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Saturday, 4 Adar, 5780
  |  February 29, 2020

The Secret Anorexic War (2)

Follow-up Op-Ed by Rabbi Shea Hecht: We cannot sit silently and let someone harm themselves. On the other hand, involving ourselves can be overwhelming. What is the right way to help? Full Story

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me.
Guest
me.

i have an eating disorder and one of the most annoying things is having your friend ‘trying’ to help you!

Adolescent Life Coach
Guest
Adolescent Life Coach

Rabbi Hecht, kudos for addressing this issue head-on. Eating disorders are potentially fatal diseases. Psychologically it’s suicide by starving. Rabbi Hecht addresses a very relevant problem that has become more prevalent in our communities. B”H, it is being addresssed more than in the post. One major caveat. Rabbi Hecht, eating disorders strike adolescents as the major victimes. A teenager who suspects that her friend is anorexic CANNOT handle any of it on her own. It doesn’t work and the healthy friend becomes traumatized that she couldn’t help her friend. She SHOULD got to a responsible adult, such as principal, teacher,… Read more »

Can the porblem be avoided
Guest
Can the porblem be avoided

Is there anything that schools or parents can do to avoid having this problem in the fie first place?

Canadian Jewish Mother
Guest
Canadian Jewish Mother

Kudos to Rabbi Hecht, you are doing a major service for the frum community by speaking about this issue. The more we raise awareness, the more we make it unacceptable, the less tempting it will be for our young girls. I believe that part of the reason we have this problem is that thinness is seen as measure of a girls beauty and positive self-image. While I be dont encourage being overweight, the frum society has bought into the shallow secular societal standards, with a low size being a badge of honor. The more we shun these values and turn… Read more »

good point
Guest
good point

It’s a good point you make…it’s about time that the insulated frum community come to the realization that you need to be trained to deal with real issues…

to #3&4 This is a phsycological issues and it’s not as simple as you make it sound that you can tell a girl “why do you think your fat when you’re really skinny” or “don’t worry you’re beautiful the way you are”…it exist in the entire world and it will exist in out community as well. There are proffessionals who know the best way to help the individuals involved.

man?
Guest
man?

Altho this issue most certainly needs to be addressed, why is a man writing it?

Controlled Anorexic
Guest
Controlled Anorexic

#5, you’re right. Telling an anorexic s/he is thin won’t help. It doesn’t matter how thin others view them it’s their own view that matters. To add, Rabbi Hecht makes an extremely strong point: DO NOT lecture the anorexic about calories and nutrition. S/he knows way more about that than you do. Besides, any unknown information can and WILL be used for his/her advantage. BTW, #1 I agree totally! I always hated my friends try to tell me which therapist, how to deal with it, why what I’m doing is wrong, or that they understand. I know what I’m doing… Read more »

to #1
Guest
to #1

I know.
I struggled with an eating disorder a few years back, and I completely agree with you. When a friend “tries” to help, it’s sometimes out of jelousy that you are successful in trying to be thin, and they aren’t. It doesn’t seem like they are really trying to help out. It’s best when a professional is the one to help. If a friend truly cares about the situation, she should go to a professional and help them intervene on your behalf.

what about drug /alcahol addiction going on in our communities?
Guest
what about drug /alcahol addiction going on in our communities?

can someone adress this please?
theres a major drug/alcohol addiction going on, please someone speak up and help real frum families that have real addicted kids get help1 especially support for the families, parents etc…..

To #6
Guest
To #6

what issue to you have with men, hmm?

HELP
Guest
HELP

SOMEONES GOTTA HELP THIS WOMAN THAT IS MODELING FOR THE ANOREXIC ARTICLE…SHE’S LOST SO MUCH MORE WEIGHT SINCE ARTICLE NUMBER ONE!!!!

empty
Guest
empty

rabbi hecht this is a nice piece but just a rehash of your last piece

what are u proposing – do you have a program that can help, talk is cheap

2 comments
Guest
2 comments

first even through it is a problem that mostly effects females, it happens to effect a significant number of males, with anorexia, bulimia, or both. Some males have the same mental issues which are exhibited through over excersizing and taking hormones (which can also be fatal) and are harder to spot.

I disagree with some of your points Rabbi Hecht
Guest
I disagree with some of your points Rabbi Hecht

Although I agree that a young boy and/or girls freinds most definitely should not be the ones helping them to get over their addictions, the person suffering from anorexia/bulimia or any other addiction for that matter can only get over it when they themselves decide that they are going to, when they recognize they have a problem, otherwise they could go to 100 therapists but it still won’t solve the problem.

TO #11
Guest
TO #11

IT SEEMS TO BE A SIMPLE PEICE OF MATERIAL TO BRING ACROSS A POINT

it's not about eating- it is self esteem
Guest
it's not about eating- it is self esteem

the beauty of the kings daughter is within and that is the way to treat the issue, counseling on self image, self esteem and our responsibility to take care of our bodies

Annorexia
Guest
Annorexia

Rabbi Hecht. I think this series of articles are very good. Both your articles have really spoken to me. I look forward to the third part.

Why do us frum girls not like to eat? There are all sorts of reasons not just things from the secular world! The important part is helping to stop future girls from making the same mistake! If I could I would go back and not have started dieting because now it is an obsession.

We need to help the kids of the future!

Thank you Rabbi Hecht

A friend of an eating disorder
Guest
A friend of an eating disorder

A FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO HELPS YOU IN ANY SITUATION, SO GET OVER YOURSELF AND LET HER HELP, DONT PUSH HER AWAY JUST BECAUSE OF A DISORDER!!!!

The worst thing to do is push away those who yo uare close with. If you’re friend is trying to help, that means she truly cares, so dont give me that, that it annoys you when she “tries” to help.

to #18
Guest
to #18

It’s great for a friend to want to help but as an anorexic i can say it’s annoying because friends don’t understand. No matter what logic they bring. It’s frustrating to listen knowing they don’t get a word of what you say. It becomes a bother everytime they bring it up. Especially if you’re not willing to stop what you do and you just wanna be left alone.

Shed some light
Guest
Shed some light

I was a nurse on a locked psych unit for girls and I can tell you a few things. No,it is not about weight.There is a compulsion involved and a psych problem which no one wants to acknowledge.Some have rage even though they come across as “perfect”. They have severe control issues as well.Then there are people who continue to make it a food and gaining wt issue that have no results.Yes, I think they must be hospitalized in a unit that specializes in this area. The “games” will continue.They know how to maipulate the scale and everything else.A third,… Read more »

#4 very uninformed
Guest
#4 very uninformed

Sorry but you have no earthly idea what you are talking about-it has nothing to do with the secular society and this illness is very old and happens in every group and every socioeco etc etc etc.It’s not the “secular society and their values” that cause this.It is deep, psych disorder that no one seems to get or refuse to get because of the stigma involved. Until you realize this is a real illness, you aint gonna get anywhere. They definitely need help but they think everyone wants to get them fat so they trust no one and the illness… Read more »

A friend of an aneorexic
Guest
A friend of an aneorexic

As a friend of a girl who is aneorexic, the only thing you can do is be a friend, no matter how much she pushes you away. Dont bring up the problem to her, if you are worried, go to her parents. Her parents already know, and are probably talking to her about it. She doesnt have to hear it from you too. Your job is to simply be her friend and thats it. no judgement! As for the girls who are aneorexic, we know how hard this is for you and that its not in your control as much… Read more »

problem
Guest
problem

why is it that in the frum world the main objective is the”SHIDDUCH” and again the ‘shidduch”? Does anything else matter like saving someones’ life and getting help?Every time something comes up, they are petrified of the stigma and what others will say.This happens to be a very visible thing so you can”t hide it but that’s all people worry about.How about the health of your children?Pls do not take this in an ugly way but girls do die as you all know well enough.

There is Rehab For This
Guest
There is Rehab For This

Eating issues and other addictions bc this is an addiction can be dealt with. Chatsworth 514-931-2999… you are not alone

to #19
Guest
to #19

Say that to the family of the girl who died 2 years ago in seminary. She pushed her friends away who tried to help and now shes dead, and now unless you want to end up like her for a “PERFECT BODY, PERFECT MENTAL STATE” then let your friends and family be friends and family.

Anorexia is a form of suicide. It lead to nothing other than death. Look up the halachos.

hi!
Guest
hi!

learnt about eating disorders in school… soo sadd 🙁

to #15
Guest
to #15

you cant take a joke and will everyone grow up and worry about themselves these coments you right are a joke and funny to most ppl

to #27
Guest
to #27

i dont know who u are, but unfortunately an issue like this is not funny and you are lucky enough not to have been affected by it.
YOU must grow up and take to heart when things are serious and things are to b made fun of.
This is no laughing matter…Grow up, Educate yourself and Start caring!

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