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Sunday, 19 Heshvan, 5780
  |  November 17, 2019

The Kids Are Home for Yom Tov

When out of town kids come home for Yomtov, it is very easy for everyone to slip back into old habits; Toby Lieder of Australia, a mom of 14, gives tips on making the time a memorable experience. Full Story

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I love it!
Guest
I love it!

Beautiful!

Awesome
Guest
Awesome

Love! Cn you write an addition for how to approach married children and their spouses:)

wow
Guest
wow

great refreshing advice. as the oldest of a large family, can vouch that one the giving end, this is an extremely beneficial method as well as on the receiving end. I sometimes think about the time when we will all be guests returning as singles or with our spouses/ families to home. Main point being: an over abundance of comfortability and familiarity is many times not healthy when taken advantage of in the slightest of ways. Its important even on a day to day basis (not only when returning home) to treat family members with respect–as much if not more… Read more »

This is a parody ,right?
Guest
This is a parody ,right?

You can’t be serious. This must be a satire of how we raise spoiled kids with a sense of entitlement ( איס קומט מיר).You can really mean that after begging ,borrowing,and stealing to get $20,000 or so to send them to sem,we should treat them like Queens when they come home. Please ,PLEASE ,tell me your joking.

dont love it
Guest
dont love it

treat your child like a guest? Does that mean you also ask them to help out minimally as you would a guest? welcome baskets?
Pretty soon they will adopt your attitude too, and your home will no longer be a home rather a full service hotel. You’ll be waiting on them until you run yourself ragged..
yes the respect you speak of is important the cherishing every moment. I agree with that. But your children are NOT guests.

Disagree
Guest
Disagree

Kids should feel very much welcomed at home but they need to know that Tishri is busy and their help and responsibilities at home are much needed. We are working non stop here in crown heights feeding our guests and the kids should be nonstop helping. Yo tov here is no time for vacation!

That's why
Guest
That's why

That’s why we have troubled kids today. Mothers are refraining to move from old school thinking to more kid love/friendly thinking
Kids today need love and acceptance more then ever!
What can a little bit of love n care do for a childs self esteem (who’s been away from home for a while…)
Ask both sides (types) of children ask the old school strict disciplined do as I say child and ask the pampered one that comes home once in a while and feels the love through welcome signs and pamper baskets laden on their fresh linens?
Interesting to hear the results

Toby responds to number 2
Guest
Toby responds to number 2

I personally do the same with returning married couples and their kids! Why not? How difficult is it to make someone happy? How inviting and warm is it to find a nite on the door that welcomes you back home! And on the dresser a small basket of your favourites? How hard is it to put a smile on your married child’s face when they come home for a weekend or 2 and see freshly matching linen with some mint choclates scattered around their pillow? How hard can it be to spend an extra effort to buy their favourite cheese… Read more »

Love conquers all
Guest
Love conquers all

There’s no such thing as too much love
What can it hurt to put a warm smile on ur child’s face? Huh?
It doesn’t cost.
Cmon, what a little welcome kit can do for a child’s self esteem is far cheaper and Greater then therapy!!

Oh no! My kids coming home for yomtov
Guest
Oh no! My kids coming home for yomtov

I didn’t even clean or get his room ready!
What an awesome ideA Toby
You marvel me each time each article you write
You are so right! Why not make their home experience a memorable one. You are making their memories right now with each visit home
I love the idea. I’m running to buy his favourite green apples

Why the negativity?
Guest
Why the negativity?

There’s. I such thing as spoiling a child with too much love and care
There is such a thing as under loving
That is being afraid to give too much love thus refraining from giving it
Nobody ever died from feeling too loved
Yet people died literally when feeling under loved
Trust me
My mother was old school
She didn’t even hug me
Never mind kiss me
And I think the old school of spoiling a kid with too much love is killing our kids today
Ladies! Time for change
Show love to your kids in all possible ways
Toby, you are so right
There’s no such thing as too much love!

to #4
Guest
to #4

i dont agree w/ u. its not spoiling its treating ur kids nicely. after a yr of them being away u want it to be a good atmosphere

Halleluka. Kudos to the writer
Guest
Halleluka. Kudos to the writer

Spot on what a beautiful idea!
Wake up negativity ! Your way ain’t working! They tried that strict don’t spoil kids thing on us for ages and look what it did!
A bunch of rebellious good for nothing’s roaming the streets looking to Rebel what not…..
Try something new
I love this idea!
Make the kids feel special a few times a year why not? It can only nourish their self esteem
Why the negativity?
Try some love see what can happen. Like they say it can’t hurt and doesn’t cost much!

thank you!
Guest
thank you!

can u do one for wives speaking to husbands – not whats in all the books but your own ideas and thoughts on it

Love it
Guest
Love it

Toby love and live by your advice, it’s always spot on
Xx

agree
Guest
agree

I just came back home from my mom’s house and I really missed her. But to tell you the truth on the second day I wanted to run away already. I wish my mom would read your article and treat me like that.

To number 4
Guest
To number 4

Was thinking just that! My kids come home and I knock all the horrible habits they’ve picked up from being away … with in a day they are back to their sweet selves and peace for EVERYONE! They are amazing help, the singing, laughing and catching up they do whilst cleaning the kitchen , cooking and peeling they do together in the kitchen ( boys very much included ) , That makes for a real good time , rebonding and enormous nachas for us and most of all they are well prepared for making a wonderful home for them selves… Read more »

parent
Guest
parent

when kids come home they want to be kids again. they want to be treated like someones children like they are home with their family. they want to reconnect with siblings, parents etc. please dont deprive your children of the pleasure of being back home. they want to hang out and reminisane about life before they left and make sure that home is still a constant in their life without changes. parenting classes can help if you are not sure of how to be with your children after they were away

As the saying goes..............
Guest
As the saying goes..............

Treat ur children as ur guests & treat ur guests as ur children! Always works!
TY Toby!

I agree and respectfully disagree
Guest
I agree and respectfully disagree

No baskets of food in my bedrooms except water.
There is no food allowed in any room except the kitchen and dinning room.
Giving children a warm welcome and happy household is great
If they come home Chasidish and keep the Halochas.
Changing the linen is also neccesary but children must help out unless you have a full time maid.
Thanks for the article

away from home child
Guest
away from home child

I dont agree when i come home i know it’s time to help out. i dont know what you think, but in a dorm or boarding, yes you are responsible for yourself, no, you dont have to do anything else (maybe one little job. personally, i prefer to come home and give my mother a break! i’m one of the youngest kids and she has almost no help with running a school, constantly cooking for yom tov and shabbos, and general shlichus work. i would probably go crazy if i would be treated as a guest. welcome baskets when theres… Read more »

I don't know......
Guest
I don't know......

After a year of being away all I wanted to do was help out. Mop. Dishes set the table. I would be really hurt if my parents went all out with money they don’t have to impress me. This sound like showing off. The clean room and tone of talking. Okay. New linen and embroidered towel is over board. For me having spent 9 months with limited ways to show kibud av vaeim I was trilled to join in the buzy family getting ready for shabbos. Now that I’m married when my parents or inlaws come. We treat them like… Read more »

Why is everyone so negative??
Guest
Why is everyone so negative??

She never said the children should not help out for yom tov and she never said they should not hang out and reminisce about their childhood! All she said was go out of the way, more than you normally would, to show your child who just came home that you love them and are so happy to have them home. I love the idea of preparing a welcome basket! They are not becoming “spoiled” cuz of a welcome basket! Please! It’s just a beautiful gesture and surely will have a lasting effect on the child. Controlling your mouth before criticizing… Read more »

Rule of Thumb.
Guest
Rule of Thumb.

When everything one reads is taken in context and with nuance there’s usually a lot one can benefit from listening to others. Same here.
True. There’s other cosiderations. However take on board the thrust of the article and it’ll help us have happier kids Bezras Hashem, with a healthier self esteem.
All the best, people!

A child
Guest
A child

As a yeshivah bochur i come home twice a year Tishri and Nisan and I usually bring a gift home for MY parents AND SIBLINGS I love to see MY family I look forward to see MY family AND JUST SEEING MY PARENTS IS ENOUGH NOT THE GIFT BASKET but most definitely being treated like a guest only makes me want to help more a guy Tom TOV!!!

Thank you Toby
Guest
Thank you Toby

That was brilliant
I tried it and my daughter was in such a good mood! All of us felt the love
It is an excellent way to start your yomtov everyone with a smile happy warm loving atmosphere
Truly worth a try

Nachas
Guest
Nachas

I love when my kids come home and we continue where we left off from.. They jus come back, marrieds included, with the warmth caring involvement and fun, with love and understanding and everyone pitching in whichever way they can, to make a memorable yom tov! In terms of buying new linen or preparing baskets, don’t think it’s fair of author to suggest that, most of us are overworked overwhelmed and short on money.. And our children know that. They appreciate just being home and together, and you know what, they even take care of us! What better chinuch is… Read more »

everyone is special
Guest
everyone is special

& gets what they need, new suits, hats, clothing, special foods that they like, gifts, toys for the einiklach. lets save the embroidered towels for their trousseu!

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