By Anonymous
My daughter was always kind-hearted, compassionate, respectful, gentle, considerate caring and loving. She was a very deep and spiritual child, who loved everything about Yiddishkeit.
School was somewhat challenging because she’s certainly not a cookie cutter child. Deep thinking, inquisitive and very curious are traits that are sometimes considered a nuisance by teachers and schools. Memorizing, sitting through long lectures, writing notes and taking tests were all difficult tasks.
(I can very well relate because I was the same way in school.)
It was in her sixth/seventh grade year that I realized how detrimental school was becoming for her. Unable to recognize my daughter’s unique qualities, all they could see in her was negativity. The general attitude of the school was “follow the rules, no explanations, no discussions. only negativity and punishment.”
My daughter’s passion for Yiddishkeit was diminishing rapidly, and she began resenting Yiddishkeit. My husband and I met with the principals to try and make her situation better. Get ready to hear this, because it is truly shocking, but 100% true: The principal actually said to us, “Oh, we gave up on her a long time ago,” (with a downward hand motion).
WOW!!! We kick ourselves today as we reflect on that moment, as we ask each other “how could we have kept her in that school for even one second after that remark!”
But keep her there we did, trying to help her survive till high school. Upon extensive research into high schools, all fingers were pointing me in one direction, and that direction was to Mrs. Dena Gorkin’s Bnos Chomesh Academy.
Although we had some challenges, I realized that I was one of the luckier ones. So many teenage girls go through struggles similar to our daughter’s. Some of them even act out in harmful ways. Today’s challenges seem to be getting scarier and scarier. Parents (some of them from my daughter’s class) confided in me that they wish they had the courage to pull their daughters out of more typical schools, but they couldn’t bear being different. They said they knew their child needed and deserved to go to a school like Bnos Chomesh, but they just couldn’t do it.
Baruch HaShem my daughter entered 9th grade and Bnos Chomesh was everything we dreamed of – and then some!
Once in a conversation with Mrs. Gorkin, she explained to me that every girl is a precious gem with a special Neshama, and she sees each one not merely for who she is now, but for who she has the potential to become. As she explained it all to me, I heard the utmost sincerity in her heart, the loving acceptance of every single girl.
And isn’t that the way it should be?
Isn’t that what we want every educator to see in our own child, who may be struggling, or rebelling, or unable to fit in?
Isn’t that what Ahavas Yisroel is precisely about?
Isn’t that the one biggest request of Hashem from us?
Mrs. Gorkin has come so very far in accepting, instilling, loving, teaching and helping our daughters. She has been so utterly instrumental in helping them overcome their challenges.
Mrs. Gorkin is not only there for the students but is ALWAYS available to discuss and work out ways to help parents deal with issues that come up. Full-time principal, school founder, teacher, and best of all trusting, caring, loyal friend to us all, students and parents alike.
The next incredible accomplishment that Mrs. Gorkin has excelled in – one that can also make or break a school, or any institution for that matter – is her choice of staff. I’m not sure how she does this, because Bnos Chomesh has – by far – the very BEST STAFF EVER! I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t see it – every single day!
My daughter is not effusive, so you can imagine my surprise when she came home one day and said of one of the endlessly devoted staff members “Wow, Mommy, Simi is, literally, like my school Mom!” Now for some, that may not be a big deal, but for my daughter – that was huge!
This wonderful woman, Simi literally made the last four years of MY life (oh yes and my daughter’s too) A LOT easier, and happier than I could ever have imagined.
My daughter’s academic “struggles” suddenly became exciting challenges. Through the tremendously talented, patient, loving and devoted staff, she started to really learn for the first time in her life, and soaking it all up! If she had difficulty understanding a concept it was explained in a different way. Eventually, my daughter who despised school, began to love school!!!
I thank Hashem every single day that I was able to send my daughter to Bnos Chomesh.
Throughout her childhood, I watched my pure, angelic, precious daughter transform into a very angry, resentful, almost bitter teen. And then miraculously transform back.
All the resentment is gone and all of the love and appreciation of Yiddishkeit has resurfaced. Her questions were answered in ways that helped her truly appreciate the beauty of Torah and Chassidus.
It has now been five-plus years since I began feeling like my daughter was lost from Yiddishkeit forever. Yet I sit here tonight and cherish this moment as she has just graduated from High School and received her well-earned High School diploma (along with her Regent diploma as well!). I am exploding with emotions, all positive, happy and proud ones. My jaw muscles literally ache from the hours of smiling ear to ear throughout the most awe-inspiring graduation I have ever attended.
Bnos Chomesh is not a school, or at least not one like any other I’ve ever come across. Bnos Chomesh is a family. When your child attends BCA, they automatically become part of this family. Every student, staff member and even parents become connected to this family. It is a family that loves, cares, shares and all are utterly devoted to one another.
I confidently look forward to my daughter’s future as a Bas Yisroel. Her accomplishments throughout these four years have been truly awe-inspiring to see. I feel so blessed to know that she is starting off her adulthood infused with so much knowledge and inspiration from the Torah with the Rebbe’s guidance and directives to help her lead a truly productive and successful life!
Bnos Chomesh is a gift from Hashem. It is a tremendous resource for something that is so badly needed today. I hope and pray that any parent that feels like their child can gain from a Bnos Chomesh education will have the insight and sense to become part of something so great!
Last year my daughter was in a high school in here in h. When I was having issues with a class I called the school to try and work with the principal for 3 months. Only once I threatened the school with an op ed on col was when I was finally called back. What was the principals answer. Either your kid keeps up with the class or she needs to get P3 services. But my child was denied because she wasn’t on the level of needed it. So the principal says well we don’t help the average student. Excuse… Read more »
Many years ago when I was a student in BR, my teacher and Morah Tiechtel saw that I was struggling in many ways, not just academically. They perceived the need, and personally arranged for me to go to a much smaller out-of-town school where I was able to thrive, Boruch Hashem. That caring still echoes today in the many Neshamos who have benefitted from my Chinuch, in my family…and here in Pittsburgh, in my same beloved school.
Mrs. Saxon
Tzohar is a seminary, not a high school
I only have boys and no girls (yet IYH) but this is wonderful. I have seen this for long time coming, and it just brings to mind the saying “oib gut iz gut iz besser nit besser?” Unfortunately while the chinuch is failing many, there are enough kids that appear to be doing “ok” enough to keep the status quo as it is. But like some have said, this is the worst situation of all, when we become complacent. There is a book compiling R’ Hodakov’s teachings about education and in the chapter on the duties of a principal it… Read more »
To me it didn’t look like the writer of the article was bashing a school. Seems like she was just shocked that an authority in the school would look at her child as a lost case and she was happy to get her daughter into a situation where they saw her potential instead. I think some commenters just took the opportunity to bash specific schools but that doesn’t help anyone. If you have a disappointing experience at a school you should seek other options or maybe try to do something with other parents and the administration to make positive changes… Read more »
Comment from the author. Firstly, to those taking offense to the comments that are seemingly “bashing other schools”, I don’t think anyone is bashing any school in particular. It is ok to acknowledge and share the message that your child had a bad experience. On the contrary, it is often quite helpful and beneficial for others to hear it because it often gives another the courage to see more clearly something that might be happening to their own child. The point of the article is just that, if your child is in a situation in which she needs more individuallization… Read more »
Unfortunately the problem is not limited to Crown Heights. My child fits the example in this story….kind hearted, but just couldn’t learn like everyone. Fortunately she made it through the system, but it took a more than 50 percent dropout rate from the school before an internal evaluation was done. Fortunately the stale principal who sent so many girls to literally the streets, has changed her tune and let young blood, new teachers with warm truly Chassidish hearts, run the show.
My kid was in a small school here in CH and not so easy to reach principal either
had things come up that were not resolved…
had many amazing things too at the school
Everyone has to improve where and how necessary
I would just like to reinforce what they said
I completely agree with them
As a br student with br pride I just wanna let everyone know that br is amazing and everything about it is amazing but every person has a diff school that did them best
With all the subtle and not so subtle bashing of brhs, here’s a thought: when shluchim need powerful, chassidishe, solid girls to get a job done well, they know to ask Beis Rivkah girls specifically. They must be doing something right there!!!!
My neighbor’s daughter attended this school in Pittsburgh and she bloomed and thrived and had the best year of her life. All talents are appreciated and nurtured and every girl shines in a loving atmosphere. It’s not for everyone, but if your daughter has a talent she wishes to pursue..this is the school for her.
I would just like to put out out there that everyone is differ ent from each other so therefore not everyone will be happy with the same school. Some work better in mainstream schools and some work better in smaller schools. I agree with #34 about hearing negative vibes about other schools. Just bcuz someone had a bad experience in one school that doesn’t make the school terrible.a school will not work out for every single person. Just bcuz a school didn’t work out for you that doesn’t mean you should be bashing and putting it down.
Must start by saying BCA gives really amazing warmth, on personal and religious levels, my daughter attends. Must also say the larger schools, principals and administration, do give up on some neshomas saying ‘you have options, go elsewhere’ are run like factories with a strange twist of loyalty to some people who really don’t belong interacting with today’s generation . That said the teachers are typically amazing, getting paid less, having larger classrooms and navigating a system that is inveriably larger than them. None of that is my point, just experience. The point I did want to bring out is… Read more »
I totally agree. I have experienced being in a very large mainstream high school in crown heights (Aka Bais Rivkah) I really gained and continue to gain from the amazing chayus and chassidishe atmosphere that can only be found in bais Rivkah. Our teachers have many years of experience and give over their personal wealth of knowledge so that their students can benefit to the utmost. Bais Rivkah has an incredible amount of extra curricular activities for students to become involved with in addition to all the inspirational and applicable classes given over by our totally devoted teachers. Its not… Read more »
im happy your daughter is doing well but when a principal refuses to take your call numerous times,,,,how is that acceptable….are you just trying to push issues under the rug
It’s great to hear that BCA is doing good things. What’s not great are the negative vibes about other schools. For the record, my daughter is having a wonderful experience in a large local high school. She and her friends have had had many great personal conversations with the assistant principals and the chassidishe energy in the school is definitely something the rebbe can be proud. So please stop bashing just to make another school look better. What’s good for one isn’t necessarily good for all. Great that there are different schools to cater to different needs. Appreciate them all!
glad you had this good experience in bnos menachem My daughter is in another big CH school….I had to reach a principal about an issue…I was put off over and over again my secretaries about speaking to her….Finally luckily I live inn Ch so i went to the school As i walked in the principal was coming out of her office…i said “good that i caught you I need to speak to You” she was not even embarressed to say ” Are you the Mrs B that was trying to reach me? what if I lived out of town and… Read more »
So proud of my niece. May all the Rebbe’s brochos be mekuyam for you and may you continue to literally change lives for the better!!!
And found it to be amazing!!! My girls went to the mainstream schools and after seeing the BCA experience I wish they had had opportunity to attend school in a warm and caring environment. Let’s get the word out there. This is really something special like the smaller out of town schools that I attended growing up. Attending this graduation with a dear friend was a zchus, and I feel I really got to know about nine other wonderful young women who will give a lot of nachas to their parents, and a wonderful school administration and teachers who devote… Read more »
The article focuses on giving girls and students a chance on the positives of BCA. Why does it have to come through bashing others? Is that the message you want to give over, that this community isn’t good enough? Why would your daughter or anyone then want to be part of it? Unfortunately, so many of the new things being done today spoil themselves with this approach. Instead of focusing and sharing what they have to offer and give and let that stand on its own, they knock other things in order to make their point. This does everyone including… Read more »
We are all soooo lucky to have Mrs G and everyone in BCA!!!!!!!!!!
….so sad. And so wrong. This is why serious attention is given to evaluating the whole present system of education in our midst.
The designated leadership must become involved, and if they don’t (or if they don’t understand the problem), then others must do something to get the conversation going. Please. Otherwise we are enabling harm to our children, which of course lfeads to a troubled adult community!
I respect and admire Dena Gorkin tremendously, but I also want to give a “shout out” to Mrs. R. Majesky of Bnos Menachem. My girls are out-of-towners, and I did not want to throw them headfirst into a huge school They have attended Bnos Menachem High School and receive individual, warm attention from Mrs. Majesky and their mechanchos. Any time I reached out about any issue, I was called back within the day and listened to. Thank you, Bnos Menachem. A Grateful Mother on Shlichus “Out of Town” PS A large community needs all kinds of schools for all “shapes… Read more »
Thank You To all the educators in Crown Heights Wherever you teach No need to bash other schools and teachers and principals in order to bring out the qualities of another Education isn’t easy these days and parents need to also take on a lot of the acharayut of their children and what goes on in their own homes No child though should ever be given up on, not by the schools and not by the parents either. Parents should also work more on being a dugma chaya of the chinuch being taught in the schools they are sending their… Read more »
Please be very careful when selecting an out-of-town school for your child. Not all of them are warm or caring. We had experiences with a boys’ high school and two girls’ high schools in three different out-of-town communities. The child and the goals of the school must match up very closely or the students will have a terrible experience. The out-of-town principals must have enjoyed making examples of students who “didn’t quite fit into the mold,” very normal young and intelligent Jews who weren’t buying the shtick. Principals: You are not the Aibishter; stop playing G-d. Don’t embarrass students in… Read more »
I am dealing with a similar issue and would love to be in touch with you.
When a child has “obvious” problems like they had a crisis in the family or they have a learning disability then it is a no-brainer to take them out of a regular school for which you will pay more tuition but also get more for your money. The kids who really lose out are the ones who are doing ok in the regular school. Meaning that they are managing and there is no “problem” but they are just losing out so much because they are invisible and nobody is developing their ruchinyus or their mind. I sent my daughter to… Read more »
My daughter graduated high school in crown heights this year from a main stream school. The graduation was so large and busy, there was no individual attention and she was lost in the crowd. I came from out of town and was not made to feel special and my daughter was not made to feel special. Too bad!
…for sharing her personal story. We all gain from sharing our experiences – the ups and downs– enabling us to become more sensitive and attuned to the needs of our children and our community. Wishing the author continued nachas!
It isn’t only kids who have “problems” …..
Perfectly normal, well behaving kids also aren’t getting what they need in our mainstream system.
A principal that gives up on a child should NOT be in CHINUCH
It’s called Darchei Menachem
I wholeheartedly agree and that’s why I am BZH going to open a yeshiva here in crown hights for boys in our community who need to have a warm and loving environment
Small schools definitely are able to accomplish in individualized ways simply because of their smaller size, but that does not excuse the way students are sometimes treated by our local schools and just thrown out, told to go somewhere else, told we don’t have the resources for you, told to go somewhere else….I wonder how they would behave if it was their own born child…I wonder how they would behave if the Rebbe was standing in front of them when they talk to the parents…. Parents have responsibilities and accountabilities-Yes! Yes! Yes! but schools need to think twice, three times… Read more »
We desperately need a school like this for boys in the community!
If you’re surprised this is happening where have you been? This is going on everywhere not only CH. Problem was lack of options but not anymore BH thank you Mrs. Gorkin and others opening up new schools giving our Rebbe true nachas.
#8 I disagree – STOP FIGHTING. Instead put your hard earned dollars elsewhere.
You and your daughter can only feel a sense of pride in what you BOTH have accomplished.
Kudos to Mrs. Gorkin as well.
Penina Metal
principal who “gave up”please note….and hopefully beEzras Hashem,a lot has been learned and improved on since then. Does HKB”H ever give up on us?
a school faculty that gives up on any child deserves to lose their jobs immediately
Every teacher rebbe parent mashpia should read this never give up it’s tough as a parent to send kids to school especially when they have issues one person can make a difference I pray my child will have the same outcome
Mazel Tov Mrs Gorkin from a fellow New Jersyan. As a mom of a special needs child and as an educator, I agree we MUST advocate for our kids.. but at the same time we MUSTn’t view it as a war with teachers and principals .. rather as a team effort. I am SO sorry that the writer of this article was so hurt..but I do not believe there are many educators who would say they give up on a child. But, there are educators who are begging for support with students and really need guidance from parents, educators and… Read more »
never give up. you have to fight for your children. this is the war.
Same struggles heard the same thing from A principal It’s not just principles teachers anybody in the administration circle of certain schools very selfish have zero education zero understanding and how to tolerate and deal with people like human beings forget about going more than that. Book could be written on this but it still wouldn’t change anything.All I could say being in the same situation from the bottom of my heart truly happy that your daughter has found her place and may God continue shining a light on her so the path forward will always be lit up for… Read more »
my daughter went to one of our CH high schools too and said in 4 years she never exchanged one word with the principal
I live out of town. I had similar issues with my son. We tried to get him tutoring, evaluations etc..he still could not function within the structure of the cheder. He did not have behavioral problems. He just had problems focusing and learning. Our local Lubavitch Cheder basically shrugged and gave up on him. We pulled him out in 2nd grade. He home-schooled. He was excelled, regained his confidence and became a focused excellent student (without any medications!). When he reached 8th grade, he asked to go back to school. He is now in a non-Lubavitch high school. He is… Read more »
I’ve never stepped foot in this school yet I love it so much! Every child needs a school like Bnos Chomesh! every child needs a teacher that takes a personal interest in them! when i say “needs” i mean “essential” my days in high school were fun, filled with friends and laughter but at the end of the day none of the staff cared about me. It is so painful to think about. I wish I had a school like this growing up. Parents: do the right thing for your child- it doesn’t matter what others think. I dont know… Read more »
I could have written this article. Same experience with my daughter. Probably was in the same “Lubavitch” Mossad. Shameful. Kudos to Dena Gorkin and all her dedicated staff!
really hard for me to believe that a chabad school should be so far off from our Rebbe’s view on chinuch and on a jewish neshoma….i am not familiar with Mrs gorkins school but am so happy that there is a mosed following our Rebbes directives… much nachas !!
is my hero; she is a precious gem in this community!
A principal with true education principles should not be letting students fall and give up on their students. It’s easy to look away and put kids in the too hard basket and concentrate on those high achievers who will give the school a good name. And it’s not enough just to see your child “pull through” all their years of learning. This is so tough for the child. Students have the right to assistance, which should be suggested and arranged by the school, students should be able to enjoy school at their own level, to feel that they are achieving,… Read more »