Create Account
ב"ה
Sunday, 21 Iyyar, 5779
  |  May 26, 2019

    The Secret Group Among Us

    From the COLlive Inbox: There is a secret community among us, whose existence is known only to those in it, drawing no attention to themselves so they can best serve their purpose. Full Story

    Visiting Every Inmate in America

    Next Story »

    “My Brother Didn’t See Color”

    129
    Opinions and Comments

    Please Login to comment
    avatar
      Subscribe  
    newest oldest most voted
    Notify of
    an addict in CH
    Guest
    an addict in CH

    Thank you very much for writing this.

    Excellent
    Guest
    Excellent

    This article is long overdue!! Especially the part about recovery!! People need to become more educated in
    How to Deal with a Recovering Addict.It is simple AhavasYisroel to become educated and understand that a Recovering addict is usually on a very high level especially when he also has Chassidus in addition to the program!!

    yasher ko'ach
    Guest
    yasher ko'ach

    It feels like a lot of effort and wisdom was put into this article. It is surely to bring much rewarding results. Please let it be made available to mamash every person on the planet! Seriously!

    This needs to be shared with the NMB Community
    Guest
    This needs to be shared with the NMB Community

    The NMB community is actively fighting a rehab center in their community. The hateful and naive comments on Facebook about addicts is hurtful, considering there are many frum addicts that would benefit from a local rehab than having to travel far away, from the communities judging eyes.

    Thank you!!
    Guest
    Thank you!!

    Another tidbit about 12 step programs — they are centered around a Higher Power and actually can bring a recovering addict into Yiddishkeit! They have on many occassions. BH for all of the shluchim who have specifically dedicated their lives to help those in recovery.

    Thank tou
    Guest
    Thank tou

    I am so happy that this was put out.

    Shluchim
    Guest
    Shluchim

    Yes,a huge thanks to those Shluchim who are educated and are reaching out! There are,unfortunately,those who shun the recovering addict and because of their lack of interest and narrow mindness are causing Sinas Chinom.Education is the name of the game!! It can happen to the most chassishe families.No one is exempt.
    Thanks so much for this great article!!

    I am very impressed!
    Guest
    I am very impressed!

    This article is well-written and very cogent. Yasher Koach to the author!

    Very eye opening and well written
    Guest
    Very eye opening and well written

    Very eye opening and well written

    Helpful recourse
    Guest
    Helpful recourse

    MASK is a great org that has helped people in Frum communities and their families cope with and heal from addictions for over 19 years. Please reach out to them if you or a loved one are in need of help. 718-758-0400

    Anash
    Guest
    Anash

    Are there any contacts for Anash that need help with addiction?

    We need info
    Guest
    We need info

    As no community is exempt from having addicts within,there must be more education as to where to turn to for help!

    shluchim/rabonim/mashpi'im
    Guest
    shluchim/rabonim/mashpi'im

    b”h there are shluchim/rabonim and mashpi’im that are educated in this field, and are helping many many of anash of all ages and all levels. supporting an addict and the addicts family is extremely important. shuning an addict is catastrophic for an addict and no one gains from it.its just destructive and can become sakonas nefashos mammash. unfortunately not enough shluchim/rabonim/mashpi’im are educated in this field but they do get involved and causing tremendous damage to the addict and his family. so an addict who is working seriously the 12 step program will learn how to deal with the damage… Read more »

    I'm sorry
    Guest
    I'm sorry

    Look at Tanya or any part of Chassidus (IE the Truth) and you will see this not how it works. A Jew has to choose right from wrong and take responsibility and grow up

    guardyoureyes.com
    Guest
    guardyoureyes.com

    thats a website to connect to get info about getting help

    Great Eye-Opener
    Guest
    Great Eye-Opener

    Rabbi Shais Taub wrote an extremely informative book on this topic, it is a Must for ALL seekers for SELF-GROWTH to read it.
    the name of the book: GOD OF OUR UNDERSTANDING

    As Chassidm
    Guest
    As Chassidm

    Before an article like this is written, there needs to be clear black and white proof from the Rebbeim to support it…are there any letters where the Rebbe urged people to seek a 12 step program? How about any sichos? Where does the Rebbe say this is a more than a Yetzer Hara? Where does the Rebbe say this how to deal with such any issue?

    People need to be careful to see things as the Rebbeim saw things, then they can be dealt with in the proper way and with the proper attitude

    M'karev recovering addicts
    Guest
    M'karev recovering addicts

    recovering addicts are suffering – they feel terrible of their past deeds and are ashamed. Instead of ‘yemin mekareves’ and helping them, many because of ignorance are ‘smoil docheh’ and making their lives miserable. when in truth they should be respected for getting the help, and working so hard to recovery and are on a higher level than many others who are tormenting them.
    This article should be spread to all communities! Hopefully,this will cause many to ask forgiveness from the recovered addicts and change their attitude.

    Please spread it
    Guest
    Please spread it

    So important for everyone to know how to treat recovering ones. Educate your friends, your communities so that those in recovery should be treated properly, with sensitivity.

    to 11
    Guest
    to 11

    Guardyoureyes.com

    Did not realize...
    Guest
    Did not realize...

    The author kept saying that addiction is a disease. I hope it’s not cancer! What’s the official name of the disease?

    Very personal to me
    Guest
    Very personal to me

    My husband became an addict and over and over again I heard these “myths” just get over it, he’s not trying, learn Tanya. It was beyond detrimental. Thankfully he found a not Jewish support group who coincidentally had many frum and formally frum ppl. They’re stories of being shunned by their communities, misguided by their rabbis were all too similar. My husband was very clear with several rabbis in our community to not put alcohol in front of him or offer him l’chaims. But week after week a bottle of vodka was put right in front of him, people kept… Read more »

    I'd like to volunteer
    Guest
    I'd like to volunteer

    how do I help? Its hard to do so when it is so quiet.

    Wow wow
    Guest
    Wow wow

    This is definitely one of the best written articles collive has ever published.. Im very impressed kudos to whoever wrote this!!! Im amazed witht the fluency and clarity it was written in!!

    Thank you collive

    Ask a pro
    Guest
    Ask a pro

    The article was beautifully written. I just want to point out that not everyone who appears to be an addict, is one. It might be that this person is suffering from another illness and may be self medicating. Once this person has been properly diagnosed, they can function properly, if they are compliant with their medical treatment. 12 step program, should not be a substitute for professional help. I personally was labeled as an addict by amateurs who thought they could spot an addict a mile away. Problem was, when I went to an addiction specialist he did not find… Read more »

    Woow!
    Guest
    Woow!

    what an amazing article!! kol hakovoid to the one who wrote it!! very impressed.

    13 research shows
    Guest
    13 research shows

    In general there is much validity in this article. HOWEVER, there is another view point which sees the 12-step program as harmful to people. Anyone in it can hardly see it because of the power it has over them especially since they comin broken to the core.

    So, there is no question that folks ought not look down or judge or ridicule a person dealing with addiction. Simultaneously people ought to be informed that 12 step is questionable.

    thanks
    Guest
    thanks

    Thanks for the article.
    Is this also for obese men in the community.
    If so with whom do we get in touch.

    An eye opening book
    Guest
    An eye opening book

    Rabbi Shais Taub wrote a book that brings great clarity to the issue of addiction. G-d Of Our Understanding is the name of the book. I bought it in Hamafitz. A small buy very powerful book

    refua shelema!
    Guest
    refua shelema!

    May we hear good news very soon as an older sibling to someone with addiction this is so painful! Your article though, is very informative! !!thanks so much for sharing!

    Person in recovery part of this group but is not from CH
    Guest
    Person in recovery part of this group but is not from CH

    Beautifully written and %100 Accurate, it’s hatzolahs media nefushes mamesh, and what’s going on in CH is amazing , the most amazing people , IT SAVED MY LIFE !!! And I am greatful that have found this group and lucky to be part of them.
    Thanks for putting this out there!!

    Internet addiction!
    Guest
    Internet addiction!

    Great article! Inappropriate Internet addiction believe it or not, is also a mental disorder. The same neuro-pathways that light up from drug addiction, light up the same way with inappropriate sites. Do some research if you don’t believe me. Lustful viewings of Internet led my mind and heart to want more and more, to the point that I began looking for others outside marriage. I may be married to the most beautiful woman in 100 miles, but that wasn’t enough for me. I ended up checking into psych ward, had many anxiety attacks & multiple relapses that almost destroyed my… Read more »

    Hi, I'm Abe, Im an ---ic
    Guest
    Hi, I'm Abe, Im an ---ic

    Rabbi Dr. Twersky introduces himself like this. We all are –ics in a sense, maybe not an alcoholic, but not living with the truth and bitul and emunah that recovery demands. Some of the truest spiritual people I know are addicts in recovery. Their inner work is admirable.
    We need to understand and support them. Anyone can go on jewishrecovery.org, part of Chabad.org, to get a list of Chabad recovery rabbis and they will help you find other Anash or whatever you need.
    Wife of a recovery rabbi, in awe of the strong recovery people we work with

    Help
    Guest
    Help

    Depending on the addiction, there are websites for each one with meeting locations. Many meetings in NYC are frum.
    From there, you can be in touch with program members who have the same addiction. If you live out of a meeting location, there are phone ones.
    For Internet shmutz, feel free to contact me, lenegditamid100@gmail.com

    @#11
    Guest
    @#11

    There’s a Jewish out patient rehab in Brooklyn called the safe foundation. For in patient there’s chabad in L.A. for 12 step meetings google AA meetings, there’s a meeting at safe twice a week or NA meetings and look for kosher recovery. There’s also 12step affiliated meetings at ‘the living room’

    amudim
    Guest
    amudim

    Is another great organization wow what an article it really starts from the top I mean rabbis they need to be educated as an addict myself the hurtful comments received by rabbis is shameful

    A Jewish addict.
    Guest
    A Jewish addict.

    There are many recourses for Jewish people suffering from addiction. Rabbi Kessler in Florida, rabbi Lipsker in Pennsylvania, JACS, MASK, and many more.
    You can also reach me @ ajewishaddict@gmail.com.
    I am a recovering addict living in crown heights.

    Jung
    Guest
    Jung

    It is known that Carl Jung (one of the fathers of the recovery movement) attributed his pyschology to the Maggid.

    This is well written, Thank you!!!

    a recovering addict
    Guest
    a recovering addict

    thank you for this article. you have no idea how much it means to me…

    To no 4
    Guest
    To no 4

    You have a good point the numbers are staggering just onrvorganisation in Brooklynwith this issue is getting up to 50 calls a day if not more new cases in regards to an addiction so I have to tell you that if communities don’t wake up and realize that it is a epidemic it will just get worse and worse and worse before gets better

    important to know, but
    Guest
    important to know, but

    just a thought: to the author: surely you meant well, what you write about is very important, but you should ask yourself if those people who you say are the ” secret group” amongst us” are happy at all that you have decided by yourself to write up about them, if they are indeed living like that by their preference, then maybe you should not be writing so openly about them. Maybe they do not want any attention brought their way in public. Kind of hard to be anonymous, when people are trying to bring you into the spotlight. You… Read more »

    To no 14
    Guest
    To no 14

    That is like saying to an over eater u can’t eat point is u are the problem not the addict u are being ignorant as a person in recovery and goes to meeting this particular is 90 percent Jewish as many as 60 people a week wake up the smell coffee it is a big problem

    to no 41
    Guest
    to no 41

    ,how more discreet can one get, no names no pics.i dont see how anyone can have an issue of being publicized through this article

    To Commentors 14 & 17
    Guest
    To Commentors 14 & 17

    I am posting this to respond to commenters #14 & #17. There are times when one expresses an opinion and to the listener it is immediately clear that that person is simply not informed, aware or educated as to the reality about which they are opining. Your comments fall into this category. I am not writing this as a criticism of you or some sort of negative mud-slinging. It just happens, and I want to share this with you, that if you would educate yourself via direct experience with the field of addiction, via direct experience with addicts both in… Read more »

    To # 14
    Guest
    To # 14

    I think you don’t believe that addiction is a disease. The experts say that it is. And I would go with the experts. Now. Heart disease is, obviously, a disease. Now. If you tell someone to grow up and stop having the heart disease, will it make the disease go away? Diseases don’t seem to be moral failures. Whether the disease is obviously of a physical nature or of a less visual nature, the disease needs appropriate treatment.
    Treatment options may vary, but focused for the treatment is particular to the disease.

    GYE
    Guest
    GYE

    The Guard your eyes website is a helpful resource

    Studying to be an addictions counselor
    Guest
    Studying to be an addictions counselor

    The disease model of addiction is only one way of explaining addiction. I am halfway through my graduate program and personally believe that anyone can become an addict, especially for behavioral addictions (as apposed to chemical dependency). These are hard times for most of us.

    thank u
    Guest
    thank u

    i am not an addict …but have been to a meeting to cheer on a friend ……the aa meetings and support system r phenominal . the love and support u feel just walking into the room is apllaudible
    thank u for helping people be a bit more in the “know “

    Addiction is a word - not a sentence
    Guest
    Addiction is a word - not a sentence

    Very good article except is takes away all the responsibility from the person making it sound like they are monsters who have absolutely no control over anything. There are always choices that people make – even addicts – and these choices and decisions are what change the outcome.

    IMPORTANT TO KEEP IN MIND - FROM EXPERIENCE
    Guest
    IMPORTANT TO KEEP IN MIND - FROM EXPERIENCE

    I think it’s very important to keep in mind (this is from experience with my own journey). While yes, chassidus does have all the answers, tanya, and ultimately Torah. 12-Steps can be an option (but it is just that an option). From experience, 12 steps works, obviously for life/death addictions (Gd forbid heavy drugs etc), but it’s important for what. There are flaws with 12-steps, most importantly that it says “you are helpless.” True, depending on the addiction you may be “helpless”, but ultimately (if it’s an addiction that’s not like heavy drugs etc), the truth is that we are… Read more »

    you will never understand...
    Guest
    you will never understand...

    if you’re not an addict you will never understand.
    i’m an addict, i didn’t choose it, i’m ready to give it up today for all the money in the world, i want to be a healthy normal human being.
    thank you hashem for bringing me this program in my life, im now 15 months sober.
    to the outside world: stop judging, rather help
    many great rabunim support this program

    to#22
    Guest
    to#22

    I’m also the wife of an addict in recovery. No one can understand the pain and devestation addiction causes. So many people mean well but really have no real knowledge of addiction. One mashpia I know told my friend that being married to her husband,who refused to go for help,was her tafkid! Secondly,We the spouses can’t cure our the adiict although we can make ourselves stonger!

    Addict in ch
    Guest
    Addict in ch

    Thank you for posting. Huge painful issue.

    To # 47
    Guest
    To # 47

    As an addict, I sincerely hope you either open your eyes and mind or find other field. Please

    To number 41
    Guest
    To number 41

    In order to heal we must face the problem and admit it is a problem sometimes the addicts biggest problem is denial that there is a problem we as a community are also in a denial of sorts as many ppl are not aware of it.

    A Jewish addict
    Guest
    A Jewish addict

    To all of those who asked about it being halachicly permissible;
    I won’t delate Halacha with you. I will simply tell you to find a rabbi that you trust with knowledge of addiction and recovery, and ask them. If you don’t know of these rabbis, ask around. They don’t hide it. When I quit using drugs and alcohol, I asked around and found plenty of rabbinical guidance. If you want specificly Lubavitch, there is rabbi Shais Taub, rabbi Kessler in Florida, rabbi Lipsker in Pennsylvania, rabbi shusterman and many others.

    Great article.
    Guest
    Great article.

    Very well written and a very important article.

    Tshuva
    Guest
    Tshuva

    Any sin is a choice and so is Tshuvah!
    Anyone going thru the program and in therapy is higher than a tzaddik! Treat him accordingly!

    12 pesukim
    Guest
    12 pesukim

    rabbi schwei’s daughter, mrs ginsberg, ran a successful 12 step program based on the 12 pesukim.

    to #14
    Guest
    to #14

    i had the same question but came to the conclusion that what says in tanya is for regular health people. addiction is a sickness. so sick people have to eat different then healthy people and follow doctors orders.

    To 49
    Guest
    To 49

    Question: Do you know an addict? are you perhaps an addict? Well as an addict my self, I want to tell you that I dont have any control on my addiction. Although I am good at many things in my life, when it came to my addiction I had no control over it, from the first time. In short my addiction refers to inappropriate behavior on internet and etc.. I Learnt lots of chasidus and always was working on myself to keep back from my behavior, but to no avail. Until I accepted the fact that I am different from… Read more »

    with the old breed
    Guest
    with the old breed

    One of the best parts with AA, OA or any of the other programs is the A. the A is not Addiction but giving the respect to others by not giving or asking for last names. The fact that we all know each other can and has caused harm. We must not forget we are all brothers(and sisters) and we have the same father. There has been so much positive growth with in a short period of time. Keep going. This is what Chabad Lubavitch is all about.

    To #32
    Guest
    To #32

    You write:

    “And to the wives out there, don’t ever, ever think you know your husband that well. A man, is a man, is a man, and if there is such content, literally at his fingertips, he’s got to be herculean to resist the temptation.”

    What is your point with this statement? Are you trying to sow distrust among families? Mind your own addiction and let everyone else mind theirs.

    Everyone is presumed innocent (B’chezkas Kashrus). Don’t ever seek-out reasons to suspect your spouse of wrongdoing unless you have a very concrete reason to.

    Another resource
    Guest
    Another resource

    SAFE is also an amazing organization that’s very helpful

    Recovering Addict
    Guest
    Recovering Addict

    Hi, First I’d like to thank the people who took the effort to make this article a reality, and even more for taking the courage to open up a subject which most people try so hard to avoid even looking at it. I believe every article and every piece of information brought to the public, is a step closer to the solution, which is bringing awareness. Just a little piece of information which helped me understand my illness, I once heard a old timer of aa (which went and skid row and lost everything in life) sober over 50 years,… Read more »

    To begin with
    Guest
    To begin with

    How about not serving alcohol to young yeshiva bochrim? we are putting them in harms ways with this horrible habit that later on it becomes an addiction. If an adult mashpia can’t run a farbraingen without alcohol substences, it speaks volume about him and his message

    To #14 and #17
    Guest
    To #14 and #17

    I’m honestly curious if either one, or even both of you have had hemispherectomies. Neither of you understand a D*** thing about addiction, and quite frankly about life. Let me explain this is a way that might be understandable. Basically when a person is addicted to something it’s not a choice anymore. A lot of people who are drug addicts and alcholics are people who are in some sort of physical, emotional, or mental pain and the drugs are a way to self medicate. I’ve heard of people who were heroin addicts because they started off to try to alleviate… Read more »

    can one break from addiction alone
    Guest
    can one break from addiction alone

    is it possible to break from addiction alone, without the help of 12 steps? if i have a HUSBAND that claims he stopped can i trust him? HE went for help but not an addiction therapist? ,
    how can we trust any bochur for our daughters?

    Great article.
    Guest
    Great article.

    Very well written and a very important article.

    Family and friends
    Guest
    Family and friends

    dear family members and friends of an addict. let me give some advice how to deal with your relative/friend. an addict feels shame and guilt of his behaviors. he is crushed and broken hearted and feels terrible about him selfe. and these feelings of shame and guilt drive him to his addictive behaviors, and then feels more shame and guilt and then goes back to his addiction…its a sickle. by you you shunning him and judging him and putting him down not only are you not helping him you are actually pushing him again to his destructive behaviours, because you… Read more »

    chsidus
    Guest
    chsidus

    yes all the answers are in tanya and chassidus in general . but is learning chassidus yourself enough? or you need a teacher a mashpia a rebbe to help you find the answers you need and to help you apply the answers of tanys and chassidus in general in your daily life?
    in this case, you need a professional, a 12 step program to help you apply those answers in your daily life.

    A Torah Perspective
    Guest
    A Torah Perspective

    When such articles are written by frum people, there should be some mention somewhere that according to the basic beliefs of the Torah (רמב”ם הל’ תשובה פ”ה) every person has the ability to control themself. I am not disputing the importance of following a program to overcome addiction. We say every day in prayers “ואל תביאני לידי ניסיון”, and therefore based on the facts that we don’t yet know of anyone who managed to overcome addiction without following a program, it would be only correct to say that anyone suffering from addiction must seek help through a program and not… Read more »

    To #14
    Guest
    To #14

    I shoundnt be taking the time to respond to such an ignorant, attention seeking, know it all, and downright incorrect comment such as yours. Assuming that you understand that addiction is a clinical disease and that the nature of a clinical disease (such as a heart condition) has two aspects: one: yes, it is possible that a person caused that condition to himself through a lack of healthy choice. Bow, according to Torah we know that actually our choices have nothing to do with ultimately what happens (so even that is a far stretch to say). So that’s the first… Read more »

    a recovering addict
    Guest
    a recovering addict

    i am frum all my life. i went through the chabad system, elementary, mesivta, zal, kolel, and learned lots of chassidus. now in recovery i see sooo many recovery messages in a maamar, in the nusah hatefila. so much unconditional encouragement and love from the eibershter and from the rabbeim to EVERY SINGLE YID,

    To #27
    Guest
    To #27

    I was waiting for someone to write what you said. I was in a 12 step program for what most people think was a minor addiction, which I suppose it is. It doesn’t harm anyone except me, doesn’t disrupt my family life or work or anything. Except I couldn’t wait for my next fix of chocolate, candy, ice cream, chips etc. But I found that the strictness of the 12 step program I went to was causing me more problems than just being fat. If I didn’t call my sponsor at EXACTLY 11:05 every day, I was in deep trouble.… Read more »

    Go to yeshivos - educate the youth
    Guest
    Go to yeshivos - educate the youth

    Tishrej is coming, guests too …. Place little almost non alcoholic drinks on your tables , don’t let under 21 be drunk at your house -it’s not a hospitality ….

    Moderate drinking and be responsible for yourself and your guests

    so depressing
    Guest
    so depressing

    wishing everybody out there with these awful addictions a huge refuah shelaima and big hugs ! moshiach now!

    A Torah Perspective
    Guest
    A Torah Perspective

    When such articles are written by frum people, there should be some mention somewhere that according to the basic beliefs of the Torah (רמב”ם הל’ תשובה פ”ה) every person has the ability to control themself. I am not disputing the importance of following a program to overcome addiction. We say every day in prayers “ואל תביאני לידי ניסיון”, and therefore based on the facts that we don’t yet know of anyone who managed to overcome addiction without following a program, it would be only correct to say that anyone suffering from addiction must seek help through a program and not… Read more »

    #70
    Guest
    #70

    You are so on target!! If someone is in recovery and is doing therapy,treating them meanly and excluding them is Shfichas Domim!! Speak to his/her therapist! See if they are safe!! Then act accordingly! Help them! Be extra nice and supportive!!Maybe this is your test to bring Moshiach now!!

    To # 75
    Guest
    To # 75

    Sorry for your bad experience. But saying the program can be harmful just because your sponsor was neurotic, isn’t exactly constructive.
    Perhaps you should have found another sponsor?
    It is true OA can be restrictive and I personally would find it more difficult the AA/NA (the program I work).
    You may not have liked it but I know plenty of people with food based addictions who’s lives were saved by the program.
    Either way, I hope you found a solution for your problem and you are healthy now

    Bh
    Guest
    Bh

    Tanya is written for ‘normal people’ a sick person needs a doctor not a tanya.

    What does Chassidus say?
    Guest
    What does Chassidus say?

    What would Chassidus recommend for someone who is addicted to shmutz? Does anyone have any experience with a Chassidic recommendation that worked?

    only men?
    Guest
    only men?

    seems likea addiction is only attributed to men… what about dressing untzniusdik often is it als o a sort of addiction?

    to #75
    Guest
    to #75

    im so sorry to hear your story. but your sponsor seems did not know what to do. a sponsor is for guiding and helping someone work the program and nothing else. btw you are allowed to switch sponsors

    To number 41
    Guest
    To number 41

    In order to heal we must face the problem and admit it is a problem sometimes the addicts biggest problem is denial that there is a problem we as a community are also in a denial of sorts as many ppl are not aware of it.

    To A Torah Perspective
    Guest
    To A Torah Perspective

    Yup it can be controlled with a 12step program

    To A Torah Perspective
    Guest
    To A Torah Perspective

    Yup it can be controlled with a 12step program

    I think I'm an addivt
    Guest
    I think I'm an addivt

    Pls tell me how I can become part of a twelve step program??

    one's pattern has to be disrupted
    Guest
    one's pattern has to be disrupted

    Another definition for addiction, is one that has received overly harsh criticism, (beyond the person’s control). The person will seek to find comfort by blocking out the pain.

    To stop the cycle , it has to be disrupted with calm.

    NO 78
    Guest
    NO 78

    IT SEEMS like once they are addicted,just like torah cant heal your diabetes other than the torah says rapeh yerapeh, there is no way one can control their sugar etc without medical guidance and intervention. when trying to get out of addiction on your own it doesnt work. I believe the Torah perspective by controling yourself is not mentioned in the article so that the addicts know they must get outside help and not be given any notion that they can do it on their own, they will control themselves. No they should not take that route, they should listen… Read more »

    a letter from the rebbe
    Guest
    a letter from the rebbe

    to someone who couldn’t control himself not to drink alcohol the rebbe doesn’t refute his claim that he can’t control himself to the contrary, after words of hope the Rebbe gives him some practical tips including help from DOCTORS, to carry with himself only the minimum amount of money. to connect only with Torah observant jews if anyone can translate כרך כב ח’שכ ב”ה, ב’ שבט, תשכ”ב ברוקלין. שלום וברכה! במענה למכתבו מכ”ד טבת, בו כותב אודות החלטתו הטובה בעת קבלתו מכתבי הקודם, ושלאחרי זמן, בכל זה לא יכול לעמוד בנסיון וכו’. וידועים דברי חכמנו ז”ל בכגון זה, אשר אל… Read more »

    אגרות קודש כב קי-קיא
    Guest
    אגרות קודש כב קי-קיא

    the Rebbel tells a person do both:
    learn Tanya but also talk to a doctor

    A step in the right direction but nowhere near enough
    Guest
    A step in the right direction but nowhere near enough

    This definitely helps people who are in pain to know there is hope, help, and people to reach out to. But it is far more important to help people from ever getting to the point of addiction. By the time any boy has graduated ohlei Torah, or any girl has graduated Beis Rivka, they should have been made to sit in class through at least two or three presentations about personal experiences of recovering alcoholics, opiod abusers, gamblers, shmutz addicts, etc. Whoever thinks “siz past nisht” for a Bochur to hear about drugs, gambling, etc. are responsible for all the… Read more »

    To #83
    Guest
    To #83

    I am very bothered by your comment. Rape culture needs to end. NOW. If a woman is dressing not tznius out of compulsion, either self-inflicted or because of others, that is a product of rape culture. If alone on an island she would not feel compelled to dress that way, it’s not an addiction. An addict’s compulsion is based on internal factors- the body needs what it is addicted to. Your comment is only promoting rape culture, because it’s invalidating a woman’s perfectly healthy and valid choice to dress how she likes, as well as ignoring and thus allowing the… Read more »

    83
    Guest
    83

    yes its an addiction however one must be willing to admit that she doesnt want to cont this path,wants to be helped. etc.

    ???
    Guest
    ???

    What an amazing informative article, thank you to the writer and thank you COL. Addicts are not just men. Plenty women are addicted to the exact same addictions as men. To the person who said being addicted to sweets chocolate and ice-cream etc, only affects her,.needs to stop being in denial.I’m a junk food addict, I was moody, lazy, lethargic. Didn’t properly take care of myself, my kids, my spouse or my house, no one feels good after binging!! You are lying to yourself if you say you felt good after the fact. During the binge feels great, the bad… Read more »

    very well written!!
    Guest
    very well written!!

    mi kaamcha yisroel
    on the most part boruch Hashem there is alot of good friends and support out there for a recoverer. Nu,there is always going to be the rotten apple here ,there, who relish in destroying other peoples lives in the name of saving the world. The rachmones is on them since they dont even see their own addiction- the greed for power. Hashem should awaken in them a hisorerus…

    Education
    Guest
    Education

    People get addicted to shmutz because they haven’t been taught that it is addicting. They look once or twice out of curiosity and by the time they realize what they did it’s too late, they can’t stop, which leads to life long pain for himself and future family.Bochrim need to be informed of the dangers on the internet. If the schools won’t do it, say leaste the parents should.

    Tanya end of chapter 17
    Guest
    Tanya end of chapter 17

    I always understood the end of chapter 17 to be taking about an addict. Don’t get turned off by the term”rasha”. Most people are rashas of the Tanya. To quote leading s in Tanya: “This is true of everyone except he who is truly wicked — that is, not the Beinoni who is considered “like a rasha,” but one who is truly a rasha; in his case it cannot be said that his mind is master over his heart. On the contrary, our Sages state4 that the wicked are under the control of their heart but their heart is not… Read more »

    #83
    Guest
    #83

    Dressing not tznius is not addiction. It is the unawareness that the woman or man dressed not tznius is standing before the King and is the King’s daughter (or son). This has to do more with strengthening in the learning of Chassidus and being involved in Chassidic gatherings.

    Response to # 90
    Guest
    Response to # 90

    One is OBLIGATED to seek help when it is available. Nevertheless this doesn’t exempt anyone from the principle laid down by the Torah that everyone can help themselves. The comparison to diabetes I don’t think is accurate.

    Again, I am in fullest admiration of everything written in the article, and I don’t regard myself as being better than of these suffering addicts, but nevertheless I do think, that for us frum yidden, there should be some reference somehow in the article how according to the basic principles of the תורה everyone can help themselves.

    place on top
    Guest
    place on top

    People have committed suicide because they could not handle the shame they felt augmented by being repulsed and rejected by others. Please, can this article be put on top so that more people will read it and maybe prevent another suicide. This article is long over-due!

    Response to 49, and don't forget the family
    Guest
    Response to 49, and don't forget the family

    Well written article. Addiction is a disease of the mind body and spirit. Yes the addict cannot control the disease that they never asked for in the first place. However, they are absolutely responsible to work thier program. They have choices, of which recovery work is one. If an addict is craving a drink, but trying to be sober without support, they become even worse. Sobriety is not easy, but it is wonderful with the support of the 12-step fellowship which works extremely well with professional guidance along side. I have seen numerous miracles as a result of AA participation.… Read more »

    to 14
    Guest
    to 14

    Do you feel that depression also should be treated just by learning chaddidus? Tanya addresses emotional ailments at length.

    Response to 49, and don't forget the family
    Guest
    Response to 49, and don't forget the family

    Well written article. Addiction is a disease of the mind body and spirit. Yes the addict cannot control the disease that they never asked for in the first place. However, they are absolutely responsible to work thier program. They have choices, of which recovery work is one. If an addict is craving a drink, but trying to be sober without support, they become even worse. Sobriety is not easy, but it is wonderful with the support of the 12-step fellowship which works extremely well with professional guidance along side. I have seen numerous miracles as a result of AA participation.… Read more »

    Tanya
    Guest
    Tanya

    Response to #99
    Similar to your quote from Tanya we find in Chasidus in many places. Nevertheless, this is all only under regular circumstances, but ultimately everyone has the ability to help themselves (as stated clearly in אג”ק ח”א ע’ צ”ג first paragraph in reference to your quote from Tanya). See also comment 78 above.

    102
    Guest
    102

    Agree with#102
    Please put this article on top!
    Thank you col

    #97
    Guest
    #97

    You are so right! Very well said!

    Place at the top
    Guest
    Place at the top

    Comment 102 makes so much sense COL. Would you consider reporting this incredibly informative article back at the top of the page for every day for at least a week.
    It’s cost you nothing, it’s not that often that you have so much positive feed back from so many people.
    This is a huge service to our community.
    Kol Hakovod for posting to begin with.
    Very impressive!

    New York
    Guest
    New York

    Would anyone like to make some sort of support group for spouses of addicts? Or specifically for GA?
    Maybe we can get in touch.

    A Torah Perspective
    Guest
    A Torah Perspective

    To # 91 The letter of the Rebbe which you quote, states very clearly that one should NEVER give-up on attempting to control oneself. My comment in #72 was in reference to the above article which empathizes repeatedly that an addict can’t control them-self. On that I wrote, that there should be some allusion to the fact that according to the Torah ultimately everyone has the ability to control them-self. To add: As alluded to in some of the above comments, the symptom (or disease) of not being able to control oneself is NOT NEW, and it’s addressed and discussed… Read more »

    Response to 12 pesukim and Tanya
    Guest
    Response to 12 pesukim and Tanya

    12 pesukim and Tanya for addiction 12 pesukim are of course full of wisdom. The 12 step approach is highly adaptable. Anyone can benefit from its approach. That does not mean that using Torah pesukim can fix an addict. Only an addict can get through to an addict because they share a common bond. Would you tell a cancer patient that if they only learned Torah more they would get better? Tanya does not remove diabetes. Would you have the audacity to tell someone who has a degenerative disease that you know what it is like to live with, how… Read more »

    lifelight 2
    Guest
    lifelight 2

    Thank you for a fantastic, much needed article, and allowing positive solutions to come forth, such as #56.

    May you continue to use this site for such positive things, and may the outcomes of reading such articles and other information like it – which can only help our world – bring Moschiach beKovov!!

    Control
    Guest
    Control

    Halacha deals with adaptations needed for sick people. The belief that drinking alcohol and stopping is just a choice has long since been proven incorrect by science. Addiction is a sickness that you may not see. Talk to competent Rabbis familiar with addiction. Control in Torah must be put in the correct perspective for the situation. Sick is not fun. Addiction is NOT chosen. Recovery offers choices to cope and live effective and productive lives but the disease of addiction is always present. It is relieved with the help of Higher Power on a daily basis, that is contingent on… Read more »

    An addict in the 12 step program
    Guest
    An addict in the 12 step program

    Fact: The 12 step program is not for those that need it. It’s for those that want it.

    To "New York" (currently #110)
    Guest
    To "New York" (currently #110)

    The support group for you is AlAnon. (I know you mentioned gambling, not alcoholism, but read on here . . . .) Check the website for meetings for AlAnon. If a listed meeting says “open” you don’t need for your addict to specifically be an alcoholic. (If it says “closed,” that meeting is for family members of alcoholics specifically.) ALSO: Go to the website for “CODA”: Codependents Anonymous. If you feel your life behaviors match this website’s definition of a codependent, you may also, or instead, be helped by participating in CODA. You will learn SO much from AlAnon and/or… Read more »

    To Blame
    Guest
    To Blame

    It is our social norm to give boys as young as 11 alcohol at fabrengens as well as at simchas and kiddishes. Lots of bochurim stop when they get married but many more become alcoholics. Besides breaking the law we are encouraging our kids to drink. If you serve alcohol to a minor and he gets hurt or causes an accident, you are liable.

    New york
    Guest
    New york

    To #116
    I know about all that. I am wondering if anyone wants to form a group specifically for Frum (Chabad) spouses that are hurting from this does not specifically need to be in NY nor just for GA. it can be keeping in touch and being there to support each other via phone, email etc?

    To 110
    Guest
    To 110

    There are not only great gabanon meetings (I think there is a Jewish one in CH as well).
    E mail me @ aJewishaddict@gmail.com if you want more info
    (Best I can do is put you intouch with Lubavitcher women already going and the web link)

    acupuncture helps in many ways
    Guest
    acupuncture helps in many ways

    you can contact dr tsaichung chao,m.d. naturo-medical health care,p.c. google, at least it will be easier to recover refula sheima imm geula!

    To 110
    Guest
    To 110

    There are not only great gabanon meetings (I think there is a Jewish one in CH as well).
    E mail me @ aJewishaddict@gmail.com if you want more info
    (Best I can do is put you intouch with Lubavitcher women already going and the web link)

    beautiful!
    Guest
    beautiful!

    wow! well written article and very inspiring. This is so true. It is also true that our community has come to a place of more awareness and now many of us just need to learn the tools of how to support those who struggle.

    To 111
    Guest
    To 111

    Addiction is described as a disease of the body, mind and soul. There are people who become so chemically dependent (some for medical reasons) and they are unable to stop (it has caused death) There are also those who need it to escape from their reality. It’s a disease of the mind and to them it is needed. But the original 12 step program’s (AA) big book explains that it’s an allergic reaction. Once the substance enters their body, the body looses control and needs more. (Same would apply to acting out in any addiction) I can tell you from… Read more »

    A Torah Perspective
    Guest
    A Torah Perspective

    To # 123 Thank you for your comment. I share the same thinking as you. Though I may never have been defined as an addict, nevertheless I doubt it if I managed to ever overcome my own indulgences. Nevertheless I would like to maintain my previous position, that according to the basic principles of the Torah, everyone can control themselves. If it’s written so in the Torah, there must be a VERY GOOD reason why it’s written, and therefore in the above article there should be SOME REFERENCE to this. Since writing my above comments I have taken up this… Read more »

    AMUDIM 646 517 0222
    Guest
    AMUDIM 646 517 0222

    Amudim Community Resources helps drug abuse Recovery etc 
    Address: 11 Broadway #1076, New York, NY 10004
    Phone:(646) 517-0222
    Hours: Open today · 9AM–5PM

    The Torah's Prospective
    Guest
    The Torah's Prospective

    As an addict and a chassidishe person I fully agree with the above comment. There IS a Torah way of getting rid of addiction, and that ultimately you can control even the addiction, but have not found a solid program, that works, working according to Torah. The first thing I need to do is get rid of my addiction. If out comes through therapy or not so cares (like taking care of depression, first the guy should take care of it by going to a mashpia and if that does not help then a therapist). So I find a program… Read more »

    to 124
    Guest
    to 124

    These shluchim to whom you have spoken to should not be involved with addiction cases – they are not experts in this area no matter how much experience they have. Speak to the experts, the professionals who have studied it for years and have dealt with hundreds of cases. They will tell you that yes, it is a disease which can be controlled only through help from the program, from therapy… no-one can do it on their own.

    A Torah Perspective
    Guest
    A Torah Perspective

    To 126 and 127 Thank you both for your comments. If I may came back with my argument without getting anyone upset, I would like to. The Rambam lists 13 basic principles. We accept these 13 principles as a given, even though we may find it very hard to fully identify with these 13 principles in actual life. On the other hand, imagine how different our life would be if we wouldn’t accept these 13 principlesץ The same is with our ability for self-control, it is a basic principle of the Torah. Therefore, despite the fact that under many circumstances… Read more »

    Not a stirah @ Torah Perspective
    Guest
    Not a stirah @ Torah Perspective

    Torah says one can control oneself…12 steps is one way to control oneself (similarly a Benoni has a life long struggle with his/her yetzer. It’s never overcome yet we’re responsible every day to control it)

    X