By an anonymous bochur
A few days ago, I was sitting in our home kitchen, while my sister was chatting with two of her friends in the dining room. I wasn’t eavesdropping but part of their conversation caught my attention. Here’s how it went:
My sister: Well, I heard he’s the top boy in Lubavitch…
Friend 1: What do you mean? He has Instagram!
Friend 2: Yeah, and he has a smartphone.
After they left, I asked my sister about the conversation. It became clear that in their eyes, a single bochur who had a smartphone and a social media account wasn’t considered chassidish.
Do you and your friends consider yourself chassidish? I asked.
Do you and your friends have Instagram?
So why are there stricter standards when it comes to bochurim? If Instagram was inappropriate content and not in accordance with halacha, then it is inappropriate regardless of your gender.
I’m not saying that you can be chassidish and have Instagram. I’m asking why do girls think that what is ok for them isn’t ok for a bochur? Why do they seem themselves despite being Instagram while the bochur isn’t?
More than that: Why can single girls be comfortable with a certain level of chassidishkeit, but expect us bochurim to be at a level five times higher than them?
If a girl isn’t perfectly tznius, she is often forgiven because “everyone has a yetzer hara.” But when a bochur changes the color of his yarmulka or shirt, or wears black jeans, he’s dismissed as “modern.”
We are continuing to grow, and learn and develop. Please stop setting standards for us that are higher than we can ever achieve. We are not perfect and neither are you.