ב"ה
Sunday, 17 Kislev, 5780
  |  December 15, 2019

The ‘Nevel’ That I Know

From the COLlive inbox: A girl responds to the out-of-town girl living in Crown Heights who complained about the lack of sensitivity by locals. Full Story

Blesofsky Family Completes Torah

Next Story »

L’Chaim: Markowitz – Hertz

61
Opinions and Comments

To keep track of your comments, follow a conversation or flag a comment Login
avatar
  Subscribe  
newest oldest most voted
Notify of
True and not True
Guest
True and not True

See when it comes to a shidduch if they will be mishadach with you.

Agree!
Guest
Agree!

As a fellow out a towner who has been living in crown heights for a few years i also wanna say a huge thank you to all the wonderful crown heightzers who have graciously opened their arms to us oots!

B&H
Guest
B&H

Bh for you but that doesn’t change how the original author feels

and if nevel is melbourne...
Guest
and if nevel is melbourne...

then the countless streets that the first girl stayed on with different families, reflects just how many families are willing to have boarders in their homes! (in a community that is not used to the OOT phenomenon)

nice..but
Guest
nice..but

this shouldnt cancel out the fact that many of the out of towners dont have places to eat ect.. you happened to be lucky

Wow
Guest
Wow

Here you have two out of towners, living in the same place for a couple years, yet each from a different angle. If only the first girl wouldn’t seen the same Nevel as this author…

Self-righteous article
Guest
Self-righteous article

Wow, what a self-righteous “response”. The original writer of the article felt very lonely and mistreated. Not everybody is as popular as you, miss; or, lucky. “Al tadin es chavercha ad she’tagia limkomo” Do not judge your fellow until you have reached his place.” (Pirkei Avos 2:4)

No
Guest
No

Just because you, little-miss-perfect, had it all doesn’t change the reality of the first girl. Why did you write this? To stuff it in her face? If you want to thank ppl, THANK them. This doesn’t count.

To 6
Guest
To 6

This girl is NOT from the same place. And if you would have read the first article properly, you would have read the respect that the first author had for HER ‘Nevel’ she knew it was a great place, but shame that the children who need it most don’t feel it. The frist article was written voicing ALL the out of towners of that city. They all know each other and are siblings and friends. They bonded out of necessity. The first girl wrote her article on behalf of her fellow out-of-towners and not just about herself. She took experiences… Read more »

AND?
Guest
AND?

BH
BSD

DO WE ALL BELIEVE IN HA’MAYCHIN MITZAHDAY GUHVER?
and what about
AHL PI HASHEM YEESUH’U V’YAHVAHNU?

beautifull
Guest
beautifull

beautifully written- Kol hakavod!

THANK YOU!
Guest
THANK YOU!

I’m an out of towner, lived in crown heights for high school, I would like to thank all crown heights families for always having door open and make me feel comfortable!
It made such a differance to my life there and ch is for sure my 2nd home!
🙂

I saw half of Nevel :)
Guest
I saw half of Nevel :)

THe hachnosas orchim was UNBELIEVABLE. Nowhere else can compare. I had 4 standing invitations and many more periodic ones. I saw a great number of beautiful Shabbos tables.

But….

The principal who ignored me until my mother initiated an appointment to talk about the problems I was having, then proceeded to lambast my mother about how terrible I was, leaving her in tears, then tell me to go get my bags IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, as I was now being switched to another class…

That part of Nevel I don’t miss.

attention #6
Guest
attention #6

they are not living in the same place, the first girl was talking about melbourne and this girl is referring to C.H; very nice to hear this girls positive experiences, but, I do want to make readers aware of MANY MANY out of town singles, that live in C.H usually for shidduch purposes, and are often very alone. Eating carrots and hummus in your basement or apartement on shabbos just makes the already difficult shidduch scene experience that much worse. Those who have single girls or boy relatives that eat by you, INSIST that they bring friends who may not… Read more »

Your parents brought you up well
Guest
Your parents brought you up well

A classic case of seeing the glass half full. Kol Hakavod to you. You can ALWAYS find good and bad in a situation. You make the right choice.

Very well written!!
Guest
Very well written!!

Is a huge quality to see things that are not always good in a positive way!!
Hatzloche Raba!!

I didn't read the first article
Guest
I didn't read the first article

I’m guessing it was full of complaints about how selfish and hardhearted we are & how we don’t take care of OOT students. Just to put some perspective based on THIS article – if a family has older boys, they don’t (shouldn’t) invite girls. We don’t. we have lots of single bochurim coming over. There are times when I find strangers sleeping in my spare room. One came for one night, he ended up staying over a week,. we fed him, he borrowed our car & he did his laundry here (I drew the line at doing it for him)… Read more »

re #4
Guest
re #4

how is melbourne not used to OOT? what about OC and YG? what about the shluchim kids?

Maybe COL can make a "shidduch" with the two authors
Guest
Maybe COL can make a "shidduch" with the two authors

How about connecting them? It would be such a mitzvah for the 2nd author to introduce some of her wonderful families to the first author.
Ahavas Yisrael is all about helping each other, as a community and as individuals.

perhaps
Guest
perhaps

there should be an Ahavas Yisroel shabbos a few times a year on auspicious chabad dates for out of towners to be “spoiled” and “pampered” and made to feel that Kahn tziva Hashem es Habracha.
a Shlucha

schools in c.h.
Guest
schools in c.h.

although schools are busy with their students day to day, based on the needs of so many of our own out of towners, it may be worthwhile to have someone in charge/hired to arrange a support group/infrastructure that will give the oots the sense of family they need and deserve.

To number 1 and the writer
Guest
To number 1 and the writer

To No. 1 you are wrong. At a first glance with out knowing the writer I would grab this Positive girl for my son. This is a girl who is going places. The first writer will have it more difficult. “Azeh who Ushir Hasamaach B’chelko”. A four hour plane trip will not add or take away in my Decision making. I have married off more then one child and I am still in the process of marring off other children. To the writer. I envy you. You are a true Chossid of the Rebbe. Crown hights is one of the… Read more »

You don't have to be an out of towner
Guest
You don't have to be an out of towner

To be ignored by the town……. My family is from the original nevel situation and grew up abused and ignored by our own relatives who were much more comfortable than my parents, and because we were very poor and probably had slight learning disabilities, our hanhala added to the abuse. Many years later, some of us still suffer with shudduchim etc….but as a mature adult, I learned that G-D Helps those who help themselves. And just because you are on shlichus, don’t think the whole world will start raising your kids… …Everyone carries their own peckel, and can’t necessarily also… Read more »

Proud Cher
Guest
Proud Cher

I am proud to say that I have boarders….sleepover guests….anytime guests that come in to eat, for support yet the only people that complain are the boarders, they constantly complain to their parents that supper was macaroni and cheese and they’re forced to buy food etc….alot of people who come to Nevel think that everything is owed to them, they need to be treated like gold and we need to have space, give time to our growing families, have jobs, lots of $ to accomodate all this and just keep on giving….put yourself in our shoes…..it hurts to hear complaints!!!… Read more »

shabbos meals-to the original poster
Guest
shabbos meals-to the original poster

please remember unless there is someone who arranges it, there is no way that I can invite a bochur or a girl if I don’t even know about them people need to be very careful before they accuse there are b”h guests non-stop in crown heights thousands, blia yin hara, that are absorbed with room and board for free, into the homes in CH if I don’t have kids in your age group then the only way for me to have you over is if someone asks It can be a student organization or school organization, but before you talk… Read more »

NEVEL?
Guest
NEVEL?

can someone explain exactly what you are referring to as “Nevel”. although i know of the original Nevel, but seems like i am missing something, please explain the connection?

Crown Heights High school Girl
Guest
Crown Heights High school Girl

We try to have as many guests as we can but sometimes I resent coming home from school helping, cleaning and cooking and the out of towners come back to crown heights after shopping in Manhattan to a delicious meal served to them , Just a thought.

oot?
Guest
oot?

To those of us not from the holy city of Melbourne ,What is OOt??

To EC
Guest
To EC

I wish I knew who you were! This article an everything written is incredible. Every point is more and more true. I am also an out of towner and truly appreciate all those “open homes”
Thank you for responding the truth
Mushka

don't attack her
Guest
don't attack her

She’s trying to defend the community and show that not everyone is uninviting. She’s trying to point out there is hospitality and it’s not all glum. This doesn’t discount the original author’s feelings but just shows another perspective.

Hatzlacha to both of you!

I think
Guest
I think

If you don’t like nevel try klimovich

CHers are amazing!
Guest
CHers are amazing!

I, OOTer was in Yeshiva for over 4 years in CH and I say,
YOU ARE AMAZING!!!
I wouldn’t wirte names, because i’m afraid to forget some of them. but even after coming back to my home town, CH remain my 1st home.

L.Y.G. – France

#22
Guest
#22

what you fail to realize is that this is so overly positive that it loses any reality to it!Read again. The first one may be the other extreme. There is truth depending on the person and the community and probably changes over time and reality lies in the middle. But to read two extreme cases and then decide oh this is the real thing, is just as immature and silly as the response.

always bothered me
Guest
always bothered me

what exactly do the words “married off” mean? To me the connotation is “got rid of”.Just how it strikes me and I could be wrong.I get the impression there are challenges to have big families and then finding mates,etc.I get that. It is just the few words that give me a negative feel. Anyone else feel this way?

#33
Guest
#33

I am sorry you feel this way. I will not comment if this is overly positive or a little exaggerated….

No one decided what is real or not.

Even though I personally love C.H., the people who are their and most of the guests who come. One thing for sure if you know how to make the best of things (as we are in Gules), you will be much happier more fun to be around and most likely more successful.

Wishing you a good Shabbos.

To COL Thanks again

shkoiach...
Guest
shkoiach...

just bc u hav connections doesnt mean everybody does!

Thank you very much
Guest
Thank you very much

To all those people in ch who make it a point to host out of towners and care so much. It really is appreciated

to everyone
Guest
to everyone

crown heights is not the only place with out of towners…

Wow this girl is an amazing optimist!
Guest
Wow this girl is an amazing optimist!

She’s finding the good in all situations. The first girl should take a lesson instead of complaining!

great PR
Guest
great PR

Great PR JOB FOR CROWN HEIGHTS!!!
Its always easier to be optimistic when your glass is half full !
Ever hear the saying :that you can’t understand someone till you walk in theri shoes- ” (at #39 ??)

To #26
Guest
To #26

Wow good point. Thanks you I think that Melbourne should be more welcoming to the people who come to visit and those who are in yg. I think it’s a great idea that yeshivas shouldn’t serve us really bad chicken on shabbos. It’s a holy day and we can’t celebrate it the right way with out a place to eat. Thank you Melbourne for all the great work you do!!!

To#41
Guest
To#41

Wow thank you. Very true, it’s not right how ch yeshivas have really bad food on shabbos

to22
Guest
to22

The first author was experiencing obvious pain. you dont have to agree with her or even like her but I believe one of the qualities in a chassid is the ability to be empathic. Yes the second author was positive but as a response to the first author it seemed to be just a little bit of a slap in the face for the experiences she went through

to #35
Guest
to #35

I apologize. I think u have every right to feel that way based on your experience. I shouldn’t have been that harsh without knowing or respecting your opinion. I am truly sorry and take back what I wrote in #33. Please forgive me.

to #27
Guest
to #27

Good suggestion for guests to offer to help with Shabbos/Yom
Tov preparations if possible. Some hosts would really
appreciate it and take you up on it.

umm...
Guest
umm...

I hate to sound dumb, but what is Nevel?

If only you learn to understand what you read
Guest
If only you learn to understand what you read

If those of you who responded so negatively to the first writer would comprehend what you read, you would not be so quick to see her as “negative”. She writes she is grateful to those that opened their homes and hearts. She understands not everyone is in a position to have an open house. She writes she has nothing to gain as she has finished the system. She simply is highlighting the need for schools from the hanhola , staff and the parent body to open their eyes and be sensative and empathetic to the YOUNG out of town students.… Read more »

Response to article re:Nevel"
Guest
Response to article re:Nevel"

After reading both articles and the ensuing responses, I feel I need to comment. I married an Australian and have lived in Melbourne for over 25 years. I came here and had NO family. The community was lovely and embraced me with open arms. My children have grown up and married and are now on shlichus all over the world. As someone in the “shidduchim stage”, I can tell you that “Nevel” does not have an “open sesame” to all “gheze and Lubavitch families. Our wonderful children who have grown up far away from their families and Rebbe, are many… Read more »

lol
Guest
lol

you realise the original aritcle was abt melbourne and not crown heights yeh?

optimisim can create a false reality
Guest
optimisim can create a false reality

Just because this author is so optimistic it doesnt make her right, to the contrary it causes a false peace of mind in the readers that they are such tzadikim, although it may be true that many families have opend their homes in various communities it DOES NOT NEGATE what the first author said in any way shape or form, I can bear testimony to that…

It's not CH...
Guest
It's not CH...

CH is an amazing place, noone I know is denying it.

There’s just a teensy weensy problem, and that’s that the first girl wasn’t talking abt CH bichlal…COL please don’t give misleading impressions with your opening lines!

#43
Guest
#43

It is CH, you got it all wrong the first girl was speaking about the ch comunity in general. The second girl was speaking about Melbourne.

to 48
Guest
to 48

I think as a “mature” adult you perhaps have a long way to maturing.Telling a girl who is highlighting the need for people such as yourself ,to open your eyes to the very current situation and see what needs to be done for these students is not a need for getting self help!
What did the Baal shem tov say something along the lines of looking at the mirror and identifying the problem you see in others as YOUR own.

48 raw nerve
Guest
48 raw nerve

Did the author of the first article hit a raw nerve perhaps.

48 bashmutz
Guest
48 bashmutz

I do not think the writer was in anyway “bashmutzing” an entire community!
Making people aware of an important issue that is prevalent in many communities, not just your Nebvel/Melbourne, does not mean the writer has major issues that need attention.
Feel free to label and name call as you please ( it shows little about the niceties of ones character) but please comprehend what you read before taking it so personally.
Or is there perhaps a reason you took it so personally?

To #s 53,54, and 55
Guest
To #s 53,54, and 55

yes, it did hit a raw nerve. Many people are now talking about Melbourne and this issue. It is a raw nerve just as those who think the article was written about C.H. are upset by it. If it’s a general issue, then just write write the article without “alluding” to or casting aspersions on any specific city or community. . I did not say this person has “major” issues, I said she seems to have serious issues. She seems shy and as she said “somewhat socially inept”. I did not label or call anyone “mature or immature”. I said… Read more »

sorry to burst your bubble
Guest
sorry to burst your bubble

But the first writer could be talking about crown heights. There are nine year old oot in ch- here to get a chassidic chinuch in the Rebbe’s daled Amos – who are living in rented rooms and being parented by phone – we need a dorm for oot girls

#56
Guest
#56

seems like you have duplicated what was said ! Just in a longer format.

to 56
Guest
to 56

Perhaps your too small minded to see the bigger picture. If the first girl was infact talking about Melbourne I wouldnt be surprised. There is indeed a warm community but it does not take away from the fact that they seem completely oblivious of reality, as you so clearly point out…

i agree with number 8
Guest
i agree with number 8

this artical is just plain mean and nasty! how dare you!
and i have lived away from home for 6 years it is an 18 hr plane ride with out taxis and airports. and crown heights is not always so easy but so to nowhere is easy at first!

to 28
Guest
to 28

oot=out of town

X