Create Account
ב"ה
Tuesday, 20 Tammuz, 5779
  |  July 23, 2019

    To the Woman on the Bus…

    From the COLlive inbox: "I hope you will read this in time before Yom Kippur, remember the incident and forgive me." Full Story

    Donors Dine at Construction Site

    Next Story »

    My Fellow Shliach, Motty

    35
    Opinions and Comments

    To keep track of your comments, follow a conversation or flag a comment Login
    avatar
      Subscribe  
    newest oldest most voted
    Notify of
    woow im inspiered
    Guest
    woow im inspiered

    a chosid is not a malach a choside is someone who cares!
    may moshiach come very soon!

    the woman -Mrs Yenta- on the Bus
    Guest
    the woman -Mrs Yenta- on the Bus

    My car broke down 5-6 years ago, I gave it in to a garage in BP, (post Zelig Rivkin ,prior to Hershkop) , and I took the CH bus back to CH, a woman came on the bus right in the beginning @ 50th and 13 Av, she started talking and did not stop till I went off in CH, although she sat a few chairs away from me, she spoke loud and gave me ( and most passengers) a huge headache, when I came home I felt sick . Before Yom Kipur she has to ask me Mechiloh forgivness.

    good to apologize
    Guest
    good to apologize

    Better to keep your mouth shut…

    I'm Impressed
    Guest
    I'm Impressed

    We can all learn from you to make amends.

    Memories...
    Guest
    Memories...

    Wow I was actually on the bus and I remember thinking that this woman had been extremely rude to a mother who was clearly overwhelmed with a little baby and a young son. It’s nice to see that she was aware that what she did was wrong, and that she obviously is not a mean person by nature.

    For next time
    Guest
    For next time

    “If I embarrassed you then I sincerely apologize to you.” You say “IF…” Either you did or you didn’t, maybe she never thought about it or thought you are crazy. I see you really are sincere & feel bad, but “if” implies you aren’t sure that you caused her to feel embarrassed. So which is it? A real apology is “I embarrassed you and I am truly sorry.” I hope you see the difference, it’s something I am working on for myself & I hope you understand what I’m trying to say. Anyway, I think it takes courage to write… Read more »

    Impressive
    Guest
    Impressive

    everyone can learn from such sincere teshuva.

    Dear chossid.
    Guest
    Dear chossid.

    The fact that the child upset-ed you for standing is simply because of your deep love towards another Jew. you sincere annoyance proves that you care for him as though he is your own, that you even felt comfortable to speak rudely even though he was a stranger to you.

    To # 2
    Guest
    To # 2

    Now its time for you to apologize to me. My name is Yenta, named for my great grandmother, a very G-D fearing woman. I don’t appreciate you using my name in a condescending way.
    Yenta

    A lesson I've learned on the bus:
    Guest
    A lesson I've learned on the bus:

    The most disturbing thing a person could do is to scold somebody else to get up, while they are still sitting comfortably in their seat. I just love those ladies scolding younger people: “Why don’t you get up for this lady? Can’t you see she is older than you?” If it bothers me that someone is standing, I myself will get up for him/her. If I don’t get up, I will keep my mouth shut! Sometime it is hard for young people to be standing, for various reasons we might not know about. And sometimes the older person is not… Read more »

    To 6
    Guest
    To 6

    She signs her name as “the woman who embarrassed you…”

    to #2
    Guest
    to #2

    I don’t really think it makes sense to ask somebody to ask you for mechilah, that is a thing they need to do by themselves, otherwise it is pretty pointless, unless you follow the “make it till you break it route”. Either way, I’m sure that if you would have asked nicely, the woman would have been happy to be quiet, and, if not, then she is obviously very nasty and you should have rachmonos on her and give her mechilah or she is mentally disabled and you should even more so have rachmonos on her and have mechilah. Either… Read more »

    To #10
    Guest
    To #10

    I totally agree. I am a teen myself and hat it when slightly older (20’s – 40’s) people who just want to sit down tell the kids to give up their seats even when they are after a few mashkehs and have energy and the kids are exhausted for whatever reason. If the kids are sitting in a circle talking it’s one thing but unless the person standing is very elderly, disabled or a big talmid chacham

    beautiful
    Guest
    beautiful

    may we all be completely forgiven this Yom Kippur for sins bein adom lmokom and sins that are bein adom lachaveroh. Wishing everyone a Shana gmar chasima tova. I love you all!

    subject
    Guest
    subject

    Is the subject of this article child safety or your wish to apologize? or simply to tell the rest of us how annoying the woman’s behaviour was?

    to the observer
    Guest
    to the observer

    i have to disagree with most comments here.I think you were right to tell the woman that she should have got a seat for her small son after all safety is above and beyond anything.But why did it take you till you got off to offer her a seat…or anyone else for that matter?Its easy to be judgemental and say oh why didnt she get another bus but its harder to just be nice and say how hard it s with young kids to travel on public transport and assist her.easy fast everyone and a year of being kind and… Read more »

    To #10
    Guest
    To #10

    I am a “30-yr old.” And my knees are really not strong. I do not walk with a cane, Yet as young as I look, I have arthritis in the knees. And I agree that sometimes a young child has an issue we can’t see at first glance, a 30-yr old may also. What if she is pregnant? You cannot always tell right away. I’m sure what you mean to write, is that if any able-bodied person is sitting and sees an adult or young child standing, they should ofer their seat. HOWEVER: Just because that seat was offered, does… Read more »

     to #10/17
    Guest
    to #10/17

    As #17 had said, there are times when someone who looks young and have knee problems and it’s not noticeable. they may look young and healthy, but will remain in pain if they stand. I was in that situation after an injury, and then I finally sat down after someone got off the bus. I felt like older people were looking down at me, as if I had done something wrong. everyone comes with a package. some show it and others dont. we can never judge another person. Hashem is the only true judge, and may Hashem judge all of… Read more »

    just wondering..
    Guest
    just wondering..

    … do children (or adults) jump up to give their seat to a pregnant, woman with small children, the elderly etc anymore or is this a thing of the past? A while back, I went to the dentist (in UK). There was a lady in her 60’s standing and children and adults sitting on nice comfy chairs. I wqs so shocked, I actually did ask the children to give up their seat and was warmly thanked. But it took me a while to get over it….. where’s the basic mentchlichkeit? A gut gebentched yohr!

    Helping
    Guest
    Helping

    Your frustration over the way this woman treated her own son may have been justified, but we all have to consider what we can do in a situation like that. Anger usually does not help (just shames the person in public). You can offer the child a seat, ask the woman if she needs help, or even gently point out “excuse me? It looks like your son is not holding on safely.” That said, you obviously feel charata because it has bothered you for so long! The best attitude in life is: How can I be kind and pleasant? How… Read more »

    CHT
    Guest
    CHT

    The appology should be for assuming. Do you know where did they go and why? You need to know it before making judgements, even if judgement is done politely.

    to # 9 & 12
    Guest
    to # 9 & 12

    ‘Yenta’ has 2 meanings 1) a name, 2) a big talker, if you & ggm were called this name, probably you a connection, (we believe in Besh’’t that everything is Hashgocho Protis) so I do not have to apologize.
    As for telling her to be quite, at least 3 told her it didn’t help, but she’s not mental she’s just a big big Yenta.

    #17 is right
    Guest
    #17 is right

    I am going through infertility and procedures and although I am young and bh look all around healthy, most people on the train/bus won’t even offer me a seat. Every time I see an empty seat and take it, I really try hard to just ignore the looks, and tell myself I must do what is best for me. I can no longer offer young mothers help with their carriages up and down the steps since I cannot strain myself in any way, and I am sure they are judging me…. (I’m not even talking about not inviting the many… Read more »

    Amazed
    Guest
    Amazed

    I ma teen Ager and I won’t regularly get up on the train or bus if the bus is full but if someone asked I would get up even If I didn’t want it
    I’m very impressed with the person who ha the courage to call collive and tell the story over and I hope that person who was embarrassed should forgive them because it takes courage to do something like this

    Asking mechila doesn't work this way....
    Guest
    Asking mechila doesn't work this way....

    The article writer shamed the mother publicly, not only in front of strangers, but even worse, in front of her own children. She doesn’t have to ask mechila publicly in the same manner, but she does have to do it personally, not anonymously. I don’t know why people think it was brave of her to do this anonymously, after all, that is why the bullies who do their bullying on forums on the internet are never considered brave, just cowards, really, the same applies to her too. She should contact a Rav and ask a shaila how to handle this… Read more »

    Women on the bus
    Guest
    Women on the bus

    I forgive, however you should have given him your seat and offered it before judging. Hope you have a nice fast

    The Name Yenta
    Guest
    The Name Yenta

    Yenta is a beautiful name, but the Yiddish writer Sholom Aleichim ruined it by naming a meddling shadchante with that name.
    Worst still is the Yiddish writer who wrote the stories about the ‘fools of Chelm’, to get back at the yeshiva that threw him out!

    reading comprehension
    Guest
    reading comprehension

    The mother asked her son if he wanted to sit first…

    Asking for forgiveness- what not to do
    Guest
    Asking for forgiveness- what not to do

    I admire the writer of the letter, she asked forgiveness- so many people make thoughtless comments and never think of asking for forgiveness, My comment has nothing to do with her but on the subject of forgiveness I’d like to agree somewhat with comment #6- When someone really did something very wrong to another (much more serious than this article), so wrong that there is no doubt that they hurt someone, it is a chutzpah to say ‘IF I did anything that made you feel hurt’. It sort of turns around the blame onto the other person, as though one… Read more »

    live in CH
    Guest
    live in CH

    I would say that unless you can offer concrete help to anyone, best not to judge; you may have done the exact same thing if you were in her shoes; maybe she was coordinating meals for an elderly relative that had to be done right then; maybe she was going to a doctor’s appointment; why didnt you offer the child your seat or find something stable for him to hold; IM LO ACHSOV AIMOSAI; don’t sit in judgement; much better to act; look around to see if you can help out the situation; finally whats the point of the criticism… Read more »

    md2205
    Guest
    md2205

    When I have a procedure done and don’t feel I can stand on the subway or bus, I go to the seat that is designated for disabled people and I apologize to the person sitting there and I tell her I have a disability and I need to sit and apologize again and she gets up and lets me sit. Most disabilities are not visible and one need not be ashamed to tell someone you have one.

    yenta means
    Guest
    yenta means

    noble,rightous,one that why it was very pop in er

    eh nu nu
    Guest
    eh nu nu

    what if the victim doesn’t use the internet or read this? this is self-serving. genuine request for forgiveness would be to find out who the woman is and apologize to her. BUT your remorse is a step forward.

    Chaim
    Guest
    Chaim

    the bus is always late sometimes doesnt arrive at all a pathetic service old bus crowded, its like Russia in the 70s .
    We need a new bus, bigger and more professional

    to #33
    Guest
    to #33

    maybe it’s too difficult to find an unknown/ unidentified woman in a large community? maybe the unknown woman doesn’t even live in the community but was just visiting? maybe the woman asking for mechila is hoping that someone will be able to pass the message on to the appropriate party because they happen to know the woman and remember witnessing the incident? maybe the mechila-seeker is busy cooking for a houseful of orchim while you’re busy nitpicking? maybe…etc.

    X