ב"ה
Monday, 29 Shevat, 5780
  |  February 24, 2020

Stealing Your Child’s Education?

From the COLlive inbox: A parent and member of a school administration on what's "infuriating" to those who work in your child's school. Full Story

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So glad to see this concept in print, finally!
Guest
So glad to see this concept in print, finally!

This is SO important!!!! While no school is flawless, do your kids a favor and only send them to a school you respect 100%, even if it is not in Crown Heights, if you feel nothing here is good enough. There is a four-part equation: Hashem, the student, the school (including its teachers), and the parents. While Hashem is there to support all three of the other parts of this equation, If those three can’t all work together AND SUPPORT EACH OTHER, the student is the one who suffers the most. And ultimately, the student won’t look up to his/her… Read more »

Too "musur"y to read....
Guest
Too "musur"y to read....

I’m not even sure the point.
A reputation is earned- it’s just the way life is.
If a school has a bad reputation they should do an honest cheshbon hanefesh to see why, and change their ways.
It fits perfectly with this “Elul theme”
Leave the parents alone.
Same parent body…different schools… different attitudes.
Explain that!

Okay
Guest
Okay

The most honest and true thing that collive ever posted.

 From Experience
Guest
From Experience

The reverse has also proven to be very true.
Parents entrust their most precious treasures to
teachers and administrators for hours every day .
Hashem granted them a good child who is deprived
of being themselves and developing their potential when
the environment is not right and teachers are clueless and
use snap judgement to form opinions.
I hope this line serves as an eye opener for those who
need to realize the above.

Wow
Guest
Wow

Agree!

Misleading title
Guest
Misleading title

What I call stealing one’s child education are those parents who use up federal grants to pay tuition thereby limiting the child’s means of getting proper college education later in life.

Well written
Guest
Well written

Point taken

two way street
Guest
two way street

when the schools respect the hard earned money that parents are spending by ensuring that the principals, teachers and education are respectable, I have no doubt that parents will feel the responsibility to keep the schools well funded

Ipcha Mistabra
Guest
Ipcha Mistabra

There is one thing that is infuriating to those of us who work nonstop and are pressured into paying huge sums of money we don’t have in order for our children to have a Jewish education: board members, administrators and teachers who do not respect the stressed out and overburdened parents upon who’s backs (at least quantitatively speaking) the success of these schools are able to function.

I couldn't agree more
Guest
I couldn't agree more

I can’t tell you how much it irks me when I hear parents complaining about the school that they CHOOSE to send their kids. Especially when they post about it or mock teachers on social media. It’s the worse lesson you can impart on your children to lack respect. If you don’t like the school , then choose one better suited to your needs. If you think the school can make improvements, like most schools can benefit from growth than volunteer and see how you can make the school grow to the better. Complaining is beyond detrimental. I worked in… Read more »

Chinuch tip
Guest
Chinuch tip

Do not ask your child if they like their teachers- this is a non educational question.
If they express displeasure you can ask them what is bothering them and help them see through the issue.
Just as we do not encourage labeling …asking your child if they like their teachers encourages them to label their teacher and not the behavior.
Respect starts at home ! Parents keep this in mind as the beginning of school and through out the year.

I couldn't agree more
Guest
I couldn't agree more

and the damage could extend well beyond the immediate children R”L, but Teshuvah is always possible!.

the problem
Guest
the problem

the problem is that most of the parents in Beis Rivkah don’t have a choice. BR is basically like a frum public school. The education is hit or miss at best, generally sub-par, and for the most part there is no accountability. Honestly, I think it’s important for the kids to know that this is not ideal, and often not ok. Do you really want me to sing the praises of the teacher who didn’t smile once the entire year? Best case scenario our kids waste half the day every year (that policy of teaming up one good teacher with… Read more »

So true!
Guest
So true!

I was married to a borderline personality disorderd wife whose main focus is putting everything around her down. Our kids go to a Lubavitch school where we live which is growing steadily, and all she does is bash the school bash the teachers bash the administrators always looking for something wrong to agitate about. Is everything perfect in the school? No. Does it have the same challenges like most other places? Yes. There is no profession in the world. It’s just how these types of destructive creatures operate — they thrive on tearing down rather than supporting and building up,… Read more »

From a teacher
Guest
From a teacher

I find this article to be judgmental and a bit unfair. Who are you that you have the right to judge the way others handle their children’s chinuch / money / vacations, etc.? Calling this genaiva is an extremely strong term. For you to pass judgment on the community is promoting the very behavior you are trying to condemn. Parents are doing the best they can in a tough world. They are trying to support their students in school, make ends meet, keep their children happy and fulfilled in their Yiddishe lives, and in general be everywhere at once. Be… Read more »

A different angle
Guest
A different angle

הגונב מן הגנב פטור

true
Guest
true

i work in a school and i agree with this 100%
well said

MRS PERL ARBOR
Guest
MRS PERL ARBOR

HELLO? LET THE SCHOOLS YESHIVAHS SEMINARIES STOP CHARGING ABSURD CRAZY FEES,WHICH ARE ONLY AFFORDABLE BY GEVIRIM AND WHICH ARE TOTALLY DISPROPORTIONATE TO MOST PARENTS INCOMES. ADMINISTRATORS INSTEAD OF BEING JUDGE ABD JURY AS TO WHAT PARENTS CAN AFFORD AND HOW THEY CHOOSE TO SPEND THEIR HARD EARNED INCOMES IS FRANKLY NOBODYS BUSINESS. IF ADMINSTRATORS CARE SO MUCH LET THEM SET UP COMMITEES TO FUND RAISE OR FIGHT FOR STATE FUNDING LIKE OTHER JEWISH SCHOOLS AND FIND A BALANCE BETWEEN A KODESH CURRICULUM AND A CHOL CURRICULUM SO AS TO CATER FOR ALL AND KEEP FEES AT A SENSIBLE AFFORDABLE LEVEL.… Read more »

sign your name
Guest
sign your name

this means nothing unless you put your name to it. sorry buddy, believe in what you say and sign your name.

Stealing Tuition
Guest
Stealing Tuition

Until there is transparency with the school budgets, how the tuitions are set and where the tuitions go parents should negotiate the best possible rates. Schools are often run as private family businesses and there is room to say the parents prefer to spend their money on family needs and not subsidize the extravagencies of the administrator’s family.

Your points are well taken, but...
Guest
Your points are well taken, but...

When my children were younger, my parents gave us money a few years to go on a short vacation (max a week) to Florida. Their logic was, you will always find money for tuition but not for a much-needed break. We didn’t pay full tuition but we paid a lot. Don’t assume that every “luxury” is paid for by parents; B”H many of us are blessed with generous and understanding families. As for talking against the school: I think everyone is guilty of that at one time or another, especially if there is a particular staff member who displays wrongful… Read more »

Enough with the Guilt Trips
Guest
Enough with the Guilt Trips

Why do we have to keep pestering people who do things differently than the authors? Personally we have only had to deal with the struggle of tuition this year, but no I didn’t steal my kids education. Why not write something more uplifting and less admonishing, such as lets get school vouchers passed? Do you know how much money Jewish schools could benefit from if we could get public funding? And lets talk about something else. Parents trash-talk schools when they feel like they have no other choice, but when they choose something different like homeschooling or sending their kids… Read more »

So true!
Guest
So true!

So sad but today’s parents priorities are so messed up. It is a “ME”, generation, they feel they have an entitlement to everything. They have to have the best clothes , jewelry, car, vacations , newest shatels most expensive and homes in the country , and mid winter vacations in warm places or Europe or Israel, mind you some of these moms don’t work. And those parents who do not qualify for Head Start, because they are on the books or legitimately married,yes they want to pay the tuition, but when they their friends lie and cheat, they are off… Read more »

Enough Education?
Guest
Enough Education?

Have Lubavitch boys had enough secular education to enable them to have good careers and be able to earn enough to keep their future famlies. From what I have witnessed, I think not

parent
Guest
parent

respect is earned not forced

Stop!
Guest
Stop!

What about administration not respecting teachers…..
The students figure that out very quickly

Why not sign your name?
Guest
Why not sign your name?

Most parents started off on the right track but lost hope along the way. Corruption in the schools. On top of that, very few families pay full tuition and many of these are not wealthy families. The burden is unfair and overwhelming. I only wish it were as simple as the article describes.

It's true
Guest
It's true

I know tons of families that still did not pay for tuition last year and they still go around Europe and Israel during the summer and when it comes to registration the school does not let them get registrated when they still owe for 3 years 40,000

Author is a coward
Guest
Author is a coward

If it was a private citizen who had authored this piece it wouldn’t be half as bad. But as a school administrator he has only verified all our fears: an arrogant and judgemental individual who wallows in his own sanctimony, and shows zero signs of possessing even the basic humility. If he is the face of our schools, no wonder there is such little respect!

great piece
Guest
great piece

thank you for writing!

#15
Guest
#15

They need more teachers like you.

Don't agree
Guest
Don't agree

While the child does need to see parents display civility and respect, the school is working for the parents and not the other way around.
Also, it is unhealthy for a child to see parents give absloyte authority to a school. Then, if and when the school makes mistakes towarss the child, the parent is not there to support their child, let alone the lines that have been blurred in allowing school personell free reign for physical, verbal or sexual abuse if tempted.

truthfully,it's
Guest
truthfully,it's

goes in all directions, any number of reasons can bring default to smooth function of the schools,once mrs. gorowitz said you really have to look at the situation, sometimes it can be the teacher, some times the child all situations are different personally our in laws helped us with tution-but you should know that it was a very hard thing for them, there home was very run down-so we always paid tution, even if we didn’t have a extra penny in our pockets,100k for all our children isn’t nothing to sneeze about, l must say k’ah my mother in law… Read more »

#13
Guest
#13

Be very careful where you go. We live “out of town” in a place where the school has a great reputation from the outside. Not so much from the inside. It usually takes families a few years of living in a place to realize the real story. The sorry truth is that the entire Lubavitch educational system is very mediocre, to be generous.

Nowhere in the article
Guest
Nowhere in the article

does it say you should never address your child’s valid concerns. The question is how you are doing it. Your child suffers from your outward disrespect of school and teachers.
B”H, never heard a negative word about the teachers or schools we went to, from our parents!

Extremes
Guest
Extremes

Depicting an extreme to make a point, maybe makes a point, but it’s noteworthy to clarify it’s an extreme. I’m guessing the author doesn’t think all parents are as depicted, and the point is that parents should acknowledge and respect well-meaning and hard-working teachers. And many parents do. And most teachers respect and acknowledge parents for their love and worry for their children, and the financial sacrifices made for their education. A problem I see in this conversation, and focusing on the teachers and school admin since that’s the author’s position: Regardless of good intention and hard work, the majority… Read more »

With HaShem's Help
Guest
With HaShem's Help

BS”D Wow, you’re right. I should be better. Iy”H I will be better. HaShem will iy”H bentch all of us to be able to pay full tuition and additional and have all we need, and that there should be peace between administrative bodies and talmidim and parents. Ksiva vchasima tova and blessing!

 #4 SO TRUE
Guest
#4 SO TRUE

I’ve been there too. Now, that is called robbery. Skip the
tuition. May Hashem give understanding to those who err
and save those who pay the price…..
Ksivah Vachasimah Tova

it's obvious
Guest
it's obvious

that this article is not about what the schools deserve. It’s about appropriate parental attitudes towards educators and education. And it for sure has a negative impact on the children when their parents kvetch and don’t pay the tuition.

If there are problems, which there are likely to be, the parents must deal with them.. but in a mentchlich way.

#19 says the author should sign their name. But how can the author write a name without casting blame on the members of the school parent body where he or she works??

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