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Wednesday, 17 Iyyar, 5779
  |  May 22, 2019

    Was She Also Not Mentioned?

    From the COLlive inbox: A Crown Heights mother attended the end-of-year ceremony at her child's school and left unhappy. Full Story

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    school should be
    Guest
    school should be

    a preparation for the real world.
    good luck trying this method in the real world!
    boss I didnt sell any products this month, but please give me a raise for trying.

    Oh Please
    Guest
    Oh Please

    This american notion that everyone deserves a prize is what destroyed our educational system. In life not everyone is always honored. It’s part of life.

    different school
    Guest
    different school

    maybe you should consider a different school? a school which accentuates the positives of EVERY child…

    hmm
    Guest
    hmm

    Of course every child has certain qualities which make them unique. Of course teachers must recognize and nurture each child’s unique qualities. I’m not sure that necessitates every child requires specific public recognition of their unique qualities at a graduation ceremony. A graduation ceremony is a focus on the achievements of a group of children completing a course of study. As such, is a GROUP graduation ceremony really the place to publicly recognize each child’s unique qualities? Have we become so entrenched in a culture of self-expression that we don’t see the beauty of a group graduation? The fact certain… Read more »

    There is a Time for Everything
    Guest
    There is a Time for Everything

    School is predominantly for academia, therefore they celebrate those who excelled in that area.

    The artistic children get acknowledgement when they create art, the athletic during sports and the popular children benefit from their personality every day.

    There are many times for children to receive acknowledgement, and they should whenever possible.

    It is okay when academia is celebrated at a end of school event, because that is the primary purpose of most schools today.

    Imagine a graduation of 150 - speaches about each student ?
    Guest
    Imagine a graduation of 150 - speaches about each student ?

    Would you have the time to sit out 150 students mention of honor , it would take a full two days .
    be fair ! Beis Rivkah and all CH schools are the fairest in this respect, students are having to pat their own backs for what they have accomplished the time learning in BR .
    The best school “The Rebbe’s School”
    Thank you BR

    if you have a problem with that...
    Guest
    if you have a problem with that...

    … find a better school for your daughter! Don’t be afraid of the glares of distaste that you will get from your “fellow” CHers. Your daughter doesnt have to be modern or “frie out” to be pushed out of CH to go to an out of town school, she can just be a normal girl that desrves better! I’m very glad that you’re willing to accept the flaws of the Ch school systems… Thanks for writing this, but if the school won’t do anything about it (which it probably won’t) then you must take action by YOURSELF. Writing this article… Read more »

    Nebuch
    Guest
    Nebuch

    This is the preschool attitude, where “everyone gets an award because you’re all winners!”
    Really, some people are better than others.
    If everyone got awards by graduation, we would have know that they were doing it just because they had to, and it would be worthless.

    i still remember
    Guest
    i still remember

    about 40 years ago our bais rivka graduatiiing class consisted of three girls. one girl was awarded for being best, another was awarded for her efforts. Being the only one left out, my mother commented, i didn’t know my daughter is the worst in the class(btw i was an above average student) I felt worse for my mother then for myself.. , They didn’t even try to find a winning point for one more student????

    graduation!
    Guest
    graduation!

    i love my school ! we were a class of 33 kah and we all spoke! a speach no longer then 1 min but it made so mucch of a diff!!!! we all felt special!

    stop whining
    Guest
    stop whining

    It doesn’t work like that in the real world. What in the world are you complaining for? You want everyone to be equal? Are you for redistribution of wealth also?

    Why?
    Guest
    Why?

    Simple – life is NOT a fairy tale. its very tough. If you and your daughter have the inner confidence in yourselves – dont be upset. be happy of her own achievements. Comparing yourselves to others can be the WORST thing. I speak from experience. I stopped comparing myself to others and im succeeding in many areas =)

    YES!
    Guest
    YES!

    Thank you for posting!

    Beis Chaya Mushka
    Guest
    Beis Chaya Mushka

    Where every child is a WINNER!

    Reality
    Guest
    Reality

    In life nothing its what it seems, from experience, best of best at different point in life, has no relation at all of what one may accomplish in the future, have seen many of the best later no knowing what to do, and very standard boys and girls accomplishing incredible things. Learning institutions many times are blind and the future proofs how wrong they can be, its up to parents to explain to their kids this sad mistakes.

    so true.
    Guest
    so true.

    When one of my children graduated , he got chosen to speak on behalf of his classmates.it wasn’t because he was the smartest, he did well but there was those who did better. The principle announce at the graduation ” this is a child who worked hard at all he did,he didn’t always get 100’s but his hard effort and respect for others and the smile on his face is what we are so proud of.” this was the very first time i have heard a school reward a child for that. Don’t administrative realize how other children feel when… Read more »

    yes...
    Guest
    yes...

    I guess this wasn’t a bnos menachem graduation. At bmm every girl is mentoned for something special that they added to the class/ put effort into.
    Altough it is very understanable that bais rivks, with over 100 girls can’t do that. So my suggestiion is to make YOUR daughter feel specail and accomplised

    stop qvetching and complaining
    Guest
    stop qvetching and complaining

    Thank Hashem that your daughter is a good, average kid, who will, IYH,have alot of Brocha and Hatzlacha in her life. So she didn’t get recognition, big deal, don’t be a drama queen, and don’t transmit to that behavior to her. Teach her that humility and humbleness is also special, No, not every kid has to come home with an award.

    debatable
    Guest
    debatable

    but one thing is forsure, I could tell you are a Crown Heights mom even without reading the title.

    come to bnos menachem
    Guest
    come to bnos menachem

    in bnos menachem the girls are recognized for middos tovos and good citizenship.

    realist
    Guest
    realist

    every child definitely deserves to, but not every single one will- that’s just the facts of life, didn’t you learn them when u were in school?

    True but...
    Guest
    True but...

    As a parent I agree tat every student deserves to be recognized, but disagree because it’s imposible to do that in big schools. Yes there should be oe o two people speaking on behalf of the graduates. How exactly do you want the school to do it? In a lass of 120 girls every girl should get up and speak?

    Agree
    Guest
    Agree

    I fullheartedly agree that every student should come home with some sort of end-of-the-year gift.
    Although it is not as expected from the schools in general, as it is from THE STUDENT’S TEACHER, who spent the year with them, developed with them a relationship and who’s gift would be all the more meaningful…

    Read this article
    Guest
    Read this article
    I am so with you!!!
    Guest
    I am so with you!!!

    This is exactly the way I felt as a student in BRHS. Not noticed unless you did either someting amazing or something horrible. Unfortunately in a class of 130 its hard to be the most “amazing” at somethong. This is especially important when we are in a community of big famililes. There are many many girls who come from large families where they feel this way both at home and at school. I make it my top priority every day to make sure my kids know that i appreciate their specific area of skills. If they wont get it at… Read more »

    That would defeat the whole purpose
    Guest
    That would defeat the whole purpose

    of competitiveness. Yes, sometimes you need that.

    Great point
    Guest
    Great point

    every students special talents & abilities deserve recognition… especially those that need to work hard to acheive these goals.

    That's life!
    Guest
    That's life!

    Sorry but that’s life. You have to be happy with yourself internally. It shouldn’t matter what outside recognition you get or don’t get. These awards have such little relevance to who is successful later in life. Don’t make an issue over it. It isn’t possible to recognize everyone who deserves it. Just be sure that YOU verbally recognize what your child has accomplished and that will be more meaningful to him/her than public accolades.

    Meir
    Guest
    Meir

    BS”D I would concede that you might have a point if your observations and sentiments are based on the entire school year and and not just one isolated event, that being graduation which lets face it that is a time honored event that honors the best. I would venture to guess that in the daily classroom routine each student was loved and singled out by the teachers and their unique qualities recognized. If that be the case how can a 2 hour event destroy that. In fact it is probably beneficial as the child learns to go thru life with… Read more »

    Omg!!!!
    Guest
    Omg!!!!

    This is so ceazily true!!! It happened by bais rivka graduation and it was verrrrrry unfair!

    student
    Guest
    student

    bs”d

    as MY teacher said at the end of this year, “if ii gave everyone a reward it would take away the affect” (or something like that) the resin for rewards is to acknowledge an excellence and encourage others to strive to be like him/her , and if everyone dot it it would loose that effect.

    Lamplighters, baby!
    Guest
    Lamplighters, baby!

    That’s the answer.

    couldn't agree more
    Guest
    couldn't agree more

    Well said. Unfortunately all schools are like that. I am in Australia and the same happened when all my children graduated. It was always the same children chosen to either speak or get awards but here they add one more criterion. Being from the “right” chosen family. Sad.

    Go BR Montreal!
    Guest
    Go BR Montreal!

    Rabbi Minkowitz called up every single girl individually, and said something so beautiful and true about each graduate! The girls felt amazing, and had huge smiles on their faces. Thank you so much Rabbi and Mrs. Minkowitz and the entire Bais Rivkah Montreal staff for not just teaching, but for being such great living examples!

    conservative
    Guest
    conservative

    This notion of yours is African American. thinking you deserve everything.
    People that came from Europe after the war knew that the only way to make it is by working hard, and if you work hard and you don’t make it then you work harder. This idea that every child should be given a prize is what makes this generation into food stamp lazy nation………
    teach your child that about the real world, don’t let them live in lola land.

    Even from the worst a lesson can be learnt.
    Guest
    Even from the worst a lesson can be learnt.

    “When Shach was asked about opening a yeshiva exclusively for gifted boys, he said that it is impossible to know beforehand who will grow in Torah knowledge and who will not, and that all boys should therefore be given equal opportunities.”

    Sounds familiar...
    Guest
    Sounds familiar...

    Nu – this sounds like, “Why can’t EVERYONE bring the firepan… WE are all just as good as THEY!” …Tohu In life, it just happens that we don’t always receive the recognition/honor we may feel we deserve. What lesson are you teaching your child to expect in life – that they and their work is nothing without recognition… or in comparison to others? “So why try?” may then become your child’s attitude, c’v. …And those who give recognition to others, “but not to me,” are to be scorned? …Same with those who you might perceive as the “winners”? Such a… Read more »

    Proud Father
    Guest
    Proud Father

    At my son’s mesivta graduation at YOEC, the Rosh Mesivta, Rabbi Amram Farkash spoke a very brief few words about each bochur as he presented their diplomas. It was very nice to be so inclusive.

    Thank you for sharing
    Guest
    Thank you for sharing

    Amazing what positive reinforcement could do for everyone especially in those crucial years of development. All children can be winners, and go out into the world and make a difference. Lets strive to make them all know the truth they are winners!

    Bnos Menachem !!
    Guest
    Bnos Menachem !!

    Proud to be a Parent and connected with this very special Moised ..that Yes.. did recognize every student ..by allowing each to either Thank a Principal ,Teacher or other staff or with a short mention of the Rebbeim and their work ..every student had a chance to shine ! It was followed by a Chosen HayomYom for each student and mention of each girls koichois and accoplishments the past 4 years shared beautifully by a very devoted and hands on Principal Mrs. Majesky . The Chassidisha and very caring Mechanchois we were lucky to have, gave so much beside the… Read more »

    Agreed
    Guest
    Agreed

    This article couldn’t have been written any better.
    This describes my life at school.

    Well said
    Guest
    Well said

    Every word said by this mother is one hundred percent agreed.
    Kol hakavoad to you. It took guts. But unfortunately I have to say this is true with many of our schools here in crown heights

    THANK YOU!!
    Guest
    THANK YOU!!

    I am a student here in crown heights and I try my best in everything I do. And it is extremely hard for me to see the girls one by one receiving recognition, every single girl deserves something

    So true agreed
    Guest
    So true agreed

    Well said. I agree on every single word of this. Kol hakavoad

    to #25
    Guest
    to #25

    exactly and this yr on the last day of school a few girls were given books/awards for different things but wat was so disgusting was that it was all the girls u wud EXPECT- every single year getting a reward……………….

    disappointed mom
    Guest
    disappointed mom

    Children are a product of their home and school combined and they need positive reinforcement from both. It’s not fair to say they should be given a taste of the harsh unfairness of the real world out there when they are but young saplings, still in the developmental stage of life. IF they are nurtured and given the proper support and encouragement when they’re young, THEN they’ll have the tools to engage the unfairness of the real world as adults with healthy self esteem. The years until adulthood strengthen a child’s conviction and boost their self esteem. It’s a well… Read more »

    go to
    Guest
    go to

    go to bnos menachem they recognize each child!

    I'm not alone
    Guest
    I'm not alone

    I felt the same way when I attended my daughters graduation. I left with such a negative feeling. Every girl can get a sentence of recognition as they are being called up to get their sefer and/ or diploma. Have one less speech and use the time to recognize each girl for something. Bnos Menachem had a beautiful graduation.

    Happy mother
    Guest
    Happy mother

    This mother is a true inspiration for all of us.
    We have to tune into what she so saying and help our schools!!! Thank you.

    Bnos Menachem !!
    Guest
    Bnos Menachem !!

    Proud to be a Parent and connected with this very special Moised ..that Yes.. did recognize every student ..by allowing each to either Thank a Principal ,Teacher or other staff or with a short mention of the Rebbeim and their work ..every student had a chance to shine ! It was followed by a Chosen HayomYom for each student and mention of each girls koichois and accoplishments the past 4 years shared beautifully by a very devoted and hands on Principal Mrs. Majesky . The Chassidisha and very caring Mechanchois we were lucky to have, gave so much beside the… Read more »

    Collive needed an article like this.
    Guest
    Collive needed an article like this.

    My daughter received absolutely no recognition for all of the amazing work she has done modestly. She came home forms school sad about this.

    About time.
    Guest
    About time.

    Schools need to relize the students and how they sit and wait for their reward. I agree they can’t make every single girls speak but a little recognition would make a whole lot of a difference.

    Schools need to change
    Guest
    Schools need to change

    When a girl works her best. Reward is needed. She is not in the real world yet and this is what has to be done when a girl tries hard in high school.

    Teacher
    Guest
    Teacher

    From a teachers point of view, it is hard to reward EVERYONE. but this article defiantly makes us relize the impotence of recognition.

    School is for more than just academia!
    Guest
    School is for more than just academia!

    Childhood is precious, during this time the child can be molded into a gem or chas vesholom the opposite, during this time it imperative to boost the child’s self esteem and self worth, so that he/she will grow up with a strong character and backbone, at which point they will have the strength and courage to fight life’s battles.
    Do all you can to lift a child spirits at every opportunity, we live in a time where we can, we’re not fighting wars or running for our lives like our grandparents did in Europe.

    True
    Guest
    True

    There should be rewards for kindness, hard work etc.
    Not just the ones that god created them with a good head
    not just the smart ones that can memerise stuff

    watch a race
    Guest
    watch a race

    how many run the NY marathon? one person gets the 1st prize, there’s a 2nd, maybe a thrid runner up. Everyone else? they got exercise, excitement, but NO PRIZE and NO HONORABLE MENTION. Would there BE a NY marathon if only 3 people were running? Of course not. You need everyone, but only the best will win. If everyone got a prize, no one would try to be the best that s/he could be. and no one would be the best, just mediocre.
    Teach your child how to appreciate herself and her achievements, but don’t put a damper on everyone else.

    Move on!
    Guest
    Move on!

    When I was a student in Bais Rivkah 45 years ago….awards and certificates went to a select few girls…(not me). This pattern continued for many years and all my friends and I turned out to be confident, happy and productive women, even though we weren’t recognized for a specific area we might have excelled at. The problem today is the notion that “everyone is a winner, no matter what” Nowadays, in kids sports, they give out trophies to the losing team so that the kids shouldn’t feel bad. If you look at the older generation that had to “deal” with… Read more »

    Chovivei Torah Mesivta Graduation
    Guest
    Chovivei Torah Mesivta Graduation

    The amazing hanhalah at Chovivei Torah solved this problem: we didn’t have a graduation!

    Thank you
    Guest
    Thank you

    I think many people have been thinking this. I think to give the smartest people an award is not very fair. They should give it to the people who worked hard the whole year and did the best they could. They worked for it and for the smart people it honestly comes very easily for them. Also, usually the awards go to the kids with the big last names or are on shlichus which is unfair to the others. Each kid should be recognized in some way.

    It's Hashem we need to please
    Guest
    It's Hashem we need to please

    It is true that every child excels in something and for that they should be recognized, especially in a frum school where Midos should be included in the awards., But I’m guessing that it’s impossible to do that with a huge grade The graduation would just take too long. I would hope that the recognition is given some time at the end of the school year. At the same time, as #37 mentioned, I believe it’s important to teach our children that they don’t need outside recognition to do what’s right. It’s Hashem who we have to please. If mommy… Read more »

    so true....
    Guest
    so true....

    My daughter was in a class of 5 girls… in all her years of being in the school not a SINGLE mention. Couldn’t the principal think of something to award her for, for even one year?? It’s so nice to hear about large schools like Beis Rivka montreal where every pupil is acknowledged.

    The Silver lining
    Guest
    The Silver lining

    From experience: yes it would be nice to give a short compliment to each student which would build the students self esteem which isn’t that what we are trying to instill which will make a difference in the long run of a child’s life etc but let me add the following – lots of times the underdog makes it to the top because they weren’t recognized therefore they fought harder and better verses the other great students who take who they are for granted and lots of times are nowhere to be bound years later verses those underdogs are making… Read more »

    recognition
    Guest
    recognition

    An award from school is not meant to get others to want to compete for that title, it is to recognize that student for his accomplishments. This is not a race, where the best wins.

    I agree with letter writer
    Guest
    I agree with letter writer

    School is more than academics. In a large class of over 100 girls, there must be more than 2 girls picked for excellence. Instead of inviting a guest speaker to speak for an hour, it would be much more inspiring and less boring to include more achievements of the students.

    Same girl picked
    Guest
    Same girl picked

    In my daughter’s class, a class of 120 girls, the same girl was picked as valedictorian in 8th grade and in 12th grade. I can’t imagine how that is called “fair”, by any system.

    uhh
    Guest
    uhh

    If every child had been given an award, there would be nothing to it ! The best are rewarded because they tried harder if you stop haking a kap on col and start making her work she might also win
    Hey,you never know

    I AGREE
    Guest
    I AGREE

    You are 100 percent right. Every child deserves to be acknowledged. It’s not just the highest grades, but what about the behavior, chessed, perfect attendance and no tardiness, tznius, and so much more. Every child should leave the graduation with an award. If a teacher cannot think of something positive to convey about each and every student,he/she should not be teaching.

    To #59 - love it!
    Guest
    To #59 - love it!

    They sure did – but Rabbi Minsky definitely tries to recognize and work with the good in each talmid.

    to#35
    Guest
    to#35

    That fact that you bought up African Americans shows you hate people and article doesn’t mention them. “thinking you deserve everything.” I know a lot of people who think they should be entitled to a lot of stuff. Your bigotry is showing.

    READ THIS
    Guest
    READ THIS

    I graduated BRHS in ’85 with 50 other graduates. Some were awarded, some spoke, and others just sat there. I will never forget how in one of the elementary grades at year’s end, each girl was called to the stage at a school assembly in the auditorium. One girl received an honor certificate for ATTENDANCE. At least they thought of a way to honestly reward her efforts and call her up. Well, Bais Rivkah apparantly didn’t know how to bring about her inherent brilliance. She graduated HS with us without being mentioned, but went on to Touro (in those days… Read more »

    london England 20 yrs ago
    Guest
    london England 20 yrs ago

    It was the same girl every year getting all the prizes at speech night ( a form of graduation every year) . Didn’t bother us tho as she was the most academic and so this was her time to shine. However there was the school play for the actresses /singers , swimming galas and sports days for the sporty, art all over the wall for the artists, sewing ,cookery etc ….I say
    Bring all these subjects into the schools here in CH and everyone will shine!

    SMALL SCHOOLS NOT THE ANSWER
    Guest
    SMALL SCHOOLS NOT THE ANSWER

    although people say that its too bad on the kid that didnt get the award thats life…thats NOT life…what would it take to just call each girl and say something nice about them??
    and by the way i went to a small schoolthere were about 15 graduates…EVERYONE got an award and something nice said about them BESIDES me and another 2 girls…so to me THATS MORE DISGUSTING!!

    old timer
    Guest
    old timer

    one of the reasons i send my daughters to Beis Chaya Mushka is that the school teaches skills for life.
    and an added attraction is that each and every student is cherished.
    From the start of his nesiyus, the Rebbe emphasized that all the work of being mekarev another Jew must be rooted in Ahavas Yisrael. that includes our children and the schools they attend. let’s all emulate the Rebbe and his ways.

    Compromise
    Guest
    Compromise

    One girl speaks as ‘valedictorian’. Maybe 3 girls get awards (that are special because they are rare, and therefore will inspire others to work hard to achieve). That is consistent with real life. These girls are not ‘children’ – they are 18 years old!!! time to grow up and learn to deal with disappointment. Learn to know your own self-worth, and enjoy hard work and accomplishment, even if you aren’t the ‘best’. BUT every girl should have a personal, positive and meaningful statement made about her as she is called up for her diploma. That gives true, honest recognition for… Read more »

    My son!
    Guest
    My son!

    Yes!! I agree!!
    My son finished yeshiva and always on time up in the morning didn’t miss Seder learned hard did very well!
    Wasn’t rcognize like he wasn’t there I came from out of town
    There were only 10 mothers maybe
    no one said anithing only about the boys that they piked to speak it was really sad I wasen’t impressed at all !!

    Smart kids also work hard
    Guest
    Smart kids also work hard

    I think you are forgetting that the smart kids also need to work hard to achieve academic success. There are PLENTY of smart kids that fail because of their lack of interest or laziness.

    A smart kid has a special combination of being born smart + working hard, which deserves an honorable mention.

    NCSY
    Guest
    NCSY

    I work for NCSY Midwest. At our Spring Regional held annually in Lake Delton, all graduating seniors are recognized and given an award, even if they’ve only attended just one Shabbaton. They do it ‘min hakal el hakoved’ so to speak, and those that are more deserving receieve their award last. The staff work very hard to come up with something positive to say about every kid. Yes, it means I have to stay up till the wee hours, but every senior feels special and the effects (positive) are felt for years to come. Avremi G.

    A few years ago...
    Guest
    A few years ago...

    My son graduated from a large crown heights boys school. He was a very well behaved chassidish boy, very serious and great middos. Maybe did not get 100’s but did nicely and tried hard. I was horrified at the graduation that he did not receive an award or a mention.
    Then we wonder why some of the best boys just unfortunately drift away after a while. Thank g-d my son is confident and assured himself, and he was ok with what happened. I, on the other hand, was devastated.

    Beware of HS
    Guest
    Beware of HS

    It only gets worse in high school…….not only are they not recognized but they are made to feel like dirt. Apparently this is the language that the admins speak and they are ignorant in thinking that this will keep the girls in line. Proof is in the pudding, we all see how that’s turning out. No one in interested in hearing 20 minute speeches from 2 girls. Yes, it is beautiful to have a valedictorian, but 5 minutes MAX!! Nothing wrong with listing acknowledgments for different awards and then say the girls’ names. BTW, why doesn’t the English principle address… Read more »

    To #69
    Guest
    To #69

    Huh?

    Beis Chaya Mushka !!!!
    Guest
    Beis Chaya Mushka !!!!

    I was at their graduation, every graduate had a speaking part. Every girl was mentioned and thanked for their contribution to the graduating class.

    The warmth and camaraderie among the students was inspiring and exemplary. You can tell that the students were nurtured by a very caring staff that put the students first.

    Rabbi Levi Plotkin administers an excellent school, with great devotion.

    The size of the class makes possible things that simply cannot be done when you have 150 girls graduating.

    Each has its maalos… but thank you Rebbe for Beis Chaya Mushka!!!!!!

    to #35
    Guest
    to #35

    Are you aware that the majority of food stamp recipients are white people? Look round; there are no shortage of white people on food stamps in Crown Heights — and Boro Park, Williamsburg, Monsey,Monroe, Kiryat Joel, and Lakewood, just to name a few. Just out of curiosity, is the reason there is such a high concentration of food stamp recipients in Kiryat Joel because the folks that live there are all about self-esteem and rewarding every child? I didn’t think so. But hey, never mind the facts; any chance you can get to broad brush millions of black people,no matter… Read more »

    problem
    Guest
    problem

    in a school like beis rivka, when there’s 150 students in a grade, how is each girl supposed to be recognized? You’ll be sitting in that graduation for a year if they did. In schools so big, it’s hard to be recognized like that. You either do something amazing or horrible to be recognized

    how
    Guest
    how

    how are you supposed to recognize every girl when theres like 150 graduating? Small schools are the answer, every girl gets recognized for SOMETHING

    Correct
    Guest
    Correct

    This article has proven what crown heights schools have been like. Recognizing the Girls who they think should be recognized. It leaves a sour feeling when a girl does not get recognized

    Dear anonymous mother
    Guest
    Dear anonymous mother

    Your are a hundred percent right. I am so happy to see somebody else is in the same boat as my daughter and I. Kol hakavoad for you to right this. You are a inspiration for your children.

    Smart parent
    Guest
    Smart parent

    Thank you for posting

    thank you for bringing it up
    Guest
    thank you for bringing it up

    It happend to me and my daughter also. she was the best in the class ( I always have to pay full full tuission) in everything but just we are sefaradic and not related to the principle or the whole gang of bet rivka so my daughter wasnt mentioned in any awards and when I asked them to mention her name at leaset for being good in on thing they didnt its all discrimination its all about gangs of chabad I wish the rebbe was here to see this this is not what he wanted.

    Great
    Guest
    Great

    It’s a shame our schools are like this. It pushut hurts the girls so much

    agree with the author!
    Guest
    agree with the author!

    really big shame…

    I guess
    Guest
    I guess

    I guess you are not related to any of the staff or faculty.
    I am really sorry for to see this in a community that only brings chessed to outside of crowheights and nothing fo inside.

    Thank you
    Guest
    Thank you

    It took guts, but you posted it. Kol hakavoad

    Recognition
    Guest
    Recognition

    It doesn’t matter if you vote ye or nay on this issue. It’s a small community, and administration should make every effort to be inclusive, not divisive. It’s also not that an exceptional student shouldn’t be recognized, but the master of ceremonies should say something special to praise ALL of the girls simultaneously for their commitment and effort. Demonstratively over the years, administration is simply insensitive to other people’s feelings, and that is the root cause for many rebellious attitudes in this community.

    A Mother
    Guest
    A Mother

    Some of my daughters also worked consistently hard throughout high school and achieved excellent marks, yet were not mentioned at graduation. They had the same reaction that, either one had to be the best or the worst to be recognized. But, in college, all my children were recognized for their hard work, given monetary rewards, and given scholarships.

    TO NUMBER 2
    Guest
    TO NUMBER 2

    that is disgusting. every person what so ever should be rewarded in some way or the other. i know me personally, when almost everyone is getting a reward and i was always left out, i always felt terrible. i always wanted to be acknowledged.

    Seriously?
    Guest
    Seriously?

    All ways remember that you are unique… just like everyone else.
    If you want your average child to feel special, make sure they know that their efforts are being recognized by family and loved ones. The world does not and should not celebrate mediocrity… or graduations would be even longer and even more boring than they already are.

    Astonished
    Guest
    Astonished

    I am astonished that we feel every person should get an award. What kind of generation are we raising? People work hard – not for the REWARD – but for the greater gains, like education, mitzvahs, self-fulfillment etc. Awards are for EXCEPTIONAL accomplishments. The sooner we teach this to our children (and no, not every girl is a good singer, or dancer, or artist, or writer either!!) the greater will be their ability to handle life, to accept disappointments without falling apart or screaming ‘foul’…. we need to be resilient, hard-working, accepting, and tough in this world. None of these… Read more »

    Right way
    Guest
    Right way

    girls in high school work extremely hard and wait for a little something to reward them. Yes, this mother is right on!

    Who cares!
    Guest
    Who cares!

    The girls that graduated with me in high school who were honored and recognized repeatedly, both in 8th grade and 12th grade are mediocre now. The awards at BR’s graduation mean nothing in the grand scheme of things….I was the lowest of the low in my graduating class and I am wayyyyyy further then 99% of my grade, thank G-d.. Use your daughters pain as a launching pad for her success, I did.

    mass recognition doesn't always work either
    Guest
    mass recognition doesn't always work either

    I was once at an OOT graduation where the Principal said praise about each of the 19 graduates before handing the diplomas. To my shock, after the ceremony a number of mothers were complaining, “THAT was ALL she was able to say about my daughter?! She praised her ahavas Yisroel, but that makes it sound like she’s a dunce in academics!…” etc. etc. etc.
    Complainers will always complain. Positive people will always highlight the good in situations, and their children will develop into positive adults with healthy self-esteems no matter what school they go to!

    If not now, when?
    Guest
    If not now, when?

    If the schools do not train their faculty and administration to understand what motivates children to perform and produce, then they’ll only succeed in producing such feeble minded commentators such as 1, 5, and 8; “Academically unproductive children will never be successful and therefore cannot be recognized or invited to contribute their Gd given talents to the community.”

    Come On
    Guest
    Come On

    Please just let it go! The school can’t honor everybody. Just let it go!

    This mother is one of a kind
    Guest
    This mother is one of a kind

    To all of the negative comments, they should be taken down and disowned. Every single girl deserves a award after she tried her best every single day. No girl should go home without and award.

    student
    Guest
    student

    I came every day on time did my work helped out whenever I can I volunteered too I tried my hardest to grow as a mosdest good person which I feel I am now after all this hard work just every day working on myself preparing for the wourld im about to enter into I feel like I wanna be recognized for my efforts say something nice about me I worked for years each girl deserves this at least and u know we do say something nicr about each one of us aappreciate what we turned out to be

    to 104
    Guest
    to 104

    How do you know that this girl tried her best every single day? Maybe she is a slacker who under-performed? Don’t judge the school administration if you don’t know the facts that they do!

    Comment
    Guest
    Comment

    Did your daughter get a report card? Did her grades properly reflect her performance? If so, that is the recognition she deserved.
    What I consider unfair is when a school gives recognition to the kids from money of the rabbeim’s homes.
    In my opinion, your way spoils kids and makes them unhappy with life, just like you seem to be.

    i agree with you
    Guest
    i agree with you

    every girl should get a reward or do somthing big they do give the rewards to girls that get good marks always

    to all the naysayers...
    Guest
    to all the naysayers...

    to all those who insist that “school is a preparation for the real world and therefore since life is not fair, neither should be school”: the real world is a tough place. you’ve got to be a strong person to stand it through. you’ve got to be confident and you’ve got to know who you are. school is not here to be a microcosm of the unfairness of the world. it exists to give a child the tools s/he needs to not just survive, but thrive in the real world. being that one of these tools is confidence, schools should… Read more »

    109
    Guest
    109

    go. to. Bnos. Menachem!!

    WHATS WRONG WITH YOU ALL???
    Guest
    WHATS WRONG WITH YOU ALL???

    I thought I would some caring and supportive comments. Wow, its like a shark attack on that mother. She is 100% right on. Every Jewish child is special and needs to know it! I know our Rebbe made / makes every one of us feel special and time he really didnt have but he did it because it is critical to our Jewish being. Now if the Rebbe made it important to spend 24/7 of his time for us then the least we can do is attempt to implement specialness to all our children. Thats all we have folks. Build… Read more »

    Sometimes
    Guest
    Sometimes

    People work harder than others and deserved to be recognized for it. It won’t be fair to the ones that work hard if everyone gets an honor. That’s life! If it’s a big school I can imagine why everyone wouldn’t be honored. Evenin a small school, some people are chosen to speak over others simply because they worked hard.

    a mother
    Guest
    a mother

    I attended my daughter’s graduation ceremony and she was praised for her efforts and achievements as a parent I felt really good and I noticed my child’s face light up I saw energy and chayus in her face and then I noticed that other girls in the room could’ve used this chayus too every person has something unique about them which makes them soecial every child at school grew a little more over the course of a year so is the academics what we are trying to instill in our children’s life or is it the medos tovos of course… Read more »

    Unrealistic!
    Guest
    Unrealistic!

    If everyone get an award no one feels special! And if you start listing the attributes of each child, it will take very little for the audience to figure out who are the real winners and which student are just being mentioned for “effort”. I don’t think the child who is a 70% student will feel good to get an award for trying! It would be almost humiliating! You can’t please all the people all the time!

    anon
    Guest
    anon

    At my daugher’s elementary school (non Chabad), the speakers are chosen by gorol so there is no chashivus in being chosen. 3 girls speak to represent the class not themselves. I was very happy with this method.

    Bais Rivkah Montreal
    Guest
    Bais Rivkah Montreal

    I agree with 34. At the graduating ceremony, Rabbi Minkowitz called up each girl as he so eloquently described her talents and unique points. These beautifully written paragraphs Were then included in the yearbook near each girl’s profile.
    Rabbi and Mrs. Minkowitz’ s dedication to each student is exemplary.

    Bais Rivkah Montreal
    Guest
    Bais Rivkah Montreal

    I agree with 34. At the graduating ceremony, Rabbi Minkowitz called up each girl as he so eloquently described her talents and unique points. These beautifully written paragraphs Were then included in the yearbook near each girl’s profile.
    Rabbi and Mrs. Minkowitz’ s dedication to each student is exemplary.

    dont complain
    Guest
    dont complain

    Just give thanks to Hashem for your health and your children’s health, for living in a free country, for the opportunity to sent your children to a Rebbes mosdos,
    for living in an environment with kosher food, diverse shuls, shiurim
    etc, etc
    If the only think that our kids have is Yiras Shamayim, ASHREINU

    I'm a teacher..
    Guest
    I'm a teacher..

    ..and here’s my solution to this problem. I make my own mini end of year graduation, just with my class and i present each boy with a certificate and a present. Each week a few boys get a mini certificate as well. I try to compliment something about their work or behaviour every day. By the way, they are 6 years old. As far as I’m concerned, either the child loves school and their teacher or doesn’t . That is the difference between success or failure of a school. Also, a class shouldnt have more than about 18 students… you… Read more »

    Wrong Debate
    Guest
    Wrong Debate

    I have a novel idea: Why not choose to select none of the graduating students for special recognition? We need to teach our children humility instead of elevating them on some superficial pedestal.

    Maybe one day, when they grow up, have accomplished something of noteworthiness or have given generously to some cause, and are worthy of such recognition, it can be bestowed upon them. Until then, just give everyone a diploma and have the teacher make a speech.

    Right On #111
    Guest
    Right On #111

    YOUR ON TARGET

    Negative
    Guest
    Negative

    Those negative comments are really getting to me. Why can’t people just understand? This mom is right.

    student
    Guest
    student

    i went to a not not Lubavitch school for elementary and wasn’t chosen to be valedictorian. i was devastated even though the principal said a short paragraph a bout each perso. now, a year later, i barely remember about it
    just get over it!!! your child will be fine!!!

    Guest

    if you really want each person to be rewarded, have each class have their own graduation!!! who wants to sit and here something about 149 other kids they don’t even know!!! (the problem having to prepare so many graduations..)

    People
    Guest
    People

    Some people just don’t get it – we are not speaking about 159 valedictorians the article is saying how each girl deserves an award because each girl tried her best.

    #111
    Guest
    #111

    Everyone go back and read his comment – couldn’t have said it better!

    Once upon a time...
    Guest
    Once upon a time...

    I was a graduating senior in a high school class of 500 (public school, obviously). I was smart but wasn’t valedictorian, wasn’t student body pres., wasn’t beauty queen. At a pre-graduation assembly where a variety of awards were given, I was stunned to hear my name called as winner of the Faculty Service Award. (I had helped out my favorite teacher with a bit of tutoring of younger students., and I believe she had arranged that award.) The applause of 2000 people as I walked up to receive that award still rings happily in my ears close to 45 years… Read more »

    well said
    Guest
    well said

    this article touched a lot of hearts

    Bais RIvkah High school
    Guest
    Bais RIvkah High school

    Bais rivkah high school does not mention a regualr hard working students, its always the relatives of principles or the big names, its about time the regualr nice hard working students get mentioned too! kids come home feeling sooo bad about themselves, its really unfair! each year the same three girls are mentioned:!

    127
    Guest
    127

    very nice

    to # 3, 8, 62
    Guest
    to # 3, 8, 62

    she is so right

    Really?
    Guest
    Really?

    I was at a Bais Rivkah graduation, also expecting for my aidel, hardworking, good student to be mentioned, and guess what? There was a special shout out to the children of shluchim. There was a chesed award. There was a tremendous recognition for a girl with special needs who did her best to keep up with the class. I left crying, but not with disappointment. If any school recognizes that academics is only a small part of success in life, it’s Bais Rivkah!

    wow
    Guest
    wow

    every principle needs to read this. Baiss Rebbe in Los Angeles NEEDS to read this. a week ago, by the reward ceremony, about ten girls got an award. many of them got one or two awards at a time. and then they did not give the rest of the class a reward. think, principles, think! the most important thing about school is building their self esteem. what happened to ahavas yisroel that the rebbe stressed on? is that not why it is called’the rebbe’s school? now it is summer. hopefully you will figure out a new system or else dont… Read more »

    yes...a compliment can go a long way
    Guest
    yes...a compliment can go a long way

    I have a small class and at my graduation there were a few girls awarded for different things-which most say shouldn’t be done because the’re getting awarded for a privilege- like being g.o, but fine we understand that and can live with that. Afterwards the principal said a few sentences about each girl when calling her up for their diploma, which is a nice thing to do.However, for some girls she wrote a whole sweet, flowery long paragraph about the girl and for very few girls she wrote a short cold sentence- literally. You can imagine how those few girls,… Read more »

    No great memory of my graduation
    Guest
    No great memory of my graduation

    We were a graduating class of about 17 girls

    14 girls received awards

    Myself and three others were left standing on the stage for what felt like an eternity while the others were called up in a group

    About 32 years have passed …I still remember the feeling of numbness ….

    I have no clearer understanding of this now than I had then

    Not a great memory

    I

    IT ONLY GETS BETTER
    Guest
    IT ONLY GETS BETTER

    if there are 120 girls in the class, is it worth it to make 5 feel special while making 115 students and mothers feel NOT special? I dont believe that girls try harder in the hope that they will be picked to be one of the top 5, and if they did, it would be sad because it probably wouldn’t help. For everyone who says “it’s real life” – NO IT’S NOT! I wish girls would know that it only gets better. that even if you were a nobody in school and not most popular/smartest/most talented.. you will find your… Read more »

    To #3
    Guest
    To #3

    Bnos Rabbeinu!!! Everyone gets the specific attention they need, even though its a small school.

    agree with number 4
    Guest
    agree with number 4

    except for – “I think emphasizing the unique qualities of every child would undermine the achievement of those who who exerted effort in building beyond their natural talents.” the ‘exerted efforts’ line isn’t always true. sometimes kids are gifted and their natural talents alone effortlessly puts them on top. while i agree that a graduation is not the time to award people for talents which aren’t academically related, a parent should make a conscious effort to find an area for their daughter/son where they do stand out give them a taste of programming maybe or a little bit of marketing.… Read more »

    to #135
    Guest
    to #135

    that is a very unfair experience to put someone through.
    just poor decision making by whoever ran your graduation.

    to #133
    Guest
    to #133

    thank you sooo much for writing that!! I totally agree with you. Their system is extremely unfair. That school has got to change. The schools should care about each child individually. That is what the Rebbe would have wanted.

    Competitveness always has a sad ending.
    Guest
    Competitveness always has a sad ending.

    Competitiveness leads to jealousy, which leads to self hate, which leads to self destruction. Look at the stories of many drug addicts, or better yet: look at the stories of those who have ended their lives. They all share in common one thing: They felt inferior to others, and no one gave them recognition.

    Instead of having this prize system, give a nice gift to every single student and call all of their names to come up to the stage and collect their gift. Very simple.

    problem worldwide
    Guest
    problem worldwide

    my daughter has long left the school system but i stopped going to end of year presentation because it was the same girls getting the same awards, like the writer my daughter was a good girl, did well and tried her hardest, yet not once in all the years did she get recognition, it was always the same girls so after two years in high school i quit going. i did speak to the principle and some teachers but nothing was done…in 50 years time someome else wlll be writing the same thing again…..

    X