By Chaya, a teenager
Call me naïve or call me innocent, mock me, tell me I’m a teenager and I may think I know everything but really I know nothing, tell me you went through the same thing and you came out a-ok, it’s just a phase I will get through it too.
I know that really you’re scared of me, because I’m a teenager and we are scary.
Fact is: Adults are scared of us.
But maybe if I showed you how the world looked to me, or more specifically, how you look to me, how you sound when you talk, and how “ok” you seem to have turned out – you could understand me or at least try.
You are my role models.
I see you fight and strangle one another; is the Rebbe in 770 or in the Ohel? Which Gimmel Tammuz farbrengen did you go to? That’s a decision that needs to be made wisely you wouldn’t want to ruin your reputation! How do we go about… did the Rebbe want us to do this or did he want us to do that?
You don’t know, because any chance of an answer is suppressed by your ego, your need to be right, to be the one who knows more.
I want to respect you, but I can’t.
I see you – a shliach in your Chabad house – and at some point heading toward your goal you got sidetracked, and your new goal became money, and frankly you rather your congregants didn’t become baalei teshuvah ‘cos then they’d probably become frumer then you, and that’s always annoying.
Possibly, this sounds barbaric to you, and that could easily be, because you are far more concerned about your neighbor shliach and how HE totally missed the point and is doing a million and 2 things wrong.
Wait, who am I to judge? It all seems very hypocritical of me, you say? Well, heck – at least you taught me how to do something!
You, of course are not guilty of any of the above; I mean, you know people who are, rachmana letzlan…
But B”h you’ve risen above!
Sickness, Death, War…
And your priorities remain twisted, your ego swollen and you still can’t recognize you are at fault.
And the best part is, I scare you! I make you nervous! Because I’m a confused teenager who has no idea what she wants!
So you meet and you discuss: what is up with them? Was it always like this? Are we doing something wrong?
Well here I am with the answer; yes you are doing something wrong!
I know what I want!
I want the truth, I crave the truth, I do not want some imprecise version of it, perverted by your arrogance.
I’m begging for truth, for you to show me my Rebbe the way he wants and deserves to be shown! Teach me chassidus the way it befits being taught!
Truth is the only shot you got to make it right. And when there is truth there can be no dispute and no ego.