By Chaya, a teenager
Call me naïve or call me innocent, mock me, tell me I’m a teenager and I may think I know everything but really I know nothing, tell me you went through the same thing and you came out a-ok, it’s just a phase I will get through it too.
I know that really you’re scared of me, because I’m a teenager and we are scary.
Fact is: Adults are scared of us.
But maybe if I showed you how the world looked to me, or more specifically, how you look to me, how you sound when you talk, and how “ok” you seem to have turned out – you could understand me or at least try.
You are my role models.
I see you fight and strangle one another; is the Rebbe in 770 or in the Ohel? Which Gimmel Tammuz farbrengen did you go to? That’s a decision that needs to be made wisely you wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation! How do we go about… did the Rebbe want us to do this or did he want us to do that?
You don’t know, because any chance of an answer is suppressed by your ego, your need to be right, to be the one who knows more.
I want to respect you, but I can’t.
I see you – a shliach in your Chabad house – and at some point heading toward your goal you got sidetracked, and your new goal became money, and frankly you rather your congregants didn’t become baalei teshuvah ‘cos then they’d probably become frumer then you, and that’s always annoying.
Possibly, this sounds barbaric to you, and that could easily be, because you are far more concerned about your neighbor shliach and how HE totally missed the point and is doing a million and 2 things wrong.
Wait, who am I to judge? It all seems very hypocritical of me, you say? Well, heck – at least you taught me how to do something!
You, of course are not guilty of any of the above; I mean, you know people who are, rachmana letzlan…
But B”h you’ve risen above!
Sickness, Death, War…
And your priorities remain twisted, your ego swollen and you still can’t recognize you are at fault.
And the best part is, I scare you! I make you nervous! Because I’m a confused teenager who has no idea what she wants!
So you meet and you discuss: what is up with them? Was it always like this? Are we doing something wrong?
Well here I am with the answer; yes you are doing something wrong!
I know what I want!
I want the truth, I crave the truth, I do not want some imprecise version of it, perverted by your arrogance.
I’m begging for truth, for you to show me my Rebbe the way he wants and deserves to be shown! Teach me chassidus the way it befits being taught!
Truth is the only shot you got to make it right. And when there is truth there can be no dispute and no ego.
just by all the negative responses, i can tell this author has shaken you. why? becuase its true! every word is compleately and totaly true!! ppl just dont want to see it. you adults always tell us asbt the rebbe, but act in a way we all know u never would had he been down here b’ruchnius. you tell us to have ahavas yisroel, while you are busy disecticing poor mrs. goldmans outdated dress and warning your kids to stay away fron the ———– family, cuz were not on thesame level. every word this girl says is true, and she… Read more »
chaya tichye i am assuming that you are really a confused teenager and responding in kind i wish to start by saying you`ve brought up some really important points that need to be dealt with you have clearly begun an on line farbrengen with its pros and cons i think i can be of help to you call me on a blocked call so i don`t see your identity and we`ll talk 866-3-jewish 714 863-1426 562-424-8294
sounds like my first shliach, just into money, even has goyim hanging around for money. doesn’t want people to become frum and move away.
How right u r I hope this shook people out of their dream world.I hope people see that their is a mistake a real issue which need to b delt with fast.I hope peole stop blaming the rebbe for all the issues which Lubavitche is suffering with today because it starts right here in our own backyards!thank u Chaya u have given me strength!I see I’m not the only one on this page!
to #184
wow you actualy read all these coments, rememberd who said what, and thought about it and came to your conclusion! pretty hard thing! i tried to do that but there isnt enough time in the day for that….
a man that speaks the truth.. about time. and thank you chaya, this was the article that everyone needs now, the article everyone should read , take a practical decision about, and get out there and change something! more of these so people will be aware of the problems with nowadays teens. people just dont understand these days, especially if they grew up pre-gimmel tammuz.
i agree with 165 121 and 93 but not so much with 12 if you take 51 into account
agree with u 100%. the wost part is that i want answers and nbody give me!! nobody knows how to answer!!! it seems that theres no truth!!!
all adults commenting are proving what she says rite besides for the few and very few adults that agree she and all she wrote is true
Chaya, You really make some powerful points First, to be a Mentch and secondly to be Real in our Avoidas Hashem and as the Rebbes a chasid. Thank you so much for bringing it home to me and all the readers. If you were my daughter, I would be very proud of you!
Wow, dvarim hayotzim min halev…
Ahh…
maybe check out this old blog- lubagal.blogspot.com …. from someone who’s been there….. always felt like this path was being pushed down my throat…
but finally realized what the heck it was all about…
ok, maybe im the only one noticing this…obviously, (or maybe not..) we are not going to find the ‘truth’ from the adults, and we cant take our role models from them, so WE have to become what we would want others to be! like be the role models for the next generation! lets stop getting our ego in the way and be our own role models! anyone with me on this?
yea its me again and i totaly get it… like its so anoying cuz i try, fine maybe not soo much but i do try… and its just worse every day.. and i gave up a LONG time ago 😉 shes a brilliant person, and its just sad that she uses it in the wrong way…. i used to be really good friend.. but it sux when jealousy gets in the way…!!!!!
From everyone, Rebbe included, we always hear Dugma Chayo Dugma Chayo Dugma Chayo.
This is the problem.
Hisbonenus? How do you do that?
Midos? “Change” them? How do you do that?
Davening? How do you do that?
Who do our children ever see who does that?
It will NOT be found in a Maamar.
It will NOT be found in a Mashpia.
It will NOT be found in an Igros.
‘Who will be the Zaidys of our children,
Who will be the Zaidys if not we’?!
hi, im in high school too, and i had exactly the same expirience that u had and even worst. i tried to be happy and t fnd a way to be happy… but i failed… theres so many reasons to be sad… we r in golus we dont have the rebbe anymore everythng its being so hard for me this eyar that i cant anymore i wanna give up… i know that hashem s always with us but i cant see how!!! its so hard!!! i wanna be happy and make the rebbe proud but wth so many gzeiros i… Read more »
I love the way its written – it really expressed wut u wanted to say… but i thought i’d share something with you: I am in a high school and i am bullyed every single day. Before i came into high school, i was really loud, smiley, and always laughing with all the friends i had… but now its all gone. and it hurts. it hurts a whole lot! nevermind that, but when the person that is bullying you does it in a very smart way – to a degree where your parents say “oh she is so nice to… Read more »
i don’t think #31 is talking about shluchim… all shluchim that i know are really amazing pple.
it sounds like refferring to crown heights pple – many of whom don’t really “get it”
– from a crown heightser
google “the power of truth” in one word. Nice humbling sight… how sad to be so far from the truth when you are really so close…there is confusion over here…but really, rabbi Friedman got it…go to bais chana…i experienced also being snobbed by shluchos for doing some good things and just wanting to grow beyond my baal t’shuva limits but didn’t realize it would threaten someone at the time…yes maturity comes and we understand to look at others the way we want them to look at us when we mess up and don’t know better…we need to have rachmanus on… Read more »
i like u….cuz im totally the same!!
were r u to answer alll the horrible remakes(the ppl. u were talking to) ?
were r u to answer us?
a teen-ager
totaly agree with you!
Valid point. Thank you for bringing it up.
1. My intention wasn’t to become Chaya’s personal mashpia but to help her find one.
2. I share all such conversations with my wife.
Maybe it would be a good idea to create a pool of shluchim/os, mashpiim/os and mechanchim/os that are willing and able to give time to people on this forum that need it, either privately or in open online farbrengens.
It is wonderful to see that an aishes chayil like yourself (who is honestly so busy in her personal and communal life) is willing to offer unconditional help and guidance to girls like myself who are so desperate for emes. (Really – by asking for emes are we asking for and expecting too much?) I totally agree with #166 that a girl should have a female mashpiah. Not just for the valid reasons #166 stated so elegantly, but also because “women are from venus” – we understand each other. When I say #166 – I knew, and then you confirmed,… Read more »
Yosher koach for the article and yosher koach to all those identifying with these frustrations. There are many many Chayas and as long as were still in galus there is no perfect world,. But the good news is that in addition to the fact that the derech our rebbeim have taught, is beyond reporoach and a true gift – there are bh many beautiful people in our community worlwide that above the shtusim and hypocracies. and worthy of emulation.
If you are truly looking for guidance, you can contact me @ [email protected]. I will try to direct you.
Is it proper for a girl to have a male mashpia? I always thought that mashpi’im must be of the same gender – that a girl should have a woman mashpia. But maybe I am wrong (I’m a teenager and told that I’m always wrong). Avrohom was migayer ANOSHIM, and Sorah was migayer NOSHIM. Each was megarev their own gender. “Al tarbeh sicha im ha’isha” precludes excessive “dialogue” between the genders. “Ein apitropus l’aroyos” cautions against well intentioned invitations which can lead to bounderies being crossed. One of my BR teachers told me “B’mokem sh’ain ish” means that in such… Read more »
I read what EVERYONE said- the positive and the negative. I am a baalas tshuvah (way over the teen years) who came to lubavitch after gimel tammmuz. When I was becoming frum I thought frumkeit and lubavitch was a utopia. But despite losing most of my friends, souring my relationship with my family, and going off the path to fortune and fame that my parents so carefully groomed for me- I chose frumkeit. Although the shluchim showed me a positive rolemodel- no one held my hand. I saw the truth in the Torah. I saw that the Rebbe was and… Read more »
im poster # 154 and thank you Rabbi shemtov for answering my “plea” (you might be getting more than one email)
muchisimas gracias!
Your article was beautiful with one mistake you wrote at the end all Sheluchim have. it should be most Sheluchim Yes most Sheluchim Are doing what the Rebbe wants. And it looks like your parents are doing a good job on you. May they have lots of Chasidishe Nachas from you. And make your parent proud and show them That their hard work has paid off.
way to go rabbi shemtov! btw learning the rebbes maamarim and sichos especially from the later years will make you feel a whole lot more secure about what the rebbe is and our purpose because some answers don’t come by just arguing and talking out of the air learning really gives clarification and i’m talking out of experience and of course it’s very helpful and maybe even mandatory to have a mashpia regarding shluchim just look at all the peulos and the amazing stories you hear even after gimmel tammuz and as a bochur who goes to shluchim it’s crazy… Read more »
Chaya,
Your post has generated lots of material that might be helpful to you.
If you feel the need for dialogue, rather than comments by anonymous posters, feel free to contact me. I do not pretend to have the answers to all questions; I do care enough, though, to listen and share whatever answers and experience I may have that might be beneficial.
Eliezer Shemtov
Montevideo, Uruguay
[email protected]
Perception is reality, people. In case you weren’t aware, shlichus today is not what is was before Gimmel. She’s 100% right. And all the critics on this page who went to the trouble of posting less than positive “opinions” of her? You’re the ones SHE TALKING TO!!!
i totally agree. there are hundrds of shluhim who are only looking to help, but ive seen myself the people that chaya is talking about. its sad. and you know what chaya, all the comments bashing you are really proving yur point. peopledont like to be told that they are being difficult to respect. they dont want to hear that fro someone young. hey, they dont want to hear it from anybody. all you people that are like honey, itll all be ok, or well this girl has got a nerve, or jst listen to us and respect us and… Read more »
on behalf of all the teens, to the adults: do you see that all the teens are agreeing with chaya…….why dont you do something about it!!!!!!!!
I can give you an advise for u to choose a mashpia!
Ok Dear teenagers! Maybe you are so confused about chassisishe basic, and dont realy know the point of having a mashpia. Have you ever heard of the shliach who couldnt find a Mashpia, in his town with the “same level” of yiddishkeit then him? What did he do? SIMPLE, he asked the a guy of the community to be his mashpia. Second and last question but not least! What do we haqve teachers for? To help us understand and progress in life. I promise you, that its worth asking directions from an adult, or a person that you consider a… Read more »
I sincerely wanna tell u some words from my heart! Ima a baal tshuva, I became frum 3 years ago.. at the beggin, when the wife of the Rabbi told me all the laws, and explained me all the things to became frum , especialy tsinius, I was wondering: why? why we need to do all this things? Is that the way of truth? Is that what we need? So I was disgusted, and did not want to know that, I did not want to know anything about Yddishkeit, on shabbos I went to the Shul, and that was everything… Read more »
but i will still say what i have to say.
im a 21 year old whose been there done that and i ask and beg of you capable mashpiim: your out there, you can help us but we cant always find you or dont always want to. so please try to find us and help us. u know who we are
thank you
I hate to burst your bubble after you became so inspired by comment #1, but, your hisorerous comes from a quote from a movie, “A Few Good Men” (the lines were said by Jack Nicholson).
Having said that, the name – a few good men, implies that not everyone is perfect or even good. All it takes is a few good men (or women) to be true role models (mashpi’im, rabbonim, shluchim, mechanchim). The rest – should be ignored.
If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties.
– Sir Francis Bacon
I also got something to say….anyone still here or are the few still hanging on just talking to ladygayers ..each other, with no life.
GO GET A LIFE EVERYONE.
i think if this girl becomes a writer she will be amazing
Since you understand the goals of life so well, then you should be a catalyst to bring the emes out in the open by your living example. Learn with the eyes to fill your life with added chayus and penimiyus. If you see that your parents are struggling with their lives, and you know the truth, extend them a lifeline, and extend it to your friends as well. That is what would make the Rebbe happy. Your rebellion is a reflection of you and not any shliach or your parents. Good luck. I thought that it would be a good… Read more »
I don’t know if I can agree with you so much. What I think was mainly wrong about your article was the part about the shluchim! Shluchim only collect money for the sake of their Chabad House and its congregants! My parents and other shluchim gave up what for them could have been a nice, peaceful, average life in the heart of Crown Heights(in my parents’ case) or anywhere else like Miami, LA etc. …BUT NO!!! They went to a city in Australia where there is 1.5 million people, and LESS THAN 1,000 OF THEM ARE JEWISH!! And if that’s… Read more »
I’m sorry that I’m not as great a writer as you but hear me out. Perhaps it will help. You are very right. Although I’m already 20 now, I know exactly what you are talking about. As a kid every one tells you how you are supposed to be, what you are supposed know, how to act, ect. Then later in life you see these same people going against what they taught you. Blatant hypocrisy. And when you confront them they get angry and say no one is perfect or they’ll tell you look at your self.Or they might sheepish… Read more »
Its irrelevant if this article was written by a teenager or adult, its the Tochen that we should be focusing on. As an adult that has been looking for a Rav and Mashpiah for years I can totaly relate. How can I possibly turn to a Rav for important Shailas when he is involved in Bashing other Yidden on the side – all in the name of his elevated-esteemed role of Rabbi – in other words an inflated ego?! Or the other Rabbi I thought who was finally a role model that turned out to turn a blind eye to… Read more »
whoa!!! i am a teen myself…
and i just htink you have to discuss it with your parents. i geuss i am lucky to have such gr8 parents who are so understanding, and talk alot with me, about chassidus, rebbe, etc… they take bittul very to heart, and they are thee only people i ever listen to, because they are not hypocrites – they DO what they preach!!!!
i can get u in touch with my parents, for you to pick a mashpia chaya!!! lol 🙂
seriously, look for it, its out there!
— a fellow teen!
It is all up to you. In life you will always come accross people you should take a lesson from, and people you should learn what not to do. It is not going to help by focusing on the negative there is so much positive going round! There is also too much generalising in this. I wish you luck in your future endeavors and hope you surround yourself with the right people. That is what it is all about!
sk
If anyone is still reading the comments, here is a story (joke) about a very succuessful shliach. He was once asked by younger shluchim the main reason for his success.
His answer: Nowadays people want the truth without compromise. They are looking for honesty and sincerity.
….Once you can fake that, you have it made!
rocking the site i dindt take yet a vote but it looks like you win i used to go to farbrengen i come to crown heits for simchas i uesd to love it but it is realy falling apart speacialy the teenagers some people say you need a mashpia i say the mashpiem also need one it is just a way how beat around the bush and turn a blind eye on the truth i think you have a graet zcuhus may be this would change the way thing are left hanging in the air not every one is capable… Read more »
#89
sheesh calm down, your being a bit harsh. yes chaya was wrong for saying that about shluchim but remember who is the adult here? she’s just a kid throwing a tantrum. Dont say shell never have the zchus, she will grow up and realize that that was wrong to say. she will change her views….. just dont take it personally.
After having lived in Crown Heights as a bachur and yungerman, and now living in an “out of town” location, I am curious to know how many of the posters here are from Crown Heights. It seems to me that most of the angst that is expressed in this and in like articles are felt most keenly by residents of that “boiler-room” of worldwide Chabad, if you will pardon the expression. As an aside, while I agree that “Chaya’s” points are well-expressed and sometimes accurate, I don’t feel that there is anything particularly new here. If you look for egotistic/arrogant/money-hungry… Read more »
My Dear Chaya, theres nothing wrong with your questioning, its part of growing up, but the remark you made about shluchim is way way out of line and exremely uncalled for. I think you need to apologize to them and the Rebbe. They are the Rebbes employees after all.
I am a Lubab
somethings you said are true .ie.some not.
I can not begin to tell you how mistaken you are about the shluchim. A few years ago I was struggling with what I wanted from life. My wild side came out and I went to an exotic place. (I wish I could write where it was) I fell into the Chabad House because I wanted a feel of Shabbos, I was afraid that they would look at me from up, down. I was so surprised to see how much they loved me as the Rebbes child. (You can be sure that I didn’t act like one there and it… Read more »
as a fellow teenager, she stole the words right out of my mouth; she formed and shaped them perfectly, and i agree. because it couldn’t be more true. this is what teenagers think. so please- a little lower of ego might help…
I read #1 “You want the truth” and then I re-read it, and was forced to read it again, very carefully. Only then did I realize my cheeks were wet with tears. “We use words like honor, code, loyalty…we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use ’em as a punchline.” There are slogans that we hear – we use words like hiskashrus, pnimiyus, chassidish…to us they are just a slogan, a punchline, but to the chassidim of yesteryear, such words were the backbone to a life spent defending something. “I have neither the… Read more »
so its s little late but….. u have too do it for urself.if u show urself the falsehood of this world then what do u expect?! put urself in the right place btwn good ppl, learn ,watch videos of the rebbe. and yes we all have our avodah and things have gone to far in the shlichus world :mixed events,mixed swiming,showing children non jewish vedios….-which all for the baal abatim and the$. plz dont tell me that im blaming, i saw this at shluchim that i worked for,who were not stam shluchim…..2 wrongs dont make a right. but yet again… Read more »
Pardon the bruised ego, it is uncalled for. There are op-eds that call into question the character of our rabeim/rabonim/askonim and balei batim – and the latest one, shluchim – don’t take it so personal. Don’t you find it ironic that in the field of Chinuch we have some of our brightest and most dedicated people taking up this vocation and also have those that are passing time waiting to get married, weren’t successful in other areas, etc.? Same is true for shlichus and any other Chabad institution where cronyism, self dealing and nepotism has set in. A good place… Read more »
AFTER HEARING THIS IM A LITTLE SCARED……. im almoset 13 ( though every one tells me my brain workes like a adult ) im alsow sooo CONFUSED i mean every one focoses more on tznius then any thing else & it just pushes us away! if s/one puts s/th in ur face ull push it off!!!!!! now im hearing what every 1 s saying& its SO TRUE !!!!!! chaya, you speake for us all !!!!!!!!! unfortunlly ,no adult will ever under stand!!!!! its a state were we are looking 4 the true & some times comes out in the bad.… Read more »
ok, so u have a point with our leaders not being examples.
but u dont dress tznius for the community leaders. u dress tznius b/c THAT’S WHAT IS SAYS IN THE TORAH and that’s halacha, the same way u keep shabbos, yomim tovim, kashrus, etc etc etc……… so the leaders may not be giving the example, but u know exactly what Hashem wants of YOU! do it cuz its the right thing!!
im a teenager too, and some days i ask myself who i am like all the teenegers… but really… WHO AM I??? i have so many questions and i want the truth too. shud i make my own decisions? should i be who i wanna be??? so many questions and no answers!!! i know this age its going to pass… but right now im leaving this… life its so cunfused!!!
how can i deal with it???
ive been trying to find a mashpia for quite some time now and i found that even after having the inspiration to have a mashpia, after deciding that i want to to the right thing and after having the courage to ask those i would feel comfortable with i still havent gotten very far.
maybe i havent tried hard enough but was wondering if any of u under 20 actually have a mashpia and if u have any advice for me because it seems like it was very important to the rebbe but i just cant figure it out
i’m a teenager and i must say most teenagers do think like you-you couldn’t have said it better! ppl ought to realize that what we teenagers go through now is much diff than then-it is much more difficult when our “role models” act the way you describe it.
and can everyone please stop telling her to get a mshpia?!
mashpias these days( im a girl, so i can only speak for this side of the mechitza) have gone thru the same exact systems todays teens are going thru.
thats the problem: many tteenagers are realizing that there is no one WORTHY of holding the title “mashpia”
chaya sweetie, sorry there is so much machlokes in our community. however, there are lots of sichos,maamrim the rebbe left for us as guidance in this dark time. maybe you parents seem to be afraid, i dont know. if you probably dont have that kind od relationship with your mom. A good advice for you is find a mashpia that you will feel comfortable with and express your anger/upset feelings to her. i think it’s a bit chutzpadik to talk the way you do about shluchim. they are the ones who do the rebbe’s work!
Can u tell us, anonymously which of all these answers, advice etc. resonated with you most ?????
Are you reading all the answers and considering a solution to your concern?????
Please Please let us know we are so curious…
Im a girl, baal teshuva.. and I think we need to do the things..and after we will understand!
I’ve got to hand it to you for writing this article. Frankly, I didn’t read all the comments, so I apologize if what I say doesn’t make sense in light of previous comments. Everyone is always ranting and raving about how terrible the tznius has gotten in Lubavitch. Unfortunately, many people overlook the root of the problem: lack of people to look up to. It is common knowledge that we have Rabbanim and Shluchim who fight and bicker and possess, so it seems, sinas chinam (and we’re trying so hard to bring Moshiach!). So saying, how can anyone expect people… Read more »
listen everyone can understand that no one is perfect. the complaints are when it seems the striving for truth and perfection is non existent and the only thing that matters is $$$$Money while at the same time these same people are preaching chassidus wearing their langeh rekels and talking gezha. This Chaya I am sure would have no problem if she saw erenskeit and effort, desire, will etc. to be what the Rebbe wants of us, I am guessing what really bothers her and the so many who see her point is the conscious perversion of chassidic standards where the… Read more »
Good point, I’d take it a step further, stand up to your teachers and mashpiim, Make them earn their title. A lot of my friends still in yeshiva don’t give two hoots about life, which is why they never bothered to take a stand, the truth didn’t matter to them, they were born into a chabad family, sent to chabad school, yeshiva etc. But Some of us actually had the oddasity to say “This is crap!” “I want answers” and not necessarily stemming from emotional insecurities but from a healthy perspective of “why should I lead this lifstyle? I have… Read more »
I’m a teen baal teshuva learning in a BT Yeshiva for the past two years. Started getting frum four or five years ago. On the one hand — you’re right, Chaya. There’s a lot in Lubavitch that I’m finding out about that I didn’t buy into, and it’s all summed up very neatly by — chassidim don’t live up to chassidus. I think this is obvious and I don’t think any chassid would ever make a claim that they do live up to the very real, true picture painted by Chassidus Chabad. There are problems with chassidim, and a lot… Read more »
What people could only tell you without knowing the writer of this letter, that the person writes like an adult because to you it seems very mature, and, indeed, Chaya is in a point in her life when she “opens her eyes” on the world and in particular the system. Chaya: Didnt we say when we all were in front of Har Sinai Naase venishma, we’ll DO and then we’ll UNDERSTAND. First of all, it doesnt only concern Chaya but all of us. Even if we are adults, at any stage. We cant understand everything in life. Moreover, we cannot… Read more »
u spoke my mind chaya i know just how u feel
In every generation there are average people and there are the elite. The average person does not live up to the highest standards of chassidus and they are not the role models to be looked up too in this regard. The elite are those famous chassidim who we recall till today who lived truth. They are far and few and they are the role models we look up too. Chaya not every person is capable of being elite and don’t hold it against them. They are just ordinary people trying to live and be comfortable. Some of these people chose… Read more »
nicely written, a little sappy though.
you are sooooo right! thnx for speaking for all of us!!
p.s to #20 do you remember when you were a teenager!
For #31 and the like to consider: https://collive.com/show_news.rtx?id=7735/ “As far as outreach is concerned, I tell rabbinical students at JTS (Jewish Theological Seminary where they train the Conservative rabbis) that if they cannot exhibit the same love for the Jewish people and Judaism as Chabad rabbis, then they have chosen the wrong profession,” Aisen said. “The Conservative movement is strong on academics; we have many PhDs who can speak with all the required footnotes. We are, however, not good at conveying passion in our services,” he added. This sounds like the same complaint #31 makes about “…anashim melumodoh (people who… Read more »
i really agree with #95 well said brilliant!!! SHKOACH
At this time, you can only do one thing, choose a Mashpia! She will help you in everything you want! And she can also tell you the truth that you want! If not, so she can teach you chassidus!
stop being so negative! i am in my later teens and can honestly tell you, if you really try to look for the truth (with your mashpia) then you’ll find it! dont let your negativity bring you down!!!! you really can do it!! 🙂
and the shluchim you speak of? there are some who act as you describe, but very few! definitly the minority….
so just go out there and try your best! when you take a step in the right direction Hashem helps you to take leaps!!
Thanks for the meladrama!!!
You want truth, learn Torah, learn Chassidus and at some point you will realize that NO, no-one is perfect!!
We were all created with human frailties!!
Get over yourself!
Hey Chaya, I’m 18, here’s what I have to share, If your sincere about seeking the truth, you must stop feeling the need for acceptance and understanding from the adults around you (although it would be nice to have that). Most adults Won’t foster your individuality or creativity since it’s just not worth the risk, They don’t want to be responsible for empowering you as an individual not knowing where it will take you. on my own “quest” for the truth, I feel I’ve developed a Broader perspective on life which was only possible by leaving “the system”, and disaccosiating… Read more »
OK, I don’t know what I can add or if more will help, but I feel compelled to say my piece of advice.( I almost put my name to this but I thought that might weaken the message). Dear Ms. Teenager or Bochur teenager or disenchanted BT or Shliach disappointed. The fact is in Chabad, there are no leaders these days, period end of story AND there’s lots of BS, I mean LOTS. I know, I am a Shliach. Lots of Shluchim have lots of serious problems because, once again leadership is rotten. Nevertheless, The Rebbe is authentic, for REAL,… Read more »
maybe # 94 can connect with # 95 and teach him a few things !
Putting aside whether the person who wrote this is a teen-ager or someone trying to articulate their perspective, and putting aside the obvious advice that this person, or those that they represent, should learn the material, consult a mashpia and do the right thing because that is what they should do, independent of the sincerity of those around them, as all this is true and obvious, the real question here which does need to be addressed, is, that it is, in a sense, more difficult to have had a Rebbe and no longer have access to him in the same… Read more »
i am a 20yr old and can totally relate being “chassidish” is not JUST saying chitas, davvening, going on mivtzoim… – WHY are you doing those things? to say that you do it? being “chassidish” is to try to live chassidus – work on trying to have more bitul, ahavas yisroel… yes we are living in hypocricy and many of our teachers and “role models” don’t really practice what they peach (although most won’t admit that) but you need to work on yourself – try your best (and even more then that) to reallly behave as TORAH and chassidus demands.… Read more »
I really think Rabbi Manis Friedman can help
Puleeez I’m also a teenager… 1- There is always going to be Machlokes. This is not a new thing or a Lubavitch thing or even a frum thing. Look around you, among every group there are opinions and people who are strongly opinionated. People are ENTITLED to their opinions. Not every body is going to always agree, HUMAN NATURE. Sometimes people are going to overreact. It happens… 2- You owe a big apology to Shluchim. How dare you badmouth Shluchim like that? Most Shluchim are struggling. Do you HONESTLY think they are on Shlichus to make money? Do you HONESTLY… Read more »
if shluchim are all about money, why are so many in debt, if they wanted money for luxuries they would get a better job!
Ok so here we have someone asking for truth and screaming out, and what response does she get???
It is all the people that commented here against the article that are proving her point!
hey im a teenager as well and i dont think your totally wrong but i dont think your 100 percent right, i just think we have to look at the possitive part of life and this to will pass
All your lovely comments about how you understand and know what it’s like and how the faze will end are stupid.
It’s IMPOSSIBLE for anyone who was a teen longer than three years ago to know what it’s like now!
Technology is changing things very fast. It was NEVER this hard to be a teenager. Check out what Moshe said when Hashem showed him the generation before Moshiach.
Please help Chaya and the thousands of us teens like her. Give us the truth.
But what about the other half of the comments. Negativity is always out there, the mission of this world is to find the truth that lies hidden within.
Mekabel es ho’emes mi’mi she’omroi.
i am a lubavitcher bochur learning in a famous lubavitch yeshiva. yes, we teenagers are confused. our real confusion is: we can’t “connect” the conduct and lifestyle of today’s lubavitcher chassidim with the “real” derech hachasiddus written in sichos and maamorim of our Rebbe and of previous Rabbeim. we are told: learn the sichos and maamorim and you’ll find all the answers. on the contrary, this confuses us more. where is the “real” chasiddus chabad? where is bitul (nearly every maamer “demands” bitul), learning (not “reading”) chasiddus, midos tovos, avoda shebelev, etc.? this leads to another question. is it worth… Read more »
Firstly – im a teenager myself. I am on shluchos, and i dont understand you (you reffering to Chaya). We arent worried that they will become more frum then us, b/c most baley tshuvahs are more frum, b/c the lived the past. They know how it was, and try much harder not to go down there. Where do u see that ppl dont want to have baley tshuvahs in their shuls? We help them, and they come closer to yiddishkeit, which in the end brings them to baley tshuvahs – thats what shluchos is – helping other yidden to understand… Read more »
you are totally right…but have in mind that as parents we try our best to show our kids our way, it isnt easy.
Its sad to see what this world came to. What is motivating you to insult the thousands of Shluchim who have a crazy amount of mesiras nefesh? We have to raise our own money- try doing it yourself instead of having your parents buy you everything. We can’t get to our goal without raising money. Think about it. Don’t judge before you know the whole story.
I took #1 to mean that we really need “A Few Good Wo/Men” to set things right. When the lines fit – they apply. To #1: Very good answer to a difficult question.
thank you to say the words i couldnt say and people should listen to!!!
I do not understand in any way. There are people who give up their entire life to go on shlichus. If you are a bored soul in _____, don’t bash shluchim, go bash yourself. We work hard, we dont have kosher food, tznius clothing, mikvahs, we have a hard time and we give up all of our lives to be on shlichus! That someone even THINKS about judging us sickens me to my very core. You have no right to just DECIDE that “oh today im in the mood of badmouthing a shlucha”, and even if shluchos has turned into… Read more »
Chaya, part of the truth is that we are all still unfinished products, working at believing and carrying out that “It is within your reach to follow the Torah in thought, word, and deed.” Another part of the truth is that we do not always succeed at that YET — remember, I said that part of the truth is that we are all unfinished products. If you do a true cheshbon on yourself, it is quite possible that you will find areas in which you, too, are perhaps somewhat of a hypocrite about something or other. This is not to… Read more »
thank g-od ur not my parent!!!!
Dont speak about Chabad when u havent lived it !!!!!!!!!!
I’m an adult , parent to children, and yes Chaya you do have a right to voice your thoughts on what is really going on around you. Those in the system will go about their business maintaining that all is well and that if you learn all the sichos and have a mashpia then you will be okay. Yes , you do need to speak with someone as others have commented , preferable someone who understands what you are talking about and sees the dublicity. Unfortunately, parents are human, we all have faults and the adults around a teenager can… Read more »
u right chaya!!!!!!!
First of all of my heart goes out to you, for you seem to be a bright teenager with a healthy conscience. I completely identify with what your saying and I have been thinking E-x-a-c-t-l-y every word in your article for the last 4 years of my life, I just never had the pen to write it so well… I think people realise today that it is not about “Meshichhist” or “Anti”, it’s about being a human being! Being polite and kind to each other. Simple as that. For example: The next time a mushroom sets himself up in your… Read more »
The answers come when u grow up and have a better understanding……..now is the time to learn ,believe and do as ur told!
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.- Charles Wadsworth
Never confuse Judaism with Jews. Lubavitch with Lubavitchers etc…
there is a great book called going off the derech. it explains alot. when there is dysfuntion in a family, strict rules that dont make sense and or most importantly not enough love and emotional warmth and unconditional love, then this is where the problems start. the relationhsip with our kids starts when they are BORN. if we dont show that that unconditional love, they will be confused and many other things and who knws what else/.
you really memorized those lines well.
Are you clear? are you very clear?
Crystal
Well, im reading and reading but miss Chaya…. what is your question? what do you want to know the truth about? be specific, dont be scared, say once and for all what it is you are looking for?
Chaya is relaying an important message that should be knocking us on our heads when heard. A good example of this all is … Tznius! In my elementary school-BR- The staff pressured us all and taught us the import. of it. However, one summer I got a pleasant surprise when I visited the bungalow colonies… In some they were good about it, Yet in many they were totally not and that is what surprises me! Wearing a mask in CH does not reveal the truth to anyone. Is it important to be Tznius? I question myself sometimes when I get… Read more »
this is defiantly the work of an adult. A little cliche but a tzinus way of raising some valid points.
i have an idea for you chaya, why don’t you make a stand to change things instead of posting anonymous articles. make programs, be a dug mechaya, every thing you do adds positivity and makes a difference.
if we all do our part we can change reality!
(now im the one sounding cliche, yet we all know it rings truth)
MOSHIACH NOW!
actually, go to 770 (mayb u should read the sicha about 770 – beis rabeinu)! (and to the ohel).
u have to bring in machlokes AGAIN?? not enough?
B”H
I believe that you are sincere so I therefore suggest to you to speak to Rabbi Sholom Sheyich”ye Charitonow, you can look up his phone number easily, he lives in CH.G-D Bless you!!!
what about the books that our parentsread, but forbidus to read??????????
is it only ok for the parents to read shtus??????????
interesting responses…
good for u Chaya. good luck, be strong
i really need you services, how can you be contacted?
More Of The Same.
The writer and the commentors.
In order to find truth you will need to depart from MOTS.
But in Lubavitch circles (as in most frum) you can never get out of the box.
Find a rov who can. (Mashpiyim re “keepers of the true faith.” They have a party line to promote. A iving ($$$) to justify.
An independent rov (someone sympathetic to Chassidus Chabad – as opposed to ideology of Chabad) will be able to give you some keys. But you must be prepared t do the hiking.
In addition of the title above is my agreement that the truth is (as they say) usually somewhere between, but if one stands in the middle of nowhere, there is a huge chance to become a victime of any side, and most of all, of the own undecisiveness. I am very grateful for you to share your thoughts and fears with so many known and unknown (truths) people and also to those who were provoced to give answers or own attitudes to your dilemmas. I have heard before that the love and the beauty come from inside and can’t be… Read more »
This is great! Now i get to act like a self-centered jerk who could do whatever she wants and i can blame it on the older generation!! Chaya, take it from another Chaya. Truth speaks for itself. It doesn’t need role models to tell you that its the truth. In fact, the need for proof lessens it’s greatness. If you truly want to be connected to the Rebbe, you can go to 770 or the Ohel or President Street or your closest Chabad House or your room-basically, wherever YOU feel. It makes absolutely no difference if anyone else is arguing… Read more »
adults have to realize that this isn’t the voice of stam, someone else’s daughter.
every adult has to invest 1,000% into their child as if s/he was at risk. even if s/he doesn’t express it, EVERY SINGLE (CLEVER) TEENAGER TODAY STRUGGLES WITH THIS!!!
i really really agree with you… i never saw the rebbe either and sometimes i dont know what to believe… i never saw the rebbe and i can honestly say i lack the bitachon that the other chassidim have. this “chaya” is writing what most of us struggle and think about EVERY DAY our lives. dont tell us we need help. get up and try to help us yourself. we are all one ppl. mocking us will not solve anything so go 61 and go chaya! thanks 4 telling e1 what we we struggle with every day. maybe now we… Read more »
Speak to the rebbe at the ohel. He has his ways to get back to you.
im reading ur replies.. and i think im just gonna go off the d. half of u are just proving her point. this is so scary. and u know something.. ur worried for us… but ur scared…not really for us.. but from what we will do to the future of that which u believe. dont just tell her to go open maamarim and get a mashpia. believe me… many teenage girls these days learn and learn and learn and learn seeking the truth. and its not there. its just gone. everytime a question is posed… the answer is the same:… Read more »
In the sixties and seventies there was a cry from the youth of America, particularly the jewish youth. The conventions of the older generation seemed conflicted and hypocritical. This restless generation, questioned everything, sometimes profoundly and sometimes irresponsibly. In those times, conventional jewish leadership was stale, self absorbed, and uninspiring. Jewish youth went looking for something more meaningful. The Rebbe understood this dynamic and saw that this was a great opportunity to expose a frustrated generation to Torah True Judaism. This approach tore away the darkness for a generation. The selfless shluchim of this time, brought a sense of freshness,… Read more »
Dear Chaya shetichyeh. You will know that you have reached a profound level of maturity when you come to realize that adults,too, are people- people with strengths and weaknesses.What they have over teenagers is only what comes with life experience and having “been there.” Try to be as tolerant of their weaknesses as you would want them to be of yours. Try to acknowledge and respect their strengths as you would want them to acknowledge and respect yours.The purity of teenagers looking for perfection in those they would like to consider their role models is enviable; but rather than becoming… Read more »
Respect for your courage, dear author; you deserve better. Thank g-d, at least somebody taught you that true anivus means being able to admit to confusion, to ask for help, and to speak your mind truthfully, despite what you’re told to think or feel.
this was written so nicely
SO true i couldnt have said it better myself!
be the change you want to see in the world. i felt like you when i was 8 yrs younger, nothing will change get used to it….
schoools are corrupt and there has to be change!
we havve to have the young generation who can give off inspiration the right way! one who understands us….
Awesome work! you could not have said it better
You are young and impressionable. Keep in mind to look for the good in people and imitate the good. Nobody proffeses to be above the law. We all have Maalos and sometimes not such great behaviors. Ideally, a Chossid should be beyond the idea that “we are human” and blame his/her faults on being “human”. Of course, we should all internalize all that we have learned and “practice what we preach”. Mitoch Sheloh Lishma, bo Lishma. Don’t blame your negative behaviors on anybody but yourself. We all have to take responsibility for our actions. A good place to start is… Read more »
have you ever considered the possibility that we are all like you, searching for the truth? that we are all like you, very human and fragile? that we are not twisted and evil, rather searching for some meaning and blindly bumping into each other in the darkness? that we all wish that we could live in the perfect true world which you long for? No, we are not so scared of teenagers, we are more scared of our own reflection, what have we done in our quest for the truth. but we are not bad, nor misguided. we are merely… Read more »
…is what I hear from this message. Please don’t forget that teenagers still need hugs and be told and shown they are loved – STILL … that we don’t just stop loving them when they APPEAR grown up. Teens, especially, are looking to us adults for examples of stability, strength, and dignity in their new, uncertain roles within the community. They are testing us adults, hoping that, in their changing lives, they can still count on us for love – that we will rise when they fall – as they have needed since they were children…for us to be there… Read more »
clearly this teen needs a MASHPIA a dad’s job is NOT to be the “aseh-lecha-rav” if you sincerly seek answers to your questions than follow the Rebbe’s advice… A family member (father) is not to be the Mashpia of the teenager! rather a mashpia must be OBJECTIVE not family if you cannot find even one (ego-les) Chossid who is a real mentch, (a Yorei shomayim, Talmid chacham & Oheiv yisroel) than you must look in the mirror & ask yourself AM I REALLY Sincerely looking for the “TRUTH”…? remember YES there might be plenty of hypocrites out there, (yeridas hadoros… Read more »
its sorrowing
thanks for speaking up for us.
seriously. if this was actually written by a teenager… then u honestly rockk
here goes everyone start fighting who the truth belongs to!!!
Get yourself a real mashpiah and start doing what the Rebbe wants from you, but of course according to your mashpias guidance. Don’t be upset at the world, just happilly do what it is right which is what Hashem wants from you only the truth. The word Emes is found 8 times in the brocho after Shma Yisroel in Shacharis. The first 4 represent the desire of a yid for Emes, the last 4 are Hashems response to a yid with the real Emes, and then you could really start Shmone Esre. Do what hashem wants and do everything with… Read more »
We have to change!
If you want the truth than you must open up a Lekutei Sichos or Igros and start reading. If you want a role model you must look at the Rebbe. Everyone now-a-days is full of it, but it is tough times and it is safe to assume that people are giving it their best.
As a teenager, albeit a very clever one, you must realize that the truth doesn’t change by the people who follow it. The truth will remain the truth no matter what anyone does with it.
Machloikes was always part of Torah…. Shivim Ponim Letorah … If you’re problem with adults/role models is arguing, well people argue. Rebbi Akivah’s students, who should have been more into Ahvas Yisroel then anyone, fought all day- about Torah!
Can’t wait for all the comments of the clueless people agreeing. ‘Oh I agree with you’ etc etc. Lady, who are you looking for role models? Tzfatim? Of course they fight? Look at the good. The good Shluchim. The real Chassidim- The Berel Lipskers, the Yossi Paltiels, the Berel Shemtovs, the Mendel Gordons. Even a ‘super-star’ Avrohom Fried- just a good erlicher Yid. A Shimmy Weinbaum- working all day for the Rebbe. Kuti Feldman – what a Jew. So it all depends where you’re looking!
I don’t know about others, so I’ll respond for myself…. There are individuals in all societies who are insecure… I’m sorry if your parents are teachers are amongst them vis a vis religion. I for one am not. Although my parents sometimes were/are, I told them to stick that attitude where the sun don’t shine and they got it…mostly. Be who you want to be. Think about it deeply, talk it over with a mashpia who is a real and deep person and ultimately, make your own decisions. IMHO the Rebbe obm was a great leader, one of the greatest… Read more »
Girl I’m with u
love u for posting!
good
I really don’t think we’re sacred of you. Really! Worried? Maybe. Scared of ourselves? Maybe. Scared about how you’ll turn out. Most probably. But certainly not scared of you.
You don’t stand a chance
Very well written, and finally someone has said this in an op-ed. Rabienu Tam told Moshe Rabienu he was wrong (Tiffilin), and til today (some) people put in both. What are you frustrated over? Absolute power corrupts absolutely! If Lubavitch did not suffer abuse under Stalin etc.. Lubavitch itself wouldn’t abuse those who think differently than the establishment, and those who are not ‘card carrying members’. My father a”h told me ‘If you can live with the idealism and (real) misurus nefesh to go on shlichus, go. However, if not, you have a responsibility to receive a professional vocational training.… Read more »
This letter is superb! I hope people read it!
Catriel
its sooo sad how shlichus became a competition who has richer bala batim who has more at there prograams ect shlichus is not buisness its ur life work its ur avodah frm the rebbe!!
We the teens are not rebelling because we don’t get ‘it’, we are rebelling because we DO!! We see how the older generation has replaced the real values and focus of Chabad Chassidus – ahavas yisroel, ahavas hashem, hisbononos, etc – with power struggles and corruption and “he is a mushroom” and “he is causing the Rebbe intense pain” and he is this, and she is that. After all, this is all they talk about, and the only thing they koch in. And what about ahavas yisroel, ahavas hashem, hisbononos and the other core values? Oh, that’s been replaced with… Read more »
All I can say is that, whether you’re right or wrong doesn’t matter. Having reasons or excuses don’t help. Do what you have to do. Follow the Rebbe. The Rebbe said get a Mashpia. it’s that simple.
Finally some1 spoke up
Eli M.
I hope that this makes some people question their motives.
I was a teen and I have teens. Yes, maybe there was a time when adults were great role models and there still are some. But truthfully, we are all in this together now. The Rebbe said ” I’ve done all I can and now its up to you”…..we ALL have the last fight, we all have to resolve issues, and we all have to do the Rebbe’s inyon of getting a mashpia, may HaShem help us all find at least one which can give us quality, dignified guidance. So I hear that you say you feel we’re afraid of… Read more »
It is always good for one to express an opinion, when what opinion is being expressed is based on fact and not that “this is what I think” the way it is, without finding out from the source. Opinions are to be shared and to be respected, but I feel this writer has generalized saying what she feels the way Shluchim are now and what their goals are etc. Not getting into that no one is to judge one another and she is openly judging a large segment of Chassidim… Your perception is simply not true. Many, I would say… Read more »
This teen is going to be a famous author someday! Really good!
Every word here should be heeded. Absolutely brilliant and right on! You have completely pinpointed what is wrong with the system and what needs to be fixed. And you definitely deserve the truth, unfiltered and certainly ego-less! And if you want Chassidus the way it should be taught, check out http://www.inner.org and read the books by Rabbi Yitzchak Ginsburgh!
I found out the truth and it wasn’t what I expected.
Trust me, you don’t want to know.
Ignorance is Bliss!
Fine, I just turned twenty but I still think there is zero chance this is written by a teenager. An adult looking to bring out certain points.
Isn’t it amazing how you have all the negatives, down-pat. As a brother to many Shluchim, i’m insulted. There they are on absolute Mesiras Nefesh and they still managed to get bashed!
This is a moment of falsehood and self pity. She needs a real mashpia desperately to put things in perspective.
Just remember one thing, adults are not scared of you, they are worried for you.
Adults went through your faze and more and have a lot more experience in life than you do, so please, don’t blame you own shortcomings (rebeliousness) on their ego etc.
G-d willing in a couple of years you will realize, these are YOUR shortcomings, it is no one’s fault, despite who you blame it on.
Honey, we will all know the truth when moshiach is here. Meanwhile, learn the Rebbes Sichos. Interpret it how you want, get a mashpia, someone you look up to and trust, go to 770 to daven and go to the Ohel to daven some more. Be frum, be chassidish….it will all work out. Dont worry so much.
i agree 1000%
What I see here is a teenager who is a product of our time. Rebellious and confused. Hiding behind Chassidishkeit to bash those who brought her up and hold her dear. Perhaps, she truly believes her “righteous indignation”, but in her self-centered mind she believes she “can’t respect you”. You have the truth. Any Shliach, with all his shortcomings is still a Shliach, who wants to do whatever the Rebbe wills, nonetheless he is not a tzadik and can sometimes be involved in things not directly related to his Shlichus per se. Thankfully, I believe she truly is just going… Read more »
its healthy and healing!!!
u are speaking for all of us world wide
GO Chaya! Thank you for speaking for all of us!
Hanuka ben Moshe Halevi
Unfortunately, you got it all wrong.
By and large, Shluchim are sincere and are doing everything they can to do what the Rebbe wants.
.
But we are all fallible Human Beings, and as such, sometimes a Shliach can be caught up a bit with side things such as those mentioned, however, that does not justify this latest culture of demonizing shluchim like that.
she is an AMAZINGG writer. major talent.
i cant stand when a BITTER mom ( or dad 4 that matter) write these articles betraying a teenager, yes some of us r confused the ones whose parents r scared of them!!
enought said go to some parenting classes or get a mashpia
Speak to Manis Friedman. He is all about truth. Remember this: Truth = peace. Look at who causes conflict across the globe. Those are the factions to avoid, & the same care must be given in Chabad.
Good for you, you want the truth. It’s there, you just need to find someone without an agenda to show you.
However, that is not the problem with most teenagers today. The ones who want the truth will end up OK; it’s the ones who don’t care that scare me.
Who has so much hate? I promise you the “system” is flawless. I assure you that if you follow it, in the long run you will have a life full of happines. The truth is infront of your eyes, open the sichos, mammorim, farbrengins. The mashpiem are waiting for your questions. Embrace the culture that has survived the test of time, Frum yiddishkiet! Keep it real!
I hear you, girl. When I was a bochur (post 3 tamuz) I saw all this stuff around me and said I will be the Chosid that I believe is right based on experiances I had with the Rebbe and by reading the Rebbe’s Torah. A decade and a few children later I realize that it’s not so simple and that community is critical in raising a family. Bottom line, we all have our pekele. Every generation has its naysayers and erev rav. Positive attitude and trying to get the best unbiased take by actually learning the Rebbe’s (and previous… Read more »
let us see how you act when you become an adult!!
this is amazing im sure if everybody read this theid change the way they are this is really good go chaya even though i dont know you
hatzlacha raba
I love this!
so true!
whenever i hear an inspiring speaker bring up an issue- i feel like everyone is looking around at “the people he is talking about”. most dont think- hey i can be more real- i need to change.
the fact the one things he’s perfect just shows how low he is like countless stories of early chassdidm etc who thought they were more humble than Moshe…!
You can’t “hendel” the truth.
We use words like honor, code, loyalty…we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use ’em as a punchline.
I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a child who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it!
I’d rather you just said thank you and went on your way.