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Friday, 20 Elul, 5779
  |  September 20, 2019

Some Stuff Should Remain Private

Op-Ed: Sometimes when men and women comment together on Facebook and Instagram it feels wrong; it feels like an inappropriate social event. Full Story

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anon
Guest
anon

Thank you! Shocking to hear that the Rebbes camps are encouraging chassidishe people to open instagram accounts in order to see pictures of their children in camp!

Timely advice
Guest
Timely advice

Thank you for the encouragement!

Well said
Guest
Well said

Excellent article. Thank you for saying what needs to be said.

Agree !
Guest
Agree !

Nice ! I also find it inappropriate for woman to post pictures of themselves on Facebook . There is a sensitivity that seems to be missing .

to#4
Guest
to#4

What is missing? Censorship?

Come on COL
Guest
Come on COL

Some “stuff should remain private?” Couldn’t you think of a more intelligent sounding title? Your site is an accurate representation of the general studies education (or lack thereof) of your readers. Congratulations. Another article where people who can’t write make an argument for something totally not worth arguing about. Where’s an article about why authors like this are using the word “stuff” so freely as adults?

#4 excuse me?!
Guest
#4 excuse me?!

It’s inappropriate for a woman to post pictures of herself, but it’s ok for a man?

cmon
Guest
cmon

This must be the biggest problem in chabad COMMON

Wow
Guest
Wow

Finally someone addressing the issues that had made uncomfortable for a very long time.

100%
Guest
100%

I bit the bullet and closed my facebook account a while ago and it was the best decision.

Finally on COL
Guest
Finally on COL

Something well written!

collive
Guest
collive

We should have a seperation b/w men and women comments on collive..the fact that bochurim r reading womens comments is highely inappropriate.

anti-facebooker
Guest
anti-facebooker

it’s too open. From the cookies you baked to an evening out, everything gets posted without discretion. I don’t have a facebook account, and wouldn’t even open one when the yeshivot wanted us to “like” them so they could get points. I’m glad others are also uncomfortable with this everything goes attitude

Confused
Guest
Confused

Is the point of the article whether it’s ok for mixed commenting on camp pictures, or posting private things on the internet?

To #10
Guest
To #10

I didn’t close my Facebook account — because I had never
opened one!

Message to #6
Guest
Message to #6

1-The title is a play on words!
2- Don’t judge a “title” by its cover!
3- the article was written very well, and the comments should reflect it.

To Rabbi Lipskier
Guest
To Rabbi Lipskier

I am afraid you are making a Cholent of privacy and Tznius, two things which are NOT the same. Privacy is relative. Privacy evolves. Tznius is Halacha. It is understandable that people may be uncomfortable with the idea of sharing and commenting on pictures on FB and Instagram, but the fact is that this is now becoming the norm. This is no longer considered “private” to the new generation, and over the years will no longer be considered private at all. Whether or not this is a breach of Tznius is something you need to ask your local Rov. (I… Read more »

to#12
Guest
to#12

Too funny. Lol.

Comment
Guest
Comment

Are we or are we not chassidim of the Rebbe? Uncomfortable as this may be, Lubavitch is a CHASSIDUS first and foremost – which happens to do outreach, and for outreach purposes we have to do certain things. BUT AT THE CORE – would the Rebbe permit this? I am shocked at the comments -what is wrong with posting women’s pictures…. TZNIUS! KOL KEVUDAH BAS MELECH PNIMA… come on… All those commenting on the use of the word “STUFF” – get a life – I am a PhD and this is perfectly well written. You are using it as an… Read more »

No no no
Guest
No no no

Why is everyone saying it’s not tznius for men to read women’s comments? Why not the other way around?

i agree
Guest
i agree

I think all women should wear burqas and a muzzle, and only be allowed out of the house between 12-2

kol hakavod, right on target
Guest
kol hakavod, right on target

I was shocked to see that the wife of a shliach has a FB account with an inappropriate picture of herself (posing in a way not befitting a bas melech) whereas he himself doesn’t even have an account because it’s not ‘chsiddish’. If husbands don’t say anything to the lack of tznius of their wives…

how times have changed...
Guest
how times have changed...

you can see from the many critical comments how far we are from the essence of tznius… the new generation doesnt’ even
get it….

to#21
Guest
to#21

That is so wrong and insensitive.

to#19
Guest
to#19

I guess looking at wedding photos would be considered wrong too, no?

crown heights
Guest
crown heights

point is, i dont need to see choosonim and kallhas posing inappropriately just like the outside world and the goyshe world. its discusting and disgraceful, its so common that many people dont see how its wrong.
would you bring me behind your bedroom door.
PLEASE STOP TOUCHING OR POSING OR PUTTING YOUR FACE ON YOUR HUSBAND WIFE AND ADVERSTISE IT TO THE WORLD. STOP NOWWWW!

Go back to ride on camels .....
Guest
Go back to ride on camels .....

Don’t use electricity – no Inernet – no problems ……

FACEbook
Guest
FACEbook

How does FACEbook connect to what the Besht said about looking at someone and seeing what needs correction and really you are looking at the reflection of your own face and need to see what you need to correct? Always wondered that about the name. At least for me, may I open the books more of Tanya, chumash, siddur, tehillim, sichos etc. and close the Facebook page more, as well as reading ‘news’ on the internet.

YEY!
Guest
YEY!

Im soooooo happy Hashem gave me the Seichel not to go to FB Bichlall!

Agreed
Guest
Agreed

Men! Keep your women in check! It’s about time we took back our traditional values. And what’s more, women should not work or drive for that matter, they belong at home raising the children, cleaning, and cooking. And that way you will see the birthrate going up too if that is all that women can do.

; )

So true...
Guest
So true...

Well written article! FB is such a waste of time.

I'm sure.....
Guest
I'm sure.....

I think most would agree with #21.

#30
So right you are.

#17 makes a very good point
Guest
#17 makes a very good point

As does Rabbi Lipskier. The fifth shulchan aruch needs to be pulled out at this point…

To 17
Guest
To 17

To understand just how fast privacy evolves (or, more acuratly, devolves) reflect on the men going after the women of Midyan and then exposing themselves the Pe’or… You’re trying to sound intelligent but you’re actually ignorant. Tznius is, and never was, a black-and-white issue, it always was relative. People can used to anything, does that make it right? You should begin learning chasiddus.

hat_glasses_beard
Guest
hat_glasses_beard

Its a real shame a fantastic Dvar Torah has been overshadowed by a terrible example and apparent misunderstanding of social media. Let me start by saying, I 100% agree with the point. The stuff I have seen on my facebook feed (because I follow the person or a friend liked a photo) is inappropriate, we are definitely out of touch with “Let the doors of your homes face away from each other,”. It is quite true that people post online things they would never do in public, be it tznius or otherwise. (Personally my online rule is to never write… Read more »

agree with 17
Guest
agree with 17

there is a difference between privacy and tznius.
These days, people post pictures of everything, from the lunch they made to evenings out.
While everyone may not agree with it, that’s okay.
Posing in a picture in a non tznius way is wrong
posting a picture is not.

17 and 36
Guest
17 and 36

You’re not saying the same thing. 17 is saying that privacy changes with time. According to that, if we work long and hard enough we’ll reach the point where we’re comfortable being in the state they were before cheit eitz hadaas…

TO 30
Guest
TO 30

Are you being sarcastic or for real?! Perhaps that is what you should do because it does not appear that you you have the brains to do anything else. I am not saying being a homemaker doesn’t require brain because it sure does.

regal
Guest
regal

Is the choice either woman stay at home, wear ‘burkas’ etc or they can/should do anything/everything goyim do???

Chassidus? Eidelkeit? ‘Kol kevuda bas melech pnima’? Regal?

A woman can be eidel, dignified, classy, chassidish and work. It’s no contradiction, so long its done in accordance with the directives of the Torah.

Talk with (get yourself) a rav/mashpia.

You people are DISGUSTING
Guest
You people are DISGUSTING

To say that women belong in the house? No. We can work and do everything that a man can, and still be tznius. Modesty is not just about the clothing, it is how we carry ourselves day to day in action. Quit blaming women.

HELP! (MALE)
Guest
HELP! (MALE)

PLEASE if you are commenting on this page PLEASE identify your gender so I can skip the comments made by women!
thanx in advance.

Agree...
Guest
Agree...

Since many man are writings comments here…COL shouldn’t let women write comments on this site either… Come on people don’t let the summer heat get into head…people abuse the whole tzniues idea to very fanatic levels. Don’t have FB or any social media account if you don’t like it, but pleas let others live, we don’t live in Iran..

to 41
Guest
to 41

hilarious 🙂 great point, as for my gender I am Microsoft Windows

Women at home
Guest
Women at home

Why are women here upset at the thought of staying home all day looking after kids, cooking ,baking and sewing…. It’s a great life- I’ve been doing this for 18 years and loving every moment of it!! I say, let the men go out to work and women stay home and spend their money!!! Wouldnt change this for the world!! I LOVE my life !!!

To 44
Guest
To 44

Ok great. For you. But there ARE women who want to work and be productive in society. And they are doing so wonderfully and justifiably.

Letter from the Rebbe
Guest
Letter from the Rebbe

On 3 Tamuz they gave out a Teshura with some hand written answers form the Rebbe. One of them pertains to women in the workforce:

לשאלתה אודות עבודה במקצוע שלה –
ידועות “שתי” ההוראות בתורתנו שאחת ואחידה היא:
כל כבודה בת מלך פנימה,
אין דבר – כולל כשרונות – בעולם לבטלה
-ותשאל רב מורה הוראה בסביבתה איך להתאים ב’ ההוראות גם יחד

to#44
Guest
to#44

Great. You sound like you are comfortable using men as atm machines. You don’t find this wrong?

A Balancing Act
Guest
A Balancing Act

Thank you for a timely and meaningful article! No one can claim to be safe from aveira. The Chaza”l state ‘keep yourselves far from immorality’. No one would jump into a boiling hot pot, but if you start out in a pot of luke-warm water and iit slowly starts to get hotter, you may not realize how hot it’s become until it is too late. Yes, you can get used to anything, but that doesn’t make it right, or good for you. Tznius is certainly one of those things about which people will think: anyone less frum than me is… Read more »

Live and let live
Guest
Live and let live

Why can’t everyone just stop trying to rule and control others and just live your own life.
If you want to be on Facebook: then go on it. If not: don’t.
How’s that for a simple solution.
Wake up to reality. You can not control others. Most parents have enough trouble even controlling their own kids.
And on a separate subject: when will we have an eirev in CH? That will make it easier for the women to come to shul and daven. So then all the frum husbands will be happy that their wive’s are attending shul.

to comment #49
Guest
to comment #49

who is forcing anyone to do anything. this is a discussion about sensitivity, eitdelkeit etc. one can be comfortable enough to at least discuss these issues.

regarding an eiruv, the Rebbe is the Moro D’asro of Kan Tziva. Did the Rebbe say anything about this subject?

Nothing wrong-
Guest
Nothing wrong-

Women have every right to work,study,have careers and be very productive as they see fit.If you don’t like fb, get off.If you see it as totally ok, go right ahead.Why is everyone obsessed with what others are doing?Why are YOU not the watchdog of YOURSELF?People like to point out what others do to deflect from what they are doing and to feel better about themselves.So they have fb?Many do not have photos.And many have private settings.Why are you snooping around in the first place?People like to keep up with friends-and it can be helpful for those in need.IF YOU ARE… Read more »

thank you#46
Guest
thank you#46

Refreshing to read the Rebbe’s words on a page full of (excuse me) narishe comments. And this article did indeed help me to have a think of how the different media has desensitized me. To those women who seem to have a chip on their shoulder and feel this article “oppresses” women (“let’s go wear bourquas”)… please, we all know the huge respect and value Torah chassidus and especially our Rebbe put on the women’s critical role. Kol kvudah bas melech pnima supports that, is that. I’m surprised there are still women in lubavith who don’t feel it know about… Read more »

Starting to wonder if I'm thinking the sarcastic comments are serious and the serious comments are a joke.
Guest
Starting to wonder if I'm thinking the sarcastic comments are serious and the serious comments are a joke.

Either way something is seriously wrong with some heads in this community. If it makes you uncomfortable if pictures of your children are published on the internet— THAT I get. If it makes you uncomfortable that you are commenting on a forum along with members of the opposite gender—- totally valid for you to disable your account. If its bothering you that OTHER people are doing ANYTHING— get a life, talk to your mashpia about how you can work more on yourself or do some chessed. Learn some Torah. Play with your kids. Read a book. Do some grocery shopping.… Read more »

Evolving Standards
Guest
Evolving Standards

I think the concept of evolving privacy (that 17 mentioned) is seen in the original story itself and how the author sees it. Bilam was commenting on the fact that people were carful about their privacy by keeping their tents i.e. bedrooms i.e. the most intimate parts of their lives private. The author then goes to equate this level of privacy to individuals commenting on post that other men/women are commenting. I find it very interesting how, in trying to go back to our roots, one would make a bridge between the most casual of conversation and bedroom privacy.

mechitza`
Guest
mechitza`

should be an internet mechitza cause one on the internet shouldn’t be allowed to see women’s post while he can go on other sites…

its time for a new era
Guest
its time for a new era

As technology becomes more and more.advanced. People are getting unappropriate.signals that wouldnt be normally their its time its time to turn away from the internet.and spend our time in the comfort.of a good sefer

number 54
Guest
number 54

You’re professing ignorance. The gemara in bava basra learns out of this very posuk the concept of hezek re’iah, which includes all areas of life, not just the bedroom. JLI had a course on this and it was very well received. They got the idea of privacy and tzenius. Halevai we all should as well.

hashem yishmar
Guest
hashem yishmar

Everyday i give an extra penny to tzedekah for this gashmius to end

to 55&&56
Guest
to 55&&56

Oh the irony in both of these comments.

to # 12
Guest
to # 12

reading women’s comments is inappropriate, showing yourself off and dressing non tsniusdik on streets full of chilldren bochurim and men is ok?

to60
Guest
to60

You didn’t get the response I see.

to 6
Guest
to 6

Check out skype. LOWER CASE S. Why do u blame good ppl for doing a good job?
u are obviously a child who is trying to sound smart. Go consult a professional marketer- whats “in” and what “works” in todays generation is ONLY words like STUFF and LOWER CASED LETTERS AND SLANG AND URBAN DICTIONARY. GET YOUR STUFF STRAIGHT B4 U CRITISIZE.

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