. When, in fact, it’s often the BT’s trying so hard… Read more »

    Oye!
    Guest
    Oye!

    I read these comments and my heart breaks! What has happened to us? What have we become? How did we sink this low? and more importantly, what WILL become of us?? Today the term ‘Lubavitch/Chabd’ has taken on a completely new meaning! there is almost nothing left of who or what we once represented! Dare I go as far as to say that even the wives of our Shluchim leave a lot to be desired as our ‘role models’! take a good look around you and see what is happening! Rabbi Shusterman started the ball rolling talking about the state… Read more »

    with the old breed
    Guest
    with the old breed

    what is the problem and what is the symptom? It is sad when people stop to care how much more so when you add the name chosid or Lubavitch….well all the best to all of you.

    to # 135
    Guest
    to # 135

    Dear Lady, You don’t want to come to CH the Rebbes Shechuna, don’t come, but do not threatened other ppl with this silly statement. “I would Never come back to crown heights” #1) you WILL come to CH and lots of times. 2) I have been in Miami or Los Angeles, it doesn’t look just any better than in CH, maybe worse. In fact 75% of Chabad youth in Florida are ” Chabad light. In other states the situation il also not better than CH. so stop publicizing that you will NEVER come to CH, you are making a full… Read more »

    161
    Guest
    161

    Spot on. You took the words from my mouth…

    to #165
    Guest
    to #165

    You mention Shluchim/Shluchos as your “role model”, perhaps that is where the issues start. Shluchim were not appointed as the mashpiim nor machanchim of Lubavitch. They are on the frontlines fighting a whole different battle. Their battle at times requires them to get dirty (an example would be turning a blind eye to chilul Shabbos or or not being as machmir on certain hidurim that should be kept by Lubavitch individuals). This could be analgeous to foot soldiers (the Rebbe’s foot soldiers!!). I admire them for their dedication but when looking for role models, guidance, inspiration I wouldn’t hold them… Read more »

    Be thankful
    Guest
    Be thankful

    I like the weddings here however they come, loud, fast, whatever. We should celebrate!! A Jewish boy and a Jewish girl – married!!! Just look at the world. So many not married or mixed or marry/then not. It’s a hasnah, BH, celebrate!

    if....
    Guest
    if....

    We were doing what the Rebbe asked from us, a. to learn about and publicize that Moshiach is on his way, and b. Really cared most about what’s most important (and no, I don’t mean money) than the younger generation would be inspired and not be frying out.

    171
    Guest
    171

    Very true!

    to 160
    Guest
    to 160

    i love your comment. i daven for your girls too.

    Ugh!!! Yet another kvetching tznius article....
    Guest
    Ugh!!! Yet another kvetching tznius article....

    young ppl don’t do as the old ppl say… Now what? Let’s all shout at them and kvetch to our friends…

    I think the Chabad approach is to focus on the light not the darkness. Why don’t you compliment the young ppl for their energy and work with them to better channel it…

    Thank You For Expressing Your Fealings
    Guest
    Thank You For Expressing Your Fealings

    and please don’t be discouraged By Latzoni Hador
    we need to hear from people like you loud and clear
    THANK YOU

    to 169
    Guest
    to 169

    Very well said.

    ;;;
    Guest
    ;;;

    the things going on in crown heights lately are more important than the music that they are playing at a chabad wedding,

    THANK  YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Guest
    THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Rabbi Shusterman,
    You are a GREAT MAN amongst us
    you are not afraid to say the truth
    Kol Hakavod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Yossi Cohen!!!!!!!!!
    Guest
    Yossi Cohen!!!!!!!!!

    Yossi cogen is the best musician! I hired him for all my childrens weddings! He cooperates wit you and is a pleasure to work with!!! He is just the best musician!!!!

    Wonderful, but...
    Guest
    Wonderful, but...

    A serious article. Wonderful indeed. But why the kvetching? Please… no more kvetching. #nomorekvetching

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