The Chosson Who Wouldn’t Change His Name

By Dovid Zaklikowski for COLlive and Hasidic Archives

In 1966, several members of the Muskal family began to pester the young, newly engaged, brother-in-law. They told him that Rabbi Yehudah ben Shmuel of Regensburg (1150-1217), known as Yehudah HeChassid, writes that a father and son-in-law should not have the same name. In this case, they did: the young groom and his future father-in-law were both named Yaakov.

Some communities do not follow this directive, which appears in Rabbi Yehudah’s will. Some say it was intended for his descendants, others for his students. In the Lubavitch community, however, most of the over seventy guidelines in the will are taken seriously. Yaakov, or Jake, as he was known, was not a Lubavitcher. But his mother, older brother, and sisters had recently become followers of the Lubavitcher Rebbe.

At the time, Jake was studying at Mesivta Tiferet Yerushalayim, headed by the leading American posek (authority of Jewish law, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein. “He was accessible to anyone,” recalls Jake. “You could just walk into the study hall and approach him.”

Jake turned to Rabbi Feinstein for advice. Should he take on an additional name, as his betrothed’s family was suggesting? Rabbi Feinstein told he didn’t have to.

Sometime later, when Jake’s future father-in-law spoke to him about the subject, Jake went to his dean again. “Tell him that if he wants to, he could add a name,” Rabbi Feinstein said.

Shortly before the wedding, Jake’s mother, Esther, wrote to the Rebbe to request a blessing for the event. Seeing that both names were the same, the Rebbe asked, “Does anyone have another name?” She replied that her son and Rabbi Muskal had the same name. “Someone should add a name,” the Rebbe responded.

Jake respected the Rebbe. Over the years, he had had several private audiences, of which he had warm memories. Still, he hesitated. His dean had told him that the step was unnecessary. Besides, the Rebbe had not specified who should add the name. Why not his father-in-law, since he felt so strongly about the issue?

A third time, Jake consulted Rabbi Feinstein, who seemingly had unlimited patience to hear the question over and over. Jake told him about the exchange his mother had with the Rebbe.

Rabbi Feinstein picked up his finger, “Only out of respect of your mother, you should add a name.”

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